The Fairy-Tale Matchmaker

by E. D. Baker

  “Nobody ever asked you to. I don’t want anything from you now that I’ve seen what you’re really like. Here’s your stuff,” Cory said, kicking the box. “Have a good life, Walker!” Turning on her heel, Cory stepped off the porch.

  Walker called after her as she strode away, but she ignored him and kept going. Whatever he had to say, she didn’t want to hear it.

  Cory was in a bad mood when she arrived at her uncle’s house, and it only got worse when she saw what Noodles had done. Preoccupied with getting rid of Walker’s things, she had forgotten to close the woodchuck in her room with his toys. When she walked through the door, the first thing she saw was Noodles expanding an already large hole in the middle of the main room rug.

  “What are you doing?” Cory cried. “I leave you alone for a few minutes and you do this! I should have given you to Walker so you could destroy his house. What is Uncle Micah going to say? Never mind. I know exactly what he’ll say. ‘Get out, Cory, and take your evil woodchuck with you!’ Because of you, we’re going to be out on the street before morning!”

  Cory sank to the floor. Noodles ambled over to her, a coarse strand of fiber caught between his teeth. She winced when he climbed onto her lap, his pokey feet digging into her. Turning around until he was comfortable, he draped his plump, furry body across her legs and sighed.

  Cory idly scratched the woodchuck’s head. “There’s nothing I can do to fix it, and I certainly can’t hide a hole in the middle of the room. I guess I’ll just have to buy him a new rug. One this size will probably wipe out my savings. What am I going to do, Noodles? If I don’t figure out a way I can help people and make money, too, Walker will be right and I will be a deadweight living off Uncle Micah.”

  Cory looked up when the finch on the mantel chirped five times. “I have to go soon. I guess I’ll leave Uncle Micah a note. I don’t really think he’ll kick us out, but he won’t be happy when he sees this.” She cast a rueful glance at the rug as she lifted Noodles off her lap and set him on the floor.

  The woodchuck followed her into the kitchen, where she wrote a short note of apology, promising to buy her uncle a new rug. After a moment’s thought, she added that she was taking Noodles with her to rehearsal to keep him out of trouble, although it was really so her uncle wouldn’t have to see the culprit so soon after learning about the rug.

  Grabbing a crunchy nut bar for herself and a stalk of celery for Noodles, Cory clipped a halter on the woodchuck and started out. Her band, Zephyr, usually practiced in Olot the ogre’s cave partly because he had plenty of room, and partly because no one complained about the noise there. Olot’s cave was due east and only a short distance past the edge of town. Cory left her drums there and normally flew to rehearsals, but taking the woodchuck with her meant that she had to walk the entire way.

  Walking with Noodles wasn’t a problem. He could galumph along quite quickly when she wanted to run and amble peacefully when she chose to walk. However, he did like to stop frequently to sniff or taste or sit. It was in this start-and-stop method of travel that they finally left the town behind and entered the foothills where Olot’s cave was located.

  It was a lovely walk and Cory enjoyed it, except for the last bit where she had to lug Noodles across a rope bridge and up a steep hill to Olot’s cave. Like always, Cory was happy when she finally caught sight of the door to the cave half hidden in the side of the hill. It was a massive wooden door, over eight feet tall and more than two feet thick. It would have been nearly impossible for anyone except an ogre to move if Olot hadn’t bought special hinges from the dwarves, making it swing wide with the slightest touch—provided you were one of the people allowed to open it. Olot had changed his door after his wedding to Chancy, whom he had met on a walkabout to one of the twelve kingdoms. Chancy, one of the ladies-in-waiting to a truly wicked queen, had fallen in love with him at first sight. Although most people doubted the match would last, Cory was certain they were perfect for each other.

  Noodles scratched at the door while Cory raised the heavy knocker shaped like a fist and let it fall. “Who is it?” called a melodious voice.

  “It’s Cory! Am I the last one again?” she asked as the door opened.

  Chancy shook her head, making her soft brown curls bounce against her shoulders. “Cheeble is running late. He sent a message saying he was stuck in a game of horseshoes and would be here as soon as he could.”

