Instacrush: A Rookie Rebels Novel

by Meader, Kate

  “Another friend?”

  Elle could feel her smile crumbling around the edges. All this secrecy was taking its toll. “I’m a good bartender. And hey, look at the perks. Here at the hockey match.”

  Violet grinned. “Yep, here at the hockey match.”

  17

  After showers and press, Theo headed to the player lounge, where the management wanted to give a pep talk, congratulating them on a good first game, a 4-2 win. All Theo wanted to do was check in on Elle.

  The lounge was filled with people from all over the org: players, staff, and front office with Rebels alums rounding out the party. Theo spotted Remy DuPre, the smooth-talking Cajun who was married to Harper, and Bren St. James, the dour Scotsman and former captain, who frankly intimidated the shit out of Theo.

  “Hey, cap,” Theo said.

  “Not the captain anymore,” Bren observed drolly.

  “It’s like a presidential title. Once one, always one.”

  Bren’s mouth twitched as someone wheeled in a big sheet cake with what looked like “Congratulations” and—holy baked goods, was that a baby made from fondant?

  Theo’s throat went dry. “What’s going on?” he asked Bren cautiously.

  “My wife’s having another man’s child. Actually two other men.”

  Okaaaay. Theo spotted Elle near the door talking to Jordan. Something she said made Jordan laugh, and Elle joined in. Just seeing her light up made him warm. Getting a taste of her this afternoon and a chance to nap with her—crucial game preparation he didn’t share with just anyone, he might add—had given him hope that maybe she was softening toward him.

  Cade and Dante stood close to Violet Vasquez, the youngest Chase sister and Bren’s wife. “She’s having a kid for those guys.”

  “Yep.”

  “And you don’t mind?”

  “Have you ever tried stopping a determined woman from doing whatever the hell she wants?” Bren shook his head. “Wouldn’t have wanted to anyway. It’s what brothers do for each other.”

  Theo identified intimately with the “determined woman” comment, though he couldn’t imagine being close enough to any of his teammates to be cool with that kind of arrangement. Knowing Elle, she’d probably do it to spite him!

  Dante cleared his throat. “Hey, everyone, it’s a good night and I’m glad we’re not drowning our sorrows after a bad first game because this celebration would be pretty awkward. You all killed it out there and we couldn’t be prouder.” Cheers went up and Dante waited for them to subside. “Now for something a bit more personal. Some of you know this but consider this our official announcement. Cade and I are going to be parents soon, and it’s all because of this amazing woman here. I just wanted to say a few words of thanks to Violet for doing this for us. For her generosity. For loving us this much. For so much more that if I was to list it all, she might start crying, and then she’d have to kill me later.”

  “I would!” Violet’s response drew hearty laughs.

  Dante kissed her cheek. “You were a friend before, now you’re our family. Grazie, Violetta.”

  Everyone raised a glass and hooted and hollered. All Theo could think was: don’t look at her. Do not look at her.

  He couldn’t help himself. Magnets drew his gaze, and he found Elle staring right back, her face creased in discomfort. Theo’s first instinct was petty. Good. Let her feel bad that people—normal people—celebrate this kind of thing, but she needed to be different. Because of what? She was ashamed of him? Anyone else would be thrilled to be carrying his kid.

  He moved away before his mood ruined this celebration of a Rebel baby. An official one, because his was just a dirty secret he couldn’t share. He was just a dirty secret.

  He needed air.

  Slipping outside the lounge into the corridor, he tried to fill his lungs. When he was a kid, he used to suffer from anxiety in social situations. He was long over that, but back then, it was Candy who used to give him his strength. The woman he’d thought was his sister would take him aside, cocoon him in her arms, and tell him he was the best kid she knew. How she was so proud to be his sister.

  All that time she’d been lying to him.

  Elle wasn’t lying but what she was doing was just as bad because he felt just as bad.

  A movement at his side made him turn. Gunnar Bond stood there, his bearded, bruiser face watching him curiously. “You okay, Kershaw?”

  Theo blanked his expression as best he could. “Yeah, just taking a break. You?”

