Arthur Rex

by Thomas Berger

  And the boy went away and Gareth took up the work, but even though he was strong and fit the heat was hard to bear, and before long the other scullion who turned the spits did faint as well. And Gareth putting his ladle down took the pail and he filled it from a barrel of water and he soaked the scullion with it. And when he did this he saw that this man was a robust fellow of two- or three-and-twenty, and he wondered why he worked at such a job. But then, as the beeves were beginning to char, and the scullion was not quick to rise, Gareth turned the spits himself, and he was forced to use all of his strength to move them, and the handles though made of wood were so hot that they smoked, and the heat was even worse at that job than when doing the basting, for one must needs stand even closer to the fire.

  But Gareth was happy to have found a task that required all of his physical strength and attention, for while he was turning the spits, the other scullion crept away and he did not return, and so Gareth did both jobs and you can be sure that he was full occupied.

  Now eventually came a burly great cook, who had both the basting-varlet and the spit-turner pinched by the napes, and he put them to their former work. Then he spake to Gareth as follows.

  “Fellow, thou hast introduced a disorder here, and though under the laws of King Arthur we can no longer punish mischief-makers so severely as we did once (and as they deserve), we are not obliged to suffer them helplessly.” And so saying he did fetch Gareth a stout kick in the hindquarters, and the king’s nephew went hurtling into a corner of the kitchen where an huge basin of white pudding had lately been put, and Gareth plunged into it headfirst.

  Now this was the demesne of the dessert-cook, and when he saw Gareth emerge from the pudding he equipped himself with a keen knife and he said that he would caponize him for polluting his blancmange, and though Gareth was a brave young man upon the field a kitchen was not the place he could defend himself well, nor would his social position allow him to do this, for in his current role he was much inferior to a cook. Therefore covered with pudding he fled and he finally took refuge in a pantry, the which was full of barrels containing tripes, and they were rotten and stank, and they crawled with worms.

  Now this first day of Gareth’s experience at Camelot was typical of all that year he spent there working as a scullion, for though his intentions were the best and though he did well at every task he undertook he seldom failed to offend the people with whom he worked cheek by jowl, for the differences in principle (his being noble and theirs, base) were too great, and he came to understand that degrading oneself is a complex matter and does not necessarily serve the cause of modesty: indeed, it might well be more a thing of vanity to pose as a knave when one is by nature a knight.

  Nor did he ever fail to annoy Sir Kay, and no matter how filthy the job he did, his hands when washed remained fine and white (and in distinction to all the others who worked in the kitchens he did bathe regularly and he had no fleas).

  But finally a year had passed, the longest in Gareth’s life, and the happy day came when he could leave the kitchens, and so he did with no regret, having learned little of value, except never to eat soup (into which the cooks when angered, which was oft, spat loathsomely) and to inspect all dishes served to him for foreign matter (for owing to the intense heat of the kitchen much wine was swallowed there, having been stolen from the cellars, and the staff were usually blind drunk).

  Now Gareth had no clothes but those in which he worked as a scullion, and these were none too fresh, nor in his haste to leave the kitchen had he cleaned himself as carefully as he might have done, and he had no access to scents. Therefore when he came before King Arthur, who was again giving audience to those who sought boons, Gareth’s fine figure was clothed meanly. And the guards were at the point of removing him forcibly when the king commanded them to hold, and he asked them why they would expel this varlet.

  “It is a nasty dirty thing,” said they, “and stinks, and is not noble but rather churlish.” And these guards themselves were the sons of boors.

  Now King Arthur chided them. “Ye know full well that all are admitted on my day for boons, irrespective of the orders to which they belong.” Yet what he did not suspect (for a king in many ways is at the mercy of his retainers) was that most peasants were habitually barred at the gate and by servants who had been born into their class and were sometimes their very children.

  Therefore these guards unhanded Gareth and he came to bow before King Arthur in his dirty rags, saying, “Sire, I now ask to be given a quest.”

