Overalls
Suspenders
Pants with belt loops
When a potentially hazardous situation arises, just grab hold and he’s immobile. (When using the hood, only use gentle tugs.) Then, when the danger passes, let go and he’s once again free to taste-test every surface in the mall.
Use your baby’s hood as a makeshift leash.
Camping with Your CUB
Your baby should not be an excuse to retire your tent and sleeping bag. On the contrary, camping with a bambino can be a great experience for the whole family. You’ll get the thrill of introducing him to all the wonders of nature, and he’ll have the opportunity to eat a much better variety of dirt than he gets at home.
You’re going to be hauling plenty of gear, especially if you decide to go backpacking in the woods. One of you will have to carry the baby and the other will have to carry everything else. Trudging through the forest with the baby in one backpack and the mountain of equipment in the other, you may feel like Sherpa mountain guides that your baby has hired for an expedition.
Setting Up Camp
Pick a campsite that’s a good distance away from other campers. You don’t want your baby’s 3 a.m. screams waking up your fellow campmates. Conversely, you don’t want your fellow campmates’ 3 a.m. screams waking up your baby.
You’ll need something to put him in while selling up camp. If you put up your tent first, it can function as an instant playpen. But the baby may be happier in a port-a-crib. He’ll be able to pull himself up and peruse the great outdoors.
Once you’re set up, put some long pants on the baby and let him crawl around the environs with you in tow. Just make sure he doesn’t try to eat any plants, stick his hand down any snake holes, or crawl into the campfire. But allow him to get filthy. A layer of dirt will do him some good. It helps protect him from the sun and bugs.
You can use baby-safe sunscreen and bug repellent on babies over six months old as long as you don’t get them anywhere near the hands or eyes. And because you may encounter ticks, mosquitoes, poison ivy, oak, sumac, not to mention the blazing sun, long clothing and a wide-brimmed hat is the best protection for your little scout.
Sleeping Outdoors
Some dads just shove the baby in the sleeping bag with them. But if you actually want to sleep, you might want to make alternate plans. Bring port-a-crib and you won’t have to worry about the baby rolling around your tent.
Keep a flashlight next to you in your sleeping bag, so you can turn it on as soon as the baby starts to cry. Babies aren’t used to the pitch blackness and the spooky sounds of the woods at night, so they get easily rattled.
A couple of nights before the trip, help the baby get acclimated to outdoor sleeping by staging a dry run with the tent in your backyard.
Keep in mind that a two-person tent is just not big enough for two adults and a baby. Get a that accommodates at least three people.
In cold weather, it’s a good idea to dress the baby in the sleep sack wearable blanket.
* * *
Take an inflatable baby pool along with you. It has a multitude of uses and deflates to almost nothing. It serves as a:
Swimming pool
Bathtub
Play area
Diaper changing station
Impromptu sandbox
Always supervise the baby when he’s in the pool, no matter what he’s doing.
* * *
Waste Disposal
Most state parks have a carry in/carry out policy, which means you can’t leave any garbage in the woods. You’ll be putting most of it in double-layered plastic bags and hauling it around with you, but what do you do with scat-filled diapers?
The best solution is to bury the scat and then put the diaper in a small plastic bag before putting it into the double-layered bag. When burying scat, you must dig a hole at least 6 inches deep and at least 100 feet from a water source.
HIKING
The Baby Backpack
Before buying a backpack, bring your baby to the store with you and go on a mini-hike through the aisles with him securely in the pack. If it’s not comfortable after five minutes, it certainly won’t be comfortable on a three-hour trek through the woods.
Some things to look for in a baby pack:
Here Are Seven Things to Consider Before Embarking on a Hike:
Never hike alone with your baby. If you happen to twist your ankle, you want another adult to be there.
If you are used to carrying around a 60-pound pack, and you have a 20-pound baby, then you should only carry 20 pounds worth of gear. Baby weight is different from gear weight. If you are not careful, the baby’s constant shifting can throw you off-balance.
