Do you want to work in gas stations your whole life??
Ha, no.
Clearly.
What DO you want to do?
What do you mean?
Like do you have plans to use your cleverness to change the world?
Well, obviously.
I just don’t quite know exactly how yet.
So you’re like me.
If you mean totally going to do something big just not the first clue what, then yes. Exactly like you.
Exactly.
Until then … burrito slinging?
Ugh, when you put it that way …
Probably should have thought that one through better.
Just a bit.
Hey, stranger.
What are you reading?
How did you know I was reading?
I took a shot.
It’s an article about earthquake swarms in volcanoes.
Swarms as in bees?
Kinda. It’s like baby earthquakes so you don’t forget the mountain can blow up and kill you anytime.
I’m glad we live where the world doesn’t pull that kind of stuff on us.
You and me both.
Though there’s that fault down in Missouri.
Moved the Mississippi?
Made it run backward.
VERY cool.
What were you doing?
Pretending to study.
Pretending?
My only final tomorrow is English …
So, you’re studying what? All the mistakes you made on English papers this year in the hopes of winning the Grudge Match Spelling Bee?
What mistakes?
I’M going to triumph in the spelling bee tomorrow because I make no mistakes and thus will school all my classmates on theirs.
You wish.
Grudge Match Spelling Bee is the best final.
Because Ms. Ferguson is the best. What other teacher would use the final to win back points we lost on our old assignments?
Oh, wait, this is breaking the rules.
Right. We don’t know each other.
So you don’t know I’m pretending to study to beat one particular snarky girl in my English class tomorrow so she’ll know I’m worthy of speaking to her.
I’d believe that except you have to study and real snarky girls already know how to spelll
I see you also have your auto-correct turned off …
Tell me again how you’re going to triumph?
Argh! Stupid fingers! That doesn’t count!
How about, instead, you explain WHY you’re pretending to study for something you have no hope of winning?
There’s more trouble in paradise.
Your parents?
Step2’s annual review is in.
She’s not meeting or exceeding expectations.
Step2?
My second stepmother.
Not as pretty as Step1.
Nor as patient with my father’s nonsense.
But neither did they fall in love when still young and innocent like with my mother.
What she IS is richer and smarter than him.
So … doomed to failure from the start.
Oh. I didn’t realize.
That this is his third marriage
Or that my father has awful taste in women?
I guess either.
Not something we talk about.
This one was one of his investors.
And your mom was his accountant?
High school sweetheart.
Step1 was his partner’s assistant …
Ouch.
Embarrassing.
Before or after?
My parents’ divorce?
After.
Sorry, I shouldn’t pry.
It was a long time ago.
Yeah, but it’s your family.
I survived the last two.
I’ll survive this one.
If he could wait more than a second before getting remarried … that’d be something.
Sorry.
My family’s just a mess.
No, it’s all right. My parents are a lone normal spot in a family of super weird.
My grampa once dated a countess.
???
Not a real countess. An online gaming countess.
I just spit water all over my phone!!!
Yeah, and he’s the reasonably okay one on that side.
My dad’s side is so average they freak Mom out, but they’re still kinda odd.
Odd? Like uneven?
Exactly, normal on the outside, weird family secrets on the inside.
Family secrets???
I can get behind that.
You have family secrets?
One does not grace the pages of Forbes and People without a FEW secrets.
Good point.
So, okay, if it’s within the rules … what does your grampa really do?
I mean, I know he’s famous and rich and his company is freaking huge, and I get that he’s a huge investor, but like, what does he DO every day?
No one knows.
That’s the thing.
Basically he has a bunch of meetings after which he moves money around.
My grandfather inherited a small country bank from HIS father and turned that into an “investment firm.”
Are those scare quotes?
Pretty much.
They at least explain why you went with an architecture internship.
My father wants to prove he can make his own money.
He’s got these schemes.
Stuff my grandfather would never invest in.
So he’s a risk-taker.
Huge risk-taker.
My dad isn’t.
He’s like the most boring supernerd ever.
Must be nice.
Some days.
Do your parents argue?
You mean other than about some supremely minute point of trivia?
Other than that.
Nope.
Must be real nice.
Yeah, but …
But???
I guess my dad’s parents never really argued either, and then all of a sudden they divorced.
There must have been a reason.
Yeah, I guess.
I’ve lived through 2.5 divorces.
There’s always a reason.
You think you’re in the middle of another one?
Trust me
I’m a professional.
That sucks.
You get used to it.
If it makes you feel any better, I worry about my parents divorcing all the time.
But they get along and don’t argue.
It’s not rational.
I kinda worry about everything.
I worry I’m gonna get hit by a bus.
You don’t take the bus.
Exactly.
Is this something acetaminophen helps?
Hah!
No.
I take stuff, but it only makes it … less.
Less bad?
Less urgent. Less … everything I think about.
