by Colbie Kay
Reaching out, my fingers run over the beard he’s grown since I last saw him. “You’re letting your beard grow?” I pull on some of his whiskers.
“Yeah, thought I might try something different.” He smiles, his perfect white teeth shining brightly. His lips fall as his eyes search mine. “Do you love him?”
My brows pull down in confusion. “Do I love who?”
He sighs heavily. “The cowboy.”
“How do you—”
“I saw you that day…the day he left. I was parked across the street, and you were so entranced, you didn’t even notice me watching. I saw you kiss him, and I saw the tears you shed when he drove away. I waited until you were in the apartment before I came up to get you. Why did you let him kiss you? You’ve never let me or anyone else do that.”
It’s my turn to sigh. “Cody came into my life unexpectedly, but it was the best weekend of my life, Chayser. He gave me butterflies and made my heart skip beats. He made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and it was only one weekend. I can’t even explain it. I fell hard and fast for him, even with the understanding he wouldn’t be staying. I didn’t want any what-ifs with him. That’s why I asked him to kiss me. Do I love him?” I shrugged. “I thought I did.”
“But why him? Why not me or anyone else?”
“You’re my friend, Chayser. However, with you, and any of the others, it feels like this is what I’m supposed to do, not necessarily what I want. You know I’ve always lived at the clubhouse, but you don’t know why.”
“Then tell me. Open up to me, Shug.”
I allow my gaze to drift to the setting sun. “My mother was a club whore. She didn’t know who my father was because she was passed around, but she knew he was one of the members of the Satan’s Sinners. When my mom told Bulk she was pregnant with me, he gave her the room I used to stay in. He was a good guy like that, but it always came with a price. Fast forward to when I was only a young girl. My mom’s favorite song was Fancy by Reba McEntire.” My eyes cut to Chayser. “Have you ever heard it?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t listen to much country music.”
I nod and continue, “It’s about a woman who has nothing, and she tells her daughter to be nice to the gentlemen, and they’ll be nice to her. I still remember the stench of liquor and the smoke on her breath as she would bend in front of me and say, ‘Fancy’s mom sure was a wise woman.’ At eight-years-old, my mom would dress me up and sit me in front of a mirror while she brushed my hair and put makeup on my face. She would tell me, ‘Look at you, Shug. You’re so pretty, when you grow up, the men are going to love you. I want you to always remember to be good to them, Shug, and they’ll be good to you.’” A tear trails down my cheek, and I angrily wipe it away. “I didn’t want to be like her. But I ended up just like her, only without her addictions.”
Chayser raises his hands, his thumbs attempting to help dry my falling tears. “What happened to her? I’ve never seen her at the club.”
The fury I’ve held onto for all these years, surfaces. “No, because when I was fifteen, she stole from the club and left me there with nowhere to go. Bulk said I could stay,” I hiss.
“That’s why you were there even though you didn’t want to be?”
I nod. “That’s a part of it.”
I don’t see pity or sorrow in his gaze, only understanding. That’s one thing I love about Chayser; he doesn’t judge. “What’s the other part?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. We should go to the clubhouse.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Thankfully, he doesn’t push me any further, and I wait for him to get situated on his bike. The Harley rumbles to life, and once again, the wind is blowing across my face.
Chayser throws his arm over my shoulders. “You ready?”
“No.” I bite my lip nervously. “But, I’m here.” I stare at the door as Chayser opens it. Smoke filters through the bar, and music screams through the speakers. Chayser pulls me along with him, stepping over that threshold and into the world of a motorcycle club.
Lilly and one of the other girls pass by. I don’t recognize her, so she must be new. Lilly rolls her eyes. “The bitch is back. Guess she couldn’t hack it with the civilians,” she sneers.
I take a step forward, ready to attack, but Chayser’s hold on my shoulders tightens. “Ignore her.”
“Shug!” Ever runs up to us and throws her arms around my neck. “I didn’t think you were coming around anymore.”
