Our Darkest Hour (Our Darkest Series Book 1)

by Sarah Bailey

  He stiffened, his eyes growing darker as the grey became more pronounced.

  “Oh.”

  I pulled back from him and took his hand, tugging him inside so I could shut the front door and stop giving my neighbours an eyeful. He clearly thought I meant male company. And I kind of liked him being jealous. I hadn’t told him about me not being with anyone else in the time we were apart. Wasn’t sure if I wanted to open that can of worms considering he might have done. Anyone else having touched what’s mine would not sit well with me.

  And here you were getting all happy about him being jealous when you’re just as bad.

  “Meredith is here.”

  His eyebrow raised.

  “Meredith?”

  “Uhuh. Come, I’m sure she won’t mind you gate-crashing our pizza and booze night.”

  Aaron looked puzzled as I dragged his coat from his shoulders and hung it up. Then I took his hand and pulled him along into the living room with me.

  “You took your damn time, fuckface…” Meredith’s eyes went wide as soon as she spotted Aaron behind me. “Oh… is this…?”

  “Mer, this is Aaron, who apparently couldn’t wait to see me.” I glanced at him, stifling a smile when I noted his face had gone red. “Aaron, this is Meredith, my very annoying best friend.”

  “Hey, I’m not annoying!”

  I raised my eyebrow as I tugged a bewildered Aaron over to the sofa.

  “Don’t listen to a word she says, she has zero shame and will tell you explicit details about her sex life despite you not wanting to hear them if she gets half a chance.”

  “I so do not do that. You’ve never complained about it before.”

  I grinned as I made Aaron sit next to me on the opposite side from Meredith who stared at him with unnerving intensity as if assessing every inch of my ex and sizing him up. She leant over me and put out her hand to him. He took it with some reluctance.

  “It’s nice to meet you. Rhys has told me a little about you, but he failed to mention you look exactly like Alex from his comic strip.” She eyed me with a smile, telling me she was on to me. “Can I get you a drink?”

  Aaron looked at me as he withdrew his hand, confusion painting his features.

  “Mer treats my place like her own.” I turned to her. “You can get him a beer if you really want.”

  She grinned, jumping up and walking away into the kitchen.

  “Best friend?” Aaron blurted out, his voice laced with hurt he had no right to feel.

  “Yes, best friend. We met at uni like six years ago. You do realise I have a life outside of whatever this is, right?”

  He looked stricken.

  “I didn’t mean to. I just…”

  I patted his thigh.

  “Don’t worry, A, you’re still the only person who knows me inside out.”

  No one else would ever know me the way he did. We’d grown up together. He’d seen me at some of my worst moments. That forged a closeness which couldn’t be replicated.

  He didn’t get a chance to respond as Meredith came back and handed him an open beer bottle which he took whilst still staring at me with wide eyes. Leaning forward, I picked up the pizza box, settling it on my lap again.

  “Hungry? You can have some of mine considering Miss Disgusting over there likes pineapple on hers.”

  “Don’t diss the pineapple.”

  “Fruit does not belong on pizza.”

  Meredith rolled her eyes before tucking back into her own food. Aaron leant closer to me.

  “Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here?” he whispered in my ear.

  I nodded and stroked his thigh again. Now he was here, I didn’t want him to go. It’d be useless to deny how much more at peace I felt when he was near me.

  “I want you to stay,” I whispered back.

  And that’s the moment I realised a small window had opened inside me just for him. All Aaron had to do is climb in if he dared.

  I hoped he noticed. I hoped he worked out how to heal the rift between us. There was no doubt in my mind I needed him to break down all my walls so I could learn to trust him. I would not survive losing him all over again. Not at all. Not one little bit.

  Chapter Fifty Nine

  As happy as I had been spending all the time I could with Rhys for the last two weeks, not knowing what we were actually doing here was getting to me. The day I ended up on his doorstep and met his friend, I should say… best friend, had left me feeling all kinds of fucked up jealousy. Not to mention not knowing if he’d been with anyone else whilst we were apart. We weren’t even together now.

  Fuck.

  I could see why Rhys liked Meredith so much. She was fun, brash and quirky. The evening I’d spent with her and Rhys showed me he’d grown so much without me. It cut deeper than it should have. The way he laughed and joked with her was like knives digging into my skin. We’d been like that once. Constantly winding each other up. Being able to talk about anything under the sun. Free and open. And I fucking hated seeing him be that way with another person.

  I shouldn’t complain since when she’d left, he’d pushed me down on the sofa and shoved his tongue in my mouth. We’d left a trail of clothes from his living room to his bedroom, unable to keep our hands off each other. He’d fucked me on my back whilst we kissed, our hands roaming across each other’s bodies, rediscovering every inch.

  The one thing that hadn’t changed from when we were teenagers. Our insatiable lust. The desire constantly pulsing between us. There was no doubt I loved sex with him, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted my Rhys back. All of him. Everything we’d shared when we’d been younger. I knew for a fact he would never allow me to top him again until he learnt to trust me with his heart.