Dress your baby more warmly than yourself. Remember that you are moving around while he is basically luggage.
The backpack provides your baby a perfect angle to spit up right into your shirt and down your back. It’s best not to go hiking right after he’s had a big meal, because the jiggling can bring everything up.
If it’s hot out, give your baby lots of water to keep him hydrated. To cool him off, fill up a spray bottle with lukewarm water and reach back and squirt him once in a while. And if your backpack has a canopy, use it. If not, put a sun hat on him.
If you are going to be out for longer than an hour, pack a blanket. Take the baby out of the backpack every once in a while so he can stretch his legs and crawl around on the blanket.
Stay on the beaten path, and always stick closely to marked trails, no matter how confident you are in your abilities as a hiker. Having a baby on your back is extreme enough.
BEARS AND BABIES
Bears and babies do not mix well, so it would be best to avoid encountering a bear if at all possible. If you are camping anywhere near bear country, you can follow these simple guidelines to avoid a possible confrontation:
Avoid startling a bear.
Most bears will only attack if startled. When walking through the woods, sing loud songs with the baby so that the bears will hear you coming. Clip a baby rattle or loud toy to your belt to add to the noise level.
Keep food and garbage out of reach.
Stow all food, milk, and formula in the trunk of your car or hang it from a tree branch at least ten feet from the ground and four feet out from the tree trunk. It may be a good idea to do this with soiled diapers and other strong-smelling garbage as well.
Keep away from dead things.
When exploring with the baby, never approach a dead animal. It could be a fresh bear kill, and the hunter might be lurking close by.
If you see a bear, make your presence known.
Wave your arms over your head and talk loudly or sing nursery rhymes. You want the bear to register you as quickly as possible, because if he happens to come closer, you don’t want to surprise him. Bears don’t like surprises.
The First BIRTHDAY PARTY
Your baby will have no memory of his first birthday party, and may not even enjoy it while it’s happening. So why go through all the trouble? You can just print the generic birthday party scene from www.beprepared.net, slide a pic of your baby’s face in the appropriate space, then scan or photograph the resulting image. Grandma and Grandpa will never know the difference!
But if you choose to actually celebrate:
Try to keep the party small. A general rule of thumb is that a baby’s happiness is inversely proportional to the amount of people in the room with him.
Don’t schedule the party for his regular nap time, thinking that the adrenaline will get him through it. He’ll either have a meltdown or sleep through the whole party.
Don’t hire someone to dress up in character for a one-year-old’s party. When your baby watches Barney on TV, he’s only nine inches tall, and that’s a baby’s expectation of him. When a six-foot-tall Barney walks into the room, he may incite a Godzilla-like freak-out.
If you’ve got money to spend, focus your attention on the adult guests. No matter how cute your baby
is, they are coming mostly out of obligation, and you want them to know how much you appreciate their presence. Here are various ways to ensure they’ll be back for birthday #2:
Gifts
If you don’t want extra baby toys littering your house, tell everyone to wrap up boxes that have nothing but tissue paper inside them. Fun for your baby, painless for your friends.
Scheduling
If you want your friends to remain that way, don’t schedule the party at the same time as an important sporting event, unless you decide to keep the TV on and make it a sports-themed party. Your baby won’t care one way or the other. Just stick a team logo on his pajamas to complete the motif.
Activities
The attention span of a one-year-old will rule out most party games, but if you are looking for something entertaining for the adults to watch, you can stage a Baby Olympics. Compete head-to-head with other dad-baby teams in events such as:
How much frosting can your baby get on his face in under a minute?
How long will your baby keep his party hat on his head before breaking into a wail?
Which baby can crawl across the living room and reach the pile of presents first?
Which dad can make his baby laugh first?
Food
Obviously you need a cake, and sometimes that’s all you need. But no matter what time of day it is, provide beer and wine for the adults. It’s the least you can do. And before everyone leaves, grab your partner and baby, clink your glasses against your baby’s sippy cup, and drink a toast to Toddlerhood.