  “Well,” gently said the king, “though on such a day I give consideration even to the plea of a serf (for all my subjects high or low are my children), what is asked must be seemly and appropriate to the condition of the pleader. Thus a quest can properly be sought by a knight or by a squire who would earn his knighthood. For such as thou, my dear knave, I can do only what would be proper to thy station: I might, for example, make thee a kern in mine army, were it not stood down at the moment, owing to the absence of wars. Or wouldst thou work in the kitchens, where Sir Kay’s staff are a kind of army, with him as general?”

  “Nay, Sire,” said Gareth with some feeling, “I have had sufficient experience of the kitchens.” And then he reminded the king of his coming to Camelot the year before.

  “Ah, ’tis thee!” said King Arthur. “Yea, I remember now. The lad whom Kay calls Beaumains.” And here the king did smile. “I see that thine hands, despite the labors which have soiled thy clothes, are yet fair. Well, Beaumains, art thou ready yet to tell me thy true name?”

  “By your leave, Sire,” said Gareth, “I would first prove myself in some adventure the which would earn me a place at the Round Table.”

  “There be no aim more praiseworthy,” said King Arthur. “Yet I have a good many knights any of whom would have prior claim to the next quest, and foremost among them is Sir Launcelot, who doth plead with me to find him a mission appropriate to his gifts. Now who but that great knight would find so taxing the companionship of the queen? Yet I can well understand his keenness for action, being myself condemned to stay here at court.”

  For King Arthur had taken a liking to young Gareth, in whom he could see obvious nobility, and since Sir Gawaine had returned from the adventure with the Green Knight (of which he had said little) his nephew had seemed more remote than when he had been the lecher of old. And though King Arthur had formally declared that Sir Launcelot was his best friend, he felt ever less close to him, owing to Launcelot’s habitual distraction by melancholy.

  And it is not always understood how lonely a king may be.

  “Well, Beaumains,” King Arthur said now, “thou must wait for the moment when thou shalt be summoned to possible glory. Patience in the young is as rare as zeal in the old, and the frequent situation in human affairs is that a man is asked for that of which he hath too little while being denied employment for that of which he hath a surfeit. Now, a knight is more than a warrior, else we are but barbarians.”

  “’Twas in that idea that I served as menial,” said Gareth. “But methinks none too well, for though I was willing, nay, eager, my nature was alien to it.”

  “Indeed,” said King Arthur, “demeaning oneself, except to God, is oft the mirror-image of vainglory.”

  “Yet,” said Gareth, “did you not yourself, Majesty, do stable work as a boy?”

  “Certes,” happily said the king, “but I knew no other life at the time, Beaumains. Whereas it is obvious to me that thou hast been reared gently somewhere.”

  Now Gareth did not wish to reveal himself as yet and therefore he said nought, and furthermore at just that moment into the hall came a noble maiden who was in distress, for she wept copiously.

  And Gareth did step to the side, to allow her to approach the king, which she did with a great plaint.

  “Now,” to her said King Arthur, “prithee collect thyself, for never canst thou be furnished succor unless we hear what ails thee.”

  “Sire,” said this lady, “know yo
u that my lands and my castle have been seized by a most notable felon and his three brothers, and he hath imprisoned my dear sister as well, and his name is the Red Knight of the Red Lawns, and he hath never been overwhelmed in a passage at arms, and he is the most perilous knight in all the world. Therefore,” said this damsel, “it would seem necessary that no less a force be sent to deliver my sister than at least sirs Launcelot and Tristram and Gawaine, with sirs Bors and Gaheris in support.”

  “Lady,” said King Arthur, “be assured that aid will be forthcoming. But, for one, it is not seemly that thou shouldst tell me how to furnish it. For another, any one of those great champions named by thee would be ashamed to have assistance in dealing with but four felons, the which he could manage nicely by himself, for any knight of the Round Table hath more strength than an hundred malefactors. But before I grant that for which thou pleadst, I would know thy name and whence thou comest.”

  “Nay,” said the lady, “so much I will not tell you at this time, for I believe it is the boast of your court that any person requiring succor shall be granted it without condition.”

