So instead, I just smiled, before returning my focus to the doors in front of me, as I silently prayed to God to help me do the right thing, whatever the right thing was.
I pulled my car to a stop outside Ally’s house almost thirty minutes later. Glancing over at Ally, I was surprised to see she was fast asleep. I turned off the engine, wondering if I should wake her up.
I sat for a moment and watched her sleep, just as I had done the night before. Suddenly her phone, that was sitting on her lap, lit up, and I could see Jacob’s name flashing on the screen, but it didn’t ring. Instead, it just vibrated, and I realised that Ally had her phone on silent.
I reached out and picked it up, wondering if I should wake her up, or if I should just answer it and tell him she’d gone to bed for the evening. I glanced up at Ally once more, just as she released a contented smile.
She’d had such a good night, and I knew that, given the time, Jacob was most likely drunk. Still, not answering him would most likely piss him off more. I was just about to hit accept when it stopped ringing. That’s when I noticed that she had several missed calls from him.
“Damn!” I sighed under my breath. I knew ignoring him was not something he was likely to take well. Glancing up at her once more, I wondered what the hell was going through her mind when she’d decided to ignore him. What had made her think it was the right thing to do?
I sighed once more, and I climbed out of the car, then hurried towards the door, opening it before I returned to the car. I opened Ally’s door as quietly as I could before I reached in and unfastened her seatbelt. Scooping her up into my arms, I lifted her from the car, then carried her into the house.
Once inside, I kicked the door closed behind us before heading straight for the stairs, then down the hallway to her bedroom.
When I reached her room, I walked to the bed and carefully lay her down, then slipped off her shoes before I pulled up the blanket from the bottom of the bed. As I covered her up, she released a long, contented sigh as she snuggled into her pillow.
I lingered for a moment, taking in every inch of her beautiful face. As I held my breath for a moment, I didn’t know why, but I slowly leaned down and softly pressed my lips to hers. It was just for a moment, and I barely made contact with her, but it was enough for me to feel her soft lips against mine. After waiting all day to kiss her, it was everything I imagined it would be.
As I slowly parted my lips from hers, she suddenly opened her eyes, staring up into mine.
“Ally, I,” I began, feeling a wave of panic rush over me, knowing that I had crossed a line. But instead of her freaking out, which I was expecting her to do, she leaned up and kissed me back, this time a little firmer than I’d kissed her. The kiss lasted for barely a couple of moments, but it was enough to send my whole body into a spin.
As she rested her head back down on her pillow, she looked up at me, looking like she was unsure of what she should say or do now. I wanted to take her in my arms, kiss her like my life depended on it. I wanted her more than I ever wanted anything in this world, but I couldn’t cross that line. I couldn’t make her life harder than it already was.
“Ally,” I whispered once more, knowing whatever I said next could change everything between us, forever, but before I could get the words out, she began to speak.
“It’s okay,” she breathed out, give me a sleepy smile as she reached up and softly brushed my check. “You don’t have to say anything. I get it. I just wanted to thank you for tonight. It was nice to feel normal, even if it was just for one night.”
“It…it was my pleasure,” I said, unsure if she was just saying what she thought I wanted to hear, or if she really was okay. “I would do anything to make you happy…”
I hesitated for a moment, feeling completely torn. Part of me wanted to say fuck the line and claim her mouth once more, but the sensible side of me, a side that always took over when I could feel my heart begin to overrule my head; that side told me that I needed to do the right thing.
“I should go,” I said, slowly pulling back from her, and my heart ached in my chest, but before I could move away, she reached out and grabbed hold of my hand.
I stopped and stared down at her, having no clue what she wanted from me.
“I know that you are a good man,” she whispered as her eyes held mine. “An honourable man, and you would never do anything that would hurt me or make my life harder.”
She stopped for a moment, her eyes still locked with mine, and I could see the fear in her eyes.
“But I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she finally continued. “Can you please stay here with me?”
“You want me to sleep here?” I asked, a little surprised by her request.
“If that’s okay?” She whispered, giving me a smile.
“Ally…I…” I hesitated, knowing I should have just said it was a bad idea and that we should just say good night.
That’s what my head was telling me; I just wished that someone could have told my heart
“Sure,” I replied finally, giving her a warm smile. I slowly walked around the bed, then kicked off my shoes before I climbed onto the bed beside her. The moment I did, she rolled over in bed and curled into my side, resting her head on my chest.
“Good night, Jax,” she breathed out with a yawn
“Good night, Ally,” I whispered back, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her close to me.
I held her tightly as her breathing grew deeper and slower, and I knew she was sleeping. I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, knowing that I was not just playing with fire; I was falling in love with this girl, and the one thing I knew was, there was no way this could end well.
The pain across my chest was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, and I couldn’t breathe.
What the hell happened? I thought to myself as a feeling of panic rushed through my entire body. I need to get out of here.
Suddenly the sound of screaming came for outside the Humvee, and I knew I needed to help my squad.
I tried desperately to move, but I was pinned beneath the twisted metal of the Humvee.
