The Edge of Us (Crash and Burn Book 2)

by Jamie McGuire

  He looked down at me, smiling. “And when I’m not strong enough for that anymore?”

  I kissed his stomach, lifting the waistline of his sweatpants and licking beneath. His head fell back, and he sighed, already relaxing. “Let’s focus on what’s happening right this second,” I said.

  I tugged, and his pants slipped over his bare skin, making a light noise when they fell to the floor. I took him fully inside my mouth, and he groaned, resting his palm on the back of my head.

  Zeke whispered my name; he was with me in that moment, thinking only of how I was making him feel. It was just us again without the hundreds of negative emotions that bombarded us daily.

  “Oh my God, you feel good,” he said, his fingers tangling in my hair.

  chapter thirty-two

  hollow

  Naomi

  I

  think I’m close.

  I’ll just send you my location, I typed out with a sigh. In Trex’s defense, I was on a mountain in the middle of nowhere, lying on the hood of my FJ, staring up at the billions of stars above me.

  Two headlights formed in the distance at the same time Trex’s truck engine ripped through the otherwise quiet night. He honked once, the sound carrying and bouncing off the mountains that surrounded me.

  His boots crunched in the gravel, and he stood next to me.

  I didn’t look at him, instead focusing on the sky above.

  “Is he still being a dick?” Trex asked.

  “He’s not a dick. He’s going through a lot.”

  “Did you fight or something?”

  “No, I just let him vent and keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to upset him. He’s had two episodes this month already, and we’re five days into May. They’re not going to let him in.”

  “They as in the Alpines?”

  “Correct.”

  “Damn,” Trex said, leaning against the hood.

  “Try telling a guy who chose a job for the adrenaline that he can’t do that job anymore, or anything that might excite or upset him.”

  “And you’re keeping your mouth shut when he takes it out on you? Nomes, if I could think of a true hell for you, this would be it.”

  “It’s not,” I said.

  “Feeling sorry for him and loving him aren’t the same thing.”

  “That’s not what this is.”

  “You don’t think he can see it? I can only speak for myself, but if I was in the same predicament, the last pair of eyes I would want to see pity in would be Darby’s. He’s probably hoping you of all people won’t treat him differently, and you losing Matt adds a whole new level of clusterfuck.”

  I sat up, bending one knee to rest my elbow on. “You’re right. I’ve been so worried I’ve been babying him. It just pisses him off more.”

  “So when you’re ready, go home and hash all of this out. If he’s being a dick, tell him. Yell at him. Make it feel like an equal. Dating you would not be easy.”

  “Thanks,” I said, glaring at him. My features softened. “How’s the baby? Did you get the loan?”

  Trex smiled. “Maddie is growing. Rolling over. You should try it someday.”

  “Rolling over?” I teased.

  He ignored me. “I thought there was nothing better than being with Darby. Nope, parenting with her, being Maddie’s father. It’s everything, man. It’s everything. And we got the loan. Everything has been smooth so far.”

  “How is Stavros taking it?”

  “He’s relieved. He’ll still manage the hotel and bartend. He said Darby being his boss won’t be much different from before. But she’s going to pull that place out of the grave. She has all these great ideas. She’s amazing.”

  “Wow. You guys will own a fucking hotel. That’s nuts.”

  He grinned. “Yeah. So… I saw you in the weight room this afternoon talking to Bennett. It looked tense.”

  “We’ve been fighting a lot.”

  “About?”

  “He’s getting a divorce. He’s still in love with me … or, what he thinks is love which is really him not being able to let go or be alone. He’s unhappy about my relationship with Zeke. He was pissed off that I didn’t tell him when Spenser and Kansas visited the past two times. Zeke thinks he has something to do with the Forestry Department’s decision. It’s just”—I sighed, feeling tired just explaining it—“it’s a mess, Trex.”

  “Why are you here?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “You have no kids. Zeke has to find another job anyway. Get away from Bennett. He can’t control everything.”

