by Dixon, Ruby
Inside the cave, though, I’m not alone.
I skid to a halt at the sight of Bridget sitting atop her bed of furs, weeping. She hugs a stuffed pillow to her chest and looks so miserable and sad that my heart aches for her.
Oh no…did she see N’dek with me? Is this why she’s crying?
I suddenly feel like the world’s worst person. I forgot that she’d been crying earlier. “Um…Bridget?”
She looks up at me and I flinch, expecting to see hate in her eyes. “Oh. Devi. Hi.” She wipes her nose on her sleeve and gives me a half-hearted smile. “I’m a mess. Sorry. I didn’t think anyone was coming in.”
Even though it might not be a good idea, I can’t stand the thought of someone so unhappy, so I move to her side. “Are you all right?” I sink down next to her. “What’s wrong?”
Her lower lip wobbles. “Everything.”
And even though I promised N’dek that I’d hurry, I sit down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Can I help?”
“Not unless you can shrink someone’s dick,” she says unhappily, then swipes at her eyes. “I’ve just fucked everything up. Everything.”
I’m still blinking at the first thing she said. Shrink someone’s dick? Then…this isn’t about N’dek? “This is about A’tam?”
She looks up at me, puzzled. “Who else would it be about?”
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Nothing. I’m just…I thought you hated A’tam is all.”
Bridget buries her face in her hands again. “Everyone thinks that. I should have never said anything. It was just—after that night together I was so messed up in the head I needed to talk to someone about it. I might have talked to several someones, just to try to wrap my brain around what happened, and then before I knew it, everyone in the camp knows my business.” She presses her hands to her temples. “I’m so awful.”
“You’re not,” I tell her awkwardly, rubbing her back. “We’re all just trying to figure out how to move forward in this new place. They’re different people.”
“He left,” she weeps, swiping at her eyes with the heel of her hand, and for a moment, she looks like a little kid. “Even though there’s a giant killer bird out there, he fucking left because he said he can’t stand to be around me.” Another sob catches in her throat. “He’s so miserable. I never wanted to hurt him, you know? He’s a good guy.” Her breath hitches. “He’s a great guy.”
I’m surprised to hear her defending him so much. “I’m sure he’s nice,” I say tactfully, “But…you’ve been kind of mean to him, Bridget. I don’t blame him for leaving.” When she turns teary eyes up to me, I patpatpat her quickly. “I’m not saying that to shame you. I’m just saying that to make you understand why he left. You yell at him a lot.”
“Because he still wants me.” She curls up, hugging her knees to her chest. “We can’t be together but he won’t listen to me. Being mean to him is the only way to get through to him.”
My heart stops again. “Why can’t you be together?”
If she says resonance to N’dek, I’m going to sit on the floor next to her and start bawling.
Her face crumples. “We don’t fit. Sexually, we are absolutely not a match.”
I think of N’dek and how big he was last night under my hand. I thought that it was just my inexperience that made him seem enormous, but now I’m worried it’s something else. “Is that a problem with the men here?”
“I don’t know. I only slept with the one!” She swipes at her cheeks. “I mean, maybe that’s my cootie telling me to wait to resonate to someone with a smaller dick, but all I can tell you is that I had a lot of fun with him until he tried to put it inside me, and then it was very NOT fun for a very long time and I hated it. It was awful. I hurt for days afterward. I felt like I’d been clubbed between the thighs.” She shudders. “I can’t be with someone that hurts me when we touch…no matter how much I might like him. I suppose it’s better if he hates me but…” Her lip wobbles again. “I didn’t want everyone to think the problem was him. It’s me. I just…freaked out.”
I grimace and pat her again. I’m not the best at comforting people. In fact, right now I absolutely don’t know what to say that could make her feel better. “Did you tell him that he hurt you?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“I don’t know, was it?” At my pointed question, she looks like she’s about to cry again, so I give her another awkward pat. “Have you tried talking to him?”
Bridget snorts, the sound watery. “Yeah right. He practically beats his chest and says that I’m his, and then I get scared he won’t take no for an answer, and I panic, and it all goes to shit in about three seconds. Talking doesn’t work, believe me.”
I squeeze her shoulder. “Maybe it’s good that he left camp, then. Maybe you just need to let things die down for a while. Go about your day like nothing’s happening. Help out around camp. Play in the games. Occupy yourself. Maybe it’ll fade with time.”
“How am I supposed to function when he’s out there by himself?” she whispers. “He didn’t take anyone with him. He’s out there alone and there’s a killer bird.”
I want to lecture her, to tell her that she made things worse by cheering on N’dek when he fought A’tam, but I don’t want to hit her while she’s down. It’s obvious that she’s miserable and blames herself. “When he comes back, talk to him,” I say again. “Even if you have to bring in another person to mediate.”
“You think so?”
I nod. “Just…make it a woman and not a man. He might listen more that way.” And make sure it’s not N’dek.
She takes a shuddering breath and lies down in her furs. “I’ll try…but he has to come back alive.” And then she starts weeping again. “If he comes back alive.” She pulls the blankets over her face and sobs harder.
