Her Forbidden Amish Love

by Jocelyn McClay

  Straightening so quickly that Daisy jerked her head at the abrupt motion, Hannah shot her sister a quelling look. “Where did you get that idea?”

  Gail snorted as she attended to her own horse, tied along the fence beside Daisy. “Your current romances, and the fact that you are finally having them, are the talk of the district.” She paused, slanting a glance toward Lily, who’d bent to pet the patiently waiting Socks. “At least you didn’t have an ill-advised one like my first romance.”

  Conscious of the heat rising to her cheeks, Hannah turned to straighten a harness strap that’d twisted over Daisy’s flank. “Yours was no more ill-advised than mine at the time.”

  “I disagree. The players were completely different. Even if Atlee had married me instead of Louisa five years ago, we’d most likely be miserable by now. I think what you’re most unhappy about is that you’re not with the man, this Gabriel Bartel.” Gail turned to lift Lily into the buggy. “Come on, sweetie. We need to get home to fix supper for daed.” She stepped back from the rig to pin Hannah with a gaze. “Which makes me wonder why you aren’t.”

  “You should know the answer to that.” Hannah nodded subtly toward the little girl visible behind the windshield.

  “Are you saying you broke it off with him because of me?” Gail sounded as horrified as she looked.

  Hannah shrugged a defensive shoulder at the accusation. “We couldn’t both leave.” Seeing the instant dismay on her sister’s face, Hannah reached for her hand. “I know you didn’t want to go. You didn’t expect the way things went with Atlee. But you didn’t see what leaving did to Mamm and Daed. The reaction and whispers of some in the community. How could I leave right behind you to marry someone from outside our community? And you know as well as I do, if more than one child from a Plain family leaves to the outside, the others in the family are more likely to follow. I couldn’t do that to our younger brieder or our folks.”

  Gail’s smile was cynical. “The same community you just mentioned as distressing our parents by hurtful actions and gossip?”

  “The same community that welcomed you back.”

  At the bang of a door, they turned to watch Ruby Weaver cross the porch and stride to her buggy, parked in a position of honor close to the house. “For the most part,” Gail quipped.

  Releasing her hand after a light squeeze, Hannah shared a smile with her sister. “You take the good with the bad.”

  “Well, I think you should take what would be good for you and go after your Mennonite man.”

  Hannah’s smile instantly ebbed. “I shouldn’t. I can’t.” She shook her head. “I’m not you.”

  “Ach, you’d have made so many more foolish mistakes if you were. It’s okay to allow yourself one or two.” Gail sighed. “It’s just that, after so many years of being afraid and essentially alone, I’m so happy now. I just want you to be happy, as well.”

  “I am happy having you and Lily back in the community and with family. Maybe that’s why I feel I shouldn’t leave. It’d be a mistake I’m not willing to make.”

  “Ja. It’s wunderbar to be back. Though I think it’s more because of the man. It wouldn’t be the same without Samuel. But I wouldn’t have gone against my fears and mild—” she rolled her eyes at the understatement “—resistance at returning if I hadn’t been pushed. And look what I would’ve missed. I was doing what I thought was best for me and Lily. But Gott had a plan for me. I just had to face my biggest fear.”

  A tapping on the windshield behind them drew their attention. They looked up to see Lily waving from inside the buggy. Wrapped in a blanket, she shivered exaggeratedly, a big grin on her face. Hannah laughed.

  “I get the hint.” Gail shook her head at her daughter’s antics.

  As she turned to go, Hannah touched her arm. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right. Like the old saying goes, if you can’t have the best of everything, make the best of everything you have. That’s what I intend to do.”

  “Ja, well, don’t be alarmed if Gott has some surprises for you along the way. And unexpected methods of bringing them about.” With a wave, Gail climbed into the buggy. Hannah watched as Lily immediately scooted over and snuggled under her mother’s arm.