  Now King Arthur was nettled by this lady, whom he believed too proud, and he said, “Indeed, that is true, and I shall therefore aid thee to the letter.” And to him he called Gareth, and he said, “My dear Beaumains, thy quest hath come sooner than expected.”

  Then King Arthur turned to the lady, and he said, “Here is thy champion. Nor will he tell his name to anyone.”

  And Gareth, in his ragged clothes and greasy, bowed to King Arthur and then to the lady, and he said to her, “Lead and I shall follow.”

  But the lady drew back from him in disgust, and in anger she said to King Arthur, “Well, this is a pretty boon! I beg you for five knights, and you grant me one filthy knave. If this is the kindness of Camelot then I shall go to hurl myself upon the mercy of the Red Knight.” And she went out of court in a fury.

  Therefore Gareth did apply to King Arthur for what he should do.

  “Armor and weapon thyself,” said the king. “And follow that damsel and irrespective of her treatment of thee, relieve her of her molesters. For though she be proud to the point of discourtesy, she is a lady in need.”

  BOOK XI

  How Gareth fought four felonious knights each of another color; and how he fell in love.

  SO GARETH WENT TO the armory for to equip himself, but as it happened no decent armor was to be found there, nor good weapons, for a tournament had lately been held and the spare helmets and shields and swords had been taken to replace those which had got broken, and all that were left were rusty and battered. But of these wretched things Gareth did fit himself out, and his helm was bereft of a visor and his shield was cracked, and his sword had a rusty edge that was notched like a handsaw. And then to the stables he took himself for to find a steed.

  But no healthy horse was there, only tired old jades, and the beast with which he was provided was lame and had a sway-back, so that he sat so low in the saddle that he could scarcely see over its head, and its rump rose up behind him.

  And thus miserably furnished he went in pursuit of the lady, and fortunate it was that owing to her despair she had walked her palfrey slowly, else he should never have caught up.

  Now when Gareth reached the damsel her horse did shy in fright, and when she regained her seat, the lady holding her nose cried out in contempt of him.

  “Lady,” said Gareth politely, “I would be judged by deeds and not by appearances.”

  And the lady wept bitterly to see how this foul knave would persist in accompanying her. And then she said in great detestation of him, “Wretch! It is a great shame that thou shouldst be near me.” And she rode ahead with all the speed she could manage and she vanished behind an hill, to reach which it took Gareth ever so long, owing to the condition of the jade on which he was mounted.

  Now when Gareth did finally gain the summit of the hill and begin to descend the other side, he saw in the valley below a stream and on its bank was a silken pavilion in the color of blue, and a blue shield was hung outside it, and a horse with a blue hide was tethered there and its trappings were blue. And next to it stood the lady’s white palfrey, but the damsel was not to be seen. Therefore supposing she was in the pavilion Gareth rode towards it, and when he got near he heard screams coming from within.

  Then he dismounted and going inside he saw the lady upon a couch of blue silk, and she was bound by the arms and the legs so that she could not move, and her bodice was torn open so as to expose her white neck. And near by was an huge knight in the act of removing his armor, which was bright blue in color.

  “Sir knight,” said Gareth, withdrawing his rusty gauntlet and throwing it at the feet of the other, “there you have my challenge.”

  And the Blue Knight was astonished to see this mean-looking intruder, and he was vexed to be interrupted at this moment, for he would ravish this damsel.

  “O base fellow!” said he, and before Gareth knew what was happening the Blue Knight did lift him around the waist (for he was marvelous strong) and carried him without, to the bank of the stream, and then he threw him into the water.

  “Now,” said the Blue Knight, jeering from the bank, “I shall go and give that saucy strumpet a sound sluicing.”

  And with difficulty Gareth came out of that stream, with the water pouring from his armor, and he said, “Sir, do you mean not to fight me as a man of honor?”

