Sin Killer

by Larry McMurtry

  “Look, Tasmin—I believe I see an amitié forming,” Father Geoff said. He was referring to the bond which seemed to have lately formed between Signor Claricia and Little Onion. The two could often be seen sitting together in the evening, listening to Vicky Kennet play the cello. Tasmin had noticed this bond herself. Signor Claricia, who had been very gloomy since the death of his friend Seftor Yanez, had perked up a little of late, partly because Little Onion had taken it upon herself to assist the quiet gentleman in small ways—mending his moccasins when they frayed, or finding him a better pipe. In return Signor Claricia had given the modest young Indian woman a tortoiseshell comb. It was mainly a silent bond—Little Onion had acquired a few words of English; Signor Claricia had not many more. And yet it was clear that the two derived a certain comfort from merely sitting together, quietly observing the life of the post.

  “I don’t think I know a better person than our Onion,” Tasmin said—and she meant it. “She has been given very little choice in her life, and yet her behavior meets the highest standards. Those two little boys would vex a saint, and yet she is rarely cross with them—and she’s never cross with us Berrybenders, though we’re certainly capable of vexing a great many saints. She’s neither a troublemaker like me nor a cynic like yourself.”

  “Goodness in human beings seems to be where you find it,” Geoff said. “I too have the greatest admiration for Little Onion. I had that boil on my foot and she made a salve to cure it.”

  “Perhaps she’s so good because she’s never read a novel,” Tasmin suggested. “You and I, of course, have read far too many and they’ve done much damage to our characters, I suspect. I have no particular right to Little Onion’s loyalty, and yet she’s given it.”

  The two of them looked down at the quiet couple.

  “Selfishness in human beings is where you find it, too,” Tasmin said. “It’s when I think of our Onion that I feel worst about myself. I ought to be modest, like she is, and yet I’m not. And I ought not to care where Pomp Charbonneau goes, or what he does—and yet I care intensely.”

  “I wonder if Jim would let Little Onion go?” the priest asked. “She and our lonely Italian might make a promising couple, if Little Onion were free.”

  Tasmin had begun to wonder the same thing.

  “Of course Jimmy would let her go,” Tasmin said. “I’m all the wife he wants and maybe more wife than he wants. But there’s Monty to consider. He loves Little Onion absolutely. He’d be stricken if she left.”

  “Well, it seems we’ll be here all winter,” the priest remarked. “I guess we’ll see what we see.”

  Impulsively, since he was standing so near, he tried to give Tasmin a kiss, but she anticipated the move and drew her head back just slightly.

  “None of that, you disgusting wretch,” Tasmin warned. “I’m in a bad mood already and even if I were in a better one I wouldn’t want to kiss you. If you want kisses, why don’t you try Eliza—I’ve suggested it before.”

  “It’s those great bosoms—the thought of them frightens me,” Father Geoff admitted.

  At that Tasmin walked off. Discussing carnal matters with Father Geoff was not an activity likely to raise her spirits or lessen her self-annoyance. She knew she ought to give up on Pomp Charbonneau, and yet she could not bring herself to.

  As she was passing the room where Mary stayed she happened to see her sister sitting on a low chair, silent, perhaps even dejected; tears shone on her cheeks.

  “Hey! What’s wrong with you?” Tasmin asked. Behind her she could hear the two little boys, excited by their ability to mount the stairs one by one. They were being followed by Kate Berrybender, who sometimes condescended to play with them.

  “My virginity is taken—Piet has gone to ask Papa for my hand,” Mary said glumly.

  “Then why are you sad?”

  Mary gulped a little before replying.

  “Piet got dreadfully out of breath while he was about it,” Mary told her. “His face turned quite purple—for a moment I was afraid he might die. I rather think the brambles might be a better method, on the whole. I should wish to die at once if I lose my Piet.”

  Kate and the boys made a noisy arrival.

  “Why’s this person crying?” Kate at once wanted to know. Monty clamored to be picked up, while Talley ran to his mother, who was at once forced to stop playing her cello. Tasmin, thinking it was not a good time to explain to Kate why Mary was sad, said nothing.

