Ruin

by Samantha Towle

  Even though I anticipated this, hearing it still hurts like a mother.

  A sound of expected disappointment leaves me. “And that’s the reason I’ll never believe a single thing you tell me, Zeus. Because, when you love someone—really love them—you fight for them. You fight hard and dirty, no matter the cost to yourself. And not once have you ever fought for me.”

  And, with those parting words, I open the door and step inside, firmly shutting it behind me.

  I’m pacing the floor, chewing on my thumbnail, as I anxiously wait for Zeus to return from ballet class with Gigi. While she’s been gone, I’ve kept myself busy with cleaning the kitchen. Gigi’s class ended ten minutes ago, so she’ll be home any minute.

  When Zeus came to pick her up an hour ago to drive her there, we barely spoke a word.

  He just asked me if we were still going ahead with telling her after class. And I said yes.

  That was the extent of our conversation.

  We didn’t talk about last night.

  I can’t talk about last night. Or think about any of the things he said last night. Because today is too important for anything else to come in the way of it.

  I just pray to God that Gigi is okay with what we’re about to tell her.

  I hear the door open and the sound of Gigi chattering away with Zeus.

  Then, she calls for me, “Mommy!”

  This is it. Time to woman up and tell my girl the truth.

  “Living room,” I say.

  She comes running into the room, a whirl of pink and frills, and launches herself into my arms. “Guess what!” She presses her tiny hands to my cheeks.

  “What?” I say.

  Zeus walks into the room, and my eyes briefly go to him. He’s wearing a smile, but I can see the worried look in his eyes.

  I try to give him a reassuring smile, but I don’t think it works.

  “You has to guess, Mommy. Or it’s no fun.”

  “Okay, I’ll guess. But you have to give me a clue.”

  Her little nose screws up, and then she grins. “Okay. Do you see anyfing different ’bout me?” She removes her hands from my face and spreads her arms out wide.

  I spotted the badge pinned to her leotard straightaway, but I play dumb.

  I tip my head back and pretend to examine her face. “Hmm…well, it’s not your face because it looks the same.”

  “Cwourse it does, Mommy. Don’t be silly. I can’t change my face.”

  I don’t even bother to tell her about the wonders of plastic surgery.

  “Good. Because I love your pretty face just the way it is.”

  I kiss the tip of her nose, and she giggles.

  “Come on, Mommy, guess! Zweus guessed way qwicker than you!”

  “Oh.” I lift a playful brow, giving Zeus a teasing look. “Is that so? Well, we can’t have that.” I scan my eyes over her and then say, “You wouldn’t be Ballerina of the Week by any chance, would you?”

  “You guessed wight! I’m the best dancer this week. Miss Hannah said my fwirst position was perfect. And I said that’s because I been pwacticing at home. And she said that I’m going to make a gweat ballerina. And I said just wike my mommy.”

  The wave of love I feel for her almost takes my breath away. I press my lips to her warm cheek and breathe in her scent. “I’m really proud of you, Gigi girl.” I hug her to me before putting her to her feet. “So, Zeus and I need to talk to you about something, if that’s okay.”

  She looks up at me. “Okay, Mommy.”

  I take her hand and lead her over to the sofa. She sits down on the sofa, and I sit beside her. Zeus sits on her other side.

  “So, Gigi…there’s something that Zeus and I need to tell you.”

  “Are you and Zweus getting mwarried?”

  “What? No!” I splutter.

  My eyes flash to Zeus. He doesn’t look upset by that. If anything, he’s smiling.

  “Why would you think that, baby?”

  “Because Tommy Preston told me that his mommy gots a new friend wike we gots Zweus, and nows, they mwarried.”

  “No, Gigi girl. Zeus and I aren’t getting married.” I gently shake my head.

  “Okay. But I wouldn’t mind if you dids. I wike Zeus a wot.”

  She gives me a toothy grin, and I can’t help but smile at her.

  I lift my eyes to Zeus, and the sheer level of emotion on his face almost breaks me.

  I swallow down, composing myself before attempting speech again.