  “Clown,” said the Blue Knight, “‘honor’ be a vile mockery on the lips of such as thee, and thou hast begun to annoy me.” Therefore he seized a great blue lance which was mounted outside the blue pavilion, and he mounted his blue horse, and before Gareth could reach his old steed, the Blue Knight rode down upon him.

  But Gareth stepped aside from the point of the blue lance, and seizing the shaft he pulled it from the other’s grasp, and with such force that the Blue Knight was thrown from the saddle as his charger galloped on, and so was his neck broken and he died.

  Then Gareth went inside the pavilion and he would have quickly unfastened the lady from the couch, but she cried to him in fury, “Scullion! I shall have thine eyes put out if thou dost look upon my naked bosom!”

  Therefore shielding his eyes with one hand Gareth took a long time to loosen her bonds, and the damsel denounced him for his slowness, and she held her breath so that she might not smell his kitchen-stink, and she was in no wise grateful to him for saving her from the mishandling of the Blue Knight.

  And when she went without and saw that the Blue Knight lay dead she cried, “Fie, knave! Thou couldst not have done this except by treachery, for Launcelot himself would have been hard put to defeat this knight at fair combat.”

  And mounting her palfrey she rode away as fast as she could go.

  Now Gareth possessed the Blue Knight’s armor and weapons and horse by right of conquest, but he did not think it right for him to dress and arm himself with them, for the blue color of it all was peculiar to the man who lay dead. And moreover, Gareth had not yet overcome vanity, and he took some satisfaction in defeating a knight who was well equipped while he himself was furnished ill.

  Therefore he climbed upon his wretched jade and he set out to follow the damsel, never understanding that because of his vanity he was exposing her to a greater danger. For she had gone over the next hill and into the next valley, where beside the river a knight in brown armor waited, and because Gareth’s horse was so slow this felon had time to seize the lady and tie her to a couch within his brown pavilion, and raising her skirts and petticoats he did bare her to the waist.

  Now the Brown Knight was on the point of removing his armor for to molest the damsel carnally when he heard a noise without (which was the creaking of Gareth’s rusty armor as he rode down the hill), and this criminal asked the lady whether she was followed by someone who would protect her.

  “Alas,” said she weeping, “only by a stinking knave from the kitchens. I am helpless against your vile ravages.”

&nbs
p; But arriving before the brown pavilion Gareth drew his rusty sword and he smote the brown shield which hung alongside the brown lance, and he cried, “Sir Brown Knight, I challenge you!”

  And at this clamor the Brown Knight came without the pavilion and he saw Gareth, who was so wretchedly furnished, and with great insolence he said, “Scullion, come and help me undress, and then I shall permit thee to watch me swyve thy lady.”

  “Sir,” said Gareth, “are you too cowardly to fight me?”

  Now the Brown Knight was infuriated by what he believed the impudence of a greasy knave from the kitchens, and therefore without putting on his helm he seized his lance and mounted his horse, and he charged upon Gareth.

  And Gareth spurred his own beast, but the old horse would not go faster than a slow walk, and his lance was shorter than it should have been, for some of its butt had broken off long since, and when he put it into the rest and lowered it, the iron head did fall off altogether, for owing to great age the wood had shrunk.

  But notwithstanding these deficiencies, when they met it was the Brown Knight and not Gareth who was unseated and thrown to the ground. Therefore, even more vexed than before, the Brown Knight rose from the earth and he drew his brown sword.

  “Well,” said he, “Fortune hath granted thee her last favor! Prepare to be sliced as if thou wert a joint of mutton.”

  “Sir knight,” said Gareth, lowering his sword, “I can not fight you justly unless your head is protected. Shall you put on your helmet?”

  “I shall not,” said the Brown Knight with the greatest contempt, “for I have nothing to protect myself from.” And he advanced on Gareth bareheaded.

  Therefore Gareth proceeded to unlace his own helmet, for to remove it, but while he was so occupied the Brown Knight (defying all courtesy) would have smote him sorely had not the laces being old and dry soon burst, freeing the helm, and Gareth pulled it off with his dexter hand whilst raising the sword in the other and cutting off the head of the Brown Knight.