  Sniffing against an unexpected surge of melancholy as she watched the two, Hannah slowly returned the wave as Gail backed the rig out and they clattered down the lane. Upon directing Socks into her own buggy, Hannah climbed in and sat a moment, absently fiddling with the reins.

  Dear Gott, Your will is right and good. And I will trust in it. Hannah stared through the windshield, splattered here and there with residue from its travels. Through the streaks and splotches, she considered her future. Happy in community and family, and content in her... She sighed deeply. I will be content in my marriage. If not to Jethro Weaver, then to some other Amish man. As she tried to envision other single men from the community, Gabe’s face filled her mind, his teasing smile, his caring eyes. Hannah squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to block out his image. But what filled her head instead was a quick, unbidden plea. Oh, Gott, You work in mysterious ways. If only one of those ways would lead to Gabe...

  Blinking her eyes open at the rebellious thought, Hannah backed Daisy away from the fence. It might’ve worked out for Gail to have the best of everything. She was thrilled for her sister.

  And Hannah knew that for her, what Gott provided would be good, even if not necessarily everything. Besides, there was so much more to life than love. Wasn’t there?

  Chapter Nine

  The winter sun was winking at the horizon as Gabe drove into town. These days, when the sun seemed to set in the middle of frigid afternoons as the calendar climbed away from the shortest day of the year, usually made him melancholy. But today, Gabe couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he watched the purple-and-pink-streaked sky spread over the snowy landscape.

  It’d been difficult, given yesterday morning’s dismal news, to get enthused about today’s appointments, but Gabe compelled himself to do more than just go through the motions. It wasn’t his nature to be lackadaisical in his work. Besides, surely someday the town would be able to support a more robust emergency medical service. As long as he was here, he was going to lay as solid a foundation as possible for whatever might follow.

  He’d been stunned when he stopped by the administration office late in the day. He’d expected to be advised on how they wanted things wrapped up. Instead, he was told another possible source of funding for the project had been proposed. By the Amish community.

  When he recovered from his shock, Gabe had asked the administrator if she was kidding. The woman had primly advised him that she didn’t joke. And as the Amish were usually quite successful in their fundraising—although she wasn’t familiar with this particular Amish woman—the administration was willing to leave the situation open-ended for the moment to see how things played out. Further determination would be made based on how much money was raised. If Gabe had any questions, he needed to contact—the woman had checked her notes—a Hannah Lapp, who could be reached at The Stitch quilt shop in town.

  After returning to the truck, Gabe had sat for a moment, staring through the windshield. He had questions all right. This was out of character for the demure Amish woman he knew. Why was Hannah doing this? His hands clenched on the steering wheel. Was it because of him? Was she trying to save his job? His heart rate picked up, as did his hopes. Was it more than just trying to extend the EMS service for the township? Could it be a sign she wanted to extend their relationship, as well?

  Just the possibility filled Gabe with a warmth that surely exceeded even the glow of a sunny mid-June afternoon. It stayed with him through his last appointment of the day.

  His smile expanded when, slowing for the upcoming intersection, he glanced toward the Bent ’N Dent store on the corner. Gabe touched the brakes when he recognized one of the few Amish rigs in the parking
lot. The district’s Ordnung dictated the design and color of the buggies in the community. Given they all looked the same, who’d have thought Gabe would learn to pick out Daisy from all the brown Standardbreds in the area? But seeing her numerous times behind the shop always generated a little thrill through him, as it meant her driver was nearby. He’d unconsciously memorized every minute detail of the mare and the buggy she generally pulled. The sight of Daisy at the hitching post made his pulse spike.

  Daisy’s owner was just the person he’d love...well, he’d love to see today.

  Gabe pulled into the Bent ’N Dent’s lot. When he stepped inside, he was surprised at the dimness. The store’s interior, lit as it was by skylights and some lanterns, was even darker without the aid of the now-set sun. No wonder the place closed at 5:00 p.m. in the wintertime. At the checkout counter just inside the door, an older Amish woman looked him over before giving a slow nod.

