Redemption

by LK Shaw

  “Thank you for caring so much. You were the one who made me take the leap. I might crash and burn, but it needs to be done. Once Miles forgives me for not being up front with him, I think he’ll realize what he could have with me. There’s something between us. Something real and powerful. Miles’ world is clouded by the guilt he feels about killing Malcolm. He needs to push it aside, as well as whatever else has held him back from me, and realize it.”

  I withdrew from his embrace and went back to my office. A small smile never left my face the entire rest of the week. I even sensed a subtle difference in Miles as Saturday approached. He still didn’t come and joke with me, and I continued to sense the dark moments that were happening when he’d break out into a sweat and leave a room. But whereas before his trip to Eden, the bleakness wouldn’t escape his eyes the entire day, now there was a ten to fifteen second break every once in a while. As though something else broke through the darkness that shrouded him. A softness appeared on his face before quickly disappearing. It was a softness that lasted seconds longer by the time Friday rolled around.

  Saturday night finally arrived, and I stood inside Eden, impatiently waiting for Miles to walk through the door with Bryce. Miles wasn’t a member, so he still required a personal invitation from a vetted member. I stood off to the side in the shadows so I could see him before he saw me.

  Now was the time when I was glad there were no clocks inside. I would have only kept track as the seconds ticked by. Bryce said they’d be there at nine, and I knew it had to be around that time. Patience was not a virtue I possessed, and I didn’t feel like fending off different subs wanting to scene so I’d waited until eight-thirty before arriving. I must have been thinking about other things longer than I realized, because the next time I looked up, there he was. Tonight, though, he wasn’t wearing a mask so I could look fully at his face.

  He had a few more lines than he did six years ago and his hair was slightly grayer, although he’d grown it out a little. My pussy throbbed as I remembered the abrasion against my inner thigh from his perpetual five o’clock shadow. It was softer than it looked, and I couldn’t wait to feel it again. His eyes darted around the room, and I knew he was looking for me. My heart raced with excitement, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I stepped out of the shadows, and as though an invisible string connected us, his gaze immediately zeroed in on me. Everyone around us disappeared.

  We both slowly walked toward the other, the crowd of people miraculously parting to form a clear path between us. We met in the middle of the public play room. He was breathtaking.

  “Good evening, Mistress Jasmine.” He lowered his eyes in deference.

  “Miles.” Approval sounded in my tone. “I’m glad you came. I assume you learned what you needed to know about Domination and submission and that’s why you’re here tonight?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m sure I’ll have more questions along the way, but for now, I learned everything I need to know to make an informed decision. I am here as a submissive. You should know though, I’m here as your submissive alone. I have no desire to submit to anyone else. As long as you can respect that, then I would like to proceed in whatever fashion you decide.”

  My heart beat faster at his words. The fact that Miles only wanted to submit to me merely cemented the fact that we were meant for each other. Never before had I been this possessive of a sub. I’d scratch out the eyes of any Domme who thought to encroach on my sub. Miles was mine.

  “I don’t share what’s mine, so you have no worries on that account. Now, are you ready to experience more pleasure than you could have imagined?”

  He didn’t answer right away. My fast beating heart suddenly stopped and my stomach lurched. Had he suddenly decided he wasn’t ready for this? Then his head was lifting and he looked directly into my eyes. “Am I yours?”

  “Without a doubt.” I stood even taller and stared confidently at him, with no hesitation. No matter what might separate us, Miles would always be mine.

  “Then, yes, Mistress, I’m ready.”

  Chapter 14

  When Jasmine stepped out of the shadows, my heart skipped a beat. Immediately, though, it skipped again and began to beat at a normal rhythm, albeit a little faster now. I was a little disappointed that she wore her mask again, but I hoped once we were alone she’d remove it. I wanted to see her face completely this time. When she reached her hand out, I placed mine in hers without any hesitation. Sparks tingled up my arm as she laced our fingers together.

  I followed behind her as she led me down a familiar path. The same man from last Saturday stood at the entrance to the hall of private rooms. He seemed slightly surprised to see us again, but he quickly masked his expression.

  Before Jasmine could speak, the man, Damien, spoke first. “Room 3 is unavailable at this time, Mistress. However, Room 8 has just been cleaned and is ready for you.”

  How he remembered the room we’d last used, I had no idea, but Jasmine didn’t seem surprised at his recollection. “Thank you, Damien. We’ll take Room 8.”

  We walked to the far end of the hall and entered the second to last room. This room was different in every way from the last room we’d been in together. The last room was cozy, comfortable even. This room screamed seduction. The giant bed in the middle of the room was draped in lush satin fabric with a matching canopy. Varying shades of red, cream, and gold exploded around the room lending it a royal energy. I could almost picture a gem-encrusted throne on the opposite wall with velvet red upholstery and plush pillows. Sitting seductively in the imaginary throne was its queen, Jasmine. In my mind, I sat at her feet as she lovingly caressed my head while she addressed her subjects.

  “Tell me what you learned about submission.”

  I turned at the command, the scene in my head dissolving at the sound of her voice. I wasn’t upset the vision was gone, because I had the flesh and blood woman in front of me. Her beauty continued to astound me.