The New Year’s PANDA
CONGRATULATIONS!
You’ve reached the end of your baby’s first year (at least in book form). Your accomplishment deserves a reward. In lieu of cash, you are going to receive a powerful fatherhood secret, until now known only to a handful of the most resourceful dads out there. This secret will not only save you thousands of dollars in your lifetime, it will also become a highly anticipated family tradition that can be passed down from generation to generation. And it’s called the New Year’s Panda.
The New Year’s Panda was created because an ingenious dad thought it was unfair that everything went on sale right after Christmas, the day after he needed it. So he started looking for a way to take advantage of the steep post-holiday markdowns and keep his kids happy at the same time. Thus the New Year’s Panda was born.
In early December of the following year, the father sat his children down and told them that on New Year’s Eve, a large, fuzzy panda visits the homes of children who didn’t get what they wanted for the holidays and fills in their wish lists. And to make sure the panda doesn’t skip over your house, children need to put some licorice sticks on the front doorstep to make him feel welcome.
Now your baby may be too young to fully comprehend the glory of the New Year’s Panda, but it’s too early to start the tradition. If you start now, by the time he’s ready for kindergarten it will be an essential part of your family’s holiday ritual.
CONCLUSION
The past year seems like a blur, doesn’t it? It’s almost impossible to remember the time when your big bambino was a newborn and could fit in the crook of your arm. Just a year ago you were holding a squirming bundle of flesh and now you’re holding a real live person, who can actually communicate and get around by himself and perform amusing antics.
Not only has the baby grown this past year, but you’ve grown as well. Do you remember the sheer terror you were feeling the first days home from the hospital? Well, look at you now. You’re a seasoned veteran. And we hope you pass on your newfound wisdom to others. When you see a clueless rookie dad in distress, don’t snicker at him from afar. Do what you can to lend a hand or offer a word of sage advice. And if you’re near a bookstore, why not be a big shot and pick him up his own copy of Be Prepared?
We congratulate you on a job well done, and sincerely hope that this year was the best of your life (we already know it was the best year of your baby’s life). After what you’ve been through you deserve some well-earned leave time. But unfortunately, you won’t be getting any. Because fatherhood is a 24-7-365 endeavor, and you signed on for the long haul. So hoist up your potty seat and be prepared for year two!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks first and foremost to our editor and friend Rob Weisbach, who championed the book even before it was pitched and has been a constant source of inspiration and great ideas. Grateful acknowledgments go out to all of the other helpful and talented people at Simon & Schuster, especially Bridie Clark, Linda Dingler, Jackie Seow, Aileen Boyle, Alexis Welby, Terra Chalberg, Jim Thiel, Laura Wise, Irene Kheradi, Emily Remes, and John Del Gaizo. Thanks also to our agent, friend, and local baby expert Todd Shuster and everyone at ZSH Literary Agency.
We’d like to thank our parents, Neil and Marlene Greenberg and George and Mary Hayden, for birthing us, feeding us, and babyproofing the stairs. And without your love and support this book could never have happened.
Thanks also to the Be Prepared Research and Development team, headed up by Meg Donaldson, with Jeremy Kareken, Mike Royce, Jon Bines, Kevin Johnson, Herb Emanuelson, Faye Hess, and Jeff Boyd.
Our deepest appreciation goes to our resident pediatricians, Jessica Orbe, M.D., F.A.A.P., and Sarah Baum, M.D., F.A.A.P., who made sure that everything in the book was baby-safe.
And thanks to all of the dads who let us interview, observe, and/or photograph them in action, including Pete Tuneski, Jonathan Stirling, Matt Ahern, John Lewis, Dave Brause, Jon Mysel, Mike Astrachan, Neal Lieberman, Lenny Levy, John Mertens, Paul Flynn, Dave Goldman, Steve Heller, Pablo Martinez, Bob Goetz, Sam Joseph, Andrew Kennedy, Don Hamrahi, Wayne Catan, Howie Allen, Leland Brandt, Joe Badalamente, Jeff Felmus, Todd Hansen, Mike Litsky, Dan Varrichione, Sean Martin Hingston, Rick Winters, David Caminear, Johnny Lampert, John Diresta, Dave Hirsch, Madison Rogers, Tim Mangan, Andrew Tsiouris, Roland Paradis, Mike Rozen, Garrison Schwartz, Ken Friedson, and Charles Bonerbo.