I hug her back just as tightly. “I didn’t think I was either.”
Writer stands next to his Ol’ Lady. “Good to see you, Shug.”
“You too, Writer.”
“Why the fuck is this cunt here?” I close my eyes at the sound of Ghost’s voice. I take a couple deep breaths.
“Ghost.” Chayser’s tone is full of warning.
Hanger steps up. “She’s here because I fuckin’ want her here. You have a problem with that, Brother?” The last word brother is ground out through Hanger’s clenched teeth.
Ghost steps closer to Hanger. “Yeah, I got a fuckin’ problem. I’ve basically been put on bitch duty as if I was a prospect again, and she gets to walk in here as if she’s some goddamn queen.”
“Step down, Ghost,” Hanger warns.
I jump in, “This was a mistake. I should go.”
Hanger’s gaze meets mine. “You’re not fuckin’ going anywhere. You’re not going to let someone run you out of your home.”
I sigh and tilt my head to the side. “This isn’t my home anymore, Hanger.”
He closes in on me and wraps me in his arms. “It’s always your home. Ghost can go fuck himself if he can’t deal with it. He was in the wrong, and he needs to be held accountable for his fuckup. So, you’re staying and having some drinks.”
Ghost storms out the front door. As I’m watching the door slowly close, I reply, “Alright, I’ll stay.”
“Atta, girl!” Chayser nudges my arm, chuckling. “Let’s get some drinks.”
The door slams behind me, and I mumble under my breath, “Fuck this shit! Fuck Hanger, and fuck the Satan’s Sinners.” How the fuck are they going to let that whore back in there and treat me like I’m not a member of the club? I’m supposed to be their brother; they’re supposed to take my side. I see where their fucking loyalty lies. I stomp toward my Harley, and after starting her up, I spit gravel as I hightail it out of the gate.
It’s been hours since I took off on my bike, I’ve been riding all this time, trying to calm the rage burning inside of me, but I’m not any less pissed off. I park in a motel lot and go inside to get a room for the night. Once I’m settled, I lay on the bed, thinking about my options and where I want to go from here. Do I continue to deal with their shit and get treated like a little bitch, or do I show them what turning against one of their own will get them? Pulling out my phone, I scroll through my contacts. I don’t know why I kept his number in my phone, but right now, I’m glad I did. I text to Deuce.
This is Ghost. You want help bringing down the Sinners? Text me back.
I don’t expect a reply right away and set my phone down on the nightstand to grab the remote, intending to flip through channels on the television. My phone pings from an unknown number.
Deuce: How do I know this isn’t a setup?
Me: You don’t. Hanger needs to be brought down along with the rest of them. You want help or not?
Deuce: I’ll text you in a few days with a location and time.
Me: Ok.
Three days later, I have the time and location to meet, which is a couple hours ride away from Wichita. I park my bike in the desolated area I’d been told to go to and climb off. I take a few steps, staring down the side of the cliff until I hear a car coming my way. Spinning, I wait for the vehicle to stop. Someone steps out, but it’s not Deuce.
“Where’s Deuce?” I snarl at the man approaching me. The man doesn’t respond, and he moves in closer to pat me down. “The fuck you doing?”
“Get in the car.” The man’s voice is a low baritone growl. He’s huge in stature, and I’m assuming a bodyguard of some sort.
Following behind, he opens the back door for me to slide into the seat. Deuce is sitting in the opposite on. “Ghost.”
“Deuce.”
“I’m assuming since you came alone, and Don didn’t find anything on you, then you were straight with your offer. Tell me why you want to bring down your own club brothers.”
My eyes narrow. “They took the side of a whore instead of their own brother. Treating her like a fucking queen after she shot me. Ever since Hanger met his Ol’ Lady, the way he runs the club is shit. He’s lost focus of what the club is and what we do. He needs to be taken down. They all do.”
Deuce nods in understanding. “Snake thought I was supposed to sit back and be alright with one of them killing my son. Crawler didn’t do right, but I should have been the one to handle my son, not one of them.”