  “Folks come in to search for bargains. With the day drawing to an early close, you might need something to aid you in your hunt today.” She handed him a flashlight, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled.

  Hooking a nearby basket on his elbow, Gabe took the flashlight with a matching grin. It would be a big help in scrutinizing things on the shelves. In Bent ’N Dent stores, some of the cans and cartons were just that, bent and dented. Many items were past their prime, with dates inked on the package—whether they be best by or expiration—having passed days, weeks or even months earlier. It made for a buyer-beware shopping experience. The shelves might be dark, but it was still light enough, as Gabe passed the ends of the aisles, to identify the few folks shopping this late in the day.

  Besides, he wasn’t looking for canned goods, he was looking for...

  Gabe stopped at the end of an aisle. Hannah, her own flashlight in hand, was on the opposite end, minutely examining the can in her hand. Keeping his beam off, Gabe took a moment to just absorb the sight of her.

  What was it about this woman that’d caused him to instantaneously fall for her years ago and never forget her? Certainly she was beautiful, with her golden-blond hair, deep blue eyes and exquisite features. That might’ve been what drew him to her in the first place. Had that weighed on him more than it should? Most men were intrigued by a pretty face. Because of his job, he’d seen enough to know that beauty was only skin deep. Besides, he’d met other beautiful women over the years and had easily forgotten them. No. That wasn’t what had kept him wanting to be with Hannah again and again.

  It wasn’t her beauty that captivated him. At least not her outward beauty. Over the long five years without her, it wasn’t her pretty face Gabe had missed, or her slender figure. It was their mutually giddy smiles. The laughs they’d shared. Her calm, quiet presence in the occasional moments when they weren’t talking. Her peaceful silence, almost as precious as a solid conversation—and they’d had plenty of those. Her thoughtful perspective. Her generous encouragement. The way she filled a part of him as nothing other than saving lives did.

  The Amish spoke of finding God’s chosen one for them. Gabe could understand that. It would certainly be a lot easier for him if God had chosen for him someone other than Hannah, but Gabe didn’t think He had.

  So he’d jumped, maybe foolishly so given the current precarious job situation, at the chance to get back into her orbit so he could persuade her that they could have something together. Something wonderful. Was she finally starting to feel that, too?

  Taking a deep breath, Gabe started down the aisle toward her. “Are you finding any bargains?”

  Hannah’s unguarded expression when she saw him told him everything he could’ve hoped for. They had a chance. Whatever the obstacles, they had a chance. That was all he needed to know. Enough to prevent a sigh when she quickly masked her elation with composed features and a shy smile.

  “Right now, it’s a bit of a challenge to find anything.”

  Gabe glanced in the blue plastic basket hanging from her elbow. “Looks like you found a few.”

  “Ja. Enough to make it worth the drive into town.”

  “I heard you’ve already had quite a busy one today.”

  Even in the darkening light through the skylights, her bewilderment was apparent.

  “The fundraiser,” he prompted.

  Her bemusement transitioned to astonishment. “How did you find out about that so quickly?”

  Gabe shook his head. “It’s amazing what your community accomplishes without a phone on everyone’s hip. I don’t know how, but they knew in the administration office when I stopped in.” He hesitated, because his next question made all the difference. “It’s true? That it was your idea?”

  For the span of a few heartbeats, he wondered if she’d answer. She fastidiously placed the can she held into her basket and seemed to find it fascinating before meeting his eyes again. “I’m sure if I hadn’t come up with it, someone else would have. It is a gut thing for the community.”

  Raising an eyebrow, Gabe held her gaze. “Just the community?”

  “Well, the Englisch one, as well.”

  “Gut thing.” Gabe echoed her Amish dialect. “Because of it, they’re delaying the ending date of the program to see how it progresses. Looks like I might not be leaving so soon after all.”

  Hannah’s eyes rounded. “Really?” Her voice rose on the word. She immediately glanced down toward her basket again. He wasn’t sure, in the dim light of the aisle, whether it was a blush or shadows that darkened her cheek.