  “So…Gigi girl, you know how Tommy’s mom got married to her friend, and that meant he got a new daddy?”

  “Tommy has two daddies. I don’t has a daddy,” she tells Zeus. There’s no hurt in her voice. Just a matter of fact. But it’s still like a blade in the heart.

  Zeus clears his throat. “Well, what would you say if I told you that I was your daddy?” His voice is like gravel.

  Gigi’s just staring at him. And my heart is practically beating out of my chest.

  “So, you wants to be my daddy?”

  “Well, Gigi, I am your daddy.”

  She turns her eyes to me, looking confused.

  “Do you understand what we’re telling you, baby?”

  “Zweus is my daddy.”

  “Yes, Gigi girl, Zeus is your daddy.” I reach out and take hold of her hand.

  She looks back to Zeus, who looks absolutely terrified. “I’s known my mommy forever,” she says to him. “Why hasn’t I’s known you forever if you’s my daddy?”

  Jesus. Grief clamps down on my heart, and the pain in Zeus’s eyes nearly rips me wide open.

  He takes her other hand, engulfing it with his. “It’s difficult to explain, Gigi.” His voice is raw with anguish. “But I want you to know that I didn’t want to not know you. I didn’t know…that you…were…” He’s faltering, and I don’t know if I should step in and help or not. “Gigi, if I had known about you, then I promise that I would have known you forever, just like your mom has.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” he echoes.

  She smiles at him, pulling her hand from mine, and pats his hand that’s holding hers. “S’okay, Zweus.”

  Well…hell.

  I guess, sometimes, it’s just that easy with kids.

  “Do I has to call you Daddy now instead of Zweus?”

  He clears his throat. “Not if you don’t want to. It is up to you—what you choose to call me.”

  She stares at his face for a long moment, head tilted, pondering it. “I fink I’ll call you Daddy. All my fwiends at school have a daddy, and I always wanted one. So, now, I can tell evewyone that I has a daddy, too.”

  Emotions crash into me like a punch to the stomach, watering my eyes and clogging my throat. I fight back my feelings and paste on a smile as Gigi turns to me.

  “Can I’s have a snack now?” she asks.

  I briefly close my eyes, loving my girl so much in this moment. “Sure you can. Go get changed out of your ballet clothes, and I’ll have your snack ready for you when you come down.”

  “Okay, Mommy.” She hops off the sofa and then pauses in the open doorway. “Can I’s have potato chips?”

  “Yes.”

  “And chocowate?”

  I’d give her the moon right now if she asked. Still, I find myself grinning. “Okay, Gigi girl. But that’s all.”

  I swear, kids can smell weakness in their parents and know exactly when to ask for what they want.

  “You da best, Mommy!” she sings. “And you, too, Zweus—I mean, Daddy.” She slaps her hand to her forehead, being silly, and then she’s gone, thundering up the stairs.

  “Jesus H. Christ,” Zeus breathes, his hands going to his face, covering it and then pushing up into his hair.

  “Yeah,” I exhale. “That went…better than I expected.”

  “She’s amazing,” he says, sounding awestruck.

  “She is.”

  “And, when she called me Daddy…God, Cam…” His eyes lift to mine,
and they’re glittering. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

  “I know,” I say.

  I touch his hand with mine on instinct.

  And, just like that, the air charges and sparks with memories of heated touches and long kisses.

  I stand abruptly, running a hand over my hair, smoothing it down. “I should go make our girl’s snack because she’ll be down in a minute.”

  And I walk out of the room to the feel of Zeus’s eyes on my back.

  It’s been a few weeks now since we told Gigi that Zeus was her father, and she’s adapted to the news without a hitch. She’s transitioned to him being her dad so well; it worries me that she hasn’t acted out more.

  Or maybe that’s just me being an overprotective parent.

  Zeus has been spending more time with just Gigi. Taking her out and doing things together. I think it’s important because, if it’s always the three of us doing stuff together, then Gigi could get the wrong impression. It showed that was already happening when we sat her down to talk to her, and she thought I was going to tell her that Zeus and I were getting married.