I get to my feet, because it’s clear she’s done talking to me and I’ve said all I can. I don’t know how to help in this situation. If she wanted to talk animal life or compare internal organ structures of varying fish to determine a common ancestor, I’d be all over it. But talking about emotions? Feelings?
I’m no good at that. I can barely figure out my own.
I head over to my furs, start to adjust them, and then I realize it doesn’t matter. There’s no sense in putting a dummy in here if Bridget’s already in the room. And Bridget’s not good at keeping secrets—obviously. If I go to N’dek tonight, I’m all in on whatever the rumor mill brings. There’s no keeping it secret after this.
I consider for a moment, then quietly roll up my furs, shove my things in my bag, and head out of the cave. I’m going to take things one day at a time, just as N’dek said. I’m going to enjoy him for however long I have him and worry about the future later.
Even so, I’m still a bit of a coward. I stick to the shadows when I leave the cave and skirt the tents wide so no one sees me sneaking into the supply tent at the edge of the Strong Arm clan’s area.
The moment I lift the flap, a hand grabs me and pulls me inside, and then N’dek is kissing me.
13
DEVI
I moan, dropping my things to the ground and wrapping my arms around his waist. He’s wearing nothing over his shoulders, just like earlier, and touching all that warm, bare skin does something to my insides. I sigh with pleasure as his hands—all four of them—slide over me, two squeezing my backside.
I’m addicted already. It doesn’t matter that it’s only been a handful of days. Hasn’t life shown me that my entire world can change in a blink? One day I’m a paleophysiologist and the next I’m on a strange planet, living amongst creatures like the ones I’ve studied. One day I’m friends with N’dek and the next we’re…more.
Because it feels like more.
His hands slide down my sides, brushing at the swell of my breasts through my tunic even as his mouth claims mine in a dizzying, hard kiss. It’s a good kiss, though, so thorough and intense that it makes me forget w
here I am until he breaks off, then gently rubs his nose against mine. “You brought your furs.”
Oh. Yes. “I did,” I whisper. “Bridget saw me and I figured it was either go forward with this or abandon you, and I chose to go forward.” I run my hand up one brawny arm, fascinated by his thick muscles. “Is that okay?”
“You know it is.” He rubs his nose against mine once more. “You are not scared that I will be like A’tam?”
I think of Bridget and how she said they didn’t fit, and the virginal side of me feels a little shiver of worry. I think of how big he was in my hand last night, how my fingers didn’t go entirely around his length. “We’re keeping our clothes on, right?”
“Until you tell me otherwise, yes.” His lips brush lightly over mine. “It is for you to decide.”
“Then I’m not worried, no.” I raise a hand to the center of his chest. He’s smooth here, unlike the sa-khui who have fascinating cartilage-like plating along the vulnerable spots of their body. “How is this? Does it still feel like you’re going to resonate to someone?”
I must be a glutton for punishment to ask about that, but I have to. I have to know if I have only tonight with him or longer.
He covers my hand with one of his big, three-fingered ones. “I think of nothing but you, Devi. Nothing but your face and your smile. Your cleverness. I think of touching you all day long, and I have waited an eternity for the suns to set so I can have you in my arms again.” His fingers strum over the back of my hand. “There is no time to think of my khui because my thoughts are full of Devi.”
He certainly knows the right things to say to make me weak in the knees.
“Well, I’m here,” I whisper. “And after tonight we won’t be a secret.”
“No, we will not.” He runs his knuckles along the curve of my jaw. “Perhaps tomorrow I will avoid the games and work on beginning a hut of our own. One very close to the beach so my Devi can get there before any others.”
My eyes widen. Boy, Bridget was right. These guys do move fast. Even so, the thought fills me with a little thrill. He knows me well enough to want to build it closer to the water so I can go pick at dead things early in the morning? Be still my heart.
But there’s no rush. I saw the way his eyes lit up with pure joy when he beat A’tam at wrestling. I know he likes being part of the crowd, walking strong amongst them once more…and I know he likes showing everyone he’s capable of doing more than just sitting around. “It can wait until after the games. I know you’re enjoying yourself.”
He grins. “You do not mind sleeping on the sand in the supply tent with me?”
“I don’t mind being anywhere with you,” I tell him, and I mean it. “You’re not the only one that was looking forward to tonight.”
N’dek groans and grabs me by my ass, hauling me up against him. I let out a squeak of surprise and fling my arms around his neck, terrified of being dropped. I almost blurt out that he’s going to hurt his leg, but I also know that will spoil the mood, so I bite it back.
“I stole some of the furs from J’shel’s hut,” he tells me, his breath warm on my face as he steps forward slowly, toward the spot we snuggled in last night. “I want our bed to be comfortable for you.”
“I was comfortable last night,” I tell him, and my cheeks are hot with a blush. I distinctly remember sprawling all over him, and then being the little spoon. I love that he’s so thoughtful, though. Who would have thought moody, morose N’dek could be so damn sweet and utterly focused on me?
He’s a distraction for sure, but a good one. I fully admit that I was interested in my specimens until I got a look at him this morning and then I didn’t give them another thought. I didn’t care that I was missing out on stuff washing up on the beach. I just wanted to stand next to him and feel his tail flick furtively against my leg once more.
