Our Darkest Hour (Our Darkest Series Book 1)

by Sarah Bailey

  When Aaron went to the bathroom, I turned to her.

  “Is he gone for good this time?”

  Mum looked down at her hands. I knew the answer before it even came out of her mouth.

  “You know it’s not that simple, love.”

  “It could be. We could get more help from the government and you could get a proper carer rather than him.”

  She shook her head. Mum didn’t like handouts even though it wouldn’t be one. It’d mean we’d be getting away from Graham and his bullshit. Mum deserved so much more than him.

  “I don’t expect you to understand.”

  She always said the same thing.

  “No, I do understand, Mum. I want you to be happy and you’re not when you’re with him.”

  Before she had a chance to answer, Aaron came back and dropped in the chair next to me, slapping my shoulder.

  “Please tell me there’s pudding.”

  Mum smiled and nodded to the fridge.

  “There’s cheesecake. I know you boys love your puds.”

  “Yes!”

  I rolled my eyes as he jumped up to sort it out. His eyes met mine and I saw understanding in them for the briefest of moments before he opened the fridge.

  By the time we’d both eaten huge slices and Mum had a little one, Aaron was complaining about how full he was and I kept poking his stomach. He slapped my hand away, scowling at me.

  “Leave off.”

  “If you keep eating like that, you’re going to get all soft and doughy.”

  “As if. Unlike you, I run three times a week.”

  I laughed. By running, he meant getting on the treadmill whereas I used his parents’ home gym to do weights. Meant I wasn’t scrawny any longer. I’d started exercising to put on some muscle so I could defend Mum from Graham better. I enjoyed it, so I kept it up. Probably why I spent more time at Aaron’s than my own home as well as avoiding Graham like the plague.

  “You staying home tonight, love, or you going back with Aaron?” Mum asked as Aaron and I got up to do the dishes.

  I glanced at him and could immediately tell by the shift in his blue-grey eyes he hoped I’d stay with him. Aaron couldn’t exactly hide a lot of things from me. I could always tell his mood by the colour of his eyes.

  “Going back with A. He promised me a movie marathon, including popcorn.”

  “Don’t remind me, I don’t think I can eat any more tonight.”

  “Ha, whatever, you eat like a horse.”

  He nudged my shoulder with his as I ran the tap and squirted the washing up liquid in the bowl. I washed up whilst he dried, the two of us repeatedly nudging each other which almost ended up in me splashing water all over him. By the time we were done, Mum had retired into the living room.

  “Thanks for dinner, Steph, it was lovely.”

  He dropped a kiss on her cheek.

  “You’re welcome. Don’t keep my son up too late.”

  “You sure you’re okay here by yourself, Mum?” I asked as I leant down to kiss her too.

  She stroked my cheek before I pulled away.

  “Of course, love. You go have fun. Don’t mind me.”

  A part of me felt bad, but the other half knew Mum wanted me to live my life. It was our last year of school after this summer and I hoped to get the right A-Level grades so I could do graphic design at university.

  On the way back to Aaron’s, we discussed what films we wanted to watch and as soon as we got in, I went into the kitchen to dump the popcorn in the microwave.

  “You want to watch downstairs or in my room?” Aaron asked from the doorway.

  “Your room. I don’t want to carry your arse to bed when you fall asleep.”

  He shot me a dirty look before disappearing upstairs. I shook my head. Nine times out of ten, he fell asleep during films and I always had to wake him up. He got grumpy whenever I did that, so one night, I’d hauled him over my shoulder. He’d woken up and asked me what the fuck I was doing. I’d dumped him on his bed and tucked him in, telling him if he was going to fall asleep like a baby, then I’d treat him like one. He’d called me a cock for that and kicked me out of his room. I usually slept in one of the guest rooms anyway when I was around his.

  I took the popcorn upstairs and found him already laid out in shorts with his shirt off. Dumping the bowl down on the bed, I tugged off my t-shirt. I jumped on the bed next to him and dug my hand in the popcorn, stuffing some in my mouth.

