A Snake's Life

by Kenaren

  *ROAR!!* It screamed in pain as I bit off its ‘leg’, then I pulled the massive tentacle into my mouth as far as I could before I started chewing it.

  “You’re a big one, that’s for sure… But you’re not very strong, are you?” I asked whilst I was chewing its ‘leg’ into mush.

  My accusation seemed to piss it off because its other tentacle wrapped around my body and attempted to throw me away, so it could further free itself… But I bit into its revealed eye and yanked it out just as the creature lifted me out of the water and tossed me away.

  I landed back in the water after flying for three hundred feet, but even though I wasn’t severely harmed from its action, I was stunned enough that it could pull the rest of its head through the barrier.

  Luckily, I bodyslammed into it in time to prevent it from getting any further, otherwise, my next action wouldn’t have worked. I slammed it against the barrier using my newly enhanced strength, then I pressed the jewel against its head…. Then I sent a full powered blast into the creature’s bulbous head.

  Its head was turned into mush and the barrier behind it made a sound like that of broken glass, as it completely shattered, releasing the rest of the creature’s body into the water…. And this thing was truly massive. Each tentacle easily stretched over a mile in length and was about one-hundred feet thick, but as its main body was similar in size to me, it was only about one-thousand four hundred feet long.

  However, even with its massive size, the creature wasn’t as powerful as the Leviathan I’d killed. A theory that was later proven when I got this pop-up…

  You have eaten the following race for the first time. Kraken: Tier 6

  After reading the pop-up, I began to feast on the floating carcass… But I was interrupted by someone calling out to me.

  “Master!”

  I tore off the ‘leg’ I’d been chewing on and turned to see who’d called out to me… It was Siofs and the goblins on their newly acquired ship.

  *Chewing* “What?”

  “We have someone on board that wants to speak with you, do you have a minute?”

  “I’m busy…” *Swallow* ” Tell them I’ll talk with them after I finish eating.”

  Siofs nodded her head, then went back inside the ship’s cabin.

  I tore off another piece of the kraken while I grumbled about stupid people interrupting my precious mealtime…. *Munch* “Can’t a snake ever eat in peace?” *Munch*

  I decided to forget about them and everything else and just enjoy my meal while I still could….

  Chapter 33

  I managed to consume over half of the kraken before I was satisfied, then I offered the rest to the goblins. However, all but Siofs declined to dine on the colossal mollusk for one reason or another.

  Personally, I think they are just being overly picky, but I wasn’t going to force them… After all, more food for me is never a bad thing.

  Siofs jumped off the boat and swam over to the carcass, then she started ripping pieces off and stuffing the raw meat into her mouth. “Thank you for the food, master!” She said with a cheerful smile on her face, then she went back to eating and I refocused my attention on the ship.

  The first thing I saw after looking at the ship, was Holstig, Hogunn, and Findral lounging around on the top deck. Holstig and Hogunn were laying down at the front of the ship and Findral was hanging by her feet from the mast. I tilted my head while looking at her…. I opened my mouth to question her about her choice of ‘resting’ spot, but I snapped it shut after deciding it wasn’t worth the effort, or the headache her answer might bring. So, I instead turned my attention to the two newcomers on the ship.

  One of them was a large green-skinned, Pig-like humanoid: He was around eight-feet tall and looked like he could weight as much as five-hundred pounds. His head was covered by a dull gray bucket helmet that left his face open to the world around him. And the rest of his body was covered by a similarly colored suit of metal armor, that only left his forearms and hands exposed. As for his weapons, he had two large hammers strapped to his back via corded leather.

  Overall, he had the appearance of a brute and his first words confirmed that you could, in fact, sometimes judge a book by its cover…

  “Big snake destroy castle…. You have goblin fix!” He yelled, causing the fat around his mouth to jiggle with every word.

  I stared down at him and the fact that I was amused by the pig’s order, didn’t go unnoticed. The pig’s green face turned a remarkable shade of purple as it continued to yell at me. However, I opted to ignore him in favor of observing the companion….

  A mass of moving black cloth and a frowning harlequin mask where the head should have been stared up at me. As no skin was exposed beneath the ‘things’ peculiar robe, I couldn’t be sure what it was. However, that didn’t stop me from trying to figure it out.

  I first tried my ‘heat sense’, but it appeared as if the robe was encapsulating its body so completely, that not even heat could escape. So, I moved on to what I could see, instead.

  Even through the robes, I could tell the creature was tall and had an extremely thin body. If I included the metal horn that stuck out of the mask’s forehead, then it was around twelve-feet tall.

  The robe moved and shifted as if it were alive… “Must you stare like a mentally impaired monkey?” The masked figured suddenly asked in a dull tone.

  Its sudden question had me tilting my head in confusion… Then a smile appeared on the puppet’s face. “Oh, now you, I like. What’s your name?”

  Its masked face stared at me and said: “My name is none of your concern.” Then it paused for a few seconds and appeared to look me over before it continued: “However, if you’ll tell me what a Tier five Elemental Basilisk, with the Elemental wyrm and Leviathan paths unlocked but discarded is doing on a Tier three world…. Then I’ll answer you.”

