Broken Mercy

by Stacy McWilliams

  Amber knocked at the door and I jerked, knocking over a bottle of hand soap and a hair-tie. My fingers fumbled as I set them back down on the counter and opened the door to see her standing there.

  “Hey, you okay?” she asked in a brittle voice.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Are we ordering in?” I asked as I took in her hands folded across her chest and the hard look in her eyes.

  I knew she wanted me gone, but I was going to play ignorant to it, because there wasn’t anywhere else, I wanted to be. Or that I, needed to be.

  “Don’t you need to get back?” she asked me coldly and I knew it was going to take a miracle to get her to open up to me again.

  “Nope. I have nowhere else, I need to be.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and she spun away from me, marching back down the hall, without looking back, as I followed after her. I was at a loss because I wanted to tell her everything and open up to her, but she seemed to get more and more closed off as she walked. When I sat down across from her, it was as though she was a stranger to me. Her whole body was wrapped in her arms and her gaze was glacial. I opened my mouth a few times to speak, but her icy exterior made me close my mouth, without a word each time. Eventually, though, I had to say something.

  “Amber, look…” I began, but she held up her hand and cut me off.

  “No, Mason, you look. I didn’t ask you to come here tonight. I didn’t ask you for a penny today and I certainly didn’t intend for my cell to fall from my purse last night. You need never have known about Zach. If you think the only reason that you’re here is for money, then the door is right there.”

  She finished her diatribe, breathing hard and I moved across the room, to kneel at her legs.

  “Amber…” I began.

  She was staring away from me and refusing to even look at me. Without thinking too much about it I leaned up on my knees and tugged at her hands, but it was useless. She refused to move and I leaned back with a sigh. My heart pounded hard, as I looked at her and I wondered if singing the song, I’d written for her, would help her to open up to me. My voice was hoarse and low, as I began to sing.

  “She blazed into my life.

  A whirl of color in a dark horizon.

  Changing everything in her path.

  And making me feel again.

  She didn’t back off when I pushed her away.

  Her heart was mine and I played it like a fiddle.

  Opening up her world to new adventures.

  And loving her without pause.

  Her smile was mine.

  Her lips divine.

  And her body was my temple.

  She was everything I ever needed.

  And I let her walk away from me.

  I want her back in bed beside me.

  Her arms around my waist.

  Because she didn’t know.

  I could say that she was my safe space.

  Come back to me.

  Come back home.

  And let me make it right.

  Because through these cold and frigid days.

  My hearts an endless night…”

  I watched as her eyes filled with tears and one rolled down her cheek. She reached up to swipe it away and I moved forwards, tugging her hand free and holding it tightly between my own.

  “Amber, I wrote that for you, after you left and I…”

  I began, but before I could say another word, her lips descended on mine. The taste I’d been longing for, the one I’d missed every moment she’d been away, was finally mine again and it was heaven.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Singing and Surprises

  Amber

  Mason’s song tugged at my chest and his rugged voice singing to me, as he sat on the floor, robbed me of all reason. He was saying something, but knowing he’d written, Come Back, for me, made me forget all the reasons he was bad news. All the reasons I had for staying away from him and all the reasons I had to mistrust him.

  All I wanted was to feel as alive as he made me feel, when I was in his arms and everything else disappeared for the moment. My lips danced to his familiar beat and when he tugged me towards the edge of the sofa, I went only too willingly. My heart was hammering in my chest, as his hands roamed up my sides and danced along, underneath my breasts.

  They were heaving, and I was panting as he moved his hands up towards my neck and reached behind me, securing me to his lips with his hand, behind my neck. His other one roamed down my back and tugged my ass towards his crotch. His erection was pressing against his jeans and I ran my fingers over it, remembering how good he was in the bedroom. He hissed out a breath as my hand gave his cock a squeeze through his jeans, and he tugged me harder towards him. His eyes blazed as he kissed my lips firmly. I closed my eyes, so I wouldn’t see the bad decision I was making, reflected in his eyes. He nipped at my lip and then muttered, after he sucked my lip into his mouth.

  “Amber, look at me, please.”

  I opened my eyes and stared into his, as he tugged me against him again and my body responded like he knew it would. He was a maestro at this game, and he knew how to tune my body to perfection.

  “God, I want to taste you…” he muttered.

  His lips moved down my cheek towards my neck, and he licked, kissed, and nipped along my collar bone. As he pulled me against him, while thrusting up to meet me.

  “Can I?” he asked.

  I didn’t know what he was asking, but I nodded, and he tugged my top up over my head. I groaned as he took in my larger breasts, thanks to breastfeeding and running his thumbs over my nipples through my bra.

  “Oh wow, Amber,” he muttered as his lips dropped to my breasts.

  He popped one and then the other out. They were much more sensitive, and I squirmed against him as he toyed with them.

