All Your Fears

by Peter Hodgson

  ***

  Smarty trotted in and out of rooms, exploring the smells of his temporary home. Jay had left for work three hours earlier. He told Kim to make herself comfortable and not go outside.

  She looked up at the print of the mighty Zulu warrior and read some of the history and philosophy titles on the top shelf of his collection. The lower shelf sagged with the weight of fictional novels by Dan Brown, Ken Follett and Patricia Cornwell. She then focused on the writing desk, his textbooks and writing implements. The room was the embodiment of his character, its ambience imparting a sense of safety and protection.

  She slid sideways, rested her head on the plump cushion. She caught the hint of a fragrance that took her back to the night they’d spent together at Lauren’s birthday celebration. Relief caressed her. Why hadn’t he deserted her when so much had gone wrong in her life? She assumed he must have disregarded Denise’s remark concerning her promiscuity. She had lied and knew she couldn’t suppress untimely, inappropriate sexual impulses she hoped would never return. She closed her eyes, hoping for sleep to overcome fatigue and fear of the unknown. Her body relaxed. Her conscious mind began to shut down.

  The gentle serenity of encroaching sleep was rudely interrupted by a hard knock on the window. Kim sat upright, startled. Somebody outside. A friend of Jay’s? An acquaintance, perhaps? She reluctantly answered the door. Kayla said who she was and walked in. Kim recognised her from the photograph on Jay’s bookcase. She wore the same spiky hair showing purple highlights. Her eyes matched the colour and shape of Jay’s.

  ‘Hello doggy,’ Kayla said. ‘He or she?’

  ‘His name is Smarty.’

  ‘You’re a nice doggy. Yes, you are.’

  Kayla plunged into the chair and gave her a head-to-toe glance. Kim sensed an aura of hostility, didn’t like the look of her.

  ‘Kim, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. Did your dad tell you I was staying here for a day or two?’

  ‘He did. He’s at school, trying to drum some sense into students who don’t want to learn anything. And here you are all nice and cosy. Did he tell you I wanted to stay here as well?’

  Kim shook her head and prepared for a rough ride.

  Kayla smirked. ‘We got loads of time to be with each other … Just the two of us … Fetch me a glass of milk and some biccies.’

  Kim obeyed. ‘There you are. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.’

  She slurped milk, shoved a biscuit into her mouth and gave one to Smarty. He wolfed it down in seconds, waited for another. Kayla obliged.

  ‘Don’t give him any more. Chocolate isn’t good for dogs.’

  Kayla swallowed hard and made a sarcastic smile. ‘Fool me. Do you want a biccy?’

  ‘No. I hope you’re not staying for long, only –’

  ‘I can stay as long as I want. This is dad’s place. I’ve as much right to be here as anyone. How long have you been together?’

  Kim was desperate to divert the tone of the conversation. ‘I’m not sure exactly how long. What kind of job do you do?’

  ‘Don’t have a job at the moment. Neither do you, by the looks of things.’

  A text message came through from Gill, asking if they could meet up for a chat. Kim was going nowhere. She sat down, shoulders back, arms hanging by her side.

  Kayla was at the desk. She opened a drawer and found what she wanted. ‘Who’s this blonde woman?’

  ‘You’ve been here less than five minutes and already you’re quizzing me. I can do without it. I’m tired and need to rest.’

  ‘You can rest later. Dad’s written some words on this photo: “Stalker. Lewdness. Promiscuous. Psychological disorientation. Ghosts. Stolen dog.” The word, “promiscuous” has a question mark. Wonder why? … So, what’s with the funny looking woman?’

  Kim gave an exasperated sigh. ‘You shouldn’t delve into someone’s private business. Go away and leave me alone.’

  ‘What’s up with you? Tell me what I want to know and I might be able to help you and dad.’

  ‘You’re being nosy. It doesn’t concern you.’

  ‘You’re a queer one. Beats me what dad is doing with a tart like you, and you don’t look much older than me.’

  ‘I’m at least ten years older than you and I’m not a tart.’

  ‘You surprise me … What does “promiscuous” mean?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘Not sure, eh? It means you’re an easy lay, a dirty cow.’

  ‘How horrible you are. None of it is true. That word doesn’t apply to me.’

