All Your Fears

by Peter Hodgson

  ‘He’s called Smarty.’

  ‘Nice name … You look a bit under the weather, Kim. Are you feeling all right?’

  ‘Jaded, to be honest. Have you got the day off?’

  ‘No. One of the girls had to go home. I’m standing in for a few hours. It wouldn’t look good on me if I let them down.’

  When they reached Markham’s, Kim tied the dog lead to the pet parking post. ‘He won’t bite anyone,’ she assured Gill.

  Most of the seats were taken by visitors and regulars sheltering from the clinging drizzle. Paula’s face brightened when she saw Gill. ‘Your apron is ready and waiting. Glad you could make it.’

  Gill changed her coat for an apron and cleared the tables. Kim ordered a mug of tea and a toasted teacake. She sat opposite a dour-faced woman who was spooning chocolate cake to a toddler in a buggy. Kim tried to make conversation and received a cold response. She delved in her pocket, pulled out her mobile, rang Jay. There was no answer and she didn’t bother to leave a message. He’d answered the previous calls. Although busy, he always had time to chat and reassure her. His deep voice had a calming effect, and he seemed genuinely concerned for her well-being. Once again, she found herself thinking about him, and realised Jay Yeldon could change her life in a way she never dreamed would be possible. The chance of having a deep, long-lasting relationship with him seemed improbable. She guessed he was intelligent enough to figure things out for himself and feared past events would come back to haunt her.

  She swallowed the last piece of tea cake, washed it down with lukewarm tea. On her way out, Gill waved and mouthed the words, ‘See you next week.’ Kim smiled and nodded.

  The drizzle had turned into rain. The quietness of the Courtyard was shredded by the sound of traffic moving cautiously along High Street. Kim pulled her collar up and stared wide-eyed at the parking post. A sickening panic spiralled inside her and turned her stomach inside out.

  Smarty was nowhere to be seen.

  Chapter Ten

  Kim rinsed the cosmetic lens case, put it on the bathroom shelf to dry. She studied her face in the mirror, a ‘new’ face she had invented two years previously. She picked up the tiny brush. With a trembling hand she applied mascara to her eyelashes to finalise the look she despised. Tears spilt from her lower lids. The mascara smudged and ran down her cheeks. She wiped them away and repeated the process, determined not to cry. She brushed her hair, paying attention to the roots to make sure her natural colour wasn’t showing. She minced her way into the bedroom, sat down. Her worry created an intolerable anguish. The notion of living without Smarty was unimaginable. She swore to herself for being stupid enough to have left him in a spot hidden from her view. She struck her knee out of exasperation and the door knocker resonated loudly throughout the house.

  Gill was waiting outside, looking smart in well-pressed grey trousers and a black parka jacket. Kim greeted her with a vacant stare. ‘Forgive me, Gill. You look different with your hair down. Come in and take a seat.’

  ‘Thanks, Kim,’ she said, her voice flat. ‘I walked here, kept my eyes open on the way …’

  ‘There’s no news?’

  ‘There is, but it’s not good.’

  Kim’s tears flowed again. Her heart sank even lower. She asked Gill to wait whilst she finished dressing. The sickness in her stomach worsened with the belief that Smarty was dead. Five minutes later, they were sitting close to each other. Kim waited for Gill to speak. ‘All the staff at Markham’s are aware what’s happened,’ she began. ‘I told them the colour and breed of the dog. Labradors are easy to spot. They’re going to keep their eyes open and tell their friends to do the same. Let’s hope someone sees him.’

  ‘What’s the bad news?’

  ‘When you went to look for him, Paula asked the nearby shop owners in the Courtyard if they had seen anything.’

  ‘Has someone stolen him?’

  ‘A man was seen walking away with him. Mrs West, who runs the kiddies shop, said she saw a man with fair hair, balding. He was late thirties, early forties.’

  ‘I’ll never get him back, will I? He could be abused and hurt. They might use him as bait for a vicious Bull Terrier to rip to pieces. Some men enjoy watching animals being torn to pieces. It’s cruel and obscene. I hate it. I hate them.’

  ‘Kim, you’re thinking of the worst scenario. Dog-baiting does go on. I doubt it happens in this town.’

  ‘Suppose he’s been taken somewhere else? He could be dead by now.’

  ‘I honestly don’t think he’s dead, Kim. Was he chipped?’

