Monster

by Holly C. Webb

  I realised as I stood there staring at myself in the mirror that Jacob controlled everything, and there was no way he was going just to let me walk away. If I left, he would make life as hard for me as he possibly could, and if I was honest, that thought scared me a little.

  I thought once more about going back to New Jersey to my parents, but then I would have to tell them that I’d failed. I’d failed at life, but more importantly, I’d failed at marriage. I remember my father saying before my wedding that marriage was something you worked on for the rest of my life, then he asked me if I really believe I could make that commitment to Jacob. I knew he didn’t want me to marry him then, but I was so in love with the man I thought he was, I didn’t see what my dad saw. How could I go back now and admit I had been so bloody stupid?

  Releasing a long, tired sigh, I pulled off my t-shirt and removed my panties before I climbed beneath the hot water of the shower. Lifting my face into the hot jets, I closed my eyes, letting the water wash over my skin as I tried to clear my mind of every single thought. Well, every single thought that was except one.

  Jaxson.

  I hated that things had suddenly changed between us. He had been the only one I could really turn to these last couple of weeks. I was comfortable with him, and I never felt like I had to pretend with him. Now, he couldn’t even look at me anymore. What the fuck was I supposed to do to fix this nightmare?”

  I worked some shampoo through my hair, then stood and let the water wash it away. As it did, I decided that I needed to talk to Jaxson. I needed to clear the air with him before this thing went too far. I owed him at least that much.

  I looked down at my hands and noticed that the skin on my fingers was all wrinkled, telling me I’d been in the shower even longer than I’d realised.

  I quickly turned off the water and opened the shower door. I was just reaching for the towel on the rail outside the shower when the door to the bathroom burst open, and a panicked looking Jaxson came running in, screaming my name.

  I screamed with fright and overstretched while reaching for the towel. My feet suddenly gave way, and I ended up slipping before I landed hard on my bottom, on the floor of the shower.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” I yelled, forgetting for a moment I was completely naked. “You almost killed me with fright.”

  “Jesus!” He gasped, dropping his hands down to his knees as he sucked in a long breath. “I was knocking and knocking, but you didn’t answer.”

  “That’s because I was in the shower, and I didn’t hear you,” I snapped, a little angrier than I meant to. I began to climb back up from the floor of the shower when I realised that I was completely naked. Instantly, I tried to cover myself, but in my panic, I slipped once more, hitting the floor of the shower with a thud once again.

  “Let me help you,” he said as he hurried towards the shower, reaching out his hand to pull me up.

  “I’M NAKED!” I yelled as I tried desperately to cover myself up with my arms.

  “I think I’ve seen it all before,” he laughed as he continued to hold out his hand, giving me a pleading look.

  “Can you at least give me a towel first,” I sighed, trying my hardest to remain calm despite how embarrassed I was feeling right at that moment.

  “Sure,” he sighed as he tried his hardest not to laugh, and this just managed to piss me off more, and I released an impatient sigh.

  Pulling the towel from the rail, he handed it to me, taking great care not to look at me as he did, something I was grateful for considering I was butt ass naked.

  I wrapped the towel around myself as best I could before I reached up and took hold of his hand. I pulled myself up but yelped because my backside hurt from landing on the hard, tiled floor of the shower.

  “Ally,” Jaxson said, looking down at me, giving me a worried look. “This is stupid. You’re hurt.”

  “I’m fine,” I assured him, but before I could argue further, he reached down and scooped me up from the floor, carrying me back across the bathroom, then on into the bedroom, before setting me down carefully on the bed.

  “I’ll call Travis and have him come to check on you…” he said as he began towards the door.

  “No, please,” I called out, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m okay, honestly. I just hurt my pride mostly.”

  He turned and looked at me, and I knew he was still unsure about what was the best thing to do.

  “I just fell on my ass, Jax,” I sighed, finally smiling at him. “I promise I’m okay.”

  He walked slowly back towards the bed, his eyes not leaving mine.

  “Do you need me to help you get dressed?” He asked, giving me a nervous smile. “I mean, it’s the least I could do. If I hadn’t have gone storming in there, you wouldn’t have fallen.”

  “That is very true,” I laughed, finally seeing the funny side of all this. Part of me feeling almost relieved; he was at least talking to me again. “What was that about anyway? You almost freaking killed me with fright.”

  “I’m sorry,” he laughed too. “I guess I just freaked out a little. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer…”

  “And you thought I… what?” I asked, giving him a nervous smile. “That I might have finished the job?”

  “I know it’s stupid,” he shrugged as he sat down on the bed next to me.

  “Not really,” I sighed, realising just what it was I had put him through the night before. “I am sorry, Jax. For everything. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Would it help if I said I will never do anything stupid like that again?”

  “It would,” he said as he turned to look at me and gave me a smile. “And I promise to stop bursting into your bathroom.”

  I gave him a genuine smile, as he held my gaze for a few moments; finally, he turned away and looked down at his clasped hands on his lap.

  “Do you think we can go back to being friends now?” I asked, saying exactly what was in my head, right at that moment.