  “You won’t have a job if I leave.”

  Trex thought about that. “You think so?”

  “I know so.”

  “We don’t trade one for another, Naomi. If you’re unhappy here, go. We’ll figure it out. I have the hotel and my family. Sloan, Kitsch, and Martinez can go wherever. Harbinger might have a tougher time since his kids haven’t even been here a full year, but…”

  “The guys will have to go back into contract work, Trex. I’m not doing it.”

  “Then you have to set boundaries. I’ll talk to him.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  He sighed. “Then what can we do?”

  “He wants to come over tonight. Zeke and Watts are going to do boy things. I’ll set some ground rules, but it’s going to limit us at work. We might all get fired anyway.”

  “Then we all get paid by his daddy to keep quiet when you file a sexual harassment lawsuit, and we follow that up with unjustified termination. It’s a fair trade.”

  I nodded, jumping down off the FJ. Trex hugged me quickly, then I followed his truck down the mountain into town. The street lights twinkled like the stars, and the different responses Peter might have to what I had to say played over in my mind. It would be a fine line, telling him we were over and still making sure he walked away a friend. Peter loved me. I just hoped it was the kind of love that made him think twice before doing something to hurt me and my team.

  When I pulled into the drive, Zeke’s truck was absent, replaced by Peter’s car. He was waiting on the porch in a white button-down and navy-blue slacks, missing his usual tie and suit jacket. Even his top button was undone.

  “You look … casual,” I said.

  “It’s been a rough week and have another one coming up.”

  “Work or divorce?”

  “Both.” He stood, following me inside. “Where’s Zeke?” he asked, looking around. “Doesn’t he live here now?”

  “Pretty much. I’d offer you a drink, but I don’t keep any here anymore. Water?”

  Peter made a face. “Why not?”

  I shifted my weight. “Zeke has a heart condition. Alcohol makes it worse.”

  “What kind of heart condition? Is it serious?”

  I glared at him. “He’s not going to die, if that’s what you’re asking. Even though he might feel like it since the Forestry Department didn’t approve his contract this year. Peter…”

  “What?”

  “You didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?”

  Peter frowned. “I didn’t know about the heart condition.”

  “Did you pull him?”

  “I have zero authority there, Naomi, please.”

  “You have favors.”

  He grinned. “Which I used to get you this job. I only have one favor out at the moment.”

  I crossed my arms. “I remember.”

  He walked into the kitchen. “Sounds like you’ve been waiting hand and foot on someone else. How about you let me do it for you for once?” He poured two glasses of ice water and handed me one.

  We sat on the couch, sipping our water in silence for a few minutes while I gathered my thoughts.

  “I was hoping we could talk about things between us,” Peter said.

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “It’s no secret that I’m in love with you. I’m willing to wa
it while this thing with Zeke plays out. I have a divorce and work pressures. The Deep Echo team switches out next week. It’s always a tough transition.”

  “This thing with Zeke isn’t going to play out, Peter. At least not the way you’re hoping. I love you, but it’s different than what it was. I care about you. I want you to be happy. But I’m happy with Zeke. We love each other. It’s the real deal.”

  “C’mon, Naomi. Matt was the real deal. I was the real deal. This guy, he’s an invalid.”

  Before I could stop myself, my fist connected with Peter’s jaw.

  He bent over, holding his face. He stomped his foot a couple of times then sat up. “What the fuck, Naomi?” he yelled.

  I kept my face smooth. “That’s for a lot of things.”

  His jaw moved from side to side while he held it in his fingers. “I shouldn’t be adoring the fact that I know you pulled that punch. What is wrong with me?”

  I frowned. “Peter, I don’t want to hurt you, but my love for you will never be anything more than loving you as an old friend.”

  He pressed his lips together to suppress a smile. “You never get over your first love.”

  “We were kids. I’ve learned love is very different than that.”

  “Is it? Love is love, Naomi.”