“I agree. The Satan’s Sinners and Cobras were supposed to be allies, not two clubs acting as one. Shit started going wrong because of Bear’s Ol’ Lady being Snake’s daughter. The two clubs are too entwined, and we need to do something about that. You have the insider knowledge to bring down the Cobras while I have the ‘in’ with my club.”
Deuce holds his hand out for me to shake. “I think we will make great partners.” His lips begin to lift in a wide smile.
“I agree.” I grin. “They’ll never suspect a thing.”
“Keep the burner number in your phone. Call me if you have any important information, and I will check in every so often with you.”
“Deal.” I step out of the car, feeling a rush of excitement wash over me. I’ll show them fuckers. I straddle my Harley and begin my ride back to Wichita.
I slowly slide down onto the bull and grip the rope as tight as I can, taking a deep breath. The bull bucks, but my flank men get the bull under control. When I feel ready, I give the nod and yell, “Let’s go!” The gate opens, and the bull rushes out.
The bull bucks to the left and to the right, attempting to knock me off of his back. I hold steady as the clock winds down. My heart beats like a drum, and my pulse races like a wild horse. I’m so focused, I hear nothing except for the sound of that buzzer, letting me know the eight-seconds are over, and I made it. I quickly jump off the bull and run until I’m out of the danger area. Jake and the other rodeo clowns coax the bull back into the gate and secure him inside as my eyes travel around the crowd that’s going crazy and shouting my name. A smile lifts on my lips. “92.8 ladies and gentlemen! Give another round of applause for Cody Sterling and Brutus.”
Running up to Jake after I’m done with pictures and autographs, I shout, “92.8! One step closer to Vegas, baby!”
“Congratulations!” Jake throws his arm around my shoulders. “You about ready to get the hell outta here?”
“Fuck, yeah! We have a couple girls to surprise.” The show this weekend happened to be in Oklahoma, and Jake and I decided we would make a trip to Kansas before we head back to North Carolina.
Jake and Pudge have stayed in contact since our weekend in Kansas, but Sonya and I…it’s been a little more difficult. It seems like every time one of us calls the other, we can’t talk, and then the show was coming up, and I had to spend every waking moment training. By the time the sun went down, I was exhausted and practically fell into bed. I hope she’ll be happy to see me and not pissed off that we haven’t spoken.
After the long ride, Jake and I finally enter the parking lot of the apartment complex. Quickly shutting the truck off, we race to get out and begin running up the stairs. Neither of us stops until we’re standing in front of the door.
“My heart’s gonna beat outta my chest, man.” Jake wipes his palms on the back of his jeans.
“Mine too,” I respond, releasing a pent-up breath. “I’m fuckin’ nervous,” I mumble. I can’t wait to see her, yet I’m terrified. I’m always in unknown territory when it comes to her.
Jake lifts his fist and pounds on the door. Pudge answers a minute later, her eyes widen, and she covers her mouth with her hands. “Oh my God! You’re here!” She flies into his arms.
My smile slowly begins to fade when I don’t see Sonya. My frown furrows my brow. “Where’s Sonya?”
I have to wait to get my answer until their faces aren’t smashed together.
Pudge’s eyes meet mine. “I haven’t seen her for a few days, Cody. I can try to call her.” We follow Pudge into the apartment, and she grabs her phone off the couch.
“Don’t tell her I’m here,” I whisper while the phone rings.
“Where are you?” Pudge’s grin falters. “You’re at the club? Why? You were doing great staying away, why would you go back there?” I can only hear one side of the conversation, and it’s frustrating as hell. “Why does it matter? Sonya, you deserve better!” I hear Sonya’s voice rise, but I still can’t make out any words. Pudge hangs up the phone. “I can’t fucking believe her! She hung up on me!” she huffs angrily.
I step closer, worried there might be something wrong. “Where is she?”
Her eyes find mine, and something passes through them. “She’s at the Satan’s Sinners clubhouse.”