  Cory nodded. Cheeble the brownie was a professional gambler who specialized in horseshoes, marbles, and jacks. Everyone in the band knew better than to play against him; he played for money and took his work very seriously. If he even thought someone was cheating, the game always ended badly.

  “Oh, you brought Noodles! Hi, sweetie!” Chancy said, kneeling in the doorway so she could pet the woodchuck. Behind her, an open hallway ran deep into the hillside, ending in an enormous cavern that Olot and Chancy used as their main room. Cory could see light spilling into the hall from the cavern until a large body blocked the opening.

  “Who’s at the door?” bellowed Olot, coming down the hallway.

  “Look, Cory brought Noodles to see us!” said Chancy.

  “Hey, little buddy!” the ogre said, scooping the woodchuck off the floor as if he weighed nothing at all. Noodles squirmed and made the soft chirruping sound he made when he was happy. “Come on in, Cory,” the ogre added. “We’re almost finished setting up.”

  “He really loves animals, you know,” Chancy told Cory as they followed Olot and Noodles down the hall. “It’s too bad so many of them are terrified of ogres.”

  “Noodles is very discerning,” said Cory. “He can always tell a good person, regardless of his species. He never did like Walker.”

  “Daisy told me what happened,” Chancy said, lowering her voice. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

  As they stepped into the cavern, Cory noticed that everyone was gathered around Daisy.

  “He was actually kissing her!” Daisy was saying to the three dark-haired nymphs who were Skippy’s current girlfriends. “We all saw him, although I wish C—”

  “Ahem!” Skippy the satyr said when he saw Cory.

  “That’s all right,” Cory said as Daisy and the three nymphs spun around. “Everyone is going to know soon, anyway. I broke up with Walker today.”

  “Oh, Cory!” cried Chancy.

  “Did you talk to him?” Daisy asked.

  “I took him a box of his things. Honestly, I don’t know how I stood him for so long. He’s such a jerk!”

  “Who’s a jerk?” Cheeble asked, stomping into the cavern. “Are you talking about me, because if you are …”

  “We’re talking about Cory’s boyfriend. They broke up today,” said Skippy.

  “Are we going to practice or what?” Olot asked, setting Noodles on the floor.

  “Are you okay?” Daisy asked as Cory headed toward her drums.

  “I’m mad, but I’ll be fine. I can’t believe I didn’t see what he was really like sooner than this. Thinking about him makes me so mad! I’ve never hit anyone in my whole life, but when he said that it was my fault that he went out with that girl, I just wanted to bop him in the nose!”

  “He didn’t!” cried Daisy.

  Olot picked up his lute and strummed a chord to get their attention. “Ready, everyone?” he asked.

  Cory responded with a thump on her drum while Cheeble blew into his ox horn, Skippy tootled his pan pipes, and Daisy clacked her castanets. When the musicians started to play, Chancy picked up Noodles and made herself comfortable on a big overstuffed chair covered with snow-leopard fur—a wedding gift from a yeti. Noodles sniffed the chair with great interest, but the next time Cory glanced his way, the woodchuck was asleep in Chancy’s arms.

  Cory was still angry at Walker when they started to play, but she relaxed as she became caught up in the music. Even so, she banged the drum extra hard during her solo and everyone agreed that she played better than she ever had before.

  After r
ehearsal, Cory was on her way out the door with Noodles when Daisy joined them.

  “Aren’t you going to fly home?” Cory asked her as they started down the path.

  “I’d rather walk with you,” said Daisy. “You’re my best friend and I haven’t seen much of you lately.”

  “That’s because you’re spending all your time with Nimzy.”

  “I was,” said Daisy, “until this afternoon. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m thinking about breaking up with him. He did it again! This afternoon he went to an out-of-town race and didn’t tell me he was going until he was walking out the door. I think he’s almost as inconsiderate as Walker. Well, maybe not that bad, but he’s not what I need in my life right now. I need someone who wants to be with me and is more considerate of my feelings.”

