by Lois Richer
Gabe was surprised by the information, but then he realized that’s what she did. She’d been part of this from the beginning. Of course, she’d want to ensure the move went smoothly. For Eli’s sake.
Gabe and Eli sat on the patio and chatted about birds and bugs and bedtime. Then he remembered Eli’s box.
“Let’s go inside.” His heart racing with anticipation, Gabe glanced around.
The kitchen was now completely organized. Everything seemed to have a place, and the whole effect was bright, cheery and efficient. Though his appliances, large and small, were all in a stainless finish, there were bright splashes of orange here and there. Amy had asked his preference for accessories and he’d blurted orange because it made him think of Olivia. She always wore an orange scarf, an orange hair clip or some other item in that shade.
Gabe saw a bright orange pitcher and matching glassware behind the glass-doored cabinets. He didn’t remember buying that.
“Amy says those are a thank-you gift from her parents,” Olivia explained. She looked perfectly at home seated at his kitchen island, laying out bright orange woven place mats on the white stone counter.
“To say thank you for your business,” Amy explained with a wide grin.
“Thank you. Both of you. What you’ve done looks amazing,” he complimented, overwhelmed by his magazine-worthy kitchen.
“It’s mostly Olivia’s doing. I just put things where she said. Now I must go. Thanks, Gabe.” After a wave at Eli, Amy gathered up her three bags of packing refuse and left.
“Hey, Eli. What’s up?” When Eli shrugged Olivia glanced at Gabe.
“It’s time for Eli’s box.” Smothering his excitement, Gabe picked up the box and carried it to a spot on the hardwood floor not covered by the new area rug. “This is for you, Eli.”
“It’s not my birthday yet,” his son protested.
“It’s for all your birthdays when I wasn’t there. And Christmases, and Easters.” Gabe stopped because the same old surge of anger at Eve blocked him from speaking. Enough! He was not going to allow it to ruin this moment. He cleared his throat. “It’s from me to you.”
“Th-thank you.” But Eli just stood there, staring at the box.
Gabe hadn’t anticipated his uncertainty, wasn’t exactly sure about the proper way to handle it. He shuffled awkwardly until—
“Don’t you want to see what it is?” Olivia walked to a corner of the rug near the box and sank onto it. “I do. Come on, Eli. Open it.”
“Okay.” Still Eli hesitated. Then he moved next to Gabe and slid his hand into his father’s. “You help,” he said quietly.
“We’ll do it together.” His heart so full it felt like he’d explode, Gabe sank down beside Eli and removed the first piece of tape, then let him do the next.
“It’s a—a train?” Eli lifted his head to stare at Gabe. “It’s old.”
“Just like me,” Gabe told him with a grin. “It was my grandfather’s and then my dad’s. They both passed it on to their sons and now I’m passing it on to my son. You.”
“Oh. Thank you.” Eli carefully lifted out one piece after another, examining each thoroughly before moving on.
“What a great idea, Gabe,” Olivia whispered. Gabe saw tears in her eyes. “A welcome-home gift from father to son.”
“How does this train work?” Eli asked, both hands full of train tracks.
“Let me show you.” Gabe lay on his stomach and demonstrated how to put together the antique train that he’d once loved so much. He got it running and then Eli took over, laughing out loud every time the engine whistled and the caboose rattled around the track. Gabe moved to sit beside Olivia, content to soak in the sight and sound of Eli enjoying something without reservation. A muted noise made him glance at Olivia. He quickly did a double take.
What was the woman bawling about?
“What did I do wrong?” he demanded with a frown.
“Nothing. You did everything perfectly.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’ve done a wonderful, wonderful thing here, Gabe. The house, Eli’s room, the window seat. That’s amazing. Passing on a bit of his history to give him a sense of connectedness, to make him feel he belongs—it’s the perfect end to a wonderful day.”
With Olivia’s head resting on his shoulder and his son giggling nearby, Gabe thought so, too.