My frown deepens, and I’m completely lost. “The Satan’s Sinners? What the hell is that?” The name alone doesn’t sit right with me. Why the hell would she be somewhere called the Satan’s Sinners?
“It’s a motorcycle club. She’d been staying away from them, but it looks like she’s back there.”
“Why is she there?”
Pudge shakes her head. “I’m mad at her right now, but she’s still my best friend, and I can’t tell you that. She needs to be the one to explain.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Where is this motorcycle club?”
Pudge’s head moves back and forth frantically. “Oh no, that’s not a good idea. She’s never even let me go there.”
“Pudge…” I growl her name and stare at her, her eyes seem to be etched with worry.
She sighs heavily. “Damn it. She’s going to hate me but come on. I’ll drive.”
We pull up to a closed metal gate, and a guy with a black vest walks toward Pudge’s window.
As she rolls it down, he questions her, “Did you make a wrong turn?” His eyes travel between the three of us.
Pudge responds. “No, I’m looking for Shug.”
Shug? I mouth the name. Why is she saying Shug? Who the hell is Shug?
“What you want with her?” His eyes drift to me then Jake. “You’re a long way from Hicksville, ain’t ya’?”
“You got a—” I start, but Pudge quickly cuts me off.
Pudge glares at me over her shoulder. “Cody, shut up!” Returning her gaze to the man at her window, she explains, “She’s been staying with me, and I talked to her on the phone not long ago. Can you please let us in so we can see her?”
“Don’t cause no problems, understood?”
Pudge nods in agreement. “We won’t. I promise.”
He opens the gate, and Pudge slowly enters, parking her car once we get closer to the building. As I step out of the car, I gape at the brick building in front of me with a painted devil’s head and two revolvers crossed. I take in the row of motorcycles and wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.
“Who is Shug?” I inquire, but I think I already know the answer.
“Come on.” Pudge ignores my question.
Jake’s been quiet this whole time. “Babe, I don’t know about this.” His voice trails off as Pudge keeps walking closer to a closed door.
We follow behind, and once she opens it, we’re blasted with a thick cloud of smoke and the stench of weed. The room’s lighting is low, but the music is deafening. Scanning the room, I try to take in the scene. Women pass by with their tits on full display, their smiles brightening when they see me and Jake. Men in matching black vests gather around tables, the bar, and a pool table. It’s as if we were in a
bar, but an X-rated one. “What the fuck is this place?” I demand under my breath.
People begin to stop what they’re doing when they realize we’re standing there. A huge man with dark hair and a dark beard approaches, stopping in front of us. His vest says Enforcer and Bear. “The fuck you doin’ here?” He crosses his arms over his broad chest—his arms are the size of my head.
“We’re here to see Shug,” Pudge speaks for us.
“Where’s Shug?” he shouts over the music.
“She’s with Chayser. I’ll go get her,” a scantily clad woman responds.
We wait a few minutes until Sonya comes sashaying out of a hallway with a man behind her. My heart begins to sink further into the pit of my stomach, and my pulse pounds loudly in my ears. She freezes when she spots us. Chayser takes her hand in his and leads her closer.
My jaw clenches as I grind my teeth together. Why the fuck is he touching her?
“You brought him here?” Sonya’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. Her gaze is focused on me, but she’s speaking to Pudge. No hello, no hug, no nothing, only a “You brought him here?”
“Can we go outside and talk?” I ask as my stomach begins to churn. The four of us barrel out the door, the man who was holding her hand and a few others following close behind. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” she throws back, choosing not to answer me.
Pudge’s lips turn down. “You need to tell him, Sonya.”
Sonya’s eyes bulge while her mouth hangs open. “I need to tell him? Tell me why the hell you would bring him here?” Sonya yells at Pudge.
Jake steps between them, holding Pudge close to his back. “It’s not her fault. Don’t try and blame her, Sonya. You need to talk to Cody.” Jake pulls Pudge away. I watch as they get back into her car.