Some Kind 0f Incredible (20 Amber Court Book 2)

by Katherine Garbera

  He didn’t know how to put into words what was going through him. Didn’t want to be vulnerable to her again even though he’d already been stripped to the soul in front of her. He owed her something, though, because he wasn’t the only one who’d bared his innermost being last night.

  “It was too intense.”

  “It was intense—and real.”

  “Not real. Life isn’t made up of those moments. It’s mundane living through a daily routine. Some of us are meant to make that journey together. Others are not.”

  She let his hand slide from hers. “I take it we’re in the ‘not’ category?”

  “I am. But Lila, you deserve a decent guy for a husband. I care about you so this isn’t easy.”

  “What if I’m pregnant?”

  “Of course, I’ll do my duty to your child, Lila.”

  “Not marriage?”

  “You know how I feel about marriage.”

  “Yes, I do. But I have to be honest here, Nick. It sounds like a cop-out.”

  “I wish it was. After Amelia died, something inside of me shut down. Work became my life and I’ll tell you something, I don’t think I’d ever want to go back to the way I felt those first six months after I buried my wife.”

  “If something were to happen to me would it hurt less if I wasn’t your wife?”

  He hated her perception. He couldn’t answer this question. “I hope not.”

  “Help me understand this.”

  He took her hand and led her to the bed. He motioned for her to sit down but didn’t sit next to her. “I’ve told you how it was growing up. My family wasn’t much of one, but I’d always had this perfect image in my mind of what a family should be.”

  “The McKees?”

  He nodded. “I had my shot with Amelia. But it wasn’t perfect either. Our lives didn’t mesh, and we never became a solid unit the way Buster’s parents had been.

  “After she died, I decided not to try again. I didn’t just lose Amelia when cancer took her. Fate took my dreams, Lila. And you can’t give them back to me.”

  “I’m not trying to.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Not duty, for God’s sake. You have to work at being happy. It doesn’t just drop in your lap.

  “Do you love me?” she asked suddenly, her eyes boring into him as if she were trying to reach his soul again.

  “Lila…”

  She stood and started gathering her clothing. She stalked to the bathroom door. “Fate didn’t take your dreams, Nick.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “You gave them away because you’re too afraid of life to take even the simplest risk. Life is a rich morsel meant to be savored, not a fine meal put in storage until it’s moldy and gray.”

  She stormed out the door, and he tried to pretend that her going was for the best, but he didn’t feel the relief he’d expected to feel. Instead he felt empty and even more alone.

  Two days later, on Monday morning, Lila wasn’t sure of anything except that she couldn’t go into the Colette offices today. She’d woken up this morning to discover her period had arrived. No baby. Keen disappointment rolled through her. She knew it was for the best, but it didn’t stop the tears from burning in her eyes.

  A part of her would have always treasured a small being that was both her and Nick. Her dreams of happily ever after with Nick were dashed, but she knew in her heart that someday she’d try again, because she wanted a husband and a family. Maybe she’d try it without love. Maybe Nick was on to something, and it wouldn’t hurt as much if she kept her emotions uninvolved.

  She cleaned her apartment from top to bottom, washing all of the linens twice. She’d been unable to sleep in her bed because she remembered the night Nick had spent there, remembered his strong body wrapped around her own. Therefore, she’d spent Saturday night on the couch and last night in the kitchen baking.

  She now had seven loafs of pumpkin, apple and banana nut breads, as well as enough cookies for the entire population of Indiana. But she hadn’t felt in control last night while she’d been baking. She’d been like a mime going through the motions.

  She had to shake off the lethargy that was plaguing her. Part of her said it had only been two days and it was okay to wallow, but the other part, the part that was trying to protect her, said to move on. Pack up her homey little apartment and start over somewhere else.

  Because she didn’t think she was going to be able to return to Colette, Inc. She wasn’t even sure she was going to be able to leave her apartment now that she’d been so open about her affair with Nick. And it was over.

  She called the office and told them she wouldn’t be in today. She knew she was going to have to face Nick, would have to work with him day in and out. But not today. Today she was going to take the bread and cookies to Charlotte and Myrtle at the seniors’ center. Then she was going to do some thinking and make some choices about the future.

  As much as Nick had hurt her, she knew that she’d been expecting him to. Knew that from the first time they’d made love on his desk, she’d been waiting for him to leave. Had known deep in her heart that a vice president wouldn’t settle for his secretary.

  She checked her watch to make sure Nick would be in the weekly staff meeting before dialing his private line. She had to let him know that she wasn’t pregnant.

  His voicemail clicked on and Lila wasn’t sure what to say. “Hi, it’s Lila. I’m not—you don’t—”

  She hit the command to delete the message before he received it. This obviously wasn’t something she could say over the phone. Maybe she’d send him an e-mail.

  She finished getting dressed, realizing she still had Rose’s pin. It hadn’t brought her luck or love, she thought. It was probably time to return it to Rose.

  She caressed the amber-and-metal jewel. The heart-shaped design drew her eye and romantic interest. She wondered who’d designed the brooch. It took a special person to design something that went beyond jewelry and became art.

