Ruin

by Samantha Towle

  Zeus’s eyes snap up to mine. Something in his expression twists.

  “Gigi, please go inside, baby.” This time, I usher her into the house with my hands. “Get Granny Elle to help you find your ballet shoes.”

  “Aw, but, Mommy, I was talking to our new mailman.”

  “Gigi,” I say, using my mommy voice, “do as I asked.”

  She sighs in that dramatic way she does. “Fine. Bye, Mr. Mailman.” She waves at him and then disappears back into the house.

  I shut the door behind me and turn back to Zeus. His expression is tight. His eyes on the door. The spot where Gigi just was. Like he’s still watching her.

  I step up to him, blocking his view, and hiss out, “You need to leave right the hell now. You have no goddamn right, turning up here like this.”

  His eyes flash to mine. They look raw and angry and confused.

  But I’m not confused. I know what I want, and it’s him, gone.

  “Grace.” His voice sounds like gravel. He swallows. “She said her grandmother’s name is Grace…my mother’s name. And her eyes, Cam…so fucking blue…exactly like mine.”

  “Of course they’re like yours!” I explode. “I can’t believe you think you can turn up here after all these years and just—”

  “Stop!” His loud voice booms through the air, cutting me dead. “You said, of course her eyes are like mine.” His eyes are flickering between confusion and panic, and it’s making me jittery. “Are you telling me…are you saying…she’s my kid?”

  My anger level leaps from fifty to a hundred in naught-point-one second. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I yell.

  “Do I look like I’m joking?” he bellows.

  The door opens behind me.

  “Enough.” Aunt Elle’s voice comes from behind me. “If I can hear you, then Gigi can hear you. You need to leave, Zeus.”

  “Not until I get answers.”

  “You want me to sling your ass in jail? ’Cause, honestly, it’d be a pleasure after everything you put Cam through.”

  “Put me in jail?” He laughs a sound of disbelief. “Are you shitting me right now? Cam has been keeping my kid from me, and you’re giving me shit? What a fucking joke.”

  “I did what?” I screech. “It was you who wanted nothing to do with her!”

  Zeus turns his flaming eyes on me. “How could I say that when I didn’t even know she existed?”

  “Stop it. Now. The both of you. Gigi doesn’t need to hear this.” Aunt Elle turns to me. “Cam, I’ll take Gigi to ballet. You and Zeus talk. Because it’s clear you need to.” She yanks open the door and calls inside, “Gigi girl, I’m taking you to ballet. Grab your bag, and let’s go.”

  “Coming!” Gigi comes happily skipping through a few seconds later, thankfully unaware of what’s been happening out here.

  Gigi looks up at me. Her happy expression dims at whatever she sees on my face. “You ’kay, Mommy?”

  I clear my expression and paste on a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine, baby girl. I just need to speak to the new mailman, is all, so Granny Elle’s going to take you to class.”

  “He forget the mail?” Gigi frowns.

  I glance up at Zeus, who’s not looking at me. His eyes are fixed on Gigi. My stomach balls into knots.

  “Yeah, he forgot the mail. But don’t you worry. You go have fun at ballet.” I lean down and cup her chin in my hand. I kiss the tip of her nose. “I love you.”

  “I wove you, Mommy.”

  “Come on, let’s get in the car,” Aunt Elle says, grabbing her keys from the key hook by the door.

  “Bye, Mommy. Bye, Mr. Mailman.” She waves and starts skipping toward Aunt Elle’s car parked on our driveway.

  “You going to be okay?” Aunt Elle checks before leaving.

  “I’ll be fine.” I nod.

  “I’ve got my cell with me, if you need me.” She turns her eyes on Zeus. “I’ll be back in an hour. If I find out you’ve upset her again or hurt her in any way, then I’m coming after you with my shotgun. You hear me, Kincaid?”

  Zeus works his jaw. “I hear ya.”

  “Good.”