  “I don’t wish to speak to this brat right now—you tell her, Tassie,” Mary said.

  “The flesh is heir to many sorrows,” Tasmin said to Kate. “Why don’t you go put these little boys to bed, so their mothers can enjoy a moment of peace?”

  “You haven’t been looking after them anyway,” Kate pointed out. “/ have been looking after them, along with Little Onion and Signor Claricia.”

  “Need you brag?” Tasmin asked. Mary’s eyes were still leaking tears. Tasmin thought she might offer a few words of comfort, if only the tiresome Kate would move along.

  “It’s unfortunate that Mr. James Snow is not here,” Kate remarked. “I don’t like it that he’s gone. If you were a better wife you’d know how to keep him close.”

  “Unfortunately I’m not a better wife,” Tasmin informed her. “I’m a thoroughly troublesome person, though hardly more troublesome than yourself, you impertinent midge. Get out of here and let your sister have her cry. A good cry now and then is something we all need, as I believe I explained to you before.”

  With a frown Kate grabbed Monty and, though he wailed in protest, carried him inside.

  “I wouldn’t worry too much about Piet,” Tasmin told Mary. “The conjugal process will soon grow easier, once you’ve had a little practice.”

  “It was rather a jerky business—somewhat like hiccups. I stopped but Piet couldn’t.”

  Below her in the thickening dusk Tasmin could just see Little Onion standing with Signor Claricia. The blacksmith had just pumped his bellows; the forge flared brightly for a moment. Two billy goats from the large herd, annoyed with one another, were butting heads, as the young Ute woman and the old Italian stood watching, not speaking, not touching, and yet at ease in their comfortable proximity. When the billy goats tired of jousting, Little Onion and Signor Claricia walked off toward the big kitchen—no doubt Little Onion would soon fill her friend a plate of whatever Cook had made. Tasmin felt a stab of envy, followed by remorse. Wasn’t that what she wanted herself, a friend to stand close to her, serenely watching whatever there was to watch? And couldn’t she have had that very thing with Pomp, if she hadn’t insisted on forcing passion on a man who didn’t want it? But she had done what she’d done—would she now ever have a friend to stand with her at dusk, watching two goats butt their heads?

  57

  Outside they could hear the music . . .

  “I MERELY hoped you’d treat me like a woman,” Tasmin said, weeping.

  Outside they could hear the music and sounds of the wedding feast. Musicians had been hauled all the way from Santa Fe, costing Charles Bent money he was reluctant to spend; but with the governor there, for once he dared not economize. In the end he had ignored Maria’s objections and invited the English to the wedding. Lord Berrybender was a nobleman, after all—he and his family could not be simply ignored. Wine and champagne were flowing—even before the nuptials began Hugh Glass got so drunk that he rolled off the parapet and broke three ribs—though even that didn’t keep him from dancing. Lord Berrybender was no soberer—soon he was hopping around on one foot, attempting to dance.

  Tasmin cared for none of it. She was correct with the governor and the various dignitaries and only a little cool with Kit Carson, whom she considered to be something of a traitor for having married without her permission. His bride, Josefina, was such a friendly, winning little person that Tasmin unbent and kissed her. Maria, the haughty sister, looked rather chalky— she had cried all night and had had to powder heavily.

  Horse r
aces were to follow the dancing; the handsome Monsieur St. Vrain was expected to win them all, but Tasmin didn’t stay for the races. Once she had drunk the proper number of toasts she went at once to Pomp and persuaded him to follow her upstairs, into her bedroom, where a good fire had been laid. With her door firmly locked behind them, well above the clamor of the festivities, Tasmin was determined to have a long, slow, amorous joust of the sort she had been wanting ever since she had fallen in love with Pomp. At last, she thought, I’ll have you—and Pomp followed without reluctance—at first he looked rather amused, which was not exactly what she wanted. Tasmin was determined, now that she really had Pomp alone, to break through the amusement and the politeness and arouse a passionate Pomp. She was ready to do anything—hit him, bite him, fondle him, probe, kiss—anything to break down his pleasant, accommodating reserve. She had had enough of merely being tolerated, obliged. She meant to be wanted, as much as this man could want.