  “I wasn’t aware we had stopped,” he said, turning back to me, looking surprised by what I said. “I’d like to think you’d always considered me, your friend, Ally.”

  “I just thought,” I sighed, knowing I needed to choose my words carefully. “Earlier, you seemed… I don’t know…upset over something.”

  “It was nothing you did,” he replied, giving me a smile once more. “I was just being… it was nothing.”

  “Then, we’re okay?” I asked, giving him a hopeful look.

  “Of course,” he assured me, smiling once more as he gently nudged his shoulder against mine. “Now, how about something to eat. I’ve made some chilli…”

  “You did?” I asked, surprised that Lynn had let him anywhere near her precious kitchen. “How did you convince Lynn to let you do that? She’s practically territorial over that stupid kitchen.”

  “She isn’t here,” Jaxson explained, looking almost surprised that I thought she was. But then he looked a little embarrassed like he’d just remembered something important. “Oh right, Jacob told me to tell you, her father had a stroke, and she’d taken some personal time. He didn’t know when she would be back.”

  “You talked to Jacob?” I asked, and I didn’t know why, but instantly a feeling of dread settled over me. “Did you tell him about last night?”

  “I didn’t speak to him today,” Jaxson replied, looking almost a little hurt that I thought he would have. “He told me before he stormed out of here last night. He said he had to go to New York, and that he would be back Monday, and then he told me to tell you about Lynn.”

  “I see,” I said, not knowing what to do with that piece of information. He’d gone to New York but hadn’t even bothered to tell me. Nor had he made any attempt to contact me since he’d walked out. I wondered what that might mean. Probably nothing good if I was honest.

  “Ally,” Jaxson said, pulling my attention back to him. “No one will ever know what happened here last night. I give you my word. I told you
, my job is to look after you, nothing else. Though, I didn’t really do a very good job of that, did I?”

  “You saved my life,” I replied, wishing I could show him just how grateful I was he had. “You’ve taken care of me all night. How could you even think that?”

  “But I shouldn’t have had to,” he sighed, his eyes locked with mine. “I should have known something was wrong when you wouldn’t open the door last night. More than that, I shouldn’t have let you walk in here alone when we got back from the bar. Or I should have come quicker when I heard him shouting at you. Then he wouldn’t have been able to hurt you as he did.”

  He reached up and softly brushed his fingertips against my cheek where Jacob had struck me, and a look of sadness filled his eyes

  “I should have killed him when I had the chance for putting his hands on you as he did,” he whispered as he softly ran his finger down my cheek. “But I promise you; he will never hurt you again. No one will. I would die before I would let anything bad happen to you.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed out, once more feeling that same pull, I’d felt earlier that morning.

  “I never want you to feel so alone again,” he continued as he stared down into my eyes. “I would do anything to make you feel happy, Ally.”

  “I’m happy now,” I breathed out once more, longing for him to take me in his arms and just kiss me.

  He moved closer to me, his lips barely inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath danced against my skin as every tiny hair on my body stood on end with excitement.

  “Ally,” he breathed out against my lips.

  Suddenly the front doorbell chimed, and Jaxson jumped back from me, just as he had that morning.

  “I’m sorry,” he said as he sprung up from the bed. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. The last twenty-four hours have been just…”

  The doorbell sounded again, stopping him mid-sentence.

  “I should get that,” he said, giving me one more smile before he turned and headed towards the door, stopping when he reached it. “When you’re dressed, come down. The chilli is just about ready.”

  “Okay,” I replied, giving him a smile, but inside, my heart was almost breaking. Then, with one last lingering look, Jaxson turned and hurried out of the room, leaving me sitting there, feeling even more confused than I already was.

  This time I knew that I wasn’t just being stupid. Jaxson was going to kiss me, and I wanted him to, so much. But once more faith intervened.

  I released a long, frustrated sigh as I pushed up from the bed, I walked towards the closet, knowing I needed just to get dressed, go down to the kitchen and face him. The longer I left it, the worse it would be on us both.

  Besides, I knew deep down that to kiss him would have been a mistake. So, maybe we just needed to put this, whatever this was, behind us and move on.

  As I made my way down the stairs, I heard a booming laugh coming from the direction of the kitchen. I thought it sounded like Jaxson, but I wasn’t sure. I did know, however, that he wasn’t alone in the kitchen.

  “Here she is!” Travis exclaimed the moment I walked through the door, greeting me with a broad smile.

  “Hey,” I said, walking further into the room, giving him a shy smile, before I glanced over at Jaxson. The moment I did, his eyes met mine, and he smiled at me. Instantly, I felt a little more relieved, happy that he wasn't weird with me again. If nothing else, I was happy we were still friends, because our friendship has become very important to me.

  “How are you feeling this afternoon?” He said, getting up from his seat to pull out a chair for me at the kitchen table.

  “A lot better now, thank you,” I assured him, giving him a smile. “Though my backside might not agree with that.”

  “Oh!” He said, giving me a questioning look.

  “It’s a long story,” I laughed as I sat down on the chair tentatively, taking care not to hurt my sore bottom. “I just don’t think I will be dancing the night away or running a marathon anytime soon.”