  Aunt Elle gives me a quick hug, and then she goes over to her car and gets in.

  I watch her and Gigi drive away, not wanting to look at Zeus.

  When I do, his burning eyes are on me.

  “She’s mine?”

  “Of course she’s yours! Did you not get the memo the first two times?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  I realize we’re both yelling again, and I don’t want the neighbors knowing my business.

  “I’m not doing this out here with you. Come inside.”

  I open the door, standing aside while he steps in. I shut the door behind him and lean against it.

  He’s an imposing figure in our little hallway. Zeus was always big. But, looking at him now, in the light of day, he looks even bigger than he did five years ago.

  “She’s mine? I have a daughter. How could you…Jesus, Cam.”

  “How could I, what?”

  “Jesus, I know I hurt you…but keeping my kid from me? How could you do that?”

  “What?” I straighten up, my eyes bugging out of my head. “I think you’re a little confused here. I did not keep Gigi from you. You said you wanted nothing to do with either of us!”

  “Was I fucking asleep when that conversation happened?” he yells, taking a step toward me.

  Any other person might be intimidated by this move from him. But not me. I know Zeus. I know he’d never physically hurt me. Still, it doesn’t stop me from shuddering inside.

  “You need to back the fuck up.” I jab my finger in his chest. “And how the hell should I know what you were doing when I couldn’t get in contact with you? I tried to call your cell, and you’d either blocked my number or changed it. I even tried e-mailing you, asking you to call me, but they all went undelivered. So, I called Marcel. I knew he would be able to get me in touch with you. He took my call. Said you didn’t want to talk to me. I told him that it was important. But he wasn’t listening, so I told him that I was pregnant. Then, he started listening. He said he’d have you call me. And the rest you know.”

  “No, I don’t. I don’t know a fucking thing. What is the rest, Cam?”

  “Are you being serious right now?”

  “As serious as a heart attack.”

  “Oh God. Jesus. You didn’t know…about Gigi?”

  “No. But Marcel knew, right?”

  I nod my head, watching as his face darkens like a thundercloud. “He called me back. Said that he’d talked to you. Told me he was sorry, but you’d said that you wanted nothing to do with the baby—our baby. That you’d support it financially, but that was it.”

  His eyes close, as if the pain is too hard to control.

  “Marcel never told you, did he?” I say softly.

  “No.”

  “Jesus. All this time…you didn’t know. I…” Words are failing me.

  This entire time, I thought he’d walked away from Gigi, and he’d had no clue that she existed.

  Zeus backs up and sits down on the stairs, like standing is just too hard for him right now. He covers his face with his hands as he takes deep breaths in and out. “I can’t believe Marcel did this. I’m gonna fucking kill him. With my bare hands. Jesus! Fuck!”

  I don’t say anything. I’m trying to take this all in myself.

  I hated him for leaving her, and he never even knew she existed.

  My eyes close on the reality of the situation. I take a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself.

  When I open my eyes, Zeus is staring up at me. Emotions are glistening in his eyes.

  “She’s really mine,” he says more to himself than me. “Jesus, Cam, I have a daughter.”

  “Yes.”

  “Fuck.” His hands cover his face again, and he blows out a harsh breath.

  “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Brandy? I hear it’s good for s
hock.”

  He draws his hands from his face. “Coffee’s fine.”

  Hands shaking, I tell Zeus to take a seat in the living room while I go make us some coffee.

  There’s still some in the pot from before. I grab two cups and pour the drinks, leaving his black, just like he likes it. I put some creamer in mine and then carry the drinks through.

  When I come into the living room with our coffees, I find Zeus standing at the fireplace, the framed picture I have of Gigi up there in his hands.

  “Hey, your coffee,” I say, putting the cups down on the coffee table between us.

  He turns to me, the picture still in his hand. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

  My spine stiffens. “She is. We can do a paternity test if you want the proof.”

  He fixes me with a stare. “That’s not what I meant, Cam.”