  “I think everybody wants that,” said Cory.

  “Boys! I just don’t understand them.”

  “Maybe you should get a woodchuck like Noodles. He’s not hard to figure out and he likes spending time with me.”

  “I wasn’t joking!” Daisy exclaimed.

  “I wasn’t either,” said Cory. “I think I’m giving up on dating, at least for now. It hasn’t exactly worked out well for me.”

  Daisy looked horrified. “I’m not doing anything that drastic! I just don’t want to date Nimzy anymore. I’ll see you later. I guess I would rather fly than walk.”

  “I thought she’d never leave,” Cory told Noodles as Daisy flew out of sight. “I just broke up with my boyfriend and she wants to talk about her dating problems! So much for her lessons in empathy!”

  Chapter 9

  Cory woke the next morning to the crash of glass breaking. Noodles sat up with a snort and shuffled to the door as Cory scrambled out of bed. When she reached the main room, she found her uncle crouched over shattered glass from the window.

  “What is it?” she asked. “What happened?”

  Micah picked up a large, white object. “Someone hurled a tooth through our window.”

  Cory took the object from his hands to examine it. Turning it over, she shook her head, saying, “It isn’t real. Someone made it out of plaster. And look. There’s writing.”

  Large letters were written in purple on the back of the tooth. “ ‘Once a Tooth Fairy, always a Tooth Fairy,’ ” read her uncle. “I guess we know who was behind it.” He glanced at the gaping hole in the window, crunching glass under his slippered foot when he stepped closer. “Stay away from here, Cory,” he told his niece. “You have bare feet.”

  Cory shook her head. “I’ll put on shoes and clean that up. I can’t believe the TFG would stoop so low! I never imagined they’d do something like this. You’d think a big, important guild would be more civilized. I’m really sorry I brought my problems to your house. Maybe I should look for somewhere else to live.”

  “And take your problems there so you have to deal with them on your own? No, you’re family and you’re staying right here. If you have a problem, I have a problem. And I don’t want this kind of thing to change your mind about going back to the TFG. If anything, it’s made me that much happier that you’re out of that organization.”

  “Thank you, Uncle Micah! I was afraid that after what Noodles did last night, you’d want me to leave anyway.”

  “What, a hole in the rug? I’ve dealt with worse than that. I let a pair of badgers live here once. You should have seen what they did to the floor! No, I should have known better and made arrangements for Noodles when you first moved in. You can’t change an animal’s nature just because he’s living in your house, but you can make accommodations. Don’t you worry about the hole. Although I’d appreciate it if you could call a repairman and stay until the window is fixed. It looks like it’s going to rain. We really should call the Fey Law Enforcement Agency, too. Vandalism like this should be reported.”

  “I’ll take care of everything,” said Cory. “Don’t you have to leave for work soon?”

  “I do indeed. I got up early this morning, but now I’ll probably be late to work.”

  “Then hurry,” Cory told him. “Just don’t forget. Zephyr is playing at Sprats’ tonight.”

  Cory had never sent a message to the Fey Law Enforcement Agency before. She wasn’t sure what to say, so she said just what she thought they needed to know.

  Please come quickly. Someone has thrown a tooth through our window.

  Sincerely, Cory Feathering

  Address—576 Maple Lane

  She was tempted to clean up the broken glass, but thought the officer should see it first. Leaving the mess where it was, she returned to her bedroom to get dressed and feed the mice before taking Noodles into the kitchen for breakfast. The woodchuck was nibbling radishes when Cory filled a small bowl with cold grain and milk for herself. Settling down at the table with her breakfast, she opened the paper to the want ads and began to read. A new help-wanted ad caught her attention.

  * * *

  NEED ASSISTANCE WITH INVENTORY.

  Applicants must have good eyesight and opposable thumbs. If interested, contact Suzy at Suzy’s Seashell Shop, 6767 Seaside Street.