  And yet their fiesta was ill timed; just when Tasmin wanted them to be slow, they were quick. But Tasmin refused to quit. She wouldn’t let Pomp up. She meant to keep him in the stained and tangled bedsheets all day and all night, if she could. She bit and she caressed—she insisted on long kisses, for it was when they kissed that she was able to feel that she had at last found him. With her mouth on his she whispered that she loved him and he began to kiss back. He was a young man, easily rearoused after a short interval. Tasmin urged and they enjoyed a longer rut; she was beginning to feel that she knew how to please him— and yet finally she jumped out of bed so abruptly that a long spill of seed came trickling down her thigh; she stomped around the room naked, furious, hurt, sobbing in confusion. She stood in front of the fireplace for a moment and then slumped back on the bed and dried her tears with one of the too coarse sheets. Instead of being filled with feeling, as she had hoped to be, she felt drained of it—she felt blank, felt it was all impossible, couldn’t understand why she always had to be the one to start the fiesta with this man— why must she do everything? If she wanted to be touched in a certain way she had to take his hand and move it, much as she had taken Monty’s hand when she wanted him to wave at his father. Pomp was a grown man—why must she direct things as if they were actors on a stage?

  “I guess I’m not learning very fast,” Pomp said, wrapping her in his arms. Tasmin, angry, tried to shrug him off but he tightened his arms around her and held her. Too tired to go on the attack, she rested in his arms.

  “I want you—it’s not something I learned,” Tasmin said, though listlessly. “It’s something that is. I have no one to blame but myself. You told me that night on the Yellowstone that you were not really troubled by desire. I’ve merely been forcing myself upon you. Why should you want me? I’m married to Jim—and I’m pregnant, probably by you. I’ve made a thoroughgoing mess, married to a man who constantly leaves me and in love with you, another man, who refuses to arrive. Thank God for Little Onion—she has been more help to me than you and Jimmy put together.”

  Pomp didn’t say anything, but he continued to hold her.

  “I wasn’t seeking expertise from you, though I wouldn’t scorn it,” Tasmin said. She had begun to feel comfortable in his arms, though, and when he kissed her lightly she didn’t object. It showed that he was fond of her, at least—she had always known he was fond of her. Why had she been unable to leave it at that? But she hadn’t, and now they were lovers, although only one of them was in love. If pressed, Pomp might claim otherwise, but that was loyalty, not love. Fond he was, loyal he was, attracted he could be, in love he was not. Now that she had touched and considered every part of his body she could not allow herself to believe that Pomp was going to fall in love with her.

  “It’s very discouraging to a woman to have to force these things,” Tasmin told him, trying not to sound reproachful—it was just something she wanted him to know.

  Pomp continued to hold her—she was feeling more and more tired.

  “What am I to do, Pomp?” she asked in a low voice. “Sooner or later, unless we’re all killed, my father will hunt his way to an ocean where there are boats that go to Europe. By then I’ll have my child by Jimmy and my child that I suspect is by you. What am I to do then? Stay with Jimmy Snow, who can’t bear much domesticity? Pester you, a man who doesn’t really need a woman? Leave you both and go home and marry some fop? Stay in America, where, sooner or later, I’ll probably get scalped? At least you would fit in my world, if I do go back to England, as I must if my children are to be properly educated. I care for my Jimmy but there’s no pretending he’d like England—he wouldn’t put up with it for a week. And you don’t really want this— that’s not likely to change.”

  “That’s a big bunch of questions,” Pomp said. He looked at her fondly, and twined his fingers in hers.

  “Yes ... a bunch of questions, and you’re not helping me answer any of them,” Tasmin said.

  She sighed, started to sit up, found that she lacked the energy, lay back.

  “The worst of it is that I do love you, even if I have to teach you everything,” she said. She reached for his crotch and held him, and was still holding him, her questions unresolved, when the two of them went to sleep.

  58

  Tasmin was sitting quietly . . .