  “I was told that the release of emotions can actually strengthen me. It forces me to feel instead of think. To push all the bad shit out and only embrace the pleasure. The pleasure I receive from submitting is only intensified by pleasing my mistress.”

  I could tell my words pleased her. I basked in her approval. “Someone has been doing his homework. I’m impressed.”

  “Thank you, Mistress.”

  “During your studies, did you run across things that intrigued you or turned you off?”

  “I’m not into pain. No cock and ball torture for sure. No needles either. Oh, and please don’t pee on me.”

  I begged her with my eyes at that last one. If that was a person’s kink, more power to them, but I didn’t see the appeal.

  Jasmine released a soft chuckle. “No worries on any of those accounts. I’m not a sadist, so I derive no pleasure from causing you excessive pain. Although, keep in mind that a small bite of pain only makes the pleasure that much sweeter. And you won’t have to worry about me peeing on you. Not my kink either. You’ve mentioned the things that you don’t want. What about the things you do?”

  My mind went through some of the different things I saw on the website Connor had directed me to. I’d definitely had a few fantasies about being tied up. Fantasies that continued to surprise me. I was still trying to reconcile the fact that any thoughts of submitting to Jasmine turned me on more than anything else in my life.

  “Bondage looked kind of hot. Being tied down while you had your wicked way with me. I can deal with that kind of kinky.”

  “You do realize that there is more to being tied up than just being kinky, don’t you?”

  I sensed disappointment in her words.

  “Sorry, I was just attempting to lighten things up a little.”

  “I get it, but you have to realize that for some of us who enjoy bondage, it’s more than kinky. It’s a sense of pride in our workmanship. In our ownership of our submissive. You become one with the rope. It’s an extension of you, a part of you. It’s the ultimate
show of trust to allow me to place you in bondage, whether it be cuffs or rope or whatever implement I choose. You’re telling me that you know I won’t cause you harm. That I’ll protect you. It shows me that you’re willing to put yourself under my control. It’s about the power exchange. Do you understand, Miles?”

  I absorbed her words and the meaning behind what she was telling me. Everything she said struck a chord within me. It humbled me. “Yes, Mistress. I apologize.”

  “I just want you to realize the impact your submission has on both of us. Now that you understand, do you know about safe words?”

  “Yes, I was educated on safe words and their use.”

  “Good. A safe word is extremely important. For tonight you can use the universal words. Green means everything is good, yellow means slow down, and red means everything stops. Will you have trouble remembering them?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Do you have any questions? I want you to know that you can discuss anything with me without fear of judgment.”

  I had questions, but I couldn’t pinpoint a single one so I could only shake my head and repeat my previous answer. “No, ma’am, no questions.”

  “Before we go any further, there’s something I need to tell you though, Miles. Please don’t be mad at me. I thought this was the only way.” Her words didn’t make any sense, and I didn’t want to puzzle them out right now, because excitement filled me as she reached up to remove her mask. Finally, I was going to see her.

  Once it was removed, I blinked. And blinked again. She reached up a second time and removed the long brown wig and then shook out her short blonde hair. My mind had to be playing tricks on me. I stared in horror at the woman in front of me. This couldn’t be real. Because there was no way in fucking hell that Josephine Bishop was the woman who I’d agreed to submit to. Who I had planned on letting dominate me. No fucking way.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Was this some kind of joke to you, Jas— Josephine?”

  “Miles, no, I swear. This was the only way I could show you how much I love you. That we were made for each other. You’ve been ignoring this thing between us for six years, Miles. I’ve done everything under the sun to get you to acknowledge this attraction. To see what was right in front of you.”

  “By lying to me? By deceiving me? You don't do that to someone you purport to love, Josephine. Maybe there was a reason I haven’t acted on it. What gives you the right to force someone to be who they’re not to fill some void inside yourself you need filled.”

  She bristled and her eyes spit fire. “Wait a minute. I never forced you to do anything, Miles. You were fully on board with this the minute you walked through that door. Don’t you dare try to push your insecurities about your submission onto me. You said you were ready. Just because you suddenly can’t handle the truth of who I really am, don’t try to make me feel guilty. Unlike you, I don’t feel unnecessary guilt for shit I have no reason to feel guilty about.”

  I flinched at her words, because I knew they were true. I was completely aware of what I was doing when I came here tonight. I wanted to submit to Jasmine. Jasmine, not Josephine. Fuck. I was so confused right now. Well, except for one thing. I wasn’t confused about my feelings at the moment. The betrayal stung. It stung to a point where I wasn’t sure I could forgive her. I had my reasons for staying away from her. And for her to take that away from me without my consent was a violation of trust.

  “I may be new to this, but based on everything I’ve heard and read, trust and communication are two of the most important aspects of this whole submission thing. Without trust, you have nothing. You broke my trust tonight, Josephine. I don’t know that I can forgive this.”

  I needed to get out of this room and away from her. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to not say something I might regret later.

  “So, that’s it? We’re not even going to talk about this?”

