First Lady

by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

  He whipped up the little guy and put him to his shoulder. The kid relaxed right away. He smelled good. Like a boy.

  She narrowed her eyes, then tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. “What happened with the results of the DNA tests? My attorney’s asked for a copy several times, but he still hasn’t received one.”

  Oh, man . . . Busted. He’d torn up the envelope he’d received from the lab in Davenport without ever opening it. “Me either. I guess the lab misplaced it.”

  “Misplaced it?”

  “It happens.”

  She tilted her head, studied him closely. “I know how important this is to you. Maybe the tests should be done again.”

  “Are you crazy? Do you want to put Button through something like that again? I guess it’s easy for you to say because you weren’t there. You didn’t see the way they held her down!”

  She gazed at him as if he’d lost his mind, which was so close to the truth that he had to turn his back on her and head for the fireplace.

  “What are you doing here, Mat?”

  The baby’s head settled against his jaw. He glared at her. “Okay, here’s the way it is. I screwed up, all right? I admit it, so let’s put it behind both of us and move on.”

  “Move on?” Cold as a flock of Presbyterians in an unheated church.

  “Because, the thing is, it’s the future that counts.” Was it hot in here, or was it just him? “We need to look ahead and not behind us.”

  Everything about the stare she leveled at him reeked of aristocratic disdain. He suddenly felt as if he were wearing a red satin bowling shirt and gulping down a kielbasa. It was time to cut to the chase.

  “I need to know how you feel about me.”

  “That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”

  Mat nodded. The baby tucked his head against his neck, and he would have given anything right then to go play with him instead of facing how bleak his own future was going to be if the ice queen living inside Nealy’s body kicked him out.

  “Well . . . I’m very appreciative that you didn’t betray me in the articles you wrote.”

  “Appreciative?”

  “And I’m grateful that you’re trusting me with the girls.”

  “You’re grateful?” This was a nightmare. He sank back down on the ancestral couch.

  “Immensely.”

  The grandfather clock ticked away in the corner. She didn’t seem to mind the silence that was stretching longer and longer.

  “Anything else?” he asked.

  “No, I don’t believe so.”

  That ticked him off. She damn well had to have felt something more than that or she’d never have let him near all those hot, moist places he’d made his own.

  He set his jaw. Shifted the baby to his other shoulder. “Think harder.”

  She arched an eyebrow. Touched the pearls with her fingertips. “Nothing else springs to mind.”

  He leaped up from the chair. “Well, something else springs to my mind! I love you, damn it! And if you don’t like it, that’s too damn bad.”

  The baby gave a mew of displeasure. Nealy’s eyes shot open. “You love me?”

  He waited for her lips to bloom in a smile, her eyes to soften. Instead, she looked as if she’d been hit by the first round of musket fire at Lexington.

  Lunkhead! He slipped the baby under his arm and moved forward. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I just— Is it hot in here? Maybe your furnace isn’t working right. I could look at it.”

  What was wrong with him? He’d lived around women for years. He understood their habits. Why was he falling apart when he most needed to keep himself together?

  A thousand emotions flickered across her face, but for the life of him he couldn’t identify any of them. She leaned back in the chair, crossed those slim legs, and made a little Protestant church steeple with her fingers. “When did you have this startling—and obviously unwelcome—revelation?”

  “Sunday.”

  Her nostrils flared. “This past Sunday?” Not a question but an accusation.

  “Yes! And it wasn’t unwelcome.” The baby’s whimpers grew louder. He jiggled him.

  “You only discovered this two days ago?”

  “That doesn’t mean I haven’t felt it all along.” As a line of defense, it seemed weak even to him. His voice cracked. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

  “Ahh . . . I see.” She rose and walked over to him, not to fall into his lap as he hoped, but to take the baby back.

  The pint-sized Benedict Arnold seemed more than happy to resettle on her shoulder. “You don’t look very happy about it,” she said. The baby wrapped a fist around the Mayflower pearls and shoved them in his mouth.