  ‘Yes. Whoever has him isn’t going to bring him back though, are they?’

  ‘Look, if he breaks free someone will find him and return him to you … Sorry, I have to go. The landlord of my flat wants to see me at eleven o’ clock.’

  ‘I’ll come to the door with you,’ Kim said, looking doleful.

  Gill’s optimism did nothing to lessen her heartache. She thanked her for the update and saw a red VW Polo pull up. Jay jumped out of the car and approached them. Gill was bemused by his red tartan trousers, black t-shirt under a tartan waistcoat, grey plimsolls with red laces. Somehow the ponytail made the clothes look less ridiculous for a man of his years.

  ‘I got your text,’ he said, standing beside them. ‘Still no sign of the dog?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. This is Gill. She works at Markham’s coffee shop.’

  ‘Pleased to meet you.’

  Gill acknowledged him with a nod. Turning to Kim she said, ‘It’s early days. If I hear anything I’ll be in touch. Bye.’

  Kim waved and watched her fast-pace down the road.

  ‘She said a man was seen taking Smarty away from the Courtyard. What am I going to do, Jay?’

  ‘We can go round town in my car, keep our eyes peeled. What does this man look like?’

  Kim described him and said, ‘What would we do if we saw a man with a Chocolate Lab?’

  ‘We would have to approach him. Smarty would recognise you straight away.’

  ‘Yes, he would. Let’s do it.’

  Kim told him to wait in the car whilst she put her shoes and coat on. Jay slid a CD into the player and selected the song, ‘Like Suicide,’ by Soundgarden, one of his favourite bands. He tapped the steering wheel in unison with the beat. A black Ford Focus passed by and turned into the driveway of the adjoining house. Stuart got out of his pristine vehicle, caught the attention of Kim walking down the pathway. They spoke to each other over the well-maintained hedge that formed a dividing line between the two homes. Stuart shrugged, gave a non-committal reply and looked to the ground when Lauren approached them. Her displeasure was plain to see. Jay lowered the car window. A quarrel ensued. Kim apologised and said she couldn’t understand why she had done it. Lauren stood stiffly and demanded an answer. Kim shouted incoherent words, strode up to Jay’s car and jumped in. He turned the ignition on and drove off.

  ‘Was that Stuart?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, and his wife.’

  He waited in vain for an explanation. ‘Is there a problem? There was mention of you being naked in the rear garden.’

  ‘What if I was? It’s my garden. I can do as I please in it.’

  ‘Naked in the garden. Obviously, somebody saw you.’

  ‘They both saw me.’

  ‘You need to explain your actions. Were you trying to cause a rift, or were you hoping they would come outside and join you in a threesome?’

  ‘Very funny. I can’t for the life of me explain the reason for my behaviour. I don’t want you to think I’m a nymphomaniac.’

  ‘The last time I visited you, you gave the impression you wanted sex.’

  ‘Believe me, I’m not that kind of woman. I’ve upset Stuart and Lauren and don’t want to upset you as well.’

  He threw her an eyebrow-raised glance. Kim stared at the road ahead, with a thread of hope hanging amidst her suffocating anguish over Smarty. Five minutes’ driving took them to Castle Street. Jay pulled up and je
rked the handbrake into position. Kim cast him a worried look. ‘Why have we come here?’

  ‘Lots of people come here with their dogs. I’ve brought some binoculars too.’

  They took the path along the base of the castle’s limestone crag. Jay stopped for her to catch up with him. They linked arms, carried on to the stone steps overlooking the field with the pathways designed to resemble the shape of a flower when viewed from a distance.

  ‘Over there is where a man stood watching me, and down there is where I met the blonde woman … I don’t want to be here. I feel nervous.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Nothing bad is going to happen.’ He raised the binoculars to his face and searched the grounds for the missing canine. ‘There are a few walkers out today. Some near the skate park, some close to the bandstand … I see an Alsatian and two Poodles … a Springer Spaniel, and, I think, a Chocolate Labrador.’

  A surge of excitement rose in her chest. ‘Let me have a look.’

  ‘Over there,’ he said, pointing to a solitary tree.

  Kim focused the lenses. Disappointment negated her excitement. The dog was on a lead, trotting along next to a man.

  ‘It’s not Smarty,’ she mumbled.

  ‘How can you tell?’