  “You’re not listening to me. Whatever you think we had is over. It was over when I fell in love with Matt. It’s not coming back because you’re getting a divorce, because you might lose your seat, or because we work together. It’s over.”

  Peter paled. “You can’t know that.”

  “I know it.”

  He stood, shaking his head. Splotches of red were forming on his face where I’d hit him. “Remember our first kiss?” he asked.

  My face screwed into disgust. “Yes. You slobbered all over me.”

  “That kiss was your idea. I was terrified.”

  “I would be too, if I kissed like that.”

  “Do you remember what you said to me?”

  I thought about it then narrowed my eyes at him.

  He continued, quoting my fourteen-year-old self, “How will we know anything until you kiss me?”

  “I’m not kissing you, Peter.”

  “Then how will you know? You said it yourself…”

  “I know, Peter, because I’m an adult. And I don’t need to talk you into kissing me.”

  He sighed and rubbed his temples. “Fine. Fine, I’m calling in my favor.”

  “What,” I seethed.

  “I’m calling in my favor. You kiss me, and if you don’t feel anything, I’ll let it go.”

  I could feel my nostrils flaring. My blood boiling. My face on fire. “You unbelievable bastard.”

  He held up his hands then let them fall to his side. “We do what we must.” His expression softened, and he took a step toward me. “Can I kiss you?”

  A truck engine pulled into the drive and shut off.

  “Zeke’s home.”

  “So?” Peter said.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  He shrugged. “At least you’re not sneaking around.”

  “I’m going to tell him why.”

  He shrugged again.

  I shook my head as Zeke came in the front door with Watts. I could smell the whiskey on him.

  Watts held up his hands. “I tried to stop him, Naomi. I swear to God.”

  “Are you insane?” I yelled. My words came out harsher than I’d meant.

  Zeke frowned. “The doc said occasionally.”

  “It smells like you drank for the entire year. What are you doing, Zeke?”

  “Celebrating,” he slurred.

  I looked at Watts, who didn’t answer. “Celebrating what?”

  Zeke gestured to Peter. “Why, you hanging out with your ex while I’m gone, of course.”

  Watts made a face. “You didn’t know that until we got here. Shut up.”

  “I knew something was up,” Zeke said, kicking the door shut.

  “Hey!” I yelled.

  Zeke pointed at Peter. “This is not fucking cool, Naomi, and you know it!”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay, calm down. There is a very good explanation. I told him he’s just a friend, that everything we had is over. He doesn’t believe me. I owe him a favor, and he’s calling it in.”

  “And what’s that?” Zeke asked.

  “Naomi,” Peter prodded.

  I glared at Peter. “How does this solve anything? He’ll kick your ass. You’ll call the police. The press will catch wind of everything, and everything you’ve been hiding will unravel. Nothing changes. No one wins,” I said.

  “Then explain to Zeke how favors work for people like us.”

  I breathed out through my nose, looking away. “This is so stupid.”

  “What’s going on?” Watts asked.

  I pointed to the door. “Take Zeke outside.”

  Zeke’s brows pulled together. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I pointed again. “Take him outside, goddamn it!”

  Watts reached for Zeke, but Zeke shoved him back. “Don’t fucking touch me. I’m staying. What’s the favor, Naomi?”

  I stared at him. “It won’t mean anything to me.”

  “What’s the favor?” he asked again.

  I looked away. “Please go outside,” I begged. I looked at him, and he shook his head.

  “Tell me,” he insisted.

  I glared at Peter. “Then you’ll leave us alone? Forever.”

  Peter shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll have to.”

  “Yes or no,” I demanded.

  “Yes,” Peter said quickly.

  “What’s the favor?” Zeke screamed.

  I grabbed Peter’s shirt and pulled him toward me. He opened his mouth, kissing me deeply. I let him hold me tight, cradle my face, telling me about the years he’d loved me and how he always would in that single kiss. The room was quiet, and I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to see Zeke’s face. Finally, Peter released me. “Now you can tell me you feel nothing.”