Nearly perfect.
Only—what was he going to do when Olivia left for her new job and he was all alone?
* * *
Olivia cradled her cup of mint tea against her cheek and sighed. Mid-July. She loved this time of year.
She also loved that The Haven’s latest youth group was gathered in the meadow below them, joyfully belting out songs as they roasted marshmallows over the campfire. Seated beside her on the patio, Gabe stretched out his long legs.
If only...
“Why the frown?” he asked.
“I thought it would get easier,” she admitted softly, hesitant to tell him that.
“Hasn’t it?” He studied her. “You looked very competent and in command today when you were organizing the kids into search teams for that girl who wandered off.”
“I wasn’t competent. I was a nervous wreck. It didn’t help that my stupid phone died again.”
“The new battery didn’t help?”
“Maybe I didn’t let it charge long enough,” she admitted sheepishly. “I do know that I’ve never in my life prayed so hard as I did today. The relief of finding Sara lying in that field of wild clover, studying cloud shapes...” Olivia rolled her eyes, fairly certain her heart rate would never be normal again. “I had to give her a lecture about wandering off. This place is fenced, but that doesn’t mean wild animals don’t occasionally get through. What she did was foolhardy. And against our rules.”
“Agreed.” He arched one eyebrow. “But you straightened that out, didn’t you?”
“As best I could, though I’m not sure I got through. Her reason for needing space didn’t make sense to me. As usual. I just don’t ‘get’ kids sometimes.” Olivia tried to stifle her feelings of inadequacy.
“But it wasn’t just Sara, was it?” Gabe asked.
“No. Skylar acted up again. He got into a fight with Jeffry, who is the sweetest kid.” Olivia pursed her lips. “This is Skylar’s third visit here, and I honestly don’t know why that center in Edmonton keeps asking if he can return when we have to keep reporting his misbehavior. I don’t think he’s learning anything from being at The Haven.”
“He’s probably learned way more than you realize. They all have. You are making a difference here, Olivia. Even if you can’t see it right now.” Even in the gloomy twilight, Gabe’s smile blazed white. “God’s using you. All you have to do is trust.”
“Now where have I heard that before?” she muttered, then slumped, ashamed as silence stretched between them. Gabe was always so encouraging. It wasn’t fair to unload on him just because things hadn’t gone according to her plan. “Sorry.”
“Hey, I can take it. But I hate to see you so down. And grumpy,” he added with a cheeky grin.
“Lately I’m always grumpy,” she admitted.
“No, you’re not. What’s changed?”
“Nothing.” Everything.
He just kept staring at her, waiting. Olivia sighed. It was useless to prevaricate. Gabe could see right through her.
“Today Victoria told me she needs additional physiotherapy, in Edmonton. That means I’m going to be running this gig for at least another month.”
The thought of overseeing so many children for even one more day set her teeth on edge. She’d accepted that she would have to stay at The Haven until her sister was able to return to work. She’d tried hard to trust God knew what He was doing sending the toughest kids here. But she’d never imagined she would be in charge for so long. That she hadn’
t yet goofed and ruined some kid’s summer seemed like it was only a matter of time.
Besides that, Olivia still didn’t have a place to live in the city, nor had she done any background work to prepare for her new job. She was worn-out, unsettled and totally out of her groove. And she didn’t like those feelings. They reminded her too much of her past.
“You know you’ll miss The Haven and the kids when you leave, Liv. But it’s not really about this job, is it?” Gabe’s blue eyes held hers, waiting.
“Not totally.” She checked over one shoulder to be certain there was no one to overhear. Then she admitted in a quieter voice, “Managing the office is fun. I feel competent, like I can do it with one hand tied. But problems with the kids—that drains me. I’m totally, utterly ill-equipped to handle all the issues that keep cropping up.”
“Discipline, you mean?”
“Not just that. Some of these kids are very troubled. They need someone to talk to, someone to advise them.” She chewed her bottom lip. “How can I be sure I’m not making things worse for them?”