  “I’m happy! I’m delirious!”

  There went that eyebrow again.

  Damn it! He made his living with words. Why had they deserted him now? It went against his grain, but he knew the time had come to throw himself on the mercy of the court. “Nealy, I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out, but that doesn’t make it any less true. What we have together is too good to throw away just because I screwed up.”

  She didn’t seem impressed. “Your idea of showing your tender feelings is to go on CNN and talk about me to the world. Is that right?”

  “I was bluffing. You wouldn’t take my phone calls, remember? I needed to get your attention.”

  “My mistake. And what do you propose to do about these newfound feelings of yours?”

  “I propose to marry you, what do you think?”

  “Ah.”

  The baby gummed happily away at her pearls. Mat would have liked to do a little gumming of his own—on her bottom lip, her earlobe . . . a breast. He nearly groaned. Now was definitely not the time to be thinking about breasts, or any other enticing body parts. “Well?”

  “Well, what?”

  “Are you going to marry me?”

  She gave him a frigid look that told him he needed a really good argument. Something logical instead of emotional. “I know you probably think of it as marrying down, since I’m not an aristocrat like you. But it might be time to refresh the Litchfield family genetic pool. Add a little Eastern European peasant blood to the mixture.”

  “Then make a run for the Triple Crown?”

  He narrowed his eyes. Exactly what was going on here?

  Nealy watched him tilt that big, handsome head and study her as if she were a specimen under a microscope. She hurt so badly she could barely maintain her composure. Had he really thought she’d believe this begrudging declaration of love and accept that pitiful excuse for a marriage proposal?

  Now she recognized her mistake in trying to cut the girls out of his life. Even though he hadn’t been able to express it, she should have known how much he loved them. But she would never have suspected he’d go this far to have them back in his life. She would never have imagined he’d be desperate enough to suggest marriage.

  It still didn’t seem to have occurred to him that he could simply take the girls away from her. He was their legal guardian, and the adoption wasn’t final. All he had to do was say that he’d changed his mind. But his sense of honor would never allow that.

  Her knees turned to water. Would his sense of honor permit him to ask a woman he didn’t love to marry him just so he could get his children back?

  Her head had begun to throb. What if it were true? What if he really did love her? Could this just be another example of Mat’s predictable clumsiness around the mysterious minefield of his own deeper emotions? Or were his feelings for the girls so strong that he was willing to marry someone he liked, but didn’t love, just so he could keep them in his life?

  Only one thing was certain . . . despite the months she’d spent hugging his stupid T-shirt and whimpering over Whitney Houston, she was no longer the emotionally needy woman who’d wed Dennis Case. In the past year, she’d learned that she deserved better, and nothing was going to make her question another man’
s love. If Mat Jorik burned for her, he’d have to find a better way than this to make her feel the flames.

  “Nealy, I know I’ve done this badly, but . . .”

  “Badly doesn’t begin to describe it.” She glanced at her watch, rose from the chair, and strode toward the hallway. “Sorry, but I’m out of time.”

  Mat had no choice but to follow her. “How about if I ride along with you today? Some insider press coverage wouldn’t hurt.”

  She didn’t need any more coverage, and they both knew it. She opened the door and stepped outside, making him follow. “I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

  “Let me have your phone number. We need to talk again.”

  “I’m sure if you try hard enough, you can find a way to get it.”

  She slipped back inside before he could stop her and closed the door. Then she drew the baby closer and tried to decide whether she wanted to cry or scream.

  * * *

  Mat knew he’d blown it. He’d spent so many years erecting a privacy barrier between himself and his sisters that he hadn’t been able to pull it down when he most needed to. He sat behind the wheel of the car without turning on the ignition and stared blindly through the windshield. If only he’d had the guts to take her in his arms the moment he’d seen her and tell her everything that was in his heart. Instead, he’d bumbled around like an idiot.