  I’d finally persuaded him to let me take him out on a date tonight. We’d been back and forth on this for two weeks. I needed us to sit and talk about everything without it escalating into sex. Something he kept initiating and I found it impossible to say no.

  He’d avoided having conversations about us since he’d told me about his attempt on his own life. It just about fucking killed me. The huge role my decisions and actions had played. I’d driven him to those depths of despair.

  How the fuck did I even make that up to him?

  Rhys was so full of life now. He’d picked himself back up and carved out a place in the world. Seeing how successful he’d become and how much he’d grown up made me feel so inadequate.

  What did I have to give him now?

  The only things I had to offer were myself and my undying love.

  Would that be enough?

  Was I enough for him?

  I had to talk to him about this. Had to know what he was thinking when it came to me and him. For the past seven years, I’d just been surviving. Now, I had the love of my life within reach and yet he still felt so far away.

  I stood outside his front door after he’d let me up clutching a bouquet of flowers, having put on a suit even though I felt ridiculous about this. We’d never been out on real dates as teenagers. He opened the door and stared at me without talking for a long moment. Since I’d told him I was taking him to dinner, he’d put on a dark grey shirt and smart chinos. And he looked fucking sexy. I wanted to push him back into the flat and strip those clothes from his body. Instead, I stood there awkwardly, trying to think of what to say.

  “Are those for me?”

  I nodded and shoved the flowers at him. He took them and smiled in that heart-stopping way of his. The first time since we were teenagers I’d seen it directed at me. It made my heart hammer wildly in my chest. God, I loved this man so fucking much.

  “Well, thank you. I’ll just put them in water. Do you want to come in for a minute?”

  I followed him inside, still unable to speak. He went into the kitchen, filled a jug with water, popped them inside and placed it on the counter whilst I stood in the doorway. Rhys turned to me, his dark eyes assessing my ap
pearance. He closed the distance between us and stroked a hand down my arm.

  “You look good,” he murmured. “The suit is hot.”

  “Thank you,” I managed to say.

  “Are you okay?”

  I flexed my hand at my side, trying not to reach out to him.

  “I’m just… nervous.”

  He cocked his head to the side.

  “Why? We’re only having dinner.”

  “This is the first time I’ve taken you out properly.”

  My eyes landed directly on his bottom lip as he bit down on it.

  That damn fucking lip.

  I reached up and pulled it out of his teeth on instinct. His pupils dilated and he let out a breath.

  “Did you forget that’s mine?”

  “How could I forget? You going to reclaim it?”

  His taunt had me tugging him against my chest and running my thumb along his lip.

  “Why? Did someone else try to take it from me?”

  Those dark eyes assessed me for a long moment.

  “No.”

  As if my heart couldn’t pound any harder inside my chest.

  “Does that mean what I think it does?”

  “There’s never been anyone but you in my eyes, A. I’ve not been with another man.”

  I leant closer, staring at him with a newfound understanding. It’s not as if I’d forgotten about him being demi. I knew dating would be hard on him. This proved something significant even if he hadn’t said it.

  Rhys still loves me. He’s never stopped.

  “Neither have I.”

  His eyes widened a fraction.

  “What?”

  “I won’t lie and say I didn’t try dating other people, but it was just that… dates. Nothing physical ever happened. I haven’t even kissed or touched anyone else. The thing is, Rhys, none of them were you. I told you I’d always love you. You’re my one.”

  My mouth was only inches from his now. I could feel his breath fluttering against my lips.

  “The thought of someone else kissing you made me ridiculously jealous,” he whispered. “In my head, you’re still mine.”

  God, I fucking love how you’re jealous over me.

  “I’ve always been yours… what I don’t know is if you’re still mine.”

  “Maybe I’ll tell you the answer if our date goes well.”

  I should’ve known he’d come out with something smart. Stepping back, I took his hand and pulled him towards the door.

  “Wouldn’t want to be late for our reservation.”

  “It’s like that, is it? You going all out for me?”

  “You have no idea, knight.”

  Tonight had to be special. He deserved all of my care and attention. All the effort I’d gone to planning this. I wanted him to understand I’d give him the world if I could. Hell, I’d bow down and worship at his feet if he asked it of me.

  He didn’t let go of my hand the whole way to the restaurant except when we were going through the barriers to the tube. It made us feel real even though I had no fucking clue if we were or not. I gave my name to the host and we were led over to a table in the back. I’d asked them for something intimate and this definitely was. There were extra candles on the table and we were slightly hidden from view from the other diners.

  We sat down across from each other and looked over the menu. After ordering, Rhys smiled at me, his eyes twinkling.

  “This is rather romantic.”

  I reached across the table and took his hand, stroking my thumb down his.

  “Well, I wanted it to be, to show you I’m serious about treating you right.”

  “A…”

  “I love you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. What I did to you in the past was unforgivable. I know that. Trust me when I tell you I wish I could take it all back.”

  His fingers tightened in mine.

  “You’re here now, isn’t that what matters?”

  “Is it? We’ve not moved beyond what happened yet.”

  He shifted in his seat, staring down at our hands.

