Broken Mercy

by Stacy McWilliams

  Waking Up

  Amber

  My eyes were leaden, my body heavy, as the nurses around me, pottered about. I drifted in and out for a while, but I remember waking up and asking where my fish was. The nurses were all very confused, as I explained that the fish needed to get back into the water, or he would drown.

  Then I drifted off once more. My body was lighter when I next woke up. I was able to lift my arms and legs, but only a little, and I was able to wriggle my hands and my toes, on command. The neurology doctor, whose name I couldn’t remember, was in my room with a few nurses. One was called Jenn, and she was tall, pretty, and blonde. The other was called Zoe, and she was slim, with brown eyes, brown hair, and a kind face.

  My eyes scanned the room to see if Mason was around. Then I remembered his fury at the fact I was having the surgery. I closed my eyes, swallowing the pain and pushing it down to be dealt with later.

  Doctor Jason appeared and popped in to check on me. Him and Doctor Jacobs left the room, which left me with the nurses, who were explaining the medication dispenser to me.

  “Okay, so when you are sore, which you may be and the button is green, you can give it a push. It will deliver an intravenous dose of morphine, to keep the pain to a minimum. We'll be checking on you every hour and Zoe here, is your named nurse, so if you need anything give her a call.”

  Zoe smiled at me and nodded as she wrote some things down on my chart. Jenn turned and left the room, leaving me with Zoe, as she checked my blood pressure, heartrate, and temperature.

  “Are you comfortable?” She asked me and I glanced up at her, meeting her kind eyes with a smile.

  “Yes, I am. For now…”

  I began and was about to ask about Mason, when a cough near the door, made us both turn to see who was there. I regretted turning too quickly, as dizziness overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes, as my brain tried to escape my skull. As I waited for the nausea, pain, and discomfort to pass, I heard the visitors move closer into the room.

  When I opened my eyes, I saw Mason’s anxious face, swimming above me. His eyes were red, and blood-shot and his mouth was turned down in a grimace. He gave me a small smile, when I caught his eyes and Quinn who was with him, nodded over at me.

  “How ya doin,’ Bailey girl?” He asked me in a low voice.

  Zoe glanced between Mason and Quinn, with apparent surprise.

  “I’m okay, thanks, Quinn.” I muttered in a low, croaky voice.

  My throat was drier than the Sahara Desert, and my tongue was like sandpaper. I licked my dry lips and turned to Zoe, who was checking my machines, to ask if I could have some water, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were on Mason, who was standing beside me.

  “Zoe,” I whispered, and her eyes darted to Mason and then to me. “Can I have some water, please?” I asked her in a hoarse whisper, and she gave me a guilty look, before she nodded.

  “Of course, sweetie, but you need to take it easy. Small sips only and no more than one glass per hour.”

  Her eyes darted between me and the bed, then she came closer and whispered in my ear.

  “Is it okay if I ask Mr. Michaels and Mr. Forster to leave for a minute, because I need to help you sit up, so you can drink some water?”

  She knew who they were and I wondered if Mason had told her. I realized that she probably knew who he was, in the same way most of the female population of the world knew. He was a singer and a pretty famous one at that. I gave her a brief smile and watched her for a moment, before she turned, walking the boys outside. The next few minutes were pure torture, as she helped me to position myself in a more upright position. My head was hammering, my ribs burning, my wrist aching and my ankle throbbing.

  The button was green, and I gave it a push because I wasn’t a masochist. Mason and Quinn came back in, as the drugs kicked in and I was feeling pleasantly floaty and relaxed. Mason came over and sat on the chair by my bedside, entwining our fingers and Quinn stood at the foot of my bed. I was holding the cup in my left hand and taking small sips of water, following Zoe’s orders, but then I began to feel nauseated. My hand shook, as I tried to set the cup down and Mason took it from me, placing it down gently on the table. As he did, I took small breaths in through my nose, as I struggled to contain my nausea. Zoe asked me if I was feeling sick and I gave her a thumbs up, without looking at her. Lifting my head was too much effort, and I was trying hard to not throw up. She asked if I’d like some antiemetics and I gave her a puzzled look, until she elaborated.