  “You sure you want a Die Hard marathon?”

  “Fuck yeah. Let’s watch some explosions.”

  He rolled his eyes before pressing play. The two of us spent the entire first film making fun of Alan Rickman’s accent and guzzling the entire bowl of popcorn.

  “Hey, open the window, it’s fucking hot in here,” he grumbled as he loaded up the next film.

  I hopped off the bed and opened the windows.

  “Take your shorts off then if you’re too hot.”

  “Maybe I will.”

  I rolled my eyes and got back on the bed.

  “Don’t tell me you sleep naked when I’m not here. Is that why I’m always in the guest room?”

  “What? No! Never!”

  He said it a little too quickly and with alarm in his eyes.

  “All right, calm down. I was joking.”

  His eyes roamed over my bare chest and my skin prickled. I didn’t know why I kept having that feeling lately whenever I caught him staring at me, which was far more often than he realised.

  “Going to get a drink, you want one?”

  “Yeah, whatever you’re having is fine.”

  He got off the bed and trudged out of the room. I laid back with my hands behind my head and stared up at his ceiling, trying to work out why every time Aaron and I were all alone like this, all I wanted to do was be much closer to him. When we were in public, I kept an appropriate distance, but as soon as we were behind closed doors, it was the way it had been when we were younger. Sometimes we’d hold each other’s hands and hug a lot. It didn’t feel weird or wrong. Being around Aaron was the most natural thing in the world.

  Maybe I’d realised we were growing up and only people in relationships held hands and cuddled. Aaron and I were just friends. I didn’t want us to change. Aaron was the only person I needed. He and I shared an irreplaceable bond.

  “God, it’s still fucking stuffy,” he grumbled as he came back in the room with two glasses of iced water, popping them on the bedside table. “Going to put the fan on. Can’t sleep like this.”

  “Who said anything about sleeping?”

  “You and I both know I’ll be out like a light half an hour into this.”

  I grinned, watching him flip the fan on and get back into bed. I handed him a glass and he put the next film on.

  True to his word, Aaron fell asleep half an hour in. I turned the film off and lay there watching him. He looked so peaceful, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. And I let my eyes roam across his perfect washboard stomach, taking in the light smattering of blonde hair right above the waistband of his shorts. It really didn’t take a genius to work out why everyone was so enamoured with him. He was beautiful. Like he’d been carved out of marble by the gods.

  I shook myself and got up off the bed, walking over to turn out the light. For a minute I contemplated going to the guest room. Something inside me wanted to be close to Aaron. So I turned around and got back into his bed. It was too hot for sheets, so I lay on top of the covers like him. And even though he was fast asleep, I reached over so I could entwine our fingers together. That simple touch helped me drift off despite the heat. I was safe next to him. I’d always be safe with Aaron, his beautiful blue-grey eyes and big heart. Always.

  Chapter Twenty

  I surfaced from a deep sleep, feeling groggy and in need of a drink. Why the hell was it so hot? And why was I awake? As much as I loved summer, it could also be stifling in the city. I swear we ha
d the windows open and Aaron put the fan on last night so it should not be this hot.

  I blinked, grumbling at the bright light burning my eyes. When I attempted to move, I found the reason I was roasting in my own skin. Aaron had curled himself around me in the night, his arm slung over my waist and his hand was very close to my morning wood. Not only that, I felt his pressed against me.

  What the fuck?

  I went very still, afraid of waking him up. It’s not as if either of us could help it. I just needed his hand away from my dick. And I didn’t want him getting embarrassed either. This had never happened before. Whenever I fell asleep in his bed, he hadn’t hugged me in our sleep, let alone wrapped himself around me, holding me close like he never wanted to let go.

  What did I do? Move his hand? Wake him up?

  I felt stupid and ridiculously horny at the same time. Being at Aaron’s and in his bed meant I hadn’t jacked off in a couple of days. This was my best friend, for fuck’s sake. I should not be having this dilemma. We’d grown so close, we were completely comfortable around each other no matter the circumstances. Right now, I felt so far out of that zone, I had no idea what was up or down. The fact I could feel his hard dick against me wasn’t something I’d ever prepared for.