  It makes it easier that Zeus has a place here now, as he can take her there as well, so we’re not here all the time.

  Although, today, we’re all here together.

  But there’s a good reason for that.

  Zeus’s family is coming to meet Gigi. Well, Ares, Lo, and Missy are. He told me that he wouldn’t let her meet his dad until he sobered up. And, from what he last told me about Brett’s failed attempts at rehab, I don’t think Gigi will be meeting him anytime soon, but I wholeheartedly agree with Zeus’s decision.

  I don’t want an addict brought into Gigi’s life. Even though I don’t remember my mother, I know how she was. Addicts care about only one thing—their addiction—and nothing else.

  So, the Kincaid clan is coming here today to meet Gigi. Apparently, they’ve been hassling Zeus to come and meet Gigi after he told them about her. He held them off for as long as he could, but he finally caved under pressure.

  Gigi was really excited to find out that she had two uncles and an auntie. After having just me and Aunt Elle for so long, it must be amazing for her to have all these new people in her life.

  Missy and Lo are home from college for the weekend to meet Gigi. They’re staying with Ares in New York because his place is bigger than Zeus’s.

  Zeus is renting a two-bedroom apartment on Main Street that overlooks the water.

  It’s nice but basic. But that’s Zeus. He’s never been one to go for the flash.

  The only reason he’s ever fought is to earn money to care for his siblings.

  How did I ever think that he could’ve walked away from Gigi?

  But then again, I wasn’t exactly in the best place at the time. I believed that he’d slept with another woman, and I was dealing with finding out he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was. So, it was easy to be tricked into believing that he wanted nothing to do with his unborn child.

  “All ready?” Aunt Elle wanders into the kitchen where I’m just finishing up prepping the food for the Kincaids.

  I thought it would be nice to make it like a little party for Gigi. Meet-the-other-half-of-your-family-for-the-first-time kind of thing. So, I’ve made sandwiches and finger foods along with some cupcakes. I just want it to be nice for everyone.

  “Yeah, all ready.” I smile a little too brightly for it to be real.

  “It’s gonna be all right, Cam.”

  “You’ve been saying that a lot recently.”

  “Yeah, and I’ve been right every time.”

  I’m feeling really nervous about seeing them after all this time. I’m worried that they blame me for Zeus not knowing about Gigi.

  Aunt Elle is staying for moral support—or, in her words, she’s here in case anyone upsets me, so she can kick their ass.

  Zeus assures me that they don’t blame me, just like he doesn’t.

  I didn’t openly volunteer my concerns to him. He just knew.

  And that’s because he knows me. He knows my tells when I’m worried or nervous.

  And, last night, after putting Gigi to bed—he’s been staying to tuck her in and read her a story, and then he leaves and goes back to his apartment—I was in the kitchen, making the cupcakes for today, feeling stressed, and he came in and asked me what was worrying me.

  I said, “Nothing.”

  He said, “Bullshit.”

  Then, he told me what I was worrying about and then set about reassuring me.

  Sometimes, I hate that he knows me so well.

  It makes everything so much harder.

  I’ve been trying to process what he told me. That he never cheated on me. That he’s still in love with me.

  Truthfully, I don’t know what to do with it.

  He hasn’t said any more about it since that night, and I’m glad for that because it’s not something I want to face right now.

  I love Zeus. I always have. He’s Gigi’s father. I’m always going to feel something for him. And, of course, I’m attracted to him. It’s Zeus, for God’s sake. The man is the walking epitome of sex.

  But I don’t trust him.

  I trust him one hundred percent with Gigi. I know he’d protect her with his life.

  I don’t trust him with my feelings.

  I’ve been hurt by Zeus Kincaid once before. I’m not looking for a repeat performance.

  And, honestly, I’m starting to wonder if my parting words that night resonated with him. That he doesn’t love me the way he thinks because he’s never fought to be with me.

  And, if that is the case…well, I don’t know how I feel about that either.

  God, aren’t I just a mixed bag of emotions right now?

  And it’s all because of that man who’s currently sitting in my living room.

  But today is about Gigi. She’s my main priority. My only priority.