  “They’re anti-sickness tablets and will help, if you’d like them?”

  Again, I gave another thumbs up, and she muttered, “Okay,” before leaving the room.

  Once she was gone, Mason leaned closer and spoke to me in a rush.

  “I’m sorry I went off at you, Amber”

  His voice was a broken whisper and I turned slowly to look at him as he gently lifted my hand and pressed soft kisses to my knuckles, before he set it gently down. He edged closer and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, whispering with his lips against my skin.

  “I’m sorry for how I behaved, and I wish I could explain everything to you, but I can’t. I need to go home just now. I’ll be back tomorrow though.”

  A tear dripped onto my cheek and I wanted to ask him what was wrong. I wanted to check that he was okay and find out why he looked so sad. He gave me a final kiss on the cheek and was gone, before I could swallow the nausea enough, to ask him the question.

  My eyes were heavy, and tiredness battled with nausea as I tried to drift off to sleep. I eventually managing it, when Jenn and Zoe came back into my room and hung a small bag of fluids, which they ran through the cannula on my left wrist.

  I finally managed to drop off and woke up a few hours later, hearing the nurses speaking in the hallway, about Mason. I could hear them clearly through my door, which had been left ajar. One nurse was saying how sorry she felt for him and the other nurse was saying that he’d had nothing, but bad luck in the past year. I listened intently to their conversation and was more than a little confused by it.

  “Yeah, what a horrid thing to have happened to his family?” one nurse muttered.

  “I know. Do they know who did it yet?” The other nurse asked, as I lay there totally perplexed.

  Huh, did what?

  Was this about me?

  Surely, they couldn’t be speaking about me.

  I wondered and then I heard the first nurse speak again.

  “No. They know she was murdered and dumped in the bay, but they haven’t caught the guy who did it yet.”

  Who was murdered?

  What the fuck were they talking about?

  My brain was scrambling to come up with whom they could be talking about when it hit me. Helena or Ollie. It had to be one of them and of course they would see Ollie being murdered, as something that would devastate Mason.

  “I know, but his sister. Her life cut short. She was only twenty-three.” She paused and then spoke again as I wondered why Mason hadn’t told me.

  Oh my God, did he even know?

  What if he didn’t know, had found out later and I wasn't there for him?

  My heart began to race and my breathing sped, causing pain to radiate through me. I thought about how I should have been there, when he found out. He shouldn’t have had to go through this alone. The monitors at my beside began going haywire and the nurses rushed into the room.

  “Hi, Ms. Davis. Are you okay?” One pretty nurse, with blonde hair and green eyes asked, as she stood beside me.

  Her eyes scanned my injuries, and she winced as she saw my arm and my foot encased in plaster. My breathing was still ridiculously fast, as I tried hard to get it under control and my heart rate was still erratic.

  “Can we do anything for you?” she asked.

  I tried to nod, but the movement caused more pain to shoot through me. I tried to reach out with the fingers of my right hand to find my button, so I c
ould at least get some pain relief, but I couldn’t feel it.

  “Amber, you need to calm down. Your breathing is shallow and rapid, until it’s under control, I don’t think this is a good idea, do you?” The other nurse asked me, holding my control for my pain relief away from the bed.

  I didn’t miss the sharp look the first nurse threw at her. Nor did I miss the evil grin, that seemed to cross her face, as my breathing sped even more. I needed the relief. The pain was causing my breathing to speed up, but I couldn’t form the words necessary to tell her that. The first nurse came across and muttered something in a low voice, and the second nurse snapped at her.

  “Sharan, I don’t know why you think you know better than me. I’ve been doing this job for twenty-five years, so I think I know what I’m doing.”