  “A… going to need you to wake up now,” I grunted because there was no fucking way I could deal with this alone.

  Except apparently hearing my voice in his sleep only made him cuddle me closer, his hand dipping lower and brushing against me. I almost died on the spot. Having anyone touch me other than myself was strange in itself, but it being him set all kinds of alarm bells off inside my head.

  “Aaron, wake the fuck up,” I all but squeaked at him.

  He shifted against me.

  “But you’re so comfy,” he mumbled sleepily.

  Not helping. Your damn hand is touching my dick.

  “You’re not.”

  “Don’t be so grumpy.”

  Did he have any idea what was happening right now or was he fucking with me? I wouldn’t put it past him. He’d fucked with me on many, many occasions, but it had never involved us up close and personal with each other like this.

  “You’d be grumpy too if you woke up with a furnace cuddling you.” Not to mention how my dick keeps twitching like crazy right now.

  He moved again and I practically choked on my breath. His body was pressed so tightly against mine, I would’ve had no idea where he ended and I began if I wasn’t so very aware of his cock digging into me.

  “Mmm, go back to sleep.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. For a minute, I lay there in shock. How could he not know? It was pretty fucking obvious to me. Then I couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Aaron, if you don’t get off me in ten seconds, I will throw you and your hand out the window.”

  He lifted his head from behind me.

  “What do you mean my ha… oh shit.”

  He snatched his hand back away from my dick then he was off me and scrambling backwards until he almost fell off the bed. I flipped over on to my back, watching him silently.

  “Holy shit, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” He scraped his hand over his face. “Jesus, I didn’t mean to. Rhys, I really didn’t…”

  I put a hand up.

  “It’s okay.”

  Except it wasn’t. His eyes fell on me and mine were on him. He seemed to be out of breath. There was also a clear indication of his arousal. I could only imagine what he was looking at. Neither of us spoke because what the fuck could we even say? This was weird, wasn’t it? And why on earth could I not drag my eyes away?

  I swallowed, knowing I had to do something. Anything to stop the weird feeling in my chest and my stomach… and lower. Forcing myself to sit up, I waved a hand at him.

  “You were asleep and it’s involuntary anyway, so don’t worry about it.”

  He let out a nervous laugh.

  “Uh, yeah, totally.”

  When his eyes darted away, I saw the lie in them. I didn’t know how I felt about that, but given how uncomfortable he looked, I decided to drop it. Jumping up off the bed, I turned away and adjusted myself.

  “I’m just going to… uh…”

  I didn’t finish my sentence, quick walking out of the room because this was fucking awkward and I didn’t know what to do. Locking myself in the bathroom, I leant my head back against the door and took a few deep breaths. When I looked down at my dick, it was still hard as a rock.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered.

  I pulled my shorts and boxers off before flipping on the shower, turning it to lukewarm since it was too hot for anything else. As I stood under the spray, my mind kept fixating on what just happened. On the feel of his very warm, hard body against mine. My hand pressed against the shower wall, body tensing as I tried to control my wayward thoughts.

  Stop. Stop thinking about it. Do not think about what it would feel like if he had wrapped his hand around your cock just like you’re doing now.

  I shuddered, unable to help myself. Unable to prevent the raging cocktail of alien feelings brewing up a storm inside me.

  Is this what lust and desire is meant to feel like?

  I didn’t have a fucking clue. All I knew was the urge to come pounded inside me and I could no more control the feeling nor stop it. I panted as I stroked myself. The memory of his touch played over and over in my head. I turned around, banging the back of my head against the wall to dislodge him from my brain, but nothing worked.

  “Fuck,” I breathed. “Fuck.”

  What the hell is happening to me?

  I could see it now. Pinned to his bed staring up at him whilst he ground into me, sweat painting his chest and stomach, his eyes rolled back in ecstasy and bliss.

  “Aaron,” I whimpered as I erupted, the intense sensations slamming into me over and over until I could hardly hold myself up.