  “They’re a young team,” Gunnar said, which sounded off-topic except … all this talk of babies must be tough on him. That’s what he meant. A young team with kids on the way and futures so bright.

  Just over two years ago, a couple of months after Theo’s brain blew up, Gunnar lost his wife and four-year-old twins in a car crash in California when their car went off the road into a ravine. Pinned in place in the overturned SUV, Gunnar had watched his family slip away from him, one breath, one heartbeat at a time. A broken man, he’d left hockey and gone off the grid. Only now was he starting his life over with the Rebels, on the roster but not yet playing.

  Theo’s problems were nothing compared to Gunnar’s. At least he had a healthy baby on the way. So he couldn’t tell anyone about it and his baby mama wasn’t falling over herself to be anything else, but his life was moving along instead of in limbo like Gunnar’s.

  Gunnar’s dark blond brows drew together. “Kershaw, I know when you’re in a mood. Is it something to do with that brunette you can’t take your eyes off of?”

  “Maybe,” he said sheepishly. “It’s complicated. She’s … complicated.” He threw a glance over his shoulder, checking they were alone. Should he confide in Gunnar about something so sensitive?

  He took a chance. “She’s pregnant with my baby.”

  So Hunt and Jordan knew, but this was the first time he’d said the words aloud, had told someone what he wanted to shout from the rooftops. I’m going to be a dad. Woo hoo!

  Gunnar’s smile stretched the skin around his scar taut. He rubbed his beard. “You want this baby?”

  “Yeah. I do. But Elle—that’s the momma—she doesn’t want any attention. Wants to keep it a secret. I’m not even sure she likes me all that much.”

  “You still watch Days of Our Lives, Theo?”

  Back in his LA Quake days when Gunnar was his captain, they’d both been fans of the show. “Salem forever, man.”

  Gunnar’s lips curved. “Well, if there’s one thing we’ve all learned from Days is that a baby can never remain a secret for long and a baby’s parents usually can’t stay away from each other. It’s soap opera law. And man, between your parents, your crazy gran, your aneurysm, and now this, your life is more dramatic than Days during fucking sweeps.”

  “Hey, I’m not responsible for all that!” He’d forgotten how much he’d shared with Gunnar back when he was a rookie in LA. He’d also forgotten how much his former captain had been there for him.

  “No, you’re not. But you are responsible for how you handle it. You gave us quite a scare a few years ago. I can’t believe you came back from that, yet you’re out on that ice as strong as you’ve ever been. I know it wasn’t easy. The rehab. Relearning everything.” Gunnar squeezed his shoulder. “What I’m saying, T, is that you’re gonna get through this because you have a deep well of inner strength and you’re a fighter. Always have been.”

  Theo inhaled, glad of the assurance from this man he’d always looked up to. Since Gunnar’s acquisition, Theo had been holding back on getting in the weeds with the guy, realizing that his friend needed space to adjust to being back in the pro mix. “G-Man, I really missed you. Sorry I didn’t reach out sooner.”

  “You were in rehab,” Gunnar said gruffly. “Had enough on your plate.”

  Theo could have made more of an effort once he was back on his feet, but by then, Gunnar was skinning squirrels in a cabin somewhere in Bumblefuck, New Hampshire. Or so went the rumor.
<
br />   “It’s great to have you here in Chicago. For real.”

  “Thanks, man. And anything you need, come to me.”

  * * *

  Theo’s expression when Dante announced he and Cade were going to be parents had cracked Elle’s heart in half. In it she saw censure, but mostly hurt. Hurt that she’d caused by denying him the chance to do what Theo did best: be the hero. He was happy about the baby, and his inability to celebrate that with the full range of Theo-joy was killing him.

  She’d looked away, unable to face him and what she was doing to him. When she turned back, he was gone.

  She had to find him. “Back in a sec,” she said to Jordan, who wasn’t paying attention anyway, too agog at the juicy news stories her reporter eyeballs were witnessing in the flesh.

  Outside the lounge, she found Theo talking to someone oddly familiar.

  “Hi, there.”

