If diaper is too saggy in the crotch area, use extra duct tape to close the space.
If you want to waterproof the diaper (which is highly advisable), simply duct-tape as much of the surface area as you can, making sure that baby’s skin won’t be chafed.
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What are you going to need:
1 clean dishtowel
1 clean cotton sweat sock
1 roll of duct tape
ADVANCED Changing Maneuvers
With older babies you have to modify your diaper-changing techniques.
The Standing Diaper Change
Obsessed with standing up, babies this age don’t appreciate being forced to lie down for a diaper change. So they’ll writhe around, looking for any way possible to get free of your grip, even if it means taking a header off the changing table. In these situations, the prepared dad makes use of the standing diaper change, which is meant for a urine-filled diaper, but can work for most scat diapers as well, as long as you’re careful.
Procedure:
Pile a bunch of toys up on a couch or chair. If it’s a chair, secure it in place so it won’t slide around during the change.
Start loudly playing with the toys, luring the baby over to the staging area. If you forcibly drag him over, you’ll tip your hand, and hell know something’s up.
Lean him up against the couch or chair. Always keep one hand on him in case he starts to tilt. Then quickly unsnap or unzip his pants legs and tuck them into the neck of his shirt to give you clear access to the diaper.
Act like a pit crew, changing and wiping as quickly as humanly possible. You have no idea when he’ll get bored and scoot away. And more importantly, you have no idea if he’s got any ammo left, so you want to severely limit the time he is bottomless.
The Standing Lap Change
The standing lap change is for those times when you can’t administer the standing diaper change. If you are sitting in a crowded bus, train, or sports arena, for instance.
In this change, you remain seated while the baby stands in your lap. He’s facing you, leaning on your shoulders or chest for support. The procedure is similar to the standing diaper change, but since the baby is looking directly at you, you must find a different way to keep him occupied and cooperative during the change.
If you’re wearing a baseball cap, you can turn yourself into a human mobile by clipping a pacifier cord to the brim and dangling a toy from the cord.
One way to distract the baby: become a mobile.
Big League Blow-Outs
Every once in a while your baby will stun you with a volcanic liquid poop that will quickly overflow the diaper and shoot up his back. This event is known as a blow-out.
If he blows out at home, pray that he’s not inhabiting your couch at the time. And if he blows out on the road, pray you’ve brought enough wipes to contain the mess. More than one dad has had to sacrifice his socks for the cause.
An immediate bath is the best solution. Barring that, lay the baby on a changing pad or brown towel and quickly remove his soiled clothing. Use the unsoiled areas of the clothing to mop up the mess. Throw the clothes in a plastic bag (you should have at least two or three with you at all times), and start cleaning with wipes, or a wet washcloth if you have access to one. Do a basic sweep first, and then move on to detailed cleaning once the muck is under control.
Making Your Baby LAUGH
Because babies have little control over their environment, they think it’s hysterical to disrupt yours.
Just as your partner is uniquely qualified to breastfeed, you are uniquely qualified to provide comic relief for your baby. That’s not saying your partner won’t be able to conjure up some baby laughs. But when it comes to understanding the infant sense of humor, you’ve got the edge, because it’s probably not that different from your own. If you’ve ever enjoyed The Three Stooges, Bugs Bunny, or any Mel Brooks movie, then you’ve got all the tools you need to create your own baby stand-up routine.
You’ll discover your baby’s favorite jokes through trial and error, and sometimes completely by accident. A random sneeze may trigger a belly laugh, and an apple rolling off a table may send him over the edge. But if you’re ever stuck for material, here are some time-honored gags, broken down into categories, that will hopefully leave your baby drooling for more:
Dad as Baby
Put his pacifier in your mouth backwards, try to suck on it, and then spit it out in frustration.
While he’s drinking his bottle, try to drink from the other end.
Crawl around on the floor and have your partner chase you.
Dad as Complete Moron
Try to put the baby’s pants on your head, or the baby’s shoes on the dog.
Put a toy on your head and pretend to look for it. When it falls to the floor, act startled.
Show him pictures of various animals but get their sounds wrong. “The cow says oink!” (Eventually he’ll catch on.)
Dad as Animal
Growl like a dog, and pull off baby’s sock using only your teeth. Have him try to get the sock out of your mouth.
Pretend that your finger is a buzzing bee and have it land first on your nose and then on baby’s. Keep shooing it off.
Pretend that one of your hands is a lobster claw and have it snap at the baby and then yourself. Have it latch on to your nose and not let go.
The Revenge of Dad
Pretend to eat the baby like a giant ear of corn.
Smell his feet, make a disgusted face, and push them away, saying, “Stinky feet!”
Curl the baby like a barbell, and when he gets close to your mouth, do a giant raspberry on his stomach.
Baby Causing Pain to Dad
Build a block tower, and when he knocks it over, cry loudly.