“The fact that you’re even asking yourself that question is a great sign.” Gabe shrugged. “You’re smart and resourceful, and I doubt you have to worry. But you do have trained counselors you can call on if you need to. You’re not alone in this.” His mouth quirked into a smile. “You know what I’m going to tell you.”
“Trust God.” She let her breath out in a whoosh. “Easy for you to say, buddy. You’re getting a handle on your world. You’re all moved into your gorgeous new house and you told me you now have full legal custody of Eli. By the way, where is he tonight?”
“Home. I put him to bed before I came over. Amy’s child sitting. I’ve been told she’s very trustworthy.” Gabe frowned. “But don’t think everything’s right in my world just because I’m in a new house, Olivia.” His lips tipped down. “I have my own battles to fight, one of them being Eli’s continued silences, even when I offered to get him a pony. The kid just won’t confide in me the way he does with you.”
“Maybe he’s still scared of horses,” she offered.
“Doubtful, given his over-the-top response to riding the miniatures at the Double M last weekend. It’s something else.” His jaw clenched. “I think it’s tied up with Eve.”
“Eli mentioned her the day you moved in.” Olivia relayed the conversation as best she could remember. “It seemed to me he was feeling guilty because she isn’t here and doesn’t get to enjoy his new home.”
Given Gabe’s glowering expression, it probably wasn’t the right thing to say, but she was tired of skirting around this issue.
“Look. If you want Eli to open up to you, you’ve got to encourage him to talk, no matter what the subject. And you have to listen.”
“I already do that,” he shot back sharply.
“Really? Well, if you get all tense and angry like you are now, it’s no wonder the kid clams up. I’m no child expert, but even I can see that.” She wanted so desperately to help this sweet, kind cowboy, but there was only so much she could do if he wouldn’t break free of his cycle of bitterness. “Sooner or later you are going to have to forgive her, Gabe.”
“I’ve tried, but—I don’t think I can.” The whisper-soft confession was punctuated by his bowed shoulders that expressed his defeat. “Believe me, I’d love to be free of the memories of what she did, to stop thinking about how much time I’ve lost with him, to stop mourning all the things we never got to do together. But I can’t. What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t have the answer.” Olivia’s heart ached for his obvious pain. “I guess we have to keep praying for God to intervene, to work it out in your heart. Otherwise—” She was not going to finish that.
Gabe did.
“Otherwise I’ll never get to be the father I want to be, to have the relationship I want to have with my child,” he finished. “I know Eli’s probably the only kid I’ll ever have, and everything’s so messed up with him.” Gabe now looked angrier than before.
“You know that’s not what God wants. Trust that He has something better planned for both of you. But you have to do your part, too, Gabe.” She leaned forward, earnestly desiring to help him.
“What’s that?” He glared at her.
“Stop dwelling on it. Every time a negative thought comes, confess it and give it to Him. Don’t cling to it and rehash it over and over. It’s done.” She knew her situation wasn’t the same, but she was desperate to help this man she liked. “I was talking to the aunts this morning about how inadequate I feel to deal with these kids, how much I want to escape when they come to me with their issues. The aunts gave me a verse. Maybe it will help you, too.”
“I’ll accept all help.” Gabe shuffled his feet on the patio, obviously restless.
“It’s from James, first chapter, verse five. ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’”
He mulled it over while Olivia studied him, loving the way he was so determined to be the father Eli needed.
“You don’t know how to rid yourself of the bitterness, Gabe, but God does. Ask Him to show you.”
“I’ll try,” he said, but there was an edge to his voice that told her he didn’t think it would be that easy.
The group in the meadow was climbing up the hill toward them now, heading for their cabins and some rest. Olivia wanted that, too. She’d been woken before four this morning to drive a sick child to the hospital and the lack of sleep was catching up.