  “Hello, again,” the stranger said.

  Theo divided a look between them. “You know each other?”

  “Not really,” Elle said. “We exchanged a few words in the press box a while ago.”

  “Gunnar Bond,” he said, which sounded like a superhero. “I’m one of Theo’s teammates.”

  “Oh, I thought you were a reporter. I’m Elle Butler. Nice to meet you officially.” She turned to Theo. “You okay?”

  “Just taking a break.”

  “All right then, I’ll leave—”

  “See you later, Kershaw. Elle.” Gunnar left, walking down the corridor instead of going back into the lounge.

  “Is he okay?”

  “Not sure,” Theo said, staring after him. “I don’t think he’s used to being around people yet.”

  “Why?”

  “Long story. So what’s up?” It sounded sharp.

  She leaned her back against the wall, so they were side-by-side. “Great news about your buddies, huh? Sounds like babies are the must-have accessory this year.”

  “What? Oh, yeah.”

  It was weird to see Theo so subdued and out of sorts. She needed to be honest—or as honest as she was capable in this moment. “Can I ask you something?”

  He looked surprised. “Of course.”

  “Hockey players move around a lot, get traded, have to settle in a new place at the drop of a hat, right?”

  “It’s the nature of the job.” He frowned. “Is that what’s got you so skittish? Are you worried I’ll leave you here holding the baby, literally?”

  If only that was the problem, but it did bear thinking about. She’d worked hard to exercise some modicum of control over her life, yet here she was subject to the whims of an omnipotent pro-sports franchise. “Theo, lots of things could separate us,” she said. “We’re not a couple so we’re not obliged to be joined at the hip if you’re traded out. I won’t be following you around like some groupie.”

  “Hardly a groupie. You’re the mother of my kid.”

  “That’s just biology. But this biology has consequences and I’d like to be assured of the logistics up front.”

  “If I’m traded out, I don’t have much say in that.”

  She moved closer, her arm touching his, seeking the words to make him understand something she wasn’t quite sure she understood herself. “I know. I need assurance that you won’t try to take the hatchling with you if you have to move. You have money and fame, and with that comes influence and a massive organization behind you. I don’t want to be a cog in the machine of your life. I’ve been there before with my family. A pawn, no agency. This baby—he or she belongs to us both. I know I might not be a good mom at first but I’ll learn. I’ll eat better, I’ll read every article you send, watch every video. I will, Theo.”

  Her voice pitched higher, sounding like it came from someone else. Someone scared. Until she’d started this line of thought, she hadn’t even realized it was a concern. That the threat of Theo taking the baby was possible or that she’d care so much.

  He’d be a better parent, anyway. He’s not descended from criminals.

  “Elle.” He placed his hands on her upper arms. The scent of him both buttressed and made her swoon. He smelled like naughty nights and dumb jokes and the guy who had all the answers.

  She wanted more naps with this guy.

  “This is a joint operation,” he said. “If I have to trade out, it won’t be for a while. As long as I’m valuable to the team, I’ll be here, and as soon as they decide my value lies elsewhere, then we’ll talk about what that means for us as a family. We won’t be a traditional one living under one roof but in every other way, we will be. In every way that counts, we will be. Decisions made as a team.”

  “A team,” she repeated, the word sounding foreign on her lips. Teamwork was the foundation of her time in the army, but in her personal life, she’d always been more of a lone wolf because her original pack was so dysfunctional.

  “Yes, you and me. Together for the baby.”

  Ah, yes. The baby.

  “I know you have goals—school, dreams, a life you want to start. I can’t stop you from moving somewhere else or taking our kid with you. But I want to be part of my kid’s life. I won’t be one of those deadbeat dads who only sees their kid twice a year or not all.”

  His vehemence about deadbeat dads struck home—she’d heard that before and it made him sound like a different person. But mostly she noted that it was assumed she’d have primary custody. Whatever happened, she would be in charge of where they—she and their baby—lived.

  Imagine what her family would say to that. Bleed. Him. Dry.

  The trust he was placing in her not to do that—because she wouldn’t, she couldn’t—was shocking. But of course, he didn’t know what she was truly capable of.