  “Ally slipped in the shower earlier,” Jaxson said, offering his brother an explanation. “I asked her if she needed me to have you check her over, but she insisted she was fine.”

  “Because I am,” I said, waving my hand at him. “You just worry too much.”

  “It’s my job to worry,” he said with a sigh, and he continued to prepare the food he was working on.

  I don’t know why, but his words bothered me. They quickly brought me back down to earth with yet another thud as everything suddenly made sense. Of course, he was worried about me. As he said, it was his job. One, he was being paid a lot of money to do. Why did I ever think this thing between us could ever be anything more than what it was.

  I glanced at Travis, who was watching me closely. The moment our eyes met, he gave me a smile, but something in his eyes said he somehow knew what I was thinking. I returned his smile, but I could feel my face flush with embarrassment.

  A moment later, Jaxson brought three large bowls of chilli to the table, followed by three tall glasses of milk. Setting them down in front of each of us, he then took his seat before he looked up and gave me a smile.

  “I hope you like it,” he said, as now he too was watching me closely. “I’m not the most accomplished cook in the world, but I’m kind of proud of my chilli.”

  “It looks and smells great,” I replied, suddenly not feeling very hungry, but I knew I had to eat something. I reached for my fork and tucked into the bowl of food, bringing a forkful to my mouth. If I was honest, it tasted even better than it looked, but I just wasn’t in the mood of eating anything.

  “I was thinking,” Travis said as he looked up from his bowl, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled around the table. “Why don’t you guys come back to Jaxson’s with me. That way, Jaxson can help me with the painting, and Ally can supervise from the sofa.”

  “You want us to paint the apartment tonight?” Jaxson asked, sounding less than keen.

  “Well, I just thought it would get Ally out of the house for a couple of hours,” Travis shrugged, glancing from Jaxson to me. “It would be somewhere safe and private for her to go. I know it’s not an exciting way to spend a Friday night, but we could have some beer and pizza after. It could be fun.”

  “I don’t think…” Jaxson began to say, but I quickly stopped him.

  “Actually,” I said, stopping him mid-sentence. “That does sound kinda like fun.”

  “You want to go paint my apartment?” He asked, giving me a confused look.

  “Sure,” I shrugged. “Trust me, when you live in a house where everything, including your thinking, is done for you. Doing something as ordinary as painting a kitchen wall sounds amazing.”

  “Then that settles it,” Travis exclaimed, giving me a broad smile. “I guess we have a plan.”

  I smiled back at him, knowing he was just doing what he could to help me feel some kind of normal again. Then I glanced at Jaxson and gave him a smile too, before I returned my focus to my chilli, suddenly feeling a little bit hungry.

  Chapter 12

  Jaxson

  As we drove to my apartment, I glanced over at Ally and wondered what she was thinking as she stared blankly out the window of the car.

  When Travis said he was going to drive back in his own car, I was actually relieved. I had hoped that being alone with Ally in the car would have given us a chance to talk about what happened, or rather, almost happened back in her bedroom. But now, looking over at her, my mind was completely blank.

  There was so much that I wanted to say, I just didn’t know where to start. I thought back to the moment we shared in the bedroom; when I almost kissed her, and while I knew it would have been the wrong thing to do, deep down, I regretted that I didn’t take my chance when I had it.

  Since Travis said what he had said the night before, my head was in a spin with thoughts of Ally. I went from flat out, denying I had feelings for her, to what it would be
like to be the one that she loved, the one she belonged with.

  If I was honest, part of me had known from the start that I was attracted to her. Why wouldn’t I be, she was probably the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. But I was a professional; I was hired by her husband to do a job, and I had to focused on that and nothing more.

  At least that’s how it had started out. But as the days past and the more I got to know Ally, the more I was drawn to her on a much deeper level. There was something so sad and broken about her, and I found I have an overwhelming desire to protect her. But it was more than that; I wanted to make her happy too. And of course, my attraction to her physically had grown stronger as well. I just wasn’t ready to admit that to myself, much less Travis.

  Sometimes I hated that Travis could see through the mask I wore, keeping everyone else at a safe distance. Of course, I had denied my feelings for her when he confronted me, but it made me think, and I realised that Travis had definitely struck a nerve.

  When he walked in that morning as I was sitting on the bed next to her, I knew Travis knew he’d disturbed us having a moment, and I felt both angry with him for choosing the wrong moment to walk in; but also angry with myself. I couldn’t believe I had been so weak and almost crossed a very dangerous line. One I’d vowed to myself that I would never cross.

  Kissing her would have been wrong. I knew it, Travis knew it, and I’m pretty sure the Ally knew it too. Suddenly I couldn’t even look at her anymore because I was so ashamed of myself. Still, I was grateful when we left the room that Travis didn’t mention it. I was half expecting an ‘I told you so,’ but thankfully, he just let it go.

  I’d decided that, no matter what happens in the future, I would remain professional. But it had been all I’d thought about all day. Imagining how her lips would feel against mine, her body pressed against mine. I felt like I was going mad.