When I went back to her room to wake her for some food, and she wasn’t in her bed, a small wave of dread formed in the pit of my stomach. That wave exploded into a tsunami when I knock on the bathroom door twice, but she didn’t answer. Without even thinking, I burst through the door.
The moment I saw her climbing out of the shower, the feeling of relief that washed over me was almost consuming. I wanted to take her in my arms then and there, hold her tight and thank God that she was okay.
I knew right at that moment, the feelings I had for this girl ran far deeper than even I had realised.
But then, when I had the chance to kiss her again, I couldn’t resist her. Everything inside me told me it was wrong, but as I looked down into her eyes, my fingers gliding softly across her perfect skin, I knew that I couldn’t resist this girl, no matter how wrong it was. I needed to taste her on my lips
But fate had other plans, and once more, we were stopped before it went too far.
Now I had no idea what I should say to her, but I knew I couldn’t leave things are they were.
Get your shit together, Jax! I scolded myself as I focused on the road ahead. You’re not some pimpled face teenager. You’re a fucking grown up so act like it! Just talk to her. Be a man your balls can be proud of.
“It’s weird that Jacob hasn’t called, right?” She said suddenly, surprising me with her remark. “I mean, I know what happened before he left last night, but I would have thought he would have called, may be checked in, maybe even tried to apologise. What do you think that might mean?”
“I don’t know,” I replied with a sigh, deciding the best thing I could do right now was not give my opinion on her charming husband. They were still married, and it wasn’t my place to get in between a husband and a wife, no matter how I felt about her.
It was better that I didn’t give her my opinion, even if I thought that her husband was a piece of shit.
Firstly, any man who would raise his hand a woman are assholes in my eyes. There is just no good reason ever to smack a woman around, especially if you’re supposed to love this person.
Also, he walked out on her after he had and left her upset. In fact, she was so upset; she tried to end her own life. Again, this made him an even bigger asshole in my books.
Still, the mention of his name had given me a bit of a reality check. Ally was a married woman. Did I really want to be the one who broke up her marriage?
I glanced over at Ally, trying to work out what she was thinking, but her face was blank, and once more, she was staring at the road ahead.
She didn’t say another word for the rest of the drive to my place. When we pulled into my parking spot, in the underground parking garage, I turned off the engine, then looked over at Ally.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked her, still surprised she would even want to come and spend her Friday evening painting my apartment.
“Yeah,” she replied, giving me a broad smile, but then it suddenly faded. “Unless… do you not want me to be in your apartment?”
“Why wouldn’t I want you in my apartment?” I asked with a chuckle.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged as her face blushed a little. “You don’t talk about yourself very much. Until today, I didn’t even know you had a brother. I figured you’re just very private and maybe you don’t want me to be here.”
“I don’t talk about my life because when I’m working, I focus on the task at hand,” I explained, watching her closely. “But if there is something you want to know about me, Ally, you just have to ask. And to answer your previous question, of course, I want you here. We’re friends, remember.”
“Okay,” she replied, giving me the most perfect smile, then she quickly reached for her seatbelt. “Then, we should go in, or Travis will think we bailed on him.”
I smiled at her words. I could tell from how she talked about Travis that she already liked him. But then again, Travis was kind of easy to love. He had a charm I sometimes envied. He could make friends in an empty room, whereas I was always a little more guarded.
We both climbed from my car, before making our way towards the elevator that would take us up to my apartment. As we stepped into the elevator, I reached out and pressed the button for my floor. As the doors closed, Ally glanced up at me and smiled once more. She was standing so close to me, I could smell her delicate perfume, and instantly a longing formed in the pit of my stomach.
I returned her smile, but it took every ounce of strength I had inside me not to grab her then and there, and finally kiss her the way I’d been longing to kiss her all damn day.
But I didn’t. Instead, I focused on just getting to my apartment without making a giant asshole of myself.
When the elevator stopped, we stepped off, and I led her across the hallway to the door of my apartment. I quickly pulled my keys from my pocket, and as I slipped them into the lock.
“Trav!” I called out as we both stepped through the door. I watched Ally as she walked down the hallway, taking in her surroundings. I wished that I’d made more of an effort to get the apartment finished before now, but with life being so busy, it was just hard to find the time.
But as I walked down the hallway myself and walked into the living room, I could see that Travis had been busy while I was living in Ally’s house. He’d unpacked most of my boxes and hung some of my artwork. He’s also put up some of the framed photographs that I had packed away, on my bookshelves.
I glanced over towards Ally and stopped in my tracks when I saw her looking at a photo of me dressed in my full-dress uniform, the day I was awarded The Medal of Honour.
“I didn’t know you were in the Navy,” she said as she turned to look at me.
“The Marines,” I corrected her, wishing to God that Travis hadn’t put out that damn photo. “It was a long time ago.”
“You look very handsome in your uniform,” she said, looking at the photograph once more. “It suited you.”
“Thanks,” I replied, not really sure what else I should say. I held my breath, hoping she wouldn’t push me more.