  Tucking the brooch into her coat pocket, she packed her baked goods in a large basket. She packed a smaller basket for Mr. McKee. She’d learned from Charlotte that he was back at home with a round-the-clock nurse. She didn’t examine her motives too carefully, but she knew that although she was angry with Nick, right now she’d never be able to cut Nick out of her life. The people who were important to him would always be important to her.

  The phone rang as she was leaving and she waited for the machine to pick up.

  “Lila, are you home?”

  Nick’s voice echoed through her apartment, sending tingles of awareness down her spine. He sounded tired and frustrated.

  He sighed. “I need to talk to you. If you don’t pick up I’m going to come over and wait outside your window. I think we’re too old for those kind of games but if you want to play I think you should know I always win.”

  His words didn’t scare her. She was leaving. She could stay gone until he gave up and went home, but that was a childish thing to do. What she felt for Nick, what they’d had together, deserved more than that. She picked up the handset. “Nick?”

  “Thought that would get you to talk.”

  “I’m not playing a childish game, Nick. I just need time to adjust.”

  “I know. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

  “I am,” she said, knowing she should tell him she wasn’t pregnant, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “I’ve done some thinking since our discussion,” he said.

  “About?”

  “What you said. I realized I’m not the only one who’s running.”

  Damn, she thought. “I was willing to stop for you.”

  “It felt like you only slowed down.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Only that you never trusted me to stay, did you?”

  “Hey, I loved you.”

  “Past tense already, Lila? It’s only been two days.”

  �
��Well, being shown the door does that to a woman.”

  “Being judged and found wanting does that to a man.”

  “I didn’t judge you.”

  “You sure as hell did. Why else all the secrecy and sneaking around?”

  “I never asked you to sneak,” she said, avoiding what she was beginning to believe was the truth.

  “Not with words, but with actions.”

  Silence buzzed along the open line and Lila couldn’t breathe for a minute.

  “I tried to give you everything I had,” she said quietly and hung up the phone.

  It rang again almost immediately and Lila hurried out the door, but not before she heard Nick’s deep voice once more through her answering machine. She knew she was running but realized that this time she wasn’t running away. She’d made a good life for herself in Youngsville, and she wasn’t about to give it up along with the only man she’d ever loved.

  Eleven

  The board meeting was long and boring, and Nick didn’t pay much attention to anything that was said. Which concerned him. Colette had saved his life after Amelia died, and here he was letting his job performance slide.

  The meeting adjourned, and Xavier stopped him in the hall. “I wanted to thank your secretary for defending the board and the choices we make.”

  Xavier had his hand in many pies at Colette and information was one of the areas that he exceeded at. But still, how could he have heard about cafeteria gossip? “Lila is very loyal to Colette. But how did you get wind of her actions?”

  “My assistant was in the cafeteria. You know many of our staff are playing the wait-and-see game, but she isn’t. She’s a fine woman.”

  Xavier’s words made him feel like a bastard because he knew they were true. “You’ve never met her, Xavier. Maybe she was hedging her bets.”

  “Do you think so?” Xavier asked.

  Nick had a brief idea that he should plant a seed in Xavier’s mind and then go ahead and fire Lila. It wasn’t a noble thing to do, but he was at a loss as to how to deal with her after she’d seen him at his lowest. But he’d also seen her at her lowest and that made him want to protect her.

  Nick shook his head. “No. She wouldn’t do that. She’s very loyal and involved in the success of Colette. I’ve never worked with a finer person—man or woman.”

  Xavier put his hand on Nick’s shoulder. The two men had known each other a long time and Nick knew that Xavier had helped save his sanity after Amelia’s death. “There’s been a lot of tension around the office lately, and you’ve been putting in too many hours. Why don’t you take the afternoon off?”

  Where would he go? He had nothing outside of the office to turn to. He’d driven away the one woman who might have been interested in filling those empty hours. “My work is my life, Xavier.”

  His boss looked at him shrewdly and Nick thought he might have come up lacking. “Maybe it shouldn’t be.”

  Xavier walked away, and Nick went back to his own office. He knew that work wasn’t his life anymore; that he couldn’t let it be if he wanted to survive. But the leap he’d have to take to make that change seemed impossible.

  And he knew he’d have to make a change.

  Wishing wouldn’t make his office situation any different. He and Lila were going to have to move forward and the more he thought about it the less he liked the idea of her not sitting in his outer office. But more than that, he disliked the thought of their lives not intermingling. Of her house not being his, her life not overlapping his, her children not being his.

  Damn, he’d forgotten to ask her about the pregnancy test when he’d talked to her earlier. The way he’d acted he wouldn’t have blamed her if she hadn’t told him. Hell, he wasn’t too sure he’d have told himself.

  His office reminded him of Lila. Of them making love and more. Her spunk and attitude when he’d behaved in a way that no new lover should. She was his match on so many levels.