  ‘Oh, yes it does. How did you meet dad?’

  ‘Ask him yourself.’

  Kayla stood up, knocking the plate and two biscuits onto the floor.

  Another treat for Smarty.

  ‘You’re keeping something from me.’

  ‘You’re having a go at me because I was invited to stay here,’ Kim growled.

  ‘Yeah, right. You look dead guilty to me. Stupid dad is in the thick of it, wasting his precious time sorting out your problems.’ She looked at the photo again. ‘Why would you have a stalker? Who would want to follow a skinny bitch like you who dyes her hair to make herself look prettier?’

  Kim’s jaw dropped open. ‘How do you know I dye my hair?’

  ‘I’m not stupid. Women notice things men don’t.’

  Kayla walked briskly out of the room. Kim followed her and said, ‘Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.’

  The door slammed in her face. Kim fell against the wall and slid onto the floor. Tears streamed down her face, forced out by the pressure rising in her chest.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘I’m going to prescribe a three-month course of phenelzine tablets,’ Dr Forbes said, looking over the top her glasses at Kim. ‘Take one tablet three times a day, with or without meals. One of the side effects is dizziness. It usually occurs in older people.’

  ‘Why can’t I have those other tablets I used to take?’

  Forbes read Kim’s medical history on the computer screen. ‘They were withdrawn last year. The phenelzine will help you relax and suppress the anxiety. You say you have seen a ghost and can feel a malicious presence in your home. I’m afraid I can’t offer an explanation. There may be some psychological reason for seeing a ghost, perhaps the shock of losing your mother. If these distressing occurrences continue I suggest you come and see me for a referral. In any case, I want to see you in two weeks. Book an appointment before you leave. As for your blood pressure, it’s slightly higher than normal. I’ll check it in due course. Have you any other concerns?’

  Kim shook her head, waited for her prescription and left the surgery without making an appointment. She joined the queue in the pharmacy and looked at her phone. There were missed calls from Jay and a message from Emma: ‘Can you stay with Samuel one night this week? I haven’t been out for ages. Will make it worth your while.’ Kim twisted her lip. How could she spend an evening looking after Samuel in the state she was in? Emma would return to the flat in the early hours of the following morning and probably reward her with some knocked-off tobacco. She ignored the request, looked at her watch. Jay would be at the school. Ringing him was a bad idea. Besides, why should she? Kayla’s callous words had left her with a bitter taste, and created a lingering resentment towards Jay.

  On the bus journey home, she made her mind up to poison the relationship between father and daughter.

  ***

  The silence of the room confused her. It slowly dawned on her she had gone to sleep on the floor. She lifted her head off the cushion, winced and rubbed her neck. She crushed the wrappings of the fish and chips she had bought earlier and disposed of them in the kitchen bin. She let Smarty go outside for some exercise.

  The sound of footsteps coming from beyond the fence were louder than usual. Someone going home, perhaps. The footsteps faded. She patted her chest, blew a breath of relief.

  Smarty ran inside the kitchen, his biological clock telling him grub-time h
ad arrived. She poured Chappie into his bowl. ‘Get it,’ she snapped. She leaned against the sink, cringed whilst he devoured it. ‘Finished, have we? Greedy little mutt,’ she shouted. She bowed her head in shame, filled a cup with water and took two phenelzine tablets to calm her frayed nerves.

  ‘Come here,’ she said softly. Smarty stood in front of her, bared his teeth and growled. Kim straightened herself. Her body stiffened from the shock of his hostile, unexpected response. ‘I don’t believe it, Smarty. You’ve never growled at me before.’ He ran into the living room and bounced onto the sofa. Kim followed him, called out, ‘Walkies,’ and got no reaction, not even a tail wag. She remembered Jay telling her that Labradors were intelligent. She believed Smarty could sense her fear of being discovered and knew how to punish her.

  She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. The roots of her hair were showing a different colour. ‘Perceptive Kayla,’ she thought. ‘What else does she know? What if she lets her tongue loose and warns the whole town?’ She ran to the bedroom, pulled off her shoes and jeans. Her trembling fingers struggled to unfasten the blouse buttons. She ripped it open, flung it onto the floor and fell onto the bed. The pouring sweat of distress saturated her face. Her blood boiled. She fanned herself with a magazine until her arm weakened and flopped onto the bed. The mighty wings of shame and guilt tormented her. Confusion and distrust linked hands, ready to pull her further into a nightmarish world from which there was no chance of escape.