  Now he had nothing. No date to see her again. No phone number. Nothing.

  He was so angry with himself that he nearly missed the flash of yellow jutting out from behind the garage as he began to pull away. He looked more closely and realized it was the rear end of a battered Winnebago.

  He couldn’t believe it. Just before he’d left Iowa he’d sold Mabel to a dealer and sent the check to Nealy’s attorney for the girls. Why had she gone to all the trouble of buying it herself? He felt a faint spark of hope. Not much to hold on to, but it was all he had.

  He pulled up the name of Lucy’s new school from his memory bank and phoned for directions. After he arrived, he established his credentials with the principal and was shown into an empty office. Just before the walls finished closing in on him, the door opened and Lucy was standing there.

  A smile took possession of his face. He felt only a momentary pang of nostalgia for the hooker makeup and purple hair. She looked wonderful—all scrubbed up, shiny, and pretty. Had Nealy smoothed away her rough edges or did Lucy not need them anymore?

  He itched to wrap his arms around her, but the conflicting emotions he saw on her face made him hesitate. He’d hurt her badly when he’d let her walk away, and she wasn’t going to forgive him easily.

  “What d’you want?”

  He hesitated, then decided he couldn’t afford any more fumbles. “I want my family back.”

  “Your family?” She hadn’t lost her street smarts, and she bristled with suspicion. “What do you mean?”

  “You and Button and Nealy.”

  She gave him her familiar bullheaded look. “We’re not your family.”

  “Who says?” He took a step closer, only to watch her withdraw. “You’re still mad at me, aren’t you?”

  She shrugged, then, true to her nature, looked him right in the eye. “Why are you here?”

  He thought that one over. How much could he tell her and still be fair to Nealy?

  To hell with fairness. “I’m here because I found out I couldn’t stand not having all of you in my life.”

  She leaned against the corner of the desk, her posture awkward and unsure. “So?”

  “So, I’m back.”

  “Big deal.”

  The hurt she was trying so hard to hide cut into his heart. “It is for me. I’ve been pretty lonely. Plus I’ve been kicking myself for taking so long to figure out what’s important to me.”

  She looked down at her thumbnail, brought it to her mouth, then seemed to realize what she was doing and pulled it away. “Yeah, I guess you missed Button a lot.”

  Her insecurities were still so close to the surface they made him ache. “How’s the little rug rat doing these days?”

  “Pretty good. She says lots more words now. She calls Squid Skid.” She shot him a glare filled with reproach. “But she never says Da anymore. Not ever.”

  “I miss her a lot.” He paused, then moved closer again. “But I miss you even more.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. “I love Button, but she’s still a baby. You know how that is. I can’t really talk to her about anything interesting or play basketball with her. And don’t look so surprised. You and I have understood each other from the beginning.” He paused. “Did you ever hear of a soul mate?”

  She nodded warily

  “I think the two of us might be soul mates.”

  “You do?”

  “Don’t you?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t think you—”

  “You’re such a jerk.” He smiled at her. “When are you going to figure out what a great kid you are?”

  She stared at him and then her face crumpled. “I didn’t think you ever wanted to see us again.”

  He no longer cared whether she wanted to be hugged or not. He grabbed her and pulled her tight against his chest. “I’m a lot bigger jerk than you. I missed you, Luce. I missed you so much.”

  One hand crept tentatively around his waist. He rubbed her back and blinked. How could he ever have walked away from these females? “I love you, Lucy.” It should have been hard to say, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was so easy that he said it again. “I love you so much.”

  She buried her face in his shirt. Although her words were muffled, he didn’t have any trouble hearing them. “Loveyousomuchtoo.”

  They stood that way for a while, both of them embarrassed, but neither of them willing to let the other go. When they finally parted, she looked vulnerable and scared. “You’re not going to try to take us away from her, are you?”

  “I’d never do anything like that! Thanks a lot.”