  I blow out a breath. “Sorry.”

  I sit down on the sofa. Zeus walks over and sits down next to me, still holding the picture.

  “She’s beautiful,” he says. “She looks just like you.”

  It’s hard to have him here, so close, hearing him say that, after all these years. Especially with the hurt and resentment I’ve felt for him for so long, and in many ways, I still do feel it.

  He didn’t know about Gigi. I know that now.

  But he did sleep with someone else while he was still mine.

  “I don’t know. I think she looks like Aunt Elle.”

  “You look like Elle,” he says, making his point.

  “Yeah, well, she has your eyes,” I tell him. “And your smart mouth.”

  That makes him smile. “Does she know…about me? That she has a dad? I mean, everyone knows they have a dad, but does she know who her dad is?”

  I shake my head.

  “Can I…I want to know her. Spend time with her. Get to know my daughter, Cam.”

  My heart stops. I know I should have expected this. But I wasn’t prepared for it.

  “I…I don’t know, Zeus. She’s in a good place. She’s happy. I don’t want to upset her life.”

  “Neither do I. But please, Cam, I want to know my daughter. I know I’ve messed up in the past…but I have to know her. She’s my flesh and blood.”

  The desperation in his voice tightens my throat.

  “I don’t know…” I’m scared that he’ll hurt her. That he’ll walk away from her without a backward glance.

  “I’ll do anything, Cam. Take this as slow as we need to. But please don’t keep me away from my daughter.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “Please, Dove.”

  I open my eyes and look at him. “Okay.”

  He visibly exhales with relief. “Thank you.”

  “But you can’t screw this up, Zeus.”

  “I won’t.”

  “And we take this slow. Gigi doesn’t know you. You’re a stranger to her.”

  He winces.

  “Christ, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh.”

  “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. None of this is.”

  “Maybe it is. I should have pushed harder to get Marcel to let me talk to you. Or contacted your family…”

  “It’s not your fault,” he reinforces. “I cut you off. Made it so you had no way of contacting me.”

  It’s my turn to wince with pain. But I keep it hidden inside me.

  “I thought it would be for the best…” His voice peters out.

  “It’s the past. Can’t change it.”

  “No,” he says. Then, he takes a breath and looks at me. “So, how do we do this? Me getting to know my daughter.”

  It’s weird to hear him call her that. But she is his daughter, and he deserves to know her.

  “Well, I guess we’ll introduce you as a friend to start with, so as not to upset and confuse her, and you can spend time getting to know one another. Then, when the time is right…we’ll tell her who you really are.”

  “Her dad,” he says.

  “Yeah. Her dad.”

  “Will you tell me about Gigi?” Zeus asks me.

  “Of course. What do you want to know?”

  He stands the picture on the coffee table and angles his body toward mine. “Everything.” He gives me a weak smile.

  “Okay, so she’s smart as a whip. Loves to dance—ballet mostly. But she enjoys tap and street, too. She loves My Little Pony. All things Disney. Her favorite Disney princess is Rapunzel, and she wants to marry Flynn Rider when she’s older.”

  Zeus chuckles. “I have no idea who that is.”

  “Don’t worry.” I smirk. “You will soon.”

  “When’s her birthday?”

  “April 6.”

  “What was she like as a baby?”

  “She was really good. Super cute, of course.”

  “Of course.” He smiles.

  “You want to see pictures?”

  His eyes brighten. “Sure, if that’s okay.”

  “Of course it is. Just wait a minute, and I’ll grab them.”

  I rise to my feet and move past Zeus. He catches hold of my hand, and I freeze. His big hand is engulfing mine. I used to love the feel of his fingers around mine. Now, I just feel confused and hurt. And a million other things I shouldn’t be feeling.

  “Cam,” he says softly.

  I stare down at him. His eyes are searching and soulful as they look into mine. And it hurts like a bitch.

  “I’m sorry,” he says gently, carefully. “For everything.”