  “Really.” Gabe reached out to touch her porcelain skin with a gentle finger. Hannah looked up at his touch. Gabe lost himself for a moment in what he saw there. He would have stayed frozen forever if the beam of a flashlight hadn’t shot across the now-dark skylights overhead. This wasn’t the place. They had observers, most likely Amish ones, an aisle over.

  This wasn’t the moment. But after years of wishing and wondering, Gabe now knew they’d have one. Hopefully a lifetime of them. But he still had to be patient.

  Lowering his hand, he stepped back. “So, what’s for supper?”

  Hannah’s shoulders lifted and sank in a deep sigh. “Maybe not for supper, but I did find some prizes. The breakfast bars are only a month past their ‘best buy’ date. My four younger brieder will surely have them gone in a few days. Mamm can hardly keep enough food around to satisfy them. I also found these cookies.” She pointed to a crushed package in her basket. “They’re likely smashed, but the boys won’t care when they put them into a bowl and pour milk over them for dessert. What are you here to find?”

  Gabe didn’t say “you,” but he knew his eyes did. And Hannah obviously understood, as another flush rose up her cheeks. “Actually, supper for me. I figured I’d skip The Dew Drop a few nights and give my wallet a break from eating out. Although it’s pretty relieved at potentially having a few more weeks of a job. Can you help me find something to put on my limited menu?”

  “What do you like?”

  “Depends more on what I can find.” Turning on his flashlight, Gabe directed it to scan the aisle they were in. The surrounding shelves were well-stocked. There was obviously order to the system, but Gabe couldn’t identify what it was. “Unfortunately, in this, I sometimes can’t see the trees for the forest. How do you find what you’re looking for?”

  Hannah opened her mouth, abruptly closing it when a beam of a flashlight, followed by an Amish woman, turned into the aisle. Although she kept the beam lowered, the middle-aged woman paused at the sight of them before she nodded and proceeded down the aisle, quickly evaluating and picking up a few items as she went.

  Gabe braced for Hannah to step away from him in the woman’s presence, to act like they weren’t together. When she didn’t move from his side, his shoulders relaxed and he briefly closed his eyes. Was it because Hannah was getting less concerned about what the community thought when he was with her, or was it simply
because she figured it was dark enough they weren’t easily recognized? Either way, it was progress.

  The woman was still in the aisle when Hannah continued. “I’ve been navigating this and other stores like it since I was a meedel.” Hannah moved a few steps down the aisle. “How does soup sound?” She gestured to several stacks of cans, all of them with some type of dent in their sides. “Always make sure it’s dented in, not bulged out. They try to catch those, but you need to be aware.”

  “Got it. In, not out.” Shining his light on a few nearby cans, Gabe raised his eyebrows at the prices. “Wow. These are bargains.”

  “Ja. If you’re a bargain hunter, you’ll have to be careful about not leaving with more than you intended.”

  Selecting two cans, Gabe put them in his basket. “Well, I’ll just have to hope a certain someone can manage it so I can stay long enough to eat what I take.”

  She smiled. “Do you like spaghetti? Usually some good options on sauces here. And pasta that’s not too far from the buy-by date.”

  “Lead on.” Gabe gestured with his basket. On the other side of the aisle, he followed the beam of her flashlight when she directed it to an array of taller cans. “Oh my. You’re right,” Gabe murmured as he looked them over. “So what’s the best bet? Big dents or little dents?”

  “Ach, that’s a serious question. It’s one each person will have to make up their own mind on. I’m not sure I know you well enough to answer.”

  “It’s okay. I trust you.” After all, he was trusting her with his heart. Gabe just hoped it didn’t end up the most dented of all.

  A few more items, including breakfast bars for himself, went into his basket as they worked their way down the aisles. Although many cans had only a few tears on the labels, Gabe found one that had no label at all. Tipping the top toward his light, he saw, whatever the contents were, they had yet to expire.

  He held the can up to Hannah. “What do you think is in here?”