  TASMIN was sitting quietly in her room with Vicky Kennet, the two of them passing a mirror back and forth, when the Mexican cavalry, forty-five strong, swept into the courtyard of the trading post. At first the two women tried to ignore the clatter. Both were contemplating cutting their hair, and for the same reason: resignation, utter resignation. Life—or at least romantic life—had arrived at a stalemate; neither woman could foresee a time when they could be happy with their lovers, Lord Berrybender in Vicky’s case, Pomp Charbonneau in Tasmin’s. The two women, amiable as sisters now, were agreed that they paid much too dearly for whatever driblets of pleasure they derived from these two men.

  “Let’s cut it off—let’s be drab—they can hardly like us less,” Tasmin complained. Then, intolerably vexed by the clatter from the courtyard, she strode across the room and flung open the door, meaning to shout down whoever was making all the noise below. How were ladies contemplating the decisive step of cutting their hair to be expected to complete their deliberations when there was such a racket outside?

  When Tasmin yanked open the door she almost charged straight into two bayonets, which were attached to muskets aimed at her. As a result of her momentum she only just avoided having her bosom pricked. Both soldiers, though uniformed, were mere boys; both looked shocked when Tasmin came charging at them. Both immediately lowered their muskets. Tasmin, for her part, was so startled at being unexpectedly confronted with naked bayonets that she dropped her mirror, which, fortunately, didn’t break.

  The boy soldiers who faced her seemed frightened, as if they, not she, were under attack. She saw their legs trembling when she stooped to pick up her mirror. Beyond them, down in the courtyard, she could see a great many mounted soldiers milling around. Her father had evidently been prevented from leaving on his hunt. Red in the face with outrage, he was surrounded by cavalrymen. Signor Claricia and Amboise d’Avigdor were with him, the former looking resigned, the latter looking pale.

  “Heigh-ho, Vicky—no barbering today,” Tasmin told her. “There’s a bunch of soldiers here and they’ve made bold to interfere with Papa.”

  Before the two of them could leave the room to investigate, a trim young officer stood in the doorway— after glancing around the room to make sure no men were in hiding, he bowed courteously to the ladies.

  “I’m Lieutenant Molino, please forgive my discourtesy,” he said. “I’m afraid you are now to consider yourselves prisoners of war.”

  “War? Us? What war?” Tasmin asked.

  Lieutenant Molino, who was quite handsome, smiled at them pleasantly—as if he himself was aware of the absurdity of what he had just said.

  “There are angry wars and polite wars,” he said. “I hope this wi
ll be a polite war. For the moment it would be best if you come with me.”

  “Now? But we’ve not made our toilette,” Tasmin protested.

  “If I may say so, you both look very presentable,” Lieutenant Molino replied. “Right now Captain Reyes is about to make a speech—his humor will not be improved if we keep him waiting.”

  He bowed again and swept his arm, indicating that the two of them were to go ahead of him.

  “Let’s go, Vicky—how exciting. I guess I ain’t been a prisoner of war before,” Tasmin said.

  Once on her balcony, Tasmin saw that the whole courtyard was filled with Mexican soldiers, the sun glinting off their bayonets. All along the balcony the Berrybenders and their servants were being herded along by boy soldiers such as the two Tasmin had almost charged into. In the center of the courtyard, a small, wiry captain with a ridiculous plume on his hat sat on a large sorrel horse, impatiently popping a small quirt against his leg. Charles Bent, red in the face with vexation, was remonstrating with the captain, who appeared to be unmoved by whatever appeal Charles was making. Lord B., still in his buggy, was red in the face too, but he had stopped shouting and was attempting to follow the argument.

  “This means Jimmy was right all along,” Tasmin remarked, going down the steps. At the bottom Little Onion waited with Monty and Talley.

  “Jimmy said we’d be arrested before we got to Santa Fe—now it seems he’s proven right. And yet we’re not very near to Santa Fe, and we’re guests of the important Bents. After all, we just danced with the governor at the wedding. Surely we can’t be intended for slaughter.”

  “It is a pity Monsieur St. Vrain left us,” Buffum observed. “He is far more the diplomat than Mr. Bent.”

  St. Vrain had left that very morning, taking Hugh Glass and Jim Bridger with him, his object to scout out possible locations for a trading post on the South Platte.