  I shrug like it doesn’t matter. But it does. Because his apology only opens up old wounds, and it doesn’t change the fact that he chose to have sex with another woman while he was supposed to still love me. Or maybe that’s the point I’ve always been missing. Maybe he’d already stopped loving me.

  “It’s in the past,” I tell him, slipping my hand from his and edging away. “I’ll just get those photos.”

  I go over to the sideboard at the other side of the room, my heart beating up a storm in my chest. I bend down, get Gigi’s baby albums out, and take them over to Zeus.

  I hand them to him, ensuring not to touch him again.

  Zeus’s touch always had a way of frazzling my brain, and it seems that some things don’t die over time.

  I sit back down on the sofa but a little further away this time.

  I pick up my coffee and take a sip as he opens the book and starts to look through the pictures of Gigi’s first minutes in the world.

  “She had so much hair,” he muses.

  “Like you,” I say, remembering his baby pictures.

  He glances up at me and smiles that smile of his, and my chest constricts with long-ago hidden emotion.

  “How much did she weigh?” he asks, looking through the pictures.

  “Eight pounds.”

  His smile expands. “Big girl.”

  “She was all legs,” I tell him. “Still is.”

  “She gets it from you.” He nods at my jean-covered legs.

  “Yeah, well, you’re not exactly small,” I infer.

  He chuckles.

  He goes quiet as he stares down at the pictures that Aunt Elle took of me holding Gigi not long after she was born.

  “Elle was with you when you gave birth,” he says, but it’s not a question.

  “Yes.”

  He closes the photo album and drives his fingers into his hair, exhaling a harsh breath. He tips his head to the side and looks at me. “I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t there, Cam. That I haven’t been here for the last five years.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Zeus. You want me to say it’s fine. It’s not. But I managed.”

  “You must’ve hated me.”

  “You really want me to answer that?”

  He moves his hands from his head. “The coward in me wants to say no. But I deserve everything you want to throw my way.”

  “I…look, when we broke up…what you did, yeah, I hated you for that. Part of m
e still does. But it was five years ago—”

  “Cam—”

  “Just…let me finish, Zeus. It’s in the past, and it doesn’t matter anymore. But thinking, for all these years, that you abandoned Gigi, just walked away from her, yeah, I hated your guts. But…now, I know different. And I just need to know that you mean it when you say you want to be a part of her life.”

  “I do want to.” His eyes fix on mine. “I want to know my daughter. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Why are you back in New York?”

  His eyes drift to the wall in front of him. His jaw tightening. “For a fight. I have training camp.”

  “So, you’re still boxing?” I ask him.

  Twelve months ago, Zeus had a big title match against Kaden Scott for the world heavyweight championship. Zeus was the favorite to win. He’s currently undefeated with a total of twenty-one fights, all twenty-one wins by knockout.

  I didn’t watch it. I never watch Zeus’s fights anymore. But, that same night, I saw on the news that Zeus and Kaden had gone eleven rounds. Zeus’s longest fight.

  They were both exhausted. The fight should’ve been stopped. It wasn’t. Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past Marcel to have had some influence on that.

  Zeus got the advantage in the eleventh round and knocked Kaden to the floor with one uppercut hit.

  Kaden went down. He got back up, but it was over, and Zeus was declared the winner.

  When Zeus was doing his post-fight interview, Kaden collapsed in the ring.

  Brain injury. There was a clot on his brain.

  From what I read in the papers, Kaden was in a coma for thirty days. He had multiple surgeries to remove the clot. He suffered from a stroke. From what I last read, he was paralyzed down the right side of his body and had speech problems. He’s currently still in the hospital, undergoing rehabilitation.

  After the fight, Zeus disappeared from the public eye for twelve months. Not that the press or public blamed him for what had happened to Kaden. But I can understand why he went into hiding.

  I heard some reports that Zeus would go to the hospital where Kaden was receiving treatment. I wasn’t surprised, knowing Zeus.