But you still worry?
A lot.
Is this a diagnosed thing?
Generalized anxiety disorder.
That sounds nicely vague.
It’s not. It’s really specific. It means I worry about nothing and everything.
Well, no, sometimes I worry about real things.
But that’s easier.
How is worrying about real things easier?
At least I know why I’m worrying and sometimes I can even do something about it.
You think it’s weird, right?
Not as weird as gaming royalty.
I wonder how many times we have to run through Uldir on mythic before I can call myself a duke.
OMG, I never should have told you that.
But really
It’s equally as weird as multiple stepparents by the time you’re seventeen.
T
hat’s not weird.
In fact, that is kind of normal.
I’m the weird one.
Freak parents who like each other and don’t fight.
Who does that?
Kind of weird.
So what about your mom?
What about her?
I mean, has she remarried?
Not yet.
Not yet?
Been dating this one guy for a while.
CHUCK.
The one with the lawn mower?
Is he angry or something?
No
Just … boisterous.
But I still worry about her.
Why?
They’ve been off and on for years.
She’s going to be lonely when I leave.
Do you mostly stay at her house?
At this point I go back and forth.
50/50.
Probably 80/20 after the divorce.
Your dad won’t want you around?
Opposite. We do more stuff together when he’s alone
Which won’t be very long.
Total serial monogamist.
He can’t be alone for five minutes.
So while he hunts I’ll fill the gaps.
How does that even work?
We’ll mostly watch movies in his home theater.
No, I mean the serial monogamy.
Well, the serial part. Monogamy is pretty straightforward.
He can’t handle the idea of being alone.
But he just finds women to marry him?
Or date him for that matter?
Like, what? Are they hiding under couch cushions or something?
I told you where he’s finding them
At work.
I mean, yeah, but …
How do you do it?
???
You’ve dated like three-quarters of our grade and reasonable chunks of all the others.
Where do you get this???
Observation.
You’re observing the wrong things.
Plus
It’s not like I’m making a commitment to everyone I see a movie with.
We have fun.
There’s a difference?
What was the difference with you and Jack?
I should let you go.
You have that test to study for.
Sorry
That was low.
No, just suppertime.
Then I’m going to read the dictionary or something.
Scared now?
As if.
You’re petrified.
In your dreams.
We’ll see who reigns tomorrow.
Theoretically … of course.
Of course.
We’re seniors!!!!!
Not really. Not until school starts again.
Plus, we don’t have our grades yet.
Like either of us is going to be held back.
You’re feeling optimistic.
Not as optimistic as Lexi.
Oh man, did you get the speech?
You mean “We should really stay in touch this summer. It’ll be the best of our lives”?
That’s the one.
Everyone got the speech.
She was giving it to a freshman at lunch.
Oh, that was probably Dylan’s sister.
They’ve started going shopping together and stuff.
She’s not wrong.
I intend for this to be a very good summer.
Just not entirely sure how.
You do?
I already have a new internet friend!
Har, har.
Lexi actually has plans on making sure this “best summer of our lives” works.
There are icebreakers, activities, and hangouts.
What is she??? Senior summer cruise director?
Something like that.
You don’t sound excited.
I mean.
I’m not UNexcited.
I think you are.
I don’t know.
I just don’t really see the point of going out all the time.
Or doing stupid online polls.
???
Bonding exercises.
No trust falls for you?
I would not put it past her.
What does Sarah think?
Sarah, unlike me, thinks it’s fabulous.
But Sarah, unlike me, agrees with her new friend Chloe that it’s important that we maintain a certain social standing.
I see.
I mean, you all go to church together. Isn’t that social enough for all of you?
That’s not why we go to church.
Right, but …
You’re not excited to be a senior
You’re not excited for the epic summer your best friend has planned
What ARE you excited for?
I don’t know. Time to myself?
Today is not a good day.
I guess.
You should go have fun.
It’s an epic “first night of freedom.”
I hear there’s going to be pizza.
You’re not going to hang out?
I was ASSURED it was going to be “amazing.”
Unless the hanging out is on my couch, nope.
What about you?
Don’t know.
Was going to swing by
But maybe not now.
You should go.
Not much point.
I’ve infected you.
My ennui.
As contagious as typhus.
Whatever.
I’ll leave you to your ennui.
Thanks, I guess.
Just do me a favor
Don’t watch any Lynch movies.
Don’t want you descending into existential dread.
Oh, good point.
Maybe I should take an acetaminophen just in case.
Or just watch something else.
Don’t worry
This IS going to be a good summer.
Don’t worry?
HAH.
As if.
Have you started your job yet?
Yeah, I like JUST got home.
Why? Did you start yours?
Been home for hours.
Cushy office jobs.
It wasn’t THAT cushy. Had to run about three billion errands.
Isn’t that illegal? Or really expensive on your insurance?
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