Lying next to the baby, close your eyes and snore loudly. When he pokes you, lift your head up and say, “I’m trying to get some sleep around here!” and lie back down. Repeat.
Hold a piece of the baby’s food close to him, and pretend not to notice when he takes it from your hand. Then look at your empty hand and say, “Hey, that’s my food!”
Dad Causing Pain to Dad
Hit yourself in the head with an empty plastic bottle, and then imitate Homer Simpson’s “Doh!”
Trip over one of the baby’s toys and do a big pratfall onto the couch.
Hold a water pistol or spray bottle in your hand. Point it at your face, look at the trigger, and say, “I wonder what this does.” Squirt yourself and scream.
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A joke occurs when you expect one thing and you get something completely different. Most babies under seven or eight months old don’t understand jokes, because they have no expectations. They accept everything at face value. In short, they’re gullible.
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BABIES and Airplanes
Let those around you share the responsibility of entertaining the baby.
Tired of spending all of your time cooped up in the house with your baby? Instead, why not spend some time cooped up in an airplane with him? If nothing else, do it for the sheer pleasure of watching all of the other passengers’ terrified reactions as you and the baby board the plane and walk down the aisle toward them, looking for your seats. (For added effect, walk up and down several times before settling in.)
When traveling by plane, the most that any parent can hope for is a quiet baby. Employ the following seven tactics to pacify him in transit:
1. Choose your seats wisely.
When booking a flight, keep in mind the following:
If you don’t want to buy a seat for your baby, you and your partner should reserve the window and aisle seats in the same row, leaving the middle seat open. Middles always fill up last, and even if someone has reserved it, as soon as they see the baby they’ll beg the flight attendant for reassignment.
The bulkhead row offers the most legroom, and having a wall in front of you is a blessing, especially when the baby decides to throw his toys
around. And if you put in a request, some airlines will provide bassinets that attach to the bulkhead.
If you sit near the restroom, there’s usually extra space to move around. And the near-constant flow of people may keep the baby entertained. You can play peek-a-boo with passengers as they enter and exit the restroom (whether they like it or not), and you can go into the restroom with the baby to stare in the mirror, flick the switches, and marvel at the blue water swirling down the drain.
Parents with babies are not allowed to sit in the exit rows. Presumably this is because after an hour with a screaming baby, you might try to pull the emergency latch and jump out.
2. Increase the odds of sleep.
Some ways to induce in-flight slumber are:
Time your trip with his nap or suck it up and take the red-eye.
Get to the airport early, and run him ragged. This won’t be hard to do, as babies are energized by the wide-open spaces, moving walkways, and carpeted hallways of airports.
Board last, even though you are allowed to board first. Either you or your partner board with all of the gear while the other one wears him out in the waiting area.
Dose your baby into dreamland with baby Benadryl or Tylenol, but always consult your doctor before administering any medicine.
3. Feed during take-offs and landings.
In order to balance the pressure in your baby’s ears, he should be on the breast or bottle during take-offs and especially during landings. If he’s not hungry, a pacifier can also work to relieve the pressure. And if the baby refuses to suck, he’ll feel pain in his ears and start crying, an activity that will also help to balance the pressure.
If you were airport security and you saw this bag, what would you think?
If you need to heat a bottle onboard, you can ask the flight attendant to pour hot water into an air sick bag, and then you put the bottle in the bag for a few minutes.
Formula is the easiest way to feed a baby on a plane. Some dads pre-measure the powder into little plastic bags, but this might not be the best idea if you want to clear security in a timely manner.
4. Prepare for flying fluids.
Because the risk of air sickness is always high, remember to pack three or four extra outfits for him. And you should wear a wind-breaker over your clothes so you can just wipe it down if you get vomited upon. Bring plastic bags, wipes, and paper towels for containment purposes.
Changing dirty diapers in a tiny airplane bathroom is almost impossible, so you may want to do it on a blanket or towel across your and your partner’s laps. When finished, place the dirty diaper in an air sickness bag. And if the odor is particularly offensive, offer to buy drinks for those passengers closest to you.
When exiting the plane, it’s a good idea to grab as many air sickness bags as you can carry. They are great for storing wet or dirty clothes, rancid diapers, and other baby-related debris.
5. Deploy toys at regular intervals.
Go to a second-hand store and buy a bunch of rubber and plastic toys. Sterilize them in the top rack of the dishwasher and then wrap them up in paper bags. As soon as you notice the baby getting fussy, hand him a new toy to unwrap. Figure on one toy for each half-hour of flight time. You can also buy some press-on window decals for the baby to stick to the window and peel off.
And deflated blow-up toys take up almost no space.
If you run out of toys, try making a puppet out of an air sick bag. Or have him play with the airfone on the seat back. Many babies have an obsession with tickets, so your boarding pass may also keep him busy for a while.