  I squinted my eyes and slightly opened my mouth. “How could you possibly know what evolutions I’ve unlocked and discarded?”

  “It’s my job to know everything there is to know about monsters.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  “And you never answered mine, so I guess that makes us even.” It said with a slight scoff.

  “Yes, I suppose it would.” I replied while making the puppet show a toothy grin.

  The masked figure then turned to the pig, who was still loudly yelling in my general direction. “Master, we really should get going… It’s obvious these animals won’t comply with your wishes.”

  “No! Snake repair castle!”

  “Master, you’re forgetting our lessons again-

  “No! Lesson’s make brain hurt. I no care about your ‘lessons’ anymore. I’m king and I get what I want!” The pig yelled while stomping his foot.

  The masked figured stared down out the pig for a second or two, then it turned back to me. “It seems I’ve wasted my time with this one… Do with him as you like, I’m leaving-“ Suddenly, the mask on its face started to vibrate causing it to let out a deep sigh.

  “Great timing Prudens… You just had to get the last word, didn’t yo-“ Its words were cut off when the mask suddenly collapsed in on itself and turned into some form of liquid…. Then the robe fell to the ground and rapidly began to shift through every color of the rainbow.

  “What is happening?” I asked the pig, who, after seeing his companion ‘melt’ for lack of a better word, had calmed down and started watching the now kaleidoscopic goo.

  “Prudens is coming. I like Prudens, he’s the nice one.” He said while bouncing in place.

  The robe finally settled on a bright pink color, then it sprung into its previous position. The previously moving ‘shadow; robe was gone and in its place was a normal, if outrageously colorful, robe. But that wasn’t the only thing to change, as the mask had changed into a smiling harlequin that constantly shifted from one color to the next. Even the horn had shifted into what appeared to be a long nose.

  “Ahh,
That’s better….” It lifted its arms to the side and pulled them behind its back as if it were stretching.

  “I’m guessing you’re Prudens?”

  The mask tilted back and it looked up at me. “Wow, you’re huge!! What are they feeding you snakes nowadays!?” It yelled while taking several steps back.

  The puppet rose one eyebrow and started tapping its foot.

  “Oh… Whoops.” It said in a contrite tone. Then it swung its arm in a grandiose display and bowed low to the ground.

  “Please excuse both my and my alter ego’s rudeness…. We, uh, don’t get out much.” It stood up straight.

  “To answer your question, yes, my name is Prudens… And in case you were still wondering. My alter ego is called Gorre.”

  “Well, that answers two of my questions, but I’m still wondering how ‘Gorre’ was able to know which evolutions I’ve passed up.”

  It shrugged. “Sorry, I can’t tell you that either.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Can’t. Gorre and I may share the same body, but our skills and abilities are completely different.” It paused and looked at each goblin for a few seconds, then it settled on Findral. “Madam, could I have your assistance for a moment?”

  Findral looked over to me first… And after I gave her a tenuous nod, she walked over to it.

  “For example, my power enables me to understand the history of any humanoid race I come into contact with: I can see their past, their present, and even parts of their future, should they allow me to…. But Gorre, his specialty is ‘monsters’. and how he knows what he does, I honestly couldn’t tell you.”

  “Very well… Then what can you tell me about miss Findral here?”

  It rubbed its sleeves together, as if they were its hands, then it turned to her and held out a sleeve. “If you would allow me, madam?”

  Findral studied it for a few seconds, then she placed her left hand on its sleeve.

  “Very interesting… You are six years old, so barely out of puberty by goblin standards and yet, you have already evolved twice-”

  “Is that rare?” I interrupted

  “Oh, Incredibly so. For any race to evolve once in ten years is a rare thing and the individual would be considered a genius in most circumstances…. But evolving twice is beyond the level of a genius and is approaching ‘Hero’ levels.”

  My mind immediately went to the fact, that I’d already evolved twice and unlocked two more evolutions… And I was only three years old… Or was I?

  I shook my head to clear it of those thoughts, then I asked. “When you say ‘hero’. What exactly do you mean?”

  “‘Hero’ is a title given to those who have been reincarnated through the power of a god. These beings are usually humanoids of some description. Though monster ‘heroes’ have been known to appear from time to time, as well.”

  “I understand… Please, continue.”

  It returned its focus to Findral. “You are the epitome of what it means to be a goblin. Born with a high resistance to fire, due to your elemental parentage. You quickly adapted to the flame element whilst you were still in your first year of life. However, before you reached the point of evolving, you choose to gain the spy class for the stealth bonuses it would bring. Then, you finally allowed yourself to evolve during your second year.”

  “What were her parents?”

  Before Prudens could answer, Findral yanked her hand away. “My mother was a Flame empress and my father was…. A very powerful fire elemental, that disappeared before I was born.” She said with a downcast look.

  “If neither of your parents were goblins, then how come you were born as one?”

  “Goblins are unique in a variety of ways and that is one of them.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the goblin race can evolve into almost any other race imaginable… provided they consume enough of that race. However, no matter what race they evolve into. Their offspring will always be born of the goblin race.”