  “Mason,” I breathed.

  He leaned back to stare at me. His eyes were blazing, and the pupils were dilated so much, that I couldn’t see much of his blueness at all. He gave me an earth-shattering grin and then tugged my joggers down. I hadn’t shaved in days because I didn’t expect anyone to be down there, but he didn’t care. He spread my legs and lowered his mouth to taste me, before I could say a word and then I forgot words. I forgot everything as he licked and sucked at me.

  “Mason, oh my god.” I moaned as he inserted two fingers into me and began thrusting upwards in time with his licks.

  I began to writhe against him, and he groaned as I clamped my legs around him, as wave after wave of my orgasm, overwhelmed me. Before I could even process what had just happened, he had tugged his jeans down. I heard something clatter at my feet, as he positioned himself at my entrance.

  “Amber?” he asked as I stared up at him in shock.

  I put my hands on his chest to stop him, because he was a big Rock star and I didn’t know if he was still clean.

  “Mase, are you, you know clean?”

  He stared at me for a moment in surprise, before he moved closer to me, pushing against my entrance.

  “Ambs, the only person I’ve ever gone bareback with, is you, well you and my psycho ex, but I am clean, I swear. I was tested a few weeks ago and got a clean bill of health.”

  I nodded up at him and moved my body, so I was in line with his cock. I could feel the veins as I ran my fingers along him and marveled at his length. It’d been a long ass time since I’d had a cock buried in me and Mason’s was the last one, who’d been there.

  “Amber,” he muttered in a strained voice as his eyes rolled, “I need you.”

  I opened my legs wider to him and groaned loudly as he thrust into me. For a moment, he didn’t move, and then he began thrusting into me harder and faster. His leather jacket was cool against my body. I pushed my hands inside, shoving it away from his shoulders and holding on, as he fucked me, hard and fast. My lips met his, and he kissed me ferociously, without stopping. He grunted as he came apart and I came right along with him, biting down on
his shoulder through his t-shirt, as my body trembled from the orgasms.

  “Fuck me, that was hot,” Mason muttered as he leaned back and observed the quivering mess that I was on the sofa.

  My eyes met his and while I was amused and sated. I was also worried and more than a little scared that he would take what had happened the wrong way.

  “I uh… We should… uh…” I began, and he smirked down at me, before he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

  “Fuck, I missed you so damn much, Amber,” he muttered, as his lips moved against mine.

  I didn’t know what to say because I’d missed him too. I’d wanted to go back to San Francisco a million times, but my life was in New York now. I had family and friends here. People who relied on me and, who I relied on and going back there wasn’t an option for me. Somehow, I had to make him see that I had to stay where I was, but not tonight. Tonight, I just wanted to feel wanted by him and not feel like a cheap tart, who was after his cash or worse, someone who had a kid to trap him.

  My eyes met his and for a beat, we were just silent as our breathing slowed. Then he reached up and brushed a lock of hair from my face. The look in his eyes almost undid me, and his warm smile melted my insides.

  “You wanna get some food?”

  I nodded numbly at him, watching as he stood and tugged his jeans up over his ass. He helped me to stand on shaking legs and then moved away from me, as I pulled up my joggers and righted my top. I didn’t know what to say and honestly, I was feeling a little awkward with his stare on me, but I brushed it off. I didn’t know how to be Mason’s girl anymore, because I wasn’t really his girl now. I was a mommy and a provider for my son.

  “You want a drink, Mase?” I asked him, and he smirked at me, which made me realize what I’d said.

  “Not alcohol?” he clarified, and I smiled at him.

  I didn’t really drink alcohol at home. With Zach in the house, I had too much responsibility to have even a glass of wine. Josie was pushing me to go out on dates and have fun, though I was reluctant, because who’d really want to date a single mom.

  “No, not alcohol. I have English tea, coffee, I can make you a latte, or something from my coffee machine,” I told him as I moved over to the kitchen.

  I could murder a coffee. It’d been a really long day, but I was still watching my caffeine intake, because if I drank too much Zach, would be a nightmare during the night.

  “Coffee would be great,” he muttered distractedly as he checked his cell and began to type out a message.

  Part of me wondered who it was, but his face was closed off, and he turned away from me. I just shrugged, because it was none of my business and got on with making our drinks. As the coffee brewed, my stomach began to growl, and I tried to remember the last time I’d eaten. It was somewhere around lunchtime, before I met up with Lexa, so it was earlier and then it hit me. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and I was famished. I scanned around my cupboards for a snack, but I still had to go shopping. I’d been supposed to go earlier that day, but I’d gotten sidetracked by Mason, Lexa and everything that had happened.

  Fuck a duck.

  I was standing staring dejectedly, looking into the kitchen cabinet, wishing I could somehow, become magic and transport food from the store to my bare cupboards. Mason came over and stood behind me, close enough that I could taste his aftershave and it made me tingle all over. His breath on the back of my neck, made me squirm and when he pressed his lips to the soft skin there, I almost melted on the spot.