  Her shoulders sagged in relief. “I had to make sure.”

  “No, you didn’t. The fact is, I need some help, and you’re the only one who can give it to me.”

  She instantly responded. “What do you want?”

  Now he was the one who had to look away. “I saw Nealy this morning, but I got nervous and screwed everything up.”

  “For only the millionth time.”

  “You don’t need to rub it in. Anyway, she’s even madder at me now than she was before. Sooner or later, she might talk to me again, but I can’t stand to wait. That’s why I need help.”

  He explained what he wanted, and when he was done, a cagey smile curled her mouth. He congratulated himself on his strategy. There was nothing a good woman liked more than meddling in other people’s business, and this daughter of his heart was definitely a good woman.

  Some of Nealy’s tension eased as she sat on the floor cuddling Button and listening to Lucy chatter about her day. The scents of roasted chicken and garlic coming from the kitchen reminded her that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

  It had been an awful day. Instead of concentrating on her meetings, she’d kept thinking about Mat and wondering what was going on in his head.

  Her housekeeper stepped into the family room. “If your hands aren’t clean, wash up. Dinner’ll be on the table in five minutes.”

  “Thanks, Tina.”

  The doorbell rang and Lucy leaped up. “I’ll get it! I told Cliff it was okay.”

  Cliff was on duty monitoring the gate, which explained why the intercom hadn’t buzzed.

  Lucy raced for the hallway. “I invited a friend for dinner. Tina said I could.”

  Nealy regarded her curiously. It wasn’t the first time Lucy had invited someone over, but she’d always let Nealy know in advance. Still, Nealy was so grateful she was making new friends that she didn’t object.

  She straightened the cuff on Button’s lavender jeans. “Okay, messy bessy, let’s pick up some of these toys before we eat.�
��

  “Hi, sweetheart.”

  Nealy froze as Mat’s voice boomed from the entrance hall.

  Button’s eyes widened, and she dropped the plastic turtle she’d been carrying around. “DA!” Moving as fast as her chubby legs would carry her, she scurried toward the sound of that familiar voice.

  In the hallway Mat was giving Lucy her second hug of the day when he heard Button’s high-pitched squeal followed by the thud of tiny sneakers. He looked up just as his pint-sized beauty queen came waddling around the corner.

  “Daaaaa!”

  At her shriek of joy, he dashed forward, swept her up into his arms, and started planting kisses on those rosy little cheeks. She was already taller, he noticed. Her hair was longer and didn’t look as much like dandelion fuzz. Someone had tied a piece of ribbon around a lock on top and it stuck straight up in a little fountain. She was wearing purple sneakers, lavender jeans, and a bright red T-shirt that said HOT STUFF.

  The fact that she hadn’t forgotten him made his eyes sting for the third time that day. She wriggled and caught him in the stomach with one of her sneakers, but he didn’t care. She smelled of baby shampoo, orange juice, and Nealy.

  “Da!” Button drew back her head, puckered her lips, and gave him her familiar mulish look. It was a new trick, but he caught on right away and planted a kiss on the exact middle of that rosebud mouth. “Hey, stinker.”

  “Tink! Tink!”

  “That’s right.” With one arm around the baby and his other around Lucy, he prayed he was two-thirds of the way home.

  The final third appeared at the back of the hallway, and the accusation in her beautiful eyes told him he wasn’t even close.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I invited him,” Lucy piped up. “I knew you wouldn’t mind.”

  Nealy turned on him. “When did you see her?”

  Lucy didn’t give him a chance to answer. “He came to my school today.”

  That legendary self-control couldn’t hide how much she wanted to take him apart for approaching Lucy without her permission, but she wouldn’t attack in front of the girls.

  Her restraint made him even more aware of the perilous ground he was treading. Although he was prepared to fight to his last breath convincing Nealy he loved her, he’d live the rest of his life alone before he’d hurt the girls.