  “Interesting….Then how come I didn’t see any other races during my time at the goblin nest?”

  “The goblin king doesn’t wish for the goblin race to be diluted with the insertion of the other races needs. He believes that would weaken our adaptability, so once a goblin evolves beyond their goblin form, they are forbidden from ever living inside the nest again.”

  “I understand.” I said with a nod.

  Prudens lifted its arm and acted like it wanted to say something, but its mask suddenly started to vibrate.

  “So sorry, but it appears I’m going to have to cut this meeting short. Otherwise, I’ll never hear the end of Gorre’s complaining.” It waved its arm and a silver portal opened in the air.

  “Please, do what you like with him.” It waved to the pig. “Ditching him is the only thing Gorre and I have agreed on lately.” Its body melted down just as it stepped through the portal… Then it and the portal vanished, leaving us alone with a tantrum-throwing pig.

  “Fix castle now!… Wait… Where Prudens go?”

  I turned to the goblins. “Who can gain something from eating him?”

  “I’m already at its tier, so I can’t gain anything from it.” Holstig replied. While Findral and Siofs both said something similar, so it was Hogunn who eagerly raised his hand.

  “If I eat the whole pig, I can become a stone variant of its race.”

  “Good, then if you can kill it, it’s yours.”

  A vicious grin appeared on Hogunn’s face as he drew his weapon.

  “What you doing?” The pig asked.

  “In the words of my master… It’s lunchtime, Pig!” He dashed at the pig.

  *Oinkie!* The pig squealed as it reached to its back and tried to pull the two hammers out of their straps. However, Hogunn was too fast and he slammed his morningstar into the pig’s right leg. The force of the impact severely dented its armor and caused it to drop down to one knee. Then Hogunn drew back and slammed the morningstar into the pig’s face.

  It squealed again, as it was knocked onto its back, further preventing it from unsheathing its weapons. Hogunn reached down and grabbed the pig by the throat and began to squeeze…. A few seconds into this, the pig decided to cut its losses and forget the hammers. It drew back its right fist, then it punched Hogunn in the jaw hard enough to knock him to the side.

  But the punch only brought his anger to the surface and he activated his ‘berserk’ mode. His normally white eyes turned blood red, then he started tearing the pig apart.

  The pig swung its right arm into Hogunn’s ribs causing a crunching sound to ring out, but Hogunn ignored the pain and grabbed hold of the pig’s arm… Then he placed his foot on the arm’s shoulder and began to pull.

  *Snap!* The pig squealed as its arm was forcefully dislocated. It rolled onto its stomach in an attempt to throw Hogunn off, but all that managed to do was give Hogunn access to its neck.

  He wrapped his arms around its neck and began to squeeze as hard as he could…. Then he put his knees into the pigs back and yanked backward.

  *Snap!* The pig’s head hung lifelessly from Hogunn’s arms until it was released and hit the deck with a *thump*

  Hogunn fell onto his back and panted from exhaustion, as his eyes slowly returned to their normal color…

  “Very well done, Hogunn… As promised, the pig is yours, do what you will with its equipment.” I said with a proud grin on the puppet’s face, then I went back to eating the kraken.

  Findral walked over to the exhausted Hogunn and patted him on the shoulder. “Good job Hoggy! What me to cook him for you?” She asked with her usual enthusiasm.

  Because Hogunn was still on his back, trying to catch his breath. He lifted his head enough to nod, then he passed out from the pain in his ribs.

  When he awoke that night, Hogunn feasted on the pig’s corpse and told Findral that she could have some if she wanted, then he went into his evolutionary cocoon where he would stay for two days.

 
And I ordered the goblins to take the next few days rest while I handled some stuff… Namely, stuffing my stomach with as much of the kraken as possible.

  * * *

  When the cocoon finally opened. Hogunn emerged a completely different being, then when he went in: He now had the same height as the other pig. But he was muscular, whereas the other had been fat and pig-like, He had short black hair that he pulled into a topknot, His stone-like skin had become darker and two tusks jutted out from his bottom lip.

  I got this pop-up a few minutes after he emerged.

  Hogunn

  Race Stone Orc

  Classification Tier 4

  Class Berserker: Rank 6

  “How do you feel, Hogunn?”

  He looked down at his body for a few seconds, then he looked back to me. “I feel great!” He said with a genuine smile.

  “Good… Then we’ve wasted enough time here. Let’s move out!”

  The goblins got the ship moving and so we continued our journey across the ocean…

  Chapter 34

  2 months later….

  It took us a long time, but eventually, we made it to the other continent and our destination was within sight. As the other branch of Yggdrasil loomed over us, we were infused with renewed energy. I sped up my travel speed and made a mad dash for the branch.

  By completely disregarding the concept of subtlety, I overrun everything in my path. Any tree in my way was either knocked over or eaten and with the puppet running ahead of me, the animals met the same fate. The puppet would chase them down, slit their throats, then throw them in the air for me to catch. So, overall, it was a good system we had going. And when we finally did reach the branch, I barreled straight into it without slowing down.

  I, and my ‘followers’, were sucked into the portal and propelled into the Bi-Frost…

  * * *