6. Force others to entertain the baby.
Hold him up directly in front of the passengers nearest you and see if anyone bites. If you keep him there for an uncomfortably long time, someone is bound to look up from their Skyward magazine and force a smile. That’s when you say to the baby, “I think somebody wants to play with you.” Look at it this way: if everyone wants a quiet baby, they’re going to have to do their part.
7. Bring baby-holding devices.
Most airlines let you bring your small umbrella-type stroller and car seat on the plane. If the baby has his own seat, strap him into the car seat for take-off and landing. Putting him in the front carrier is also an option for take-offs and landings, and you’ll still have your hands free.
Having a stroller with you at all times is important, particularly when you are stuck in an airport because your connecting flight is three hours late or you’re held up waiting for dogs to come and sniff your powdered formula.
Hotel, Motel, HOLIDAY INN
It’s worth staying at a hotel with your baby for the long hallways alone. Hotel hallways are to ten-to twelve-month-olds what empty swimming pools are to skateboarders: ideal places to hone their skills. The walls are smooth and even and the floors are thickly carpeted, cushioning the inevitable face plant. And every journey can end in a visit to the ice machine—an all-time baby favorite combining equal parts sight, sound, touch, and taste.
Hotels can provide a much-needed break for dads, too. It’s refreshing to see your baby trashing someone else’s place for once. But before turning your baby loose in his new habitat, there are two issues that you’ll need to address: sleep and safety.
Hotel Sleep Solutions
Bring a port-a-crib. Most hotels provide cribs, but in general they are rickety and poorly maintained, and the mattresses have seen one too many baby leakages. For peace of mind, take along your port-a-crib. And have your baby sleep in it a couple of nights before you arrive just to get him used to the change.
Bring bathroom activities. This is for you, not your baby. Because once you get him to sleep, you and your partner may be stuck in the bathroom for a couple of hours. Your partner may feel that this is a perfect time to talk about your relationship. To avoid this, bring a game of Scrabble, a deck of cards, a chess board, anything to keep you both occupied.
Block your baby’s view of the bed. When your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and sees you in the bed right next to him, he may never get back to sleep. So you need to block his view of the bed. Put chairs in between the crib and the bed, and then place towels or extra bedding on top of the chairs.
Take shifts. Just because one of you is stuck in the room with the baby doesn’t mean the both of you have to suffer. Take shifts. While your partner goes down to the hotel bar to fend off conventioneers, you can hang out in the room, listen to the Walkman, read the Bible, play games on your PDA, or, if the baby permits, watch low-volume TV. After an hour or so, switch.
Make the room conducive to sleep. To keep the room dark, take some hangers from the closet and use them to clamp the curtains together. And to create white noise, see if you can disconnect the cable from the back of the TV set. Then turn on the TV, and place a towel over the screen to block out the light. Or put a thin T-shirt over the screen, which will give you a glowing night-light effect.
Using these two methods will help you block out both light and noise.
The Four-Minute Babyproofing
Babyproofing your hotel room won’t take nearly as long as babyproofing your home, and because you’ll only be there for a short period of time, your installations should be fairly easy to remove. Some hotels supply childproofing kits, but most expect you to do it yourself, a feat that should take you less than five minutes. The only supplies you’ll need are electrical tape (easier to remove than duct tape) and pipe cleaners.
Your baby may assume the minibar is for mini-people.
Before you let the baby crawl around the room, sweep the floor for hazardous items like paper clips and loose change. Place the coffeemaker, hair dryer, and iron out of reach.
Use electrical tape to cover up outlets and tape drawers shut, and secure the minibar. To protect your baby’s head from sharp corners, bring along extra baby socks, fold them in half, and tape them over all furniture corners that are at the baby’s height or below.
Tape a big X across the sliding glass doors leading to
the balcony to let the baby know that he can’t go straight through the doorway. And make sure those doors are locked. Use pipe cleaners to wrangle all drape and blind cords, and also to gather lamp cords. Secure closet doors by wrapping a pipe cleaner around both knobs and twisting.
It’s a good idea to keep the bathroom door closed and off-limits at all times. If your baby has figured out how to open doors, put one of your socks over the bathroom doorknob. He will have a tough time getting enough traction to open it.
Use folded baby socks as corner protectors.
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Remember to tip housekeeping well. Babies can do more damage to hotel rooms than heavy metal bands, and you should compensate accordingly.
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How to Neutralize a RUNNER
Some one-year-olds walk, and others run. Undaunted by crowded aisles, steep escalators, and busy intersections, they forge ahead, like Shackleton, toward the great unknown.
As a father, you admire your baby’s determination, but as a parent who wants to bring home a live child, you know you have to restrain him somehow. And the best way to deal with an AWOL threat is to outfit him in clothes that you can get a grip on, such as:
Hooded sweatshirts
Be Prepared Page 12