  ‘Smarty’s not fat.’

  ‘Let’s have a walk along those paths. We have nothing to lose.’

  ‘I don’t want to spend any more time here. Let’s go somewhere else.’

  ‘It’s your call, Kim. We’ll move on.’

  Kim made her way back to the car. Jay trailed behind her and considered the possibility of a connection between the disquieting events she had encountered.

  ‘This is what we’ll do,’ he said when they were in the car. ‘You do the looking and I will concentrate on the driving.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  He drove around the town. Kim concentrated on the walkways and side streets, saw no dogs resembling a Labrador.

  ‘Where are we off to?’

  ‘Anywhere. It doesn’t matter. I’ll keep on driving. You keep looking.’

  Five minutes later, Kim realised they were travelling down Parson Lane. ‘Why have you come here?’ she said, frowning. ‘This is where somebody drove a car at me and Smarty.’

  He drove for another mile, stopped the car and made a U-turn. ‘We passed a narrow road called Naggs Lane. We’ll have a look there. Smarty could be anywhere. We’ve nothing to lose’

  ‘Not a chance. We’re too far from town.’

  ‘Did you ever take him along Naggs Lane?’

  ‘Yes, it’s a shortcut to the estate.’

  ‘Labradors are intelligent. They recognise places.’

  He drove cautiously along the lane. Kim surveyed the fields on either side. ‘He’s not here. If he was seen wandering round, do you think there’s a chance the dog warden rescued him?’

  ‘Possibly. Tomorrow is Monday. You can ring the Borough Council and ask to speak to the warden.’

  ***

  Jay’s house was one amongst a row running the length of Church Lane and stood across the road from the parish church. They got out of the car and he commented on the soothing effect the church had on him when reading and checking assignments his students had prepared. Kim could hardly believe this was his home. She had imagined a large property in its own grounds, fronted by a sumptuous garden. He led the way in and flicked the light switch on. ‘This is where I spend most of my time.’

  A cleverly thought-out room combined without clash the necessities of an office and the comfort of a lounge. A sturdy table, supporting a computer, was tucked away in an alcove. A writing desk with contrasting shades of teak hugged the window and afforded a view of the church. An ornate, slender lamp stood on a round table positioned next to a beige two-seater sofa. All neat and tidy.

  ‘This room is much bigger than I thought it would be,’ Kim said.

  ‘Deceptive from the outside … I’ll prepare a meal. What do you fancy?’

  ‘I don’t want anything to eat.’

  ‘Cup of tea?’

  ‘Please. Not too much milk. Two sugars.’

  Kim looked at the pictures on the walls: an ostentatious reproduction of the Mayflower at anchor off Provincetown Harbor in 1620; prints of Charles Darwin, and a recent print of a Zulu warrior carrying his assegai and ox-hide shield. A photo standing on a tired bookcase caught her attention. She snapped her fingers around the frame and studied the features of the young woman. Her eyes shone radiant blue, the eyelashes were long and glazed with mascara. She had a stubby nose. A red stud pierced each nostril. Her hair was a frenzy of stiff spikes, black with purple streaks. Kim was struck by her appearance. She had seen her before, coming down the stairs from Emma’s flat. ‘Who is this?’ she asked when Jay returned.

  ‘My daughter, Kayla.’

  ‘How old is she?’

  ‘Eighteen. The photo was taken last year.’

  Kim put it in its original position. ‘Where is the mother?’

  ‘I’ve no idea. Stacy and I were never married. I haven’t seen her for years.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course, I’m sure.’

  ‘I bet you think about her … Are you seeing her behind my back?’

  ‘I have better things to do with my time. My main priority is to give you some support and find Smarty.’

  ‘Do you see your daughter?’

  ‘Not often.’

  Jay was irritated by her questions and had no intention of dragging up the past.

  ‘Drink your tea,’ he said sternly, ‘and I’ll take you home. Ring me if you need any help.’

  Kim didn’t think the time was right for an apology. Thoughts swirled like clothes in a washing machine.

  Jay hardly spoke during the drive. A puzzled look crossed his face when she mumbled something about Smarty and a bee. He kept quiet, was in no mood to have more mystery thrown at him, only a desire to return home and relax for the remainder of the day.