  * * *

  Cory was circling the ad with an ink stick when there was a knock at the door. She hurried to the main room and opened the door. Seeing a goblin standing on the porch, she let out a small shriek and tried to slam the door in his face. The goblin was quicker than she was, however, and stuck his foot into the opening so that she couldn’t close the door all the way.

  “Officer Grimble Deeds, responding to a message from a …” The goblin looked at the leaf that he held in his hand before continuing. “Miss Cory Feathering. Is that you, miss?”

  “It is,” Cory said, embarrassed that she had been so rude to the person who had come to help her. “Please come in.”

  Cory had never spoken to a goblin before, and she kept casting sideways glances at him as she pointed out the broken glass. He was shorter than Cory, with a bulging forehead and a long, crooked nose. He looked lumpy inside his dark green uniform and one of his feet was longer than the other. His teeth stuck out at odd angles and he smelled like Noodles did when he hadn’t been washed for a while. He looked scary enough that if he hadn’t been a member of the FLEA, she would never have let him in.

  When Cory handed him the tooth, he held it close to his eyes, sniffed it, and gave it a tentative nibble. “This is plaster! I thought you meant a real tooth. I was wondering how anyone could throw a tooth through a window, so I came out myself to see it. If I’d known it wasn’t real, I would have sent the officer-in-training. Well, I’m here now,” he said, sounding irritated. “You might as well tell me what happened.” He whipped an ink stick out of his pocket and looked at her expectantly.

  Cory shrugged. “Someone threw it through the front window. That’s all I know.”

  “Uh-huh,” he said, writing it down. “And do you have any idea who might have thrown it?”

  “I know who threw it. Look on the back.”

  “ ‘Once a Tooth Fairy, always a Tooth Fairy,’ ” read Officer Deeds. “And that means …”

  “The Tooth Fairy Guild sent it, of course!” said Cory. “I was a member and I just quit. This is a warning that I should rejoin the guild or this kind of thing will happen to me.”

  “What makes you think that? It could just mean what it says—that you are a tooth fairy even after you quit.”

  “That doesn’t make sense!” said Cory. “If they thought I was still a member of the guild, why would they hurl this through my window?”

  “You tell me,” said the officer.

  “I just … I can’t … What?”

  “Uh-huh,” said the officer, tucking the ink stick and leaf into his pocket. “I’m afraid I can’t help you, miss. I need a lot more to go on than this. Contact us if you have any real problems.”

  Cory watched, openmouthed, as the goblin officer left. Contacting him had been a waste of time. Even if he’d wanted to be helpful, Cory had no idea what he could hav
e done, but he could have been more understanding.

  After sending a message to a repairman, Cory cleaned up the broken glass. She had just carried the shards to the trash when a message appeared. The repairman would be at the house as soon as he finished the job he was already working on and had taken his juice and muffin break. While she was waiting for him, a message from Miss Muffet arrived.

  Dear Cory,

  I like Johnny Blue, but there was no special magic between us. He seemed very somber after you left. I want to meet someone with a great sense of humor who can make me laugh. Do you know anyone like that?

  Your friend,

  Marjorie

  Cory doubted the repairman would be arriving soon, so she closed her eyes and did something she hadn’t done in a very long time; she tried to see who would be right for Marjorie. She’d tried it a few times before, but it had never worked very well. Once in a while she’d get an image that she was almost able to make out, if only it was a little less fuzzy. But most of the time, trying to call up a vision didn’t do anything except give her a headache.

  The best visions usually came with no warning. Her eyesight would go funny, then suddenly she’d see two faces. The few times she’d been able to see one of the faces clearly enough to tell who it was, the other face was too indistinct to be sure, and the most she could do was guess the person’s identity from the hair color or the shape of the head. So far, all her guesses had been wrong.

  Cory had learned not to trust her guesses or describe her visions to her friends, but the nagging feeling was still there. What if they did mean something? Why would she have them otherwise? Now a friend was asking her for help. Maybe the visions could be useful. Maybe she just had to learn how to interpret them.

  Cory made herself relax, but nothing came to her. Without any new knowledge, she sent a message to Miss Muffet saying that she would think about finding her another date.