“Kiss me, Devi,” he murmurs.
I put a hand to the back of his neck—ooh, such a thick neck, too—and press my mouth to his. His tongue slides against mine, and I moan, nipping at the tip of it. I’m in a teasing mood, flicking my tongue against his before skating away.
He growls and drops to a knee to lower us to the furs. I can feel the moment it goes wrong, though. His footing slips and then our bodies crash backwards. My ass thumps to the ground, hard, and then N’dek sprawls on top of me, his chin smacking into my shoulder with enough force that I know I’m going to bruise.
I bite back a groan.
N’dek growls again, but this time it’s one of frustration. He immediately lifts his crushing weight off of me and stares down at me with a worried expression. “Devi? Are you all right? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m okay,” I tell him, ignoring the throb in my shoulder. I give him a smile. “It happens.”
“It should not have happened,” he says, running a hand down my arm and then my side, as if concerned I broke something. “I am still clumsy on this leg. I should not have—”
“Shh,” I say, putting a finger to his lips before he can castigate himself. “It’s sand. Everyone loses their balance now and then, even those of us with two feet. It happens.”
“It should not have happened—” he repeats around my finger.
I put my whole hand over his mouth. “Are you going to beat yourself up or are you going to kiss me again?”
His eyes flare, and he tenses over me. For a moment, I worry that he’s going to remain angry at himself, that he’s going to spend the rest of the evening in one of his dark moods like he had before…but he takes a deep breath, sighs, and then leans in to kiss me, carefully propping his weight on his hands. “I did not hurt you?”
“If I was hurt, would I do this?” And because he needs a distraction—and because I really, really want to—I reach down between his thighs boldly and caress the bulge there.
It does seem larger than last night, but that might be my imagination. I think of Bridget’s words and shiver. What if we don’t fit, either? I’ve never even had a normal penis inside me, much less one that’s appropriately proportionate to a man of N’dek’s sheer size.
He groans, his forehead pressing to mine. “You are bold.”
“I’m bold because the clothes stay on,” I remind him. Really, it’s easy to be bold like that, to know that we’re not going past touching and some grinding. “That makes it easy.”
N’dek nips at my mouth, his tongue flicking against mine. It’s all teasing kisses tonight, and I love it. “Shall I be bold with you, too? Or are you not ready?”
I love that he’s asking. Maybe he senses my nervousness. “Touch me where you like.”
He grins, and then puts a hand to my waist. I’m a little disappointed that’s all I get…but then he slides it under my tunic and his fingers move over my belly, and little flutters move all through me. Oh. Oh, cheater. Delicious, delicious cheater. I love that he’s bending the rules. I love the hot feel of his palm against my stomach.
And I love when he goes higher, moving up to caress my breast.
I suck in a breath when he runs his fingers along the slope of one mound, then traces a nipple with a fingertip. I know some of the girls have been making bras, but I don’t have enough up top to need added support. Right now, I’m glad for it, too, because his hand exploring me under my tunic is the hottest, sexiest thing ever. N’dek’s mouth hovers over mine and when his thumb teases over my nipple, I moan and lift my head, pressing my lips to his in a hard, furious kiss.
He groans, his mouth claiming mine, taking over the kiss like I knew he would. He doesn’t lift his hand from my breast, though. He continues to tease my nipple, and I whimper with need when another hand steals under my tunic to take control of my other breast and give it the same treatment.
It’s so much so quickly that I moan, putting my hands around his neck and clinging to him as he kisses me deeply and teases my breasts. My hips arch up against him automatically, and then N’dek settles his weight between my thighs. The hard length of him presses against my sex—m
y cunt, he called it—and when he rocks forward, I shudder with how good it feels.
“Put your legs around me,” he murmurs into my mouth. “Drag me against you.”
Oh yes, that sounds amazing.
He palms my breasts even as I hook my legs around his hips, and then he grinds down against my cunt again. Over and over, he rocks into me, driving that hard wedge under his loincloth against my aching, needy girl parts. It’s amazing that he keeps two hands under my tunic, toying with my breasts, and I never realized how good four hands would be. Dear sweet heavens, he’s going to kill me if this gets any better.
He grinds his cock against my cunt again, surging against me, and I gasp at the sweet friction. It’s amazing, but I’m so close already. “N’dek,” I say, breathless. “I need…” He surges against me again. “Oh…I need…”
“Shall I put my hand in your leggings and touch your cunt?” he murmurs, rocking into me again. “Will that make you come?”
I shudder at his words, and when he pinches my nipple and thrusts up against me again, it’s enough to send me over with a quick, hard orgasm. I moan, clutching him to me as pleasure ripples through my body, and when he surges between my thighs and shudders, I know he’s coming, too.
This time, when he collapses, he does so with his weight carefully propped on one elbow, and touches my face as he pants against my neck, trying to recover.
I touch him, too. I touch him everywhere, his face, his neck, down his arm. I feel so good right now that nothing can ruin my happiness.
One day at a time, I remind myself. Just one day at a time, and this day has been amazing.
14
N’DEK
The day starts out perfectly.