  The car turned into Redburn Close. Kim spotted a low crumbling wall she hadn’t noticed before and was surprised to see four joggers pounding the pavement. A tall, skinny man appeared to be the pacer. Behind him was a dark-haired, athletic woman followed by a chubby teenage boy and a blonde girl.

  ‘Look at the joggers,’ Kim said. ‘Slow down.’

  Jay took his foot off the accelerator. ‘What am I supposed to be looking at?’

  ‘The words printed on their vests. A message. Did you read them?’

  ‘I didn’t have time, Kim.’

  Jay dropped her off and drove away without saying goodbye. Back home he had a soothing bath, ate the meal he had prepared earlier and settled in his chair, cigars at the ready. During the following hour, irritation simmered beneath his confusion.

  What had caused Kim’s sudden distrust? And why had she interpreted the words on the vests as a personal message?

  Kim wrestled with her conscience, tried ringing Jay a few times and got no answer. She sat in silence for the remainder of the evening, unable to comprehend how a dead person could communicate with her.

  The despicable actions of the man she once loved had changed her life forever. He had returned to haunt and possess her. His evil had permeated the fabric of her existence.

  He whispered in her ear, reinforcing the message formed by the words on the joggers’ vests – THE DEVIL IS COMING.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kim fell asleep at two o’ clock the following morning. Blankets covered her shoulders and delicate neck, preventing the warmth from escaping. An expression of serenity on her face was complemented by a thin smile.

  When daylight seeped into the room, Kim moaned with pleasure and happiness. Her hand touched his head, her fingers ran over his smooth, wet nose. She tweaked his floppy, moist jowls. She opened her eyes, wished the pleasant dream could have lasted longer. She pulled her hand away from the duvet that were his jowls moments before. The feeling of loss burst inside her. She dragged herself out of bed and pulled
open the curtains. The morning light flooded the room and intensified the pain in her forehead. She sat at the dresser table, wept gut-wrenching snorts and said, ‘Where is my boy? Please, please, somebody find him.’

  She went to the bathroom, chin on chest, tears falling. First off, she rinsed down two tablets to clear the headache. After washing and drying herself she carefully removed her disposable cosmetic lenses and dropped them into the bin. Using her index finger, she inserted the new ones she’d purchased two weeks earlier. ‘How long do I have to carry on doing this?’ she thought, staring hard at her reflection. ‘I’m losing my friends. How can I win back Lauren’s friendship and trust? I must be good from now on. I will lose Jay if I don’t show some appreciation for helping me.’

  She dressed, went downstairs for some breakfast. Most of the Cornflakes she’d poured into her bowl ended up in the bin. She rubbed her tummy in a vain effort to ease the queasiness. She glanced at her watch and let out a breath of exasperation. Denise and Andy would be expecting to see her at the hotel in half an hour. She could tell them Smarty had gone missing. Andy might sympathise with her. On the other hand, Denise could become enraged and terminate her job. She opted to turn up at work and ordered a taxi. The next phone call was to the Borough Council. It took five minutes to obtain the number for the dog warden. She didn’t expect any good news. The warden said he had no reports of a lost Labrador.

  Kim brought her diary up to date, got into her coat and waited outside.

  ***

  Jay sat at his desk and admired the church grounds. The bluebells proudly nodded their arrival amidst the eternal Yew and resilient Ash trees. He picked up his pen and completed a set of questions he had devised for his students. He opened a drawer, looked inside for his commonplace book and re-read his notes on the blonde woman, the stranger peering over the garden fence, Kim’s lewd behaviour, and her ability to recall lines from a film. He leaned back, hands locked behind his head and whispered, ‘Now her dog has gone missing.’

  Thoughts of Kim had disrupted his concentration. He had allowed himself to be sucked into her life, to become a traveller on a journey into unknown territory. He was fond of her and would provide a shoulder to lean on, but was it worth the effort? Would he fall deeper into an abyss of turmoil? Another option presented itself. Gemma Mason had come up from the West Country to live and teach in Eaton Cross. Most of the male staff and pupils had taken an interest in this stunning thirty-year-old single woman. Miss Mason taught English and Maths and had a string of letters after her name. The headmaster referred to her as ‘Cersei,’ owing to her striking resemblance to Lena Headey in Game of Thrones. She was genial, helpful, and spoke with a faint, alluring Cornish accent. She often sat next to Jay in the staffroom. No matter what subject he touched on, she displayed her formidable encyclopaedic knowledge.