  “Gigi still in the living room with Zeus?” I ask Aunt Elle, who’s started helping me wrap the plates of sandwiches.

  But, before she can answer, the doorbell rings. There’s an excited squeal from the living room and then the sound of Gigi and Zeus heading toward the front door.

  “Guess that’s them.” I smooth my hands down my dress. I thought I’d make an effort, so I put on my nicest day dress—a white floral maxi.

  “Showtime, kid.” Aunt Elle winks at me and grins.

  I head out of the kitchen and into the hallway. The front door is open, Gigi standing there with Zeus, and on our porch stands Ares, Lo, and Missy. They’re all smiling down at my girl.

  It’s been five years since I’ve seen them.

  Ares looks the same, just older. He’s always been big, like Zeus. They’re both similar but different, too. They have the same eyes. All of them have those striking blue eyes, which must have come from their mom, as Brett’s eyes aren’t like that. But where Zeus’s hair has always been short, Ares keeps his long. Still is. It’s tied back into one of those man buns, and he’s wearing a lot of scruff on his face.

  Lo was sixteen the last time I saw him. He was tall then, but now, he’s twenty-one and standing as tall as Zeus, just not as muscular. More athletic-looking.

  And Missy is stunning. She was a pretty girl when she was a kid, but she’s grown into a beautiful young woman. Tall, like her brothers, she’s around my height, and looking at her now, I can see some of Gigi in her, or vice versa.

  Zeus picks Gigi up, so she’s at eye-level with them. And I hang back with Aunt Elle at a safe distance, watching them.

  “Gigi, this is your uncle Ares,” Zeus indicates.

  “Hey, Gigi.” Ares smiles at her. “It’s good to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from your daddy.”

  “Daddy told me you pway fwootball,” she says.

  “You like football?” he asks her.

  “S’okay, I guess. But I wikes to dance.”

  “Yeah, and I’ve heard you’re really good at it.”


  She beams at him. “I pwactise all the time.”

  “Gigi, this is your uncle Lo and your aunt Missy.”

  “Hey, Gigi,” they say at the same time.

  “Do you pway fwootball, too?” she asks Lo.

  He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I leave the sports to your dad and Uncle Ares.”

  “Look how beautiful she is, Z.” Missy steps closer to Gigi. “She has mom’s eyes. God, I’m so happy to meet you, Gigi. Would it be okay if I hugged you?”

  Gigi looks to Zeus for consent, and he nods at her.

  Missy reaches out and hugs her while Gigi’s legs stay attached to Zeus’s hips.

  Missy leans back, taking Gigi’s face in her hands. “I’m gonna spoil you so bad.” Missy grins at her.

  I decide, thanks to the gentle dig in my ribs from Aunt Elle, that it’s time for me to say my hellos and invite them in, as they’re all still standing outside on the porch.

  “Hey, guys.” I walk toward them, smiling.

  The greeting I get isn’t one I was expecting.

  “Cam!” Missy squeals and then runs through the doorway at me, throwing her arms around my neck, almost knocking me off my feet.

  “Hey.” I chuckle, a little winded, hugging her back.

  She leans back, grinning into my face. “I can’t believe how long it’s been! And you look even more gorgeous than ever, ya biatch—oops! Shit!” She covers her mouth, giggling. “Gotta learn to watch my mouth,” she says between her fingers.

  “Yeah, you do,” Zeus grunts from behind.

  “It’s good to see you, Missy.”

  “You, too.” She smiles at me.

  Lo comes over and kisses me on the cheek. “Thanks for inviting us, Cam.”

  “Oh, no problem at all.”

  They go over to say hello to my aunt Elle as Ares meanders over to me.

  “Cam.”

  “Hey, Ares.” I smile, not sure how to greet him.

  He’s the one I’ve been most worried about hating me, as he’s always been closest to Zeus. I mean, they’re all close. But, with Lo and Missy being twins, they are naturally close. Zeus and Ares have always looked out for one another. They’re brothers in the truest sense of the word.

  Then, he steps forward, puts his huge arms out, and hugs me. “Missed you,” he says.