  As the shower washed away the evidence, then came the crashing wave of sickening disgust. How could I think about him like that? How could I have a fucking wank over my best friend? It was all kinds of wrong. Everything about it felt so… wrong. I wanted to place the blame on me being horny as fuck. I wanted to so desperately, I pushed aside all the other emotions threatening to burst through.

  It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t. You can’t. It’s not okay. You just needed to get off. That’s all. That’s it.

  I was so fucked up. Why would I have those feelings towards him, of all people, when I never felt that way about anyone else?

  I dragged a hand through my hair and forced those thoughts away. Dwelling on it wouldn’t help me. Especially not when I had to go back out there and act normal. Act like he’d not touched my dick and made me feel things I’d never experienced before.

  I could do that. For the sake of our friendship. I could. I had to. There was no other choice. Because ruining my friendship with Aaron would destroy me.

  Chapter Twenty One

  I sat there staring at his retreating back as he walked out of the room. There was absolutely no controlling my erratic breathing nor the way my heart pounded in my chest. And especially not how hard I was right then.

  Holy shit. What the fuck just happened?

  The last thing I remember was falling asleep during the film and then waking up to find myself wrapped around Rhys after having a vivid dream of the exact same scenario. Except in my dream, neither of us had been wearing clothes and I’d been… I stopped that line of thought immediately. I couldn’t go there again.

  Oh fuck, I touched him. I actually touched him.

  No wonder he looked at me so strangely and then bolted from the room like I was a leper or something. I flopped back against the covers, folding a hand over my eyes and groaning. Rhys and I had slept in the same bed countless times when we were kids. It’s only in the past few years, we’d stopped doing it as if we’d both silently agreed after we’d hit puberty it was no longer an innocent
thing childhood friends did. So why had he not gone to the guest room last night?

  My chest ached with the need to make this all go away. I didn’t want it to change our friendship or ruin anything. I could continue to live with the guilt of knowing I’d broken all the rules of our friendship by falling in love with him ten years ago. It’s all that mattered. Keeping him close whilst also keeping him at arm’s length. I couldn’t live without Rhys. Couldn’t fucking breathe if he wasn’t there. So I’d told myself repeatedly, if I couldn’t have him in the way I wanted, then I’d settle for having him as my friend. Having that part of Rhys was better than nothing at all.

  I heard the shower flip on and groaned again.

  Well, that’s just fucking great. Now I know he’s naked and that’s… that’s… fuck.

  I raised my hand from my face and stared down at my cock. The memory of it pressed against the curve of his behind made it twitch. For so many years, I’d stopped myself short of fantasising about being inside him, but now I couldn’t prevent the tidal wave of lust coursing through me. I wanted it so much, it fucking burnt. No one else made me feel this way. No one at all. And trust me, I’d fucking tried to look at other boys the way I did Rhys. I’d tried and failed.

  I loved him. I was so fucking in love with Rhys King. All of him. Tearing him out of my heart would be utterly impossible. He’d buried himself so deep, latched onto every part of me as if his soul had banded around mine. I thought it might go away and I could write it off as a stupid childhood crush. Did it fuck! Every day it grew and grew until he’d infected my entire being.

  I rubbed my chest, trying to stifle the wave of pain which came from knowing I’d lied to him for ten years. Every day those lies built until the guilt tore me apart on the inside.

  It was that pain and guilt which thankfully drowned out the images in my head and finally made my dick go soft. I grabbed the glass of water on the bedside table and downed the rest of it. It was stale and warm from having sat there all night, but it quenched my dry mouth some. Then I got up and threw some clean clothes on.

  I hadn’t realised the shower shut off because if I had, then I’d have known he’d come back in here since that’s where his clothes where. The moment he walked in with only a towel on, I froze on the spot. My eyes watched the water drip down from his wet hair and trail its way along his chest towards his stomach. I swallowed when my eyes hit the edge of the towel resting on his hips. All that pent-up lust I’d managed to get rid of came rushing back.