  “I don’t think you can make food appear by will,” he muttered against my skin, before he pressed another soft kiss there.

  I softened against his touch, as he ran his hand around my waist and tugged me back to him.

  “Mase, I gotta eat.” I muttered in a hoarse whisper.

  He moved against my neck, kissing me softly and running his lips along under my ponytail.

  “Uh huh, we need to eat,” he mumbled, “Then I want to take you to bed and show you how much I’ve missed you,”

  I wanted to say no, but my willpower evaporated around him and I knew that I’d regret not going to bed with him. Thank God I was on the pill now, because I didn’t want another pregnancy. Especially, if this was just closure, or whatever for him.

  “Food first, Mason.” I moaned as he sucked and nibbled on my neck. He chuckled against me and then stepped back away from me.

  “Sure thing, darlin’,” he laughed, then spun me around and pulled my body, so it was flush against his.

  “God, Amber, what you do to me. No-one else has ever come close to making me feel like you do.”

  His words were like melted butter and, as he looked down at me, he almost made me soften towards him, but then I remembered who he was. He was a master seducer, and he always knew exactly what to say to get his own way. He must have noticed the doubt that clouded my vision, because he dropped his head against mine.

  “I know you think I’m spinning you a line. It’s written all over your face, but I swear to you, that I’m not. I’ve always been honest with you Ambs, and I swear, I’ll never lie to you.”

  He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, as his words clattered around in my head and unlocked a tiny piece of my heart. It hadn’t been easy convincing myself to stay away from him. Especially when everyone was listening to their new album and I heard songs like Apologies and Come Back. He was dangerous to me, to my heart and I gave into him way too easily, but I didn’t know how to stop myself. I loved him so much, and he blinded me, but it wasn’t just about me now. It was about Zach, so I had to stay strong and stop myself getting swept up in the tide of Mason.

  “Please say something?” he muttered, as he pressed another soft kiss to my lips.

  “Say what?” I asked in a trembling voice, as his hands ran over my ass and up my back.

  “I don’t know, say anything. Did you miss me too?”

  I could see the uncertainty on his face and hear it in his voice. For all his brash confidence, he was still a scared, vulnerable man. I wanted to tell him that, of course I missed him and of course I regretted my decision to leave him behind, almost every day. Giving him that kind of power though, made me weak and vulnerable and I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell him that. I wasn’t sure if I ever would be, to be honest.

  “Yes, I missed you, almost every single day,” I whispered.

  He froze against me, before crashing his lips down on mine and kissing me, until my legs wobbled and my head swam. After a second though, he pulled back and stared down into my eyes. Asking me the question I was dreading, but I’d known was coming.

  “Then why did you leave me?”

  Why did I leave him?

  Was he serious?

  My whole body shut down at his question and I tugged myself out his arms, feeling the loss of their warmth and security instantly.

  “Because Mason, you had already left me…” I began, stopping as his face darkened.

  He opened his mouth to argue, but I didn’t want to go over it again. I was hungry, tired and would end up saying something I’d regret.

  “Let’s order some food,” I said as I stepped around him to my cell which was lying on the island of the kitchen.

  There was a message from Josie and one from Flora on my cell, but I ignored them as I called up the menu for my favorite Chinese. I ordered chili chicken and noodles, and egg rolls. As I stood adding extra in for Mason, I got him beef and broccoli with rice, which was his favorite food, he fidgeted and wouldn’t look at me. He hadn’t moved since I’d pushed him away and I watched him from the corner of my eye, as I paid for our food.

  I had one hundred and forty dollars left for essentials, after I’d gotten our takeout and I didn’t get paid for another week and a half. My heart hammered as I stared at my account, willing more money to appear there, but I knew I could dip into my savings, where I had six thousand dollars. I was keeping that for emergencies, Zach�
�s Christmas and first birthday. I didn’t earn enough to buy extra’s, only enough to feed, clothe and pay my bills.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Heartache and Healing

  Mason

  She pulled away from me. Every time I thought we were getting somewhere, Amber pulled away and left me cold and alone. Tasting her again had been amazing and seeing how her body had changed after our son, made me want her even more, but she’d closed off again and it was killing me.

  I wanted to hold her, to feel her body against mine and to never let her go. I hadn’t expected to fuck her. Fuck, I barely expected to even get to speak to her, after everything I’d pulled. Her answer to my question about why she left me, was bouncing around in my head.

  Was she right?

  Had I already left her?

  What the fuck could I do to show her, I was in it for the long haul?

  How could I prove to her that I’d never leave her again?

  Would she even believe me?

  I stood frozen, facing away from her, and trying to think how to prove myself to her, but coming up blank.