  She listened to the voice in her head, saying, ‘Don’t let the others find you. Keep away from Kayla. Protect yourself. Don’t let the colour of your hair betray you.’

  She gathered the hair dye and plastic gloves. In the bathroom, she could see the shower curtains had been pulled together. A fine mist hung in the air. Water swirled in the plughole, and a deep voice rose above the sound of the spray, humming a once-popular tune. She tried to scream. Terror locked her vocal cords. She pressed her body against the cold tiled wall, stared at the huge, dark shape behind the curtain. The humming stopped, the shower was switched off. And Kim heard it. Deep breathing. Menacing. Inhuman. She summoned enough inner energy to overcome the shock. ‘Who are you?’ she said, her voice thin and croaky. ‘What do you want with me?’

  ‘Come with me and you will see the faces …’ The singing stopped, inviting her to finish the line of the one-hit wonder song that raced up the charts when it hit the music scene. Kim swallowed against a dry throat. She blinked hard, tried to avert her gaze from the looming figure standing a few feet away. ‘Look at me,’ he said. ‘The devil is here.’ A white fist punched a hole in the curtain. Long, bony fingers sprang open, tipped with sharp talons black as death. A network of delicate red veins pulsated over a hairless, pale body. He commanded her to look at his face. She felt his finger beneath her chin, and the talon tearing her skin. She met his eyes, and absorbed features she was familiar with. Two faces. Two men. Jay and the other man. Two beings blended into the evil one. Her mind absorbed his thoughts, his purpose. She could no longer hide from his intended punishment for her actions. His stare came with the hate of a thousand men. Burning red eyeballs. Pupils black and rectangular. A cruel smile formed and a long, scaly tongue darted from his mouth. ‘You thought you could be rid of me,’ he said in a deep, guttural voice. ‘I will always be with you. You will travel with me to the dark side.’

  ‘What do you want from me?’

  ‘You were there, inside the cottage. The child was there. Sarah. Remember?’

  ‘No, it’s not true. Go away and don’t ever come back. I hate you.’

  ‘You will be punished. Your torment begins. You were foolish to think you could escape me. I am your shadow. I will possess you. You can’t run away from me.’

  Kim’s body slid down the wall. The sulphurous smell of his foul skin drifted up her nostrils. Her stomach muscles strained uncontrollably, forcing out bright yellow liquid onto his foul penis.

  ‘You tried to deceive me by becoming another person,’ he said. ‘I will visit you again. Different place and time. I will show you a new face. Beware … Come with me and you will see … Such sweet memories.’

  Kim shot up from the sofa and cowered at the sounds of her own screaming coming from upstairs. A cold shudder rippled over her naked, wet body. She looked around for any signs of a disturbance. Everything was in order. Smarty was asleep, lying by the window in the fading sunlight. Her mind filled with doubt. Was a stranger lurking upstairs?

  She searched the house to no avail. The bottles of hair dye and conditioner were empty, confirming she had dyed her hair. She rubbed herself dry, got into her dressing gown and returned to the living room. She smoked a roll-up and mulled over the disturbing dream. Or was it a dream?

  The devil is coming.

  The message on the joggers’ vests flashed before her vision.

  Kim took another phenelzine tablet and told herself to be brave, to fight on. Gill would help her and Lauren was close by, willing to comfort her and offer reassurance in times of need. She was completely different to Jay’s inquisitive daughter whose vindictive attitude posed a lingering threat. And what might Kayla learn from Jay? Would she browbeat him for more information? A rush of fear whipped her nerves into a frenzy. She slipped deeper into an abyss of mental anguish – the torture of unanswered questions, the cruel laughter of the devil himself. She hit the table with clenched fists and rolled onto the floor. She breathed rhythmically for five minutes. An unexpected calm settled her. Smarty sat in front of her. She reached out to stroke him. He growled and stood up, hackles proud, incisors exposed. Her body tensed. She had never witnessed such aggressive behaviour. ‘What’s the matter with you, Smarty? Sit. Sit down.’ He ignored her command and barked loudly. Her phone rang. To her relief, Smarty sank onto the carpet, licked his paws and went to sleep.

