Unreadable

by Chris Hampton

In the place of our love,

  You filled in with hurt,

  Colored unimaginable ,

  Unfulfilled first,

  And I wasn't enough,

  And I knew that so much

  I tried so hard to make it all work

  But you went away worrying and wasted,

  Wasting my time

  With all those lies,

  You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth

 

  Is it a shame

  That the one not to blame

  Is the one missing the one

  That was there only in name

 

  I made mistakes,

  But everything I gave,

  You would find some way to take

  For granted and never grant me

  Anything but nothingness,

  An unpainted pain until the day that it came

  That you left me so alone and so, you walked away

  The door that slammed in my face

  Left an imprint on all of me to date

 

  And I just can't wait until it will wash away

  And leave something sweet in place of the taste

  Of bitterness of soul,

  Of emptiness so whole,

  Shattered but put back together by

  The only semblance of simplicity,

  Which is always my hate

  Though I know I don't

  Really feel that way

  I never forgot you, and I would have caught you

  If you would have let me know that you were falling...

  Away

 

  You moved on so easily

  Like I was only a filler of time

  But all that you would ever be to me

  Was more than you minded, what I wanted,

  Mine, all mine

  And I can't rewind,

  But I can't go forward

  I don't want anyone...

  Like I wanted you

 

  I don't need a thing

  That won't need me back

  And maybe just lie

  And tell me that I

  Am everything and anything

  When I am nothing and emptying

  All of my heart... and falling apart,

  And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory

  Of something better than

  Both of us divided, than all of us untied

  Meant to be together, but that was just some lie

  Twisted, unfailing, but really failing

  Because we believed that we could somehow be

  Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful

  When it was denied

 

  The only person that I've ever been

  Has been a lingerer, a longer,

  But never strong enough to begin

  To let go of so much of you,

  Knowing that my only

  Happiness, too

  Was wrapped up in wrong

  And stolen by the words of a woman

  So selfish, untrue,

  Melodic, apathetic,

  Angelic, and new,

  Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,

  Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss

 

  But I do sometimes still miss you

  I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose

  The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one

  Who gave me these scars

  For some kind of fun

  And then took her heart back

  Like it was never for me,

  A joke that she played because we couldn't be

  The things that we stated,

  You loved not, only hated

  To try them with me

 

  And now that you've been gone for so long,

  I wish you well and hope that he

  Can make you as happy

  As I tried to bring

  You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole

  I didn't have strength, and you would not go,

  But for someone other than

  This man that I am,

  You'll give your all

  I will leave it alone

  I will probably keep missing you

  Oddly, keep wishing you

  Weren't the way I know that you are

  Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart

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