“You’re yawning,” Gabe said, a smile in his voice. “I should go. Amy’s curfew is soon.”
“Okay.” She rose and found she was very close to him. “Try not to worry too much,” she consoled quietly. “I doubt God would have brought Eli here if He didn’t mean for the two of you to be happy together. Hang on to that.”
“I guess.” He stood blocking her way, thoughtfully studying her face. “Ever wonder why He brought you here, Olivia?”
“To step in for Victoria,” she said more airily than she felt. There was something about being so close to Gabe that was unsettling, though why that should be puzzled her. He was the best friend she’d ever had.
“A stand-in? You think that’s all God intended?” His tone amused, Gabe fiddled with his black Stetson. “In working on the trust factor, one thing I’ve noticed is that God often has something else going on. We think it’s about one thing, but it often turns out to be a much wider scope that we thought.”
Olivia couldn’t smother another yawn. She blinked in surprise when Gabe bent and brushed his lips against her scarred cheek.
“Good night, Olivia. See you at church tomorrow.”
“Good night,” she finally managed to whisper, but Gabe was long gone. And so was her tiredness.
She went inside to retrieve Aunt Tillie’s bilious purple afghan, wrapped herself in it and curled into the big wrought iron chair on the deck to think about what Gabe had said.
She was only staying at The Haven to fill in. She certainly didn’t belong here. She wasn’t sure she belonged in Edmonton, either, but that’s where her new job would take her.
“I don’t know about the future,” she murmured long after the kids had retired and only the night sounds of the woods echoed around her. “But now that I’m here, I want to do what I can to leave a mark on these kids’ lives. Please show me how to do that.”
Gabe’s handsome face, hurt and angry, swam into her mind.
“And please help Gabe. Show him a way to forgive Eve so he can concentrate on his future with Eli. Use me to help them if You want.”
Olivia wasn’t exactly certain why she felt compelled to ensure the father and son’s reunion. She only knew she wanted the very best for them.
“Help us both to trust You, Father.”
When Olivia finally climbed the s
tairs, she felt a new courage infusing her. There would be more tests to come, but with Gabe’s, the aunts’ and her sisters’ help, by trusting God to guide her, surely she wouldn’t mess up any of the troubled kids who came to The Haven.
“On my own I probably would fail, maybe even endanger some kids,” she whispered. “I’m scared stiff I’ll do that anyway. But You must have me here for a reason. Can You give me some clue to what that is, please?”
Olivia’s sleep that night was fitful. She fell into a dream where Gabe and Eli were playing a game outside their new home. Somehow it was a sad dream.
Because she wasn’t there.
Chapter Ten
“Today we’re going to see the school you’ll attend when summer’s over.” Gabe studied his son’s bent head, bothered that Eli barely looked at him. “Aren’t you excited?”
A shrug.
“Well, I am. I believe you’re going to enjoy meeting all the kids and teachers and learning new things.” He paused, waiting for some reaction.
Eli lifted his head to study his father. For Gabe, it was like looking in a twenty-five-year-old mirror. Strange how much Eli looked like him, and yet, had he ever been so...closed up? He had to get Eli talking.
“Did your mom ever talk to you about going to school?” Eli’s nod made Gabe purse his lips. Would this child ever speak normally, blurt out things like other kids did? Why was it always such an effort to get any information about the past? “What did she tell you?”
Eli took his time answering. “To not be scared,” he finally murmured.
“Why would she think you’d be scared of school?” And why did a comment from Eli about Eve get Gabe so bent out of shape?
Eli stared at him for a minute, then returned to eating his cereal. “I dunno,” he whispered, tucking his chin into his neck.
From Eli’s reaction, Gabe immediately guessed that he’d said something wrong. Or done something wrong. But what? Oh, Lord, I just don’t get this kid.
In his brain he carried on a conversation with Olivia.
You have this tone when you speak about Eve, Gabe. Her brows would be drawn together as she studied him with that penetrating silver gaze.