“Hey!” Travis said as he came rushing down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “I was in the shower; I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You’ve been busy,” I said, giving Travis a questioning look. “You never mentioned that you’d started unpacking.”
“You never asked,” he laughed as he walked towards Ally, kissing her on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good,” she replied, giving him a genuine smile. “But, you know, you don’t have to keep asking me that.”
“I know,” he replied with a chuckle. “But I need to know my favourite patient is doing okay. And before we start, you do not have your doctor’s permission to lift a finger tonight.”
He took hold of her hand, leading her to the sofa, where he guided her to take a seat before he leaned down in front of her and smiled.
“You are to sit here,” he said with a smile. “And make sure that Jax does a good job on his half of the wall because we can’t have him doing a half-assed job. Doctors’ orders, okay?”
“Okay,” she replied with a bright smile before she glanced up at me. I smiled back, happy to see her finally looking happy too.
“I’m just going to change into some old clothes,” I told her, giving her another smile. “I will be right back.”
“Okay,” she replied with a smile, giving me a nod.
I turned and quickly hurried down the hallway to my room. Once I was there, I stood for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. Finally, I pulled off my shirt, throwing it on the bed before I walked to my closet. I pulled out an old, white t-shirt that I had thrown into a pile down at the bottom, then pulled out a pair of sweatpants, quickly throwing them on the bed too.
I kicked off my shoes before I removed my pants, folding them neatly, and setting them down on the back of the chair in the corner of my room. I then quickly dressed in the t-shirt and sweatpants I’d left
on the bed. Finally, I pulled an old pair of sneakers from the bottom of my closet and put them on before I returned to the living room, where I found Ally and Trav deep in conversation.
The minute I walked into the room, Ally looked up and gave me a broad smile.
“You never told me that you received the Medal of Honour,” she said, giving me a questioning look.
“Like I said,” I sighed, giving Travis a look that told him I was less than impressed with his big mouth. “It was a long time ago.”
Without waiting for her to reply, I walked through to the kitchen, wasting no time on getting started. A few moments later, Travis joined me in the kitchen, and I knew he was unsure of what he should say to me now.
I didn’t want to make this a thing. Ally was happy, and I wanted her to stay that way. So, I took a long, calming breath before I turned to look at Travis.
“So, Michelangelo,” I said, smiling at him. “What side do you want to do?”
“I’ll take the wall near the window,” Travis grinned, then added. “But if you run into any trouble doing your side, don’t be afraid to ask me for help.”
“I think I’m all set,” I laughed as I glanced out into the living room, which was separated from the kitchen by a long, island, and breakfast counter, and gave Ally a big smile before I turned back to Travis. “Oh, and Trav, try and remember that the paint goes on the wall, not you.”
Travis just rolled his eyes before he opened his can of paint and got to work.
“What do you think?” I asked Ally, who was now sitting on a stool on the far side of the island.
“It looks great,” She replied, giving me a bright, genuine smile. “I can’t believe how quickly you two got through it.”
I looked down at my watch and saw that we’d be working at it for just a little over an hour.
“Yeah,” I sighed, feeling happy that we’d finished the job. “We didn’t do too bad, even if Trav once more managed to get as much paint on him as he did on the wall.”
We both turned and looked at Travis, and Ally laughed when she saw just how much paint he had on him.
“Wow,” she said with a giggle as she glanced at me before she turned back to Travis. “If you stand still enough, you would blend in with the wall, Travis.”
“Hilarious,” he groaned and rolled his eyes as I burst out laughing. “I see you’re a comedian, just like my big brother. That or you’re spending too much time with him.”
Ally laughed once more as she looked up into my eyes, and for some reason, her face flushed ever so slightly, and I wondered what she was thinking right at that moment.
“I’m going to go shower again, I think,” Travis said as he set his paintbrush down. “I will leave you to clean up, Funny man. Oh, and order the pizza too. I’m starving.”
Travis disappeared down the hallway, leaving me alone with Ally once more.
“Are you having fun?” I asked, smiling at her before I gathered up the paintbrushes and took them to the sink to rinse them out.
“I am,” she said as she climbed down from her stool and walked around the island to where I was standing. She reached out and picked up a paintbrush, holding it under the water too. She stood so close to me; I could feel her body brush against mine, sending shivers down my spine. “I think you and your brother are so funny together.”
“Trav is always good fun to be around,” I said, trying to keep the conversation light despite the fact I now had a semi. I also realised I was wearing jogging pants, and if I moved the wrong way, these things left little to the imagination, and everyone would see my boner. “Even though sometimes I want to strangle him.”
“I think he loves you very much,” she said, looking up at me, giving me a broad smile. “And he is so very proud of you.”
She stared at me for a moment, then smiled again before she returned her focus to cleaning the paintbrush.
“You know,” I said, still watching her closely. “It’s good to see you smile. You really don’t smile enough.”
“I don’t have a lot to smile about,” she sighed, glancing up at me briefly. “Or, at least, I didn’t.”