  I stared at her, ignoring the tears starting to form in her eyes. I refused to feel guilty about one more thing. “I can’t even look at you right now. I need to leave before I say something I’ll regret. You told me my safe word puts a stop to whatever is happening.” I calmly opened the door and turned back to look at Josephine. “Red.”

  I walked out without another word.

  Chapter 15

  Shit. This was all my fault. I should have listened to Connor. I blinked back my tears, knowing they wouldn’t do me any good anyway. I exited the room and made my way back to the common area thinking about everything I had done wrong. After stepping up to the bar, Joseph, the bartender took my order.

  I stood, gazing out at nothing, when a warm body moved into the space next to me. Joseph returned with my drink, and with a quick movement, I threw back the shot of tequila. I smacked the shot glass onto the table, surprised I didn’t break it with the force of its descent.

  “I take it you’re having a bad night.” It wasn’t a question.

  I turned my head toward the voice at my right. A familiar blond man leaned against the bar, beer in hand. I signaled to Joseph for another shot before fully turning to face the handsome Dom. Donovan Jeffries was a silent partner of Eden. He’d changed over the last year though. I remember him being charming and charismatic and while he still presented a similar front, something else lurked behind his eyes that he could never quite hide. He reminded me of Miles. However, Donovan was a puzzle I had no interest in solving. Miles was the person I cared about right now.

  “You could say that.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  I peered at him, curious why the sudden interest in my problems. Granted, we’d spoken several times before tonight, but I wouldn’t count him as a friend, no matter his relationship with Connor.

  “I saw your friend storm out of here a few minutes ago.”

  I startled at his comment. How did he know Miles was with me?

  “How do you know that had anything to do with me? Are you spying on me?”

  He rolled his eyes as though my question was ridiculous. “Believe it or not, I know everything that goes on in this club. As part owner, I make sure that I’m aware of every person who steps through those doors, especially guests of members. Besides, I’ve met Miles several times before tonight. It’s not as though he’s a stranger to me.”

  How stupid of me. Of course he knew Miles through his friendship with Connor. Plus, Donovan had helped prosecute a few of our cases.

  “Sorry, I forgot you guys knew each other. And no, I don’t really want to talk about it. But thanks anyway.”

  “No problem. Take care, Josie.” Donovan picked up his beer and sidled away from the bar, leaving me wondering what that was all about.

  I picked up the second shot that Joseph had dropped off without my notice and tossed that one back as quickly as the first. I planned on getting drunk tonight. I knew it wouldn’t solve my problem, but for a short time it would help me forget the look of betrayal in Miles’ eyes as he walked out on me. On us.

  Hours later, I was thoroughly three sheets to the wind. While there was a rule set in place that there was a strict two-drink minimum if you were scening, Joseph continued to serve me. I didn’t question it; I just continued to drink. Finally, I moved away from the bar, my steps slightly unsteady. I observed couples playing through a drunken haze. Envy coursed through me as I took in the loving looks between Doms and subs.

  I headed over to the suspension apparatus to watch the demonstrations going on. I loved everything about rope. I felt at peace as I tied intricate knots using one of my favorite materials, jute. I’d become fascinated with rope play during my first visit to Eden so long ago. Master Paul had taken me under his tutelage and taught me everything I knew about rope and suspension. I’d even volunteered as a subject so I could grasp the sensation of what it felt like to be suspended. It had been a surprisingly freeing experience, especially since I was still learning to embrace my Dominant side. A dominant side Connor had helped me discover.

  After killin
g the man who had raped my sister, my life went to hell. I grew up faster than any eighteen-year old girl should. I lost my innocence that day. Although I had no remorse about killing my father’s business associate, it had still affected me in many ways. I was continuously angry. At my father. At my mother. At the world. It was so grossly unfair that this atrocity happened to my little sister. She’d only been thirteen for fuck’s sake. How could God have let that happen to Casey? She hadn’t deserved what had happened to her. When Connor briefly entered my life the next year, he’d recognized I was floundering, even if, at the time, he didn’t know the cause.

  After my father disowned me and cut me off from my entire family, I turned to the only person I trusted. Before meeting Connor, I’d always been painfully shy around men. But after what my father did, my trust in them had been destroyed. If I couldn’t trust my own flesh and blood, how was I expected to trust someone else? Connor had been the only man to earn my complete and utter trust.

  After pouring out my story, he held me as I sobbed for all the things I’d lost in my life. I was only twenty years old and except for him, I had no one. Regardless, I didn’t regret what I’d had to do that year before I met Connor, and I’d make the same choice all over again. It was then that he introduced me to BDSM. My life was out of control, and he helped me in the only way he knew how. By showing me a way in which I could take back control. Something that had been sadly lacking in my life before he’d entered it.

  Like most things, I took to the lifestyle like a fish to water. It taught me about trust in a way I never could have imagined. I liked being in control and the power that came with it. When a male submissive was begging to come, a rush like no other came over me knowing that I controlled if, and when, it happened. It was cathartic.

  Soon, everything fell into place, and I moved on to make something of myself. Something my father never thought would happen. I gave a mental one-finger salute to dear old dad.