  Sharan turned and walked out of the room, leaving me with the evil nurse. She stared down at me, as my chest rose and fell with my rapid breaths. My vision swam in and out both from my feeling lightheaded and from the pain. I didn’t know what to do and the room began spinning, as my ears began to ring. My heartrate dipped, and my alarms, sounded even louder. Nurse Rachet simply walked around and silenced my machines. She didn’t move but continued to watch as I grew dizzier and dizzier.

  Just as I began to lose consciousness, I heard a loud voice yelling. It sounded as though it came from down a tunnel, far away. Before I could react to the loudness, my body shut down

  When I woke up a little later, the first nurse was by my bedside and my head was pounding worse than ever. Sharan came over and leaned over, shining a light in my eyes, which made my skull hammer against my brain.

  “Are you okay, Amber?” she asked in a low voice, as her hand held onto my wrist.

  I closed my eyes for a beat and remembered my panic attack and what had caused me to spiral.

  “Mason,” I muttered breathlessly, and I saw her eyes widen. “I. Need. To speak. To Mason.” I muttered, and she stared at me with her mouth open.

  “Can you call him, please?” I begged her, and she shook her head with what looked like sorrow crossing her features.

  “I’m sorry. We aren’t allowed to call him. His number was confiscated by the matron, and she’s put it through the shredder.”

  Her words caused my heart to sink and a tear slipped from my eye, running down my cheek.

  “Call the label…” I began and she shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, but we aren’t allowed to. Mr. Michaels has been told to call us for any updates, but we can’t call him at all.”

  Her words caused my heart to sink low in my chest and my eyes filled with tears. She watched me impassively for a beat and then leaned down to mutter something to me.

  “I can get you a phone if you like and you can call him from there, but please don’t tell anyone?”

  I nodded at her, ignoring the pain that shot through my skull, and she gave me a brief smile before she left the room. I lay on the bed and pondered what I was going to say to him.

  What could I say that would comfort him?

  How could anything I said, make him feel anything other than hurt?

  Was it my fault she was dead?

  Was it because of me that she’d gotten involved with Ollie and her scheme?

  My mind began to race again, and I watched the machine, trying to take a breath with each beat of my heart, to try and calm down. Sharan arrived back and glanced between me and the monitor and shook her head.

  “Amber, I can only let you make this call if you can swear that it won’t upset you, otherwise I can’t let you; do you understand?”

  “Yeah. I get it.”

  “Are you sure? If it upsets you, or causes you to pass out, then it’s a bad thing. Just breathe and remember that you can’t do anything too strenuous, just now. That means no arguing, or getting worked up.”

  Her words gave me the boost I needed to calm down and I took a deep breath and muttered softly.

  “Okay, I’m okay. I can do this.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was trying to reassure her or me, but she hesitated for a moment, and then handed the phone over to me.

  “So, dial nine, then one, press the star button and that’ll take you to an outside line. Okay?”

  “Got it,” I muttered in response and I took a deep breath, before dialing.

  My fingers shook as I dialed the number from the label from memory, but it rang and rang. As I was about to end the call, a low voice answered.

  “Hello,” the voice said, and I paused because I didn’t recognize the male voice.

  “Hello,” the voice said again a little louder and I wondered who’d be there at three in the morning.

  “Hi, it’s uh… it’s Amber…” I muttered in a croaky voice and the person who’d answered, didn’t speak for a moment.

  “Amber who?” he asked, and I ran my fingers over my face, as I tried to think how to describe myself to this person.

  “I’m sorry, but who is this?”

  I wanted to know who I was speaking to before I told him my name and asked for Mason’s cell number. I knew a part of it, but not as much as I should have known, or as much as I usually knew.

  “I asked first,” he said sternly, and I wondered if it was one of the bands.

  The band boys knew who I was though. I knew they wouldn’t make me jump through hoops to speak to Mason, but this person wasn’t likely to give me Mason’s number.

  “I’m an employee of Mason’s and I need to speak to him…” I began.

  He cut me off with a dry laugh, which caused my heart to race and my body to tremble with fury. I knew the call was fruitless. I knew he wouldn’t give me the number, but I had to try.

  “Of course, you are and let me guess you want me to give you his number?” he asked me.