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘It’s me – Jay. You sound breathless.’

  ‘What do you want with me?’

  ‘I don’t understand your attitude. Isn’t it obvious why I’m calling?’

  ‘Nothing is obvious. How can it be? You don’t know what I’m going through.’

  ‘Listen to me, Kim. I intend to get to the bottom of this whether you like it or not. Something strange is happening to you. I intend to discover the reason and who’s behind it.’

  ‘You don’t care what happens to me.’

  ‘If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have asked you to stay with me. I wouldn’t have recommended you see a doctor.’

  ‘I’ve been to see a doctor. I’m on tablets. They’re not doing anything for me.’

  ‘Early days. They won’t work straight away. Tell me, why did you go without leaving a message or phoning me?’

  ‘I left because of your nasty bitch of a daughter.’

  ‘She’s out of control. I’ve had problems with her before. I want you to know you are my main concern, not Kayla.’

  ‘Makes no difference to me. She threw loads of questions at me. She had come to spy on me and you put her up to it. Both of you are trying to catch me out. You think I’m a criminal … I’m beginning to believe it myself. You’ve gone too far this time. You’d better leave me alone, stop playing games, or else …’

  ‘Or else, what?’

  ‘Leave it out, Jay. Back off.’

  ‘Kim, we are not spying on you. Have faith in me … I’ll talk to Kayla. She owes you an apology. Nobody’s perfect.’

  ‘Nobody’s perfect, especially the evil one.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Your daughter is running free, doing her own thing.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘She’s not as innocent as you might think. I recognised her from the photo you keep. I saw her leaving a house on Albion Street.’

  ‘I don’t know where Albion Street is. What are you trying to say?’

  ‘You wouldn’t take kindly to the people who live there. Pritchard is one of them.’

  A bleep marked the end of their talk,
followed by an uneasy sensation that swamped his stomach.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lauren threaded her hair through the bobble and slid into the bubble bath. Stuart was working somewhere in the Midlands and said he would be late home. Earlier in the day, she made up her mind to have an evening of relaxation, time for herself to enjoy. Most of her work was routine and boring, had to be endured, and yet the years were slipping by.

  She recalled a conversation with her boss regarding the passage of time. His theory was that time travels faster with age because you value it more. Lauren believed he was right and hated the idea of a life consisting of early nights to bed, up in the morning for work. Tonight, she would watch one of her favourite films and drink wine. She had no intention of calling on Kim, phoning friends or logging in to Facebook.

  She enjoyed a long soak, towelled herself and put on her nightgown. She sat on the bed, looked at photos in Vogue magazine and read a healthcare article for five minutes. A noise from outside pierced her concentration. Maybe Stuart had arrived home. No movement, no sound from downstairs. Then it dawned on her what the noise was. She looked out into the velvety darkness. Someone was digging a hole in Kim’s back garden.

  ***

  The night terrors lingered in her memory. Vivid. Disturbing. Strange how some dreams are illogical and seem real at the time of having them. Without conscious volition, the scenario replayed itself. Kim chases a girl, tries to save her from certain death. The girl runs as fast as she can, stumbles repeatedly, and heads towards the man in black who beckons her to come to him. Kim screams her name, tells her to turn back. The distance between them increases. Kim’s legs are stiff. The running is arduous. She pulls damp air into her chest and wills herself to run faster. Her legs fail to respond. The girl is led away by him. Her cries for help echo across bleak fields. He drags her over stony ground, towards the cottages. Animal bones crack beneath his shoes.

  Kim finally arrives at the tumbledown row of cottages. She hears the gentle gurgle of a stream. Playful. Innocent. The man and girl have disappeared. A grim-faced detective and two female officers emerge from one of the buildings, followed by a headmaster wearing cap and gown. He yanks Kim’s arms behind her back whilst the officers slap her face. Their faces are chubby and pale. They laugh, their hairy chins going up and down like yo-yos. Their fat bellies wobble beneath ill-fitting uniforms. ‘Why are you not doing your job properly?’ Kim cries, wriggling and kicking to free herself from the headmaster’s grip. ‘You’ve got the wrong person. He’s in there, inside the cottage. Didn’t you see him, you fools?’