  I looked up at him, tears in my eyes. “I. Feel. Nothing,” I said through my teeth.

  Peter’s smile vanished. He stepped back, wounded, then turned and walked out with his head down.

  I stared at the door, then finally got the courage to peek at Zeke’s expression.

  He tapped Watts’ shoulder. “Let’s go.”

  “Wait…” I said, pulling on him. I pointed at the door. “I did what I had to do. He called in a favor.”

  Zeke swallowed.

  “Maybe you should both sleep and revisit this in the morning?” Watts suggested.

  “C’mon,” I said, pulling him toward the bedroom.

  He stopped. “I’ll sleep it off at the hotel. I should go before I say something I’ll regret.”

  “Say it,” I begged. “Say what you want, just stay.”

  He wiped his nose with his knuckle and sniffed. “Yeah, not going to happen.”

  “You saw it! You know why! After I told him it was never going to happen, he asked me to kiss him so we’d know, like when we were kids. I told him no. He called in his favor. I have to walk a fine line with him, Zeke. Peter brought us here to keep me close. My friends’ jobs are on the line. Harbinger’s boys have been in school less than a year. Kitsch is just getting settled in. Martinez and Sloan are both seeing someone.” I pointed at Watts. “Randon is in love with my cousin. How many new relationships do you know that last through fire season?”

  Watts frowned. “Kansas won’t visit?”

  “You think I’m scary? You don’t want her in Colorado. When she finds out about all of this, if she gets within fifty miles of Peter she’ll come after him. Probably maim him for life and leave no evidence. She gives zero fucks when it comes to her family.”

  “Then turn Peter in,” Zeke said.

  “You have no clue how this works. It’s politics. He holds all the
cards. He brought us here and just like that”—I snapped—“he can send us packing. This is the first job where we could feel like we’re not living a lie, that our families could live with too. There is nothing else Harbinger can do like this where he can go home to his family every night. We aren’t built for anything else. If I have to play the game with Peter, that’s a price I’ll have to pay.”

  “What else are you willing to do?” Zeke snarled.

  “Hey,” Watts said, pulling him back.

  “What, did I cross a line? I come home to see my girlfriend kissing her ex, and I’m the bad guy?”

  I shook my head. “You’ve been pushing me away for months. This is convenient for you.”

  “Yes, my plan came together perfectly! I’m a goddamn genius! I was hoping exactly this would happen, to be unemployed shortly after learning that I can’t keep up with my own girlfriend, then to see the woman I love getting tongue choked by a world-class cockmuppet.”

  Cockmuppet? Watts mouthed.

  “The best part,” Zeke yelled, holding up one finger, “is that I can’t do anything about it, because I can’t even drink a beer without wondering if my heart is going to puss out on me!” he said, screaming the last words. Veins bulged from his neck, and he stumbled back, then leaned over, grabbing his knees.

  “Jesus Christ,” I said, kneeling in front of him.

  He met my gaze, breathing hard. “What was the favor?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, a tear escaping down my cheek. “When we came to get you guys the day that Fish was hurt. Peter let us go out to get you as a favor to me. That’s not the kind of favor you don’t pay back, Zeke. And he’s not the guy to betray. He feels like I held up my end of the bargain. It’s over.”

  Zeke stood. “You’re right about that.”

  “Zeke,” I said, brushing away a tear that had toppled over my lashes.

  “I was already losing you,” Zeke said. “It’s time to call it.”

  I shook my head. “Zeke, you’re drunk. Go back to the hotel. Come home in the morning, and we can talk.”

  “This isn’t my home. It’s yours.” He looked around the room. “The home that Peter built,” he spat.

  “We should go,” Watts said.

  “You’ll keep an eye on him?”

  Watts nodded. “He’s going to hate himself in the morning,” he whispered. “Don’t be too hard on him.”