  “I blame him just as much as I do you.”

  My father. The man who’d forced me to cause this rift between us. If we hadn’t been seventeen, things would’ve been so different. My hands had been tied because of our age.

  “He’s dead to me.”

  Rhys raised his eyes back to mine.

  “He is?”

  “He never accepted me for who I am, so I told him where to go. I did it for me… but mostly, I did it for you even though you were no longer in my life. I never stood up against him in the way you needed, so I changed that. I made him understand he was no longer in control of me or anything I did.”

  Rhys’ eyes softened and it made me feel as though I might have dug my way past another one of his walls.

  “I don’t stay at Johnstone & Parrish for him. I actually like my job. You taught me about the beauty of books. Everything I do in life is influenced by you, Rhys. I can’t help it. You told me once I saved you, but the reality is, you saved me every single day even when you weren’t here.”

  We were interrupted by the waiter bringing over drinks, but it didn’t matter. Rhys’ expression said everything words couldn’t. He wanted me to know he was still right there. Maybe we could get through this. Maybe he could learn to forgive me. And let me back into his heart. Although, I was pretty sure I still resided in there, regardless.

  When the waiter left us, he reached out and took my other hand, squeezing both of them.

  “I’m still yours, A… I never stopped being yours.”

  “You sure about that? Don’t want to wait until the date is over?”

  He smiled and shook his head.

  “You still need to give me time, but I can’t lose you again. So yes, I’m sure. I’m yours.”

  I dropped his hands and scrambled out of my chair, rushing around the table and pulling him into my arms.

  “I’ll give you all the time you need. All of it. Just stay with me, knight. Please stay.”

  I didn’t care if I sounded like I was begging. Knowing he still belonged to me gave me hope we could fix our relationship. We could mend it all if we tried.

  “I’m not going anywhere. You have me. I promise, prince. You said you’d fight for me. I want to fight for you too.”

  And really, I couldn’t ask any more of him than that after everything I’d put us through.

  Chapter Sixty

  I’d known I couldn’t keep avoiding the subject of what we were with Aaron. It’s why I’d agreed to go on a date with him in the first place after initially refusing. It’d taken me spending all this time with him to realise I couldn’t keep hiding behind all my walls. Having Aaron back made me happy. The way he gave me everything I needed without question. Even the nights I’d wanted to get lost in his body and not have to think about anything else.

  Aaron had proved to me he deserved a second chance. I could try for him just as he kept doing for me. He’d been so patient with me these past two weeks. I owed it to him to stop fighting against my need for him. I owed it to myself most of all.

  Forgiving him wouldn’t happen overnight, but we had made progress. I no longer held onto that hate in my heart. Letting it go was the first step. Learning Aaron had stood up to Patrick and told him where to go had been the catalyst. It made me confront reality. Aaron had never had a choice. We’d been too young to do anything about the events leading up to our destruction. Only now as an adult did I see the truth behind all of our secrets and lies.

  What happened with Valentine wasn’t Aaron’s fault. He’d been afraid and distraught over it. Patrick took advantage of the situation. Used it to drive a wedge between his son and me. But Patrick no longer held any power over us. He no longer mattered. Just Aaron and I did.

  So giving us a chance even if I still had reservations about how it would work now we were older was the only way forwa
rd. I already knew I couldn’t live without him. It would annihilate me all over again. It’s why I’d told him at dinner I’d stay. I’d be his. I always had been.

  Aaron had brought me back to his after our romantic dinner. We’d spoken about less charged topics, like my ideas for Emily’s book now Diana had sent me over the full brief. And how his nieces were doing with their parents’ separation.

  “I have a surprise for you,” he said as he tugged me into his living room.

  Sitting on the coffee table was a wrapped box. I raised an eyebrow. He had gone all out with this whole date business. Not that I didn’t appreciate it.

  Aaron sat me down on the sofa and indicated the box with his hand.

  “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

  “Well, I know but this isn’t just anything. Open it.”

  His smile made me a little suspicious.

  What have you got up your sleeve?

  I reached out and unwrapped the box. It was pale green and had a forest pattern all over it. When I flipped the lid open and stared down inside, my breath caught in my throat.

  A full set of hardbacks sat staring at me. All of Emily’s books.

  Reaching out, I picked the first one up, running my hand over the cover. Turning it to the title page, I just about died. It was signed with a personalised note from her.

  Rhys,

  Aaron told me how you loved to get lost in books and fantastical worlds when you were kids. I hope this inspires you in some way.

  Love

  E. R. Davidson

  “She’s signed them all for you.”

  I carefully placed the book back in the box and turned to him. His eyes were full of love and adoration.

  “I can’t believe you got these for me.”

  “Emily was happy to sign them, especially after I told her about us… not everything obviously, but so she’d understand why. And when we do her book launch, she would love to meet you in person.”

  I had no words. He didn’t have to do any of this for me. This damn man knew exactly what would bring me the most joy. I’d never lost my love of books. My phone was full of eBooks since I rarely read physical copies any longer. Didn’t stop me collecting my favourites. Now I could put these on my shelves.