“Do you love Jacob?” I asked, having no clue where the question had come from. Part of me wanted to take it back, but part of me wanted the answer now that the question was out there.
“Define love?” She asked with a sad smile.
“Love is when you would give up your last breath to keep someone safe,” I replied, knowing that I was playing with fire now. “Love is moving mountains, just to see the person you love smile. Love isn’t something you should fake, Ally. Life is too short to be sad. You deserve to be loved by someone who knows every single day, just how amazing you are, and just how lucky they are to have you in their life.”
“Have you ever loved someone?” She asked, looking up at me, and I could see she was holding her breath.
“I thought I did,” I replied honestly. “Once upon a time. But I know now that what I felt then, it wasn’t really love.”
“Why wasn’t it love?” She whispered, still looking up into my eyes.
“Because I let her go,” I replied, as my heart hammered so quickly in my chest, I was sure she could hear it too. “Now I know, when you truly love someone, you can’t even imagine your life without them in it. Letting them go isn’t even an option.”
She stared at me for a moment, but then she suddenly turned away and focused on the paintbrushes once more.
“I think I’ll go order the pizza,” I sighed, having no clue what had just happened between us.
Had I just told her that I loved her? What the fuck was wrong with me?
I set down the paintbrush I had just cleaned off and grabbed down kitchen paper to dry my hands.
“No!” She said suddenly, stopping me as I walked away. I turned back to look at her, but she didn’t turn to face me. Instead, she just continued to clean the paintbrush.
“No?” I repeated, unsure what she was saying no to.
“Your question,” she said, finally setting down her brush before she turned to look at me. “If I loved Jacob. No, I don’t. I thought I did, but I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love.”
“I see,” I said, not knowing how I should respond to that.
“I just thought you’d want to know,” she smiled before she turned back to the sink and continued to clean up the painting stuff.
Chapter 13
Jaxson
“I can’t eat another bite,” Travis exclaimed as he flopped back on the sofa and let out a long, noisy burp. “That was a good pizza.”
Ally giggled, but I balled up a napkin and hit him square in the face with it.
“We’ve got company, Dumbass,” I scolded him, giving him an unimpressed look. I glanced at Ally and couldn’t help but smile to see her smile once more.
I looked down at my watch and realised it was already after eleven o’clock.
“It’s getting late,” I said, giving Ally a smile. “I think it’s time I was getting you home.”
“Okay,” She replied as suddenly her smile faded a little. I glanced at Travis as he gave me a knowing look before he looked at Ally too, and I knew he’d seen what I’d seen. She stood up and picked up her empty beer bottles and a pizza box.
“You don’t have to do that, Ally,” Travis said as he quickly got to his feet. “I’ll take care of all of that. You’re our guest.”
“I don’t mind clearing up,” she said, smiling at him. “It won’t hurt me.”
“Honestly,” Travis said, taking the pizza box from her hand. “I’ll take care of this. You should get home and get some rest, doctor’s orders. But maybe we can do this again sometime.”
“I’d like that,” she said, giving him another broad smile before she turned at looked at me expectantly. I realised as I stood up too and went to retrieve her coat, that this might be the only time we ever get to do this. Once Jacob came back home, I don’t think he would be too thrilled about his wife jus
t hanging out with my brother and me.
Walking back to the sofa, I handed Ally her coat, and she gave me a look that confused me.
My mind had been racing since our conversation while we were cleaning off the brushes. I didn’t know what had happened between us, but something had definitely changed between us. I could see it in her eyes every time she looked at me.
I was sure Travis could see it too, but he never said a word, and for that I was grateful
Once Ally had her coat on, she gave Travis a tight hug before she walked towards the door. Then, much to my surprise, Travis hugged me too. But as he did, he held me a little longer, as he whispered into my ear.
“Be careful, Jax,” he breathed out against my ear. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what he meant. I stepped back and looked at him. Was he telling me that Ally was dangerous? I didn’t understand.
But then he gave me a look, and it hit me.
He was worried about her, worried about us both. He didn’t want either of us getting hurt.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I assured him before I turned and smiled at Ally. “Are you ready to go?”
“I guess so,” she replied, once more looking a little sad as she spoke. I realised right then that Ally really didn’t want to go home. I wondered what exactly that meant. I just hated that everything as so fucked up right now.
Saying our final goodbyes, I led Ally out the door and back to the elevator, where once more she stood so close to me, I could smell her perfume.
I held my breath as the elevator jumped to life and started to descend down through the building. The sudden movement of the elevator made her lose her balance ever so slightly. As she adjusted her feet to steady herself, her fingers brushed across the back of my hand, sending an electric shock throughout my entire body. Instantly, she looked up at me, and I knew she felt it too. When our eyes met, she smiled as she reached up and brushed back a loose strand of her hair from her beautiful face.
I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly my mind went blank, and I couldn’t find the words that justified how I was feeling right at that moment. I knew I couldn’t say what I was feeling in my heart, and anything else I said would sound pointless
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