  I rolled my eyes because it was the only action I could make, that didn’t hurt me.

  “Yes. I know part of it, but I can’t remember the rest, since my cell is broken, I can’t access it or get to my messages to text him.” I decided to go for honesty and the man on the other end of the line chortled.

  “Yes, because I haven’t heard that one before. Nice try girly, but Mr. Michaels gave very specific instructions that he’s not to be disturbed, just now. No journo’s or anything, but you can tell your boss that you tried.”

  “But…” I began but the line sounded in my ear.

  I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how I was going to be able to call Mason, with only part of his cell number.

  “No joy?” Sharan asked me, and I grimaced up at her. I wanted to shake my head, but I didn’t fancy the pain that would come from moving.

  “No, and I can’t blame them. They probably think I’m some journo, or a crazy fan girl trying to call him.”

  Pain laced my words and I closed my eyes, as I realized that it was futile. I wasn’t going to get to talk to Mason. He probably didn’t want to talk to me anyway, but I needed to hear his voice. I needed to know he was okay.

  “I’ll be back in a moment,” Sharan muttered.

  She quickly dashed from the room and I sat staring at the digits on the handset. I wished I could remember Mason’s number. I usually knew it off by heart, but for whatever reason it was blank to me. I could remember the first half of it. I wondered, if I closed my eyes and began to type, nine, one, star and then I dialed the beginning of Mason’s number, I would remember the rest. Somehow, my fingers flew over the keys and his cell began to ring. I lifted the handset to my ear and heard his voice slur, as he answered the call in a low throaty voice.

  “Hello, who’s this?” he asked, and my heart began to hammer harder in my chest.

  “Mase, it’s me.” I muttered in a crackling voice.

  “Sorry, who’s me?” he asked with a bite of impatience in his tone.

  Before I could answer he spoke again.

  “You know what, never fucking mind. It’s been a long fucking day and I don’t need the ridd
le.”

  The line went dead again. Fuck, I wanted to scream, but I sat for a beat, staring at the handset and Sharan walked back in.

  “I got him, but he hung up on me.” I told her as she walked through the door. “Can this thing redial?” I asked as her eyes widened and she nodded.

  I passed her the handset and watched as she quickly redialed the number and passed it back to me.

  “What?” Mason snarled on the third ring and I shrank back in the bed, wondering if this was such a good idea.

  “Mason, it’s me. It’s Amber.” I told him uncertainly, and he, sucked in a deep breath, before the line went dead again.

  Chapter Seven

  Midnight Calls

  Mason

  Fuck. I couldn’t believe I hung up on Amber. My brain sloshed around in my skull, after having drunk way too much tonight. My mom was staying over and was sleeping in the nursery with the kids, she said it would help her. The boys and I decided that I would get drunk, so I drank and drank some more, until I was numb, but I didn’t stay numb for long.

  In fact, the only thing that would help me right now, was currently lying in a hospital bed, pregnant with my baby. With her head wrapped in bandages, her foot encased in plaster and her wrist in a splint. I’d felt so guilty seeing her lying there, that I couldn’t tell her about Helena. I was so conflicted about Helena, but seeing her body lying on the morgue slab, had broken me. When we left after talking with the cops, Quinn walked with me to my car. We sat there as I cried, raged, and fumed, until it was time to go see Amber.

  Knowing she was in the hospital because of my sister, made me feel so guilty, but I didn’t want her to blame Helena. She wasn’t here to defend herself anymore. Part of me was blaming Amber, even though I knew in my heart that it wasn’t her fault. My head was a clusterfuck of a mess, so I drank and was lying in bed when my cell rang. I checked and it was a number I didn’t recognize. I answered it and then hung up before I could get drawn into a conversation, that I didn’t want.

  I lay back down and was just about falling asleep, when my cell rang again, and I answered it with a snarl. Hearing it was Amber, had my heart pounding because what did I say to her? I, fucking loved her, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about Helena. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I tried to sit up, dropped my cell and accidentally hung up the call.