“Gunny!” One of the men cried from outside. “I can’t move my legs.”
“DOBBS, IS THAT YOU?” I shouted back, still struggling to free myself from beneath the seat I was pinned under. I was sure it was his voice, but I really couldn’t tell with all the noise.
“Yes, Gunny!” He groaned before he let out the most horrendous cry. “I CAN’T MOVE MY LEGS!”
“I’M COMING, DOBBS!” I cried out too. “I’M COMING.
“GUNNY, PLEASE!” He begged. “I want my mom. PLEASE! I WANT MY MOM! GUNNY, HELP ME!”
“I’M COMING!” I cried out once more as I pushed again with everything I had left inside me.
But it was no use, all he did was scream with pain, and no matter how hard I pushed, I couldn’t move.
“ARRGHHHHH!!” I cried out in frustration as everything else went quiet. I could hear something moving outside, then a sound from above me in the truck. I held my breath as I looked up and spotted a man dressed in black with his head and his face covered leaning over me. All I could see was his eyes. I met his stare, and all I saw was evil looking back at me. Then he raised his gun.
“I’m going to kill her,” he snarled at me as he reached up and pulled back the scarf that was covering his face. To my horror, staring back at me was Jacob, looking madder than I’d ever seen him. “I’m going to cut her fucking throat.”
He raised the knife above his head, then plunged it into my chest.
“ALLY!!!!!” I cried out as I bolted up in the bed.
“Jax!” Ally's voice crashed into my head, pulling me back from the edge, back to the here and now. “Jaxson, you’re okay!”
“Ally,” I repeated once more, but this time I turned and found her beautiful Amber eyes, filled with worry, staring back at me. I released a deep, calming breath, as I tried to steady my racing heart
“It’s okay,”
she said, taking my face in her hands. “You’re okay.”
“Did… did I hurt you?” I asked, worried I had lashed out at her while I’d been dreaming.
“Of course, you didn’t,” she replied, shaking her head. “You were dreaming. Well, more than dreaming, it sounded like it was some pretty horrible nightmare.”
“But I didn’t hurt you?” I asked once more, feeling relieved that this once, I hadn’t lashed out.
“No,” she replied, giving me a smile. “You could never hurt me.”
“Okay, good,” I said as I lay back down in the bed. “That’s good.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, still sitting up on the bed, staring down at me.
“I will,” I replied, giving her a reassuring smile. “But not tonight.”
“Okay,” she replied, giving me another smile, before she lay back down, resting her head against my chest once more.
If I was honest, I liked her doing what she did. Having her so close to me, touching me, it made me feel calm and safe in a way that was almost foreign to me, especially after one of my dreams.
I closed my eyes, and soon I was drifting off back to sleep once more.
I woke slowly, feeling stiff and a little confused, but then the familiar scent of Ally’s perfume filled my sense, and I remember exactly where I was.
I moved slowly, but Ally was still lying on my chest, and I really didn’t want to wake her.
But then I remembered the dream. Ally had seen the part of me I’d wanted to keep hidden from her. Now she was going to ask questions. Now she was going to know just how fucked up I really was.
To say I was more than a little pissed at myself would have been an understatement. I had let my feelings cloud my judgment. I’d let her too close; let her see the side of me I hid from the world.
When she asked me to stay with her, I knew I should have said no, but something stopped me. I didn’t know what it was about this girl; I just couldn’t say no to her.
I fucking kissed her! I thought to myself miserable as I released a long, frustrated breath, knowing I was getting this all so very wrong. What the fuck were you thinking, Jax?
I tried not to focus on the fact that she’d kissed me too, but it was impossible. The moment I thought about her lips against mine, my cock sprung to life.
Just what I fucking need right now, I thought to myself as I sighed once more.
I needed to get out of there and get out fast to give myself time to collect my thoughts before I had to have that conversation with her. I needed to figure out what it was I was going to say to her when she woke up.
I tried to slide my arm from beneath her as I lifted her and settled her back down on the pillow.
The moment I did, her eyes opened, and I was greeted with the most perfect smile.
“Good morning,” she whispered sleepily as she stretched out and yawned.
“Good morning, Ally,” I replied, as I froze, unsure of what I should do now. Laying back down felt like I was telling her I was far more comfortable with this situation that I actually was. But I knew that jumping up from the bed would look like I was ashamed, or I felt we’d done something wrong when in truth, we hadn’t. Not really anyway. So, I stopped. I leaned on my elbow and smiled down at her. “How did you sleep?”
“Okay,” she replied, her eyes still holding mine. “I’d ask you the same, but I think I already know the answer. Do you want to talk about the dream?”
“If you want to,” I replied, not knowing what else to say right at that moment. This really wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have, but I knew there was no avoiding it now. But then I remembered something else from the night before. Something I was curious about. “And then maybe you could tell me why you’ve been ignoring Jacob’s calls.”
“I…I wasn’t,” she replied, but her face instantly flushed red, and I knew she was lying. She quickly sat up in bed. “I’d…don’t know what you mean.”