Also, much gratitude to Annabelle Boyd, Marcy Greenberg, Leigh Hayden, Prescott Tuneski, Jeffrey Shaw, Roy and Beth Markham and their New Year’s Panda, Eva Hulme, Holley and Russ Flagg, Lenny and Barbara Grodin, Lucinda Knox, Jodi L. Iannantuono, Elliot and Judy Brause, Lisa Brause, William Stephenson, Ellie and Don Jacobs, Evie Barkin, Joe Clancy, Evan Shweky, Steve Gibbs, Steve Brykman, Raegan McCain, Jon Jacobs, Ellen Lenson, Oona Stern, Monique and Sergio Savarese, Joan Schultz, Adele Phillips, Brian Stern, Chris Mazzilli and the Gotham Comedy Club, Peter Shapiro, Amelia Webster, Derek Lugo, Jude Gallagher, Frank Bozzo, Eva Hulme, Susan and John Javens, Carol Danilowicz, Petra Dielewicz, Rob Carson, Beth and Johnny Garcia and the Manhattan Kids Club, Ilana Ruskay-Kidd and the Manhattan JCC, Suzanne Reiss, Daryle Connors, Stacey Fredericks, Kiki Schaeffer, Matt Strauss, the Sol Goldman YMCA, Schneider’s Baby Store, Felina Rakowski-Gallagher and the Upper Breast Side, Mike Abt and Abt Electronics, Derrick Neville and Circuit City, Manny Pagan, Ben Kim, Alexandra Jacobs, Jessica Nooney, Corlette James and everyone at the Small World Preschool, John Rodadero, John and Patty Wrajec, Lillie Rosenthal, the Blodgett family, the Dexter family, the Lamourine family, Dawn Hutchins, Jean DeMerit, Carla Alcabes, Michelle Larrier, Jordan Rubin, Eva Dorsey and Jane’s Exchange, Catherine Cetrangolo, Jeffrey Benoit, Alec Lawson, Suzanne Ball, Yvonne Suzuki Licopoli, Jim Mangan, and Peg McCormick.
And most important, we’d like to thank our daughter, Madeline Greenberg, who was a great sport during the nine months we neglected her in order to write a parenting book. Pipsqueak, we could never have been prepared for how much joy you’ve brought us.
INDEX
accessories:
bathtub, 44, 166-67
for car trips, 114-16
crib, 28, 71
for feeding time, 121-22
infant exercise, 97-99
stroller, 82
acetaminophen, 108
activities:
birthday party, 212-13
for skill development, 76, 127-29, 156-58, 184-85
airplanes, 195-99
extra supplies on, 198-99
feeding on, 197-98
seat selection on, 196
sleeping on, 197
strollers designed for, 199
toys on, 198-99
air sickness, 198
allergic reactions, 177
anxiety, 163
appearance of infant, 5-7
appetizers, 123
armpit hold, 42
art museums, 113
avoidance reflex, 9
baby bath tub, 39, 44
baby books, 161
baby carriers, 70, 96
baby monitors, 67
babyproofing, 140-49, 202
bathrooms, 146-47
home offices, 148
hotel rooms, 202
kitchens, 144-45
living rooms, 142-43
staircases, 148
toys, 149
baby spoons, 122
backpacks, 208
back pain, 95-96
balloons, 129
basket train, 158
bassinets, 70
bathing, 38-44, 164-67
in adult tubs, 164-67
baby tubs and, 39, 44
bowel movements during, 43, 165
equipment for, 39, 166
holds during, 41, 42
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