  “I think I’ve been in denial,” she said. “Trying to act like this is normal and nothing will change. I thought if I could keep it under the radar for as long as possible, we could maintain some sort of fiction of business-as-usual.”

  “It’s happening, all right. We’re having a baby, Ellie.” He smiled like this wasn’t a disaster, and she smiled, too, because maybe it wasn’t. Maybe being shackled to Theo Kershaw wasn’t such a terrible, frightening thing, not when she could be pinned in place and bathed in that sunshine grin.

  “A baby? You guys are having a baby?”

  They turned to find a gaping Erik.

  “Another baby?” he repeated with a glance over his shoulder to the lounge he’d just exited.

  Theo immediately stepped in front of her. “Listen, Fish, this is not—”

  “Hey, guys!” A few more players chose this inopportune time to leave. “There’s something in the water. Theo is having a baby, too. With Elle.”

  Travis Perez, another Rebels player, gave Elle a hard look. She didn’t know him well, though he’d always seemed nice enough when he ordered drinks. Now his expression said it all: Gold digger.

  So it begins.

  “Congrats, man,” he said, recovering his composure. Two guys beside him, players she didn’t know, grinned and moved forward to shake Theo’s hand. Like he’d performed this amazing job impregnating the local bar wench. She stood half-behind him, somewhat protected, but she couldn’t stay there forever.

  “Listen,” Theo said. “We’re trying to keep it on the down low for now. Don’t want to steal Cade and Dante’s thunder. We’d appreciate it if you could keep the lips zippity-zipped until we’re ready.”

  Murmurs of assent went up, and then the guys were gone, leaving Theo and Elle alone.

  Theo checked his phone. “I’d say everyone will know in about fifteen minutes.”

  “Fifteen minutes? But, that’s ridiculous.”

  “They’ll use the text chain.” His phone buzzed and he winced at what he saw. “Yep, there we go.”

  “I thought you said we had fifteen minutes!”

  He frowned. “You knew it would have to come out eventually. What I really need to do is call Aurora because she will flay me alive if she doesn’t hear it
from me. You probably should tell your parents, too, if you haven’t already.”

  “I thought we had more time.” Before the vultures descended—and she didn’t mean the press, his fans, or his grandmother.

  “Are you really that ashamed to be connected to me?”

  Her pulse rate spiked. “What? Why would you think that?”

  Discomfort lined his handsome brow. “I know I’m loud and obnoxious, not what you had in mind at all. Just a dumb jock—”

  She grabbed his arm. “I don’t think that at all! You’re amazing, Theo. And you’re going to be an amazing dad. I’ve been trying to protect you from …” She rubbed her forehead, searching for the words to describe her motivation for secrecy. “I would never be ashamed to be connected to you, but you might be if you knew more about me.”

  “What does that mean?”

  The lounge door opened again and Hunt popped his head out. “Hey, you two.”

  Theo did that protective move again when really Hunt was the last person she needed protecting from. “Hunt,” he said tersely.

  “Where is he? Where the hell is my bro-in-expectation?”

  Hunt stepped aside to allow someone else to charge into the corridor: Cade Burnett, one of the fathers of Violet’s baby.

  The Texan’s hazel eyes fired into whiskey golden bursts on seeing Theo. “Are you kidding me, Kershaw? You and Elle are taking this magical fucking journey with us?” He grabbed Theo by the shoulders and shook him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Without waiting for an answer, he shoved Theo aside and wrapped Elle in a hug. “This is awesome! Congrats, I’m thrilled for you both. And Violet will have someone to commiserate with.”

  A pregnancy gripe circle. Yay.

  Despite Elle’s reservations, it felt lovely to be welcomed with such generosity. She glanced at Theo, who was watching her closely. His expression was hard to read, which was odd because he was usually so open. He was probably wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

  “Thanks, Cade,” he said, switching on the bro-charm. “We didn’t want to crash your party.”

  “Bullshit. Man, the team’s PR is going to make a five-course meal out of this. When are you due?”