“Ally,” I said as I sat up too, knowing now she was the one who was on the back foot, trying to avoid a conversation she didn’t want. “He called last night, just as we got home. You were sleeping, and I picked up the phone. I didn’t answer it, but I did see all the other missed calls. Why are you avoiding him?”
“It’s complicated,” she shrugged, but suddenly she wouldn’t allow her eyes to meet mine as she turned and swung her legs out to the floor. “I think I’ll go take a shower.”
“Okay,” I replied, pushing up from the bed too as she turned to look at me. “I’ll go make us both some coffee, then maybe we can have a little chat, and you can tell me what’s going on.”
She stared at me for a moment, then gave me a smile that said she knew she was beaten.
“Okay,” she finally nodded before she turned and hurried into the bathroom.
Releasing a deep sigh, I slipped on my shoes before I headed for the door, knowing one way or another, we were going to learn a little more about each other, whether we wanted to or not.
Chapter 14
Ally
I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, pressing my head against the wood once I was inside. I released a long, calming breath and closed my eyes.
I don’t know why I was so bothered he’d questioned me about Jacob, but I was. Maybe it was because I’d spent the last three years of my life being question by Jacob about every little thing, and I just couldn’t take it any longer. In my heart, I knew that Jaxson was nothing like Jacob and that I was being too sensitive, but still, I was not happy about it.
If I was honest, I think the real reason I was upset was, after spending such an amazing night together, I was brought back down to earth with a bang. I had actually allowed myself to forget about Jacob for a short while and let myself believe there could be something more between Jaxson and me.
I realise now that I was just being a complete idiot. Jaxson was just being nice to me because Jacob was paying him to be that way. Or at least, that’s what I was now trying to convince myself what last night was about, but deep down, I knew there was something more.
I thought about our conversation as we cleaned the paintbrushes out. I recalled the things he had said to me, and I didn’t know what to think. He asked me if I still loved Jacob, and that surprised me, but the moment he asked me, I knew deep down that my answer was no.
Then he told me what he thought love was, and I felt like he was trying to tell me something. I just wasn’t sure what that something was. Either way, his words resonated with something deep down inside me, and I realised right there and then that I maybe I had never actually loved Jacob, at least not in the way I should love my husband. I also realised that I might be falling in love with Jaxson, and that thought terrified me because something told me that loving Jaxson Stone was not an option.
Then I remembered something I’d completely forgotten for a moment.
Jaxson kissed me.
At first, I thought I had been dreaming, and if I was honest, I really didn’t want to wake up.
And for some reason, I couldn’t resist kissing him back.
The truth was, I wanted him to kiss me again; more than that even. If I was honest, I had wanted him to take me in his arms and make love to me right there and then. But the moment I looked up into his eyes, I knew that was never going to happen, so I gave him the out he needed.
Still, after everything that had happened over the last couple of days, spending the night alone just seemed too hard, so I asked him to stay with me.
I knew nothing would happen between us. Jaxson Stone was a good man, and he would never cross the line like that no matter how he felt about me or me about him; he would never let things go that far.
Deep down, I, of course, knew he was right. It didn’t stop me from wishing somehow that things could be different.
I released a long, tired sigh, and I pushed back from the door and finally turning to walk towards the sink. When I reached it, I turned on the water before I glanced up
at my reflection in the mirror above the sink. The moment I saw the bruise on my face, that was now turning a deeper shade of purple, but with a hint of yellow in it, I sighed, knowing that I could pretend all I wanted with Jaxson, but the real truth was, my life was a disaster. Jacob would eventually come back, and I had no idea what would happen once he got here.
I thought about Jaxson’s question; about why I had ignored Jacob, and I had no idea why I’d done what I had done, I knew to ignore him would piss him off more than he already was, and that really wasn’t the cleverest thing to do. But the truth was, there was nothing he had to say that I wanted to hear. I couldn't bear to listen to his sad, pathetic excuses because I knew there would be an apology, but then, by the end of the conversation, it would be somehow my fault once more, and I just didn’t want to hear it.
The first call came when I was sitting on the sofa in Jaxson’s apartment. I was having such a good time, laughing as I listened to the conversation going back and forth between Jaxson and Travis. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so much or felt so at ease in anyone’s company. So, when Jacob’s name flashed on the screen, I just hit decline and turned the volume off before I set it down on the coffee table, then moved to the stools that were next to the island.
Maybe it was a stupid thing to do, but right at that moment, it was the only option I could live with.
Either way, there was nothing I could do about it now. What was done was done.
“You need to get your shit together, Ally,” I sighed miserably before I bent down and splashed some water on my face, washing away the make-up from last night.
I hated sleeping with my make-up still on. My skin always felt tight and dry the next day.
When I was finished scrubbing my face and brushing my teeth, I returned to the bedroom, making my way straight to the closet to pick out something to wear.
I decided on a pair of soft grey trousers and a cream, fitted t-shirt. Finally, I ran a brush through my hair before I caught my hair up in a hairpin on the back of my head.
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