  She was too good for him, for the bitter lonely man he’d let life shape him into. He thought he might want to be better for her, but those kinds of decisions weren’t ones taken lightly. Maybe it was only the lust talking. He’d never had a lover to equal Lila. And it wasn’t only physical. Something else happened between them when they made love.

  She’d shared her dreams with him. Images of a future where she lived in a large house with a white picket fence and had a family. A real family, with a husband and kids. Something he’d never offered her. He’d shared his lonely vision of the world where parents hated each other and the child grew up distrustful.

  The very things she needed were things he’d never been able to depend on, but he knew that he was going to have to or he’d lose her forever. On Saturday morning, when they’d parked, he’d wanted only to get away from her, to hide in the dark until his protective skin had had time to regenerate. But now, with the distance of time, he realized that she hadn’t peeled that layer away. He’d let it drop and invited her in without ever realizing it.

  The threat to Colette had made one thing abundantly clear in his life. The job couldn’t be all he had. He needed more. He closed his eyes. The only woman he could see by his side as his wife was Lila Maxwell.

  “Damn,” he muttered. Convincing her to stay with him was going to be hard. Could he change the habits of a lifetime? He didn’t think so. But he knew he wasn’t going to be responsible for making her cry again.

  Nick remembered the night they’d gone to the symphony and his words, I wish I could watch over you. What an ass he’d been. Could he have tried any harder to push her away?

  Even Xavier believed that his job wasn’t important to him anymore. Of course, he wasn’t going to let any hostile takeover wrest control of Colette without a fight, but his heart wasn’t in it as much as it had once been.

  His heart wasn’t even his own anymore. It belonged to Lila. But he was afraid to give it to her.

  He put his elbows on his desk and dropped his forehead into his hands, closing his eyes against the burn of tears. How could he love her? He knew nothing about happily ever after. But what he felt was so extreme it could only be love.

  This should be the happiest moment of his life. His heart was pounding, and he knew he’d have to figure out a way to get her to stay without revealing his feelings. Those were words he could never say out loud. Never even intimate that he might have deep emotions for her.

  He’d never survive if something happened to her and he didn’t know what the future held. Didn’t know what he was going to do because he couldn’t live with Lila and he’d only just realized how barren life would be without her.

  Lila left the seniors’ center after a nice visit with Myrtle and Charlotte. Afterwards, she’d located Mr. McKee’s apartment, but he wasn’t up to visitors so she left the basket she’d made for him with his attendant. Seeing the elderly man lying pale on the bed made her heart ache. Not for herself, but for Nick.

  As much as she’d wanted to cling to the bitterness he’d inspired in her, she couldn’t. She loved him. At this moment it hurt like hell, but the pain reminded her she was still alive.

  The day was gray, cloudy and cold. A light rain fell as she stepped outside. She pulled her gloves from her pocket and wrapped her muffler around her throat.

  “Lila?”

  She pivoted to see Buster McKee behind her. “Hi, Buster.”

  “Is Nick here with you?”

  She shook her head. This was the beginning, she realized, the beginning of life without someone whom you’d made important. Though they had been together for only a month, she felt as if their lives were inexplicably entwined.

  “I wanted to thank him again for all he’s done for Dad.”

  “He wouldn’t want your thanks. He did it out of kindness. Your dad is important to him,” Lila said, though she figured Buster already knew that.

  “I know. You had to see his parents to really appreciate your own.”

  “Tell me about them,” she said, knowing she was using f
alse pretenses to learn more about Nick. But maybe Buster could give her some insight that Nick simply couldn’t.

  “They looked like a perfect family on the outside, you know. I mean his mom was a CPA and his dad was a lawyer, and in public they presented this family that was straight out of Saturday Evening Post.”

  “And they weren’t.” Nick had said that the face of the enemy wasn’t one he wanted to see in her.

  “Maybe they were. But those two, they should never have had kids. They made Nick’s life tough and I know he did whatever it took to graduate from high school early and go to college.

  “His parents told him he was unlovable. That if he’d been a different child, his life could have been better.”

  Lila shivered in the rain, and she wished she could wrap her arms around Nick and hold him to her. To make him understand that he was so much more than his parents made him believe he was.

  “When I saw the basket you dropped off for Dad, well, it made me realize that Nick had finally found someone who could love him as he deserved.”

  She could only stare at him, tears burning the back of her eyes. How could she tell him that she could love Nick with her heart and soul, but he’d never accept it? Now that she knew about Nick’s past and finally understood what his formative years had been like, she realized that the secret hope she’d been harboring that he’d come back to her was self-delusion.

  “I better let you get out of the rain.”

  Lila only nodded as she watched Buster leave. Her head down, she hurried to her car. The cold wet day was a perfect match for the weeping she was doing inside.

  The key jammed in the door of her car, a domestic sedan that had seen better days and that she’d been reluctant to get rid of after it had made the trip to Indiana.

  She sat in the parking lot for a few minutes waiting for the car to warm up. Her mind was full of Buster’s voice telling her things about Nick’s past. Nick’s voice telling her that he never wanted to wake up and see her as his enemy. Her voice telling him he had to learn to love.