Driving?
Yeah. I was thinking about it and started to think about the crash risks of teen drivers.
You were worrying about me???
What?
No.
I was worrying about being on the road with you.
You were worried I’d get into an accident.
Well, your premiums would go up.
You were worried I’d crash and something would happen to me.
No.
You’ll be happy to know that I did not crash once.
Didn’t even come close.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful.
Most accidents happen because the driver is overconfident.
You ARE worried about me!
Knew it.
I am not.
Oh, you won’t guess who came in today.
I wouldn’t know who visited you at your job.
We’re complete strangers. Remember?
Oh … right.
No
Please tell me about it.
No, never mind, it’s just weird.
Weird like … gamer princess weird
Or maniac clown weird?
Urgh.
Neither.
Just a kid from one of my classes.
On a scale of gamer princess to maniac clown where does this visitor land?
Way closer to maniac clown.
And why was this maniac clown’s visit notable?
Well, to a stranger such as you it wasn’t notable at all.
Oh, except he ate one of your precious burritos.
NO!!!!!
THOSE ARE MY BURRITOS!
Oh, whatever. You would never eat one of my burritos.
You never know …
I could find my way to your burritos.
I’m QUITE clever.
I guard my burritos well.
Clearly not if you let maniac clowns eat them.
Well, he paid for it.
You think I wouldn’t pay for your burritos???
I am SO not going to answer that.
Don’t.
I took that metaphor a bit too far.
Back to the clown.
SUCH a good name for him.
To a stranger like you, yes, some clown came in and bought a burrito and left.
The chances of this clown sharing genetic material with you would be absurd. Seeing as you’re a complete internet stranger who could be from anywhere.
The chances of this clown having my name would be astronomical?
Yep.
You’re right
This is the most boring story ever.
Totally boring. Not of any interest whatsoever.
Do you feel your conversation with this clown went well?
I guess he’s working nearby or was in the neighborhood or something.
He threatened to visit again.
No!!!!!
How DARE a paying customer return to your store!?!
What kind of two-bit operation are you running over there in gas station land?
See, I told you, it’s a terrible story for a stranger.
If you were someone I knew, it would be a bit more interesting.
Don’t know
Kind of like you telling me these tales of legally-purchased-burrito-eating not-quite-maniac clowns.
Ha.
When you put it that way …
See, I can be clever if I practice.
So, tell me about your day. Other than not crashing and dying horribly in a mangled wreck.
I KNEW you were worried about me.
I was NOT worried about you.
It’s OK
I will accept your worry.
Basically all I do is go around to the job sites with notes and updates and stuff.
One time they had me carry back this mud they found.
Ooh, what kind of mud was it?
Don’t know
They were saying something about it being a kind of clay.
Oh man, you should have taken a picture.
Of the mud?
Yeah. Geology is cool. I’ll bet they were worried about the footings or something.
How do you know that?
Uh.
You can’t laugh.
You wouldn’t know if I were laughing or not.
Something you read?
No.
It was a podcast.
Like one of those news article podcasts?
No.
Was it a mud fetishist podcast???
Wouldn’t that be a better YouTube channel than a podcast?
Ew! No! It’s a geology podcast, okay?
You listen to geology podcasts …
I told you, you couldn’t laugh.
Do I sound like I’m laughing?
You’re laughing. I can tell.
OK I’m laughing a LITTLE.
Why in the world do you listen to geology podcasts?
Where did you even find one?
It’s just one podcast.
I was interested in learning more, so I found it.
You know, after the swarm earthquake article.
That was last week!!!
Right. So I went to look for more cool stuff about geology.
In four days you’ve become a geology podcast groupie?
I AM NOT A GROUPIE!
I just listened to a whole bunch of episodes.
They talked about cool stuff. Not just earthquake swarms.
They were talking about lead and mud and schist.
Did you know that North America has another plate shoved up underneath it?
Tectonic plates?
Yeah. Oh wait. Are you creationist?
No, judgy pants.
Keep telling me all about your geology fetish.
IT’S NOT A FETISH!
Tell me more about your newfound interest in all things geology so that you basically have a PhD in four days.
I don’t know that much! I just listened to a few casts is all.
Okay, like twenty.
But it’s not a big deal.
Right …
But get this. The Pacific coast all the way through the Rockies and then even the Great Plains almost all the way to us has a plate shoved under it.
And some of the earthquake stuff on the West Coast is the last of that plate trying to go under with the rest of it.
That IS kind of cool.
Kinky but cool.
You are not allowed to sexualize my science.
I promise to do my best not to sexualize your sudden obsessions.
Good. I don’t have anyone to talk about this kind of stuff with.
I mean, I guess I could talk to my mom, but that’d be so wrong.
Plus, she’d probably already know it.
And then she’d go into lecture mode.
And then your father would try to share the cool stuff he knows?
Yeah? How’d you know?
I listen to you, remember?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Did that freak you out?
A little.
???
I’m not used to people actually listening to me.
Or remembering all the stuff I say.
???
I don’t know. Most of my friends get bored long before that point.
And miss all this great stuff?
I’ll bet they’re even watching David Lynch movies entirely unprotected!
Ha! Lexi probably is.
She and Dylan probably finished Mulholland Drive with a huge case of existential dread.
You IMDb’d that, didn’t you?
Yeah.
Really all I know is Dune and Eraserhead
And I don’t think ANYTHING can protect you from Eraserhead.
You doubt the powers of acetaminophen?
You have CLEARLY never seen Eraserhead.
You have?
My father thinks watching ancient movies is a form of togetherness.
Do
you rip them apart afterward and analyze every little piece as a family?
No.
Oh, just my family, then.
That sounds like actual togetherness.
Well, it can be. Depends on the movie.
And how much we hated it.
Might actually be fun to watch a movie with your family.
Still there?
Sorry.
Yeah. But only for a second.
Did freak you out again?
My mom was talking to me, but she went upstairs for something.
Cool.
Really quick … what’s your schedule like?
Really random, Mr. Office Job.
Afternoons, MWF.
At least for this month.
Then it changes again.
Annoying.
Yeah, I can pick up more shifts, but they have to keep me under a certain amount of hours.
Or benefits kick in???
Exactly.
How’d you know that?
Accountant mother.
Remember?
Well, it’s nice you don’t just listen to me.
Eep. Gotta go!
Good night, stranger.
Night, weirdo.
What are you doing?
Shouldn’t you be working?
Don’t worry I’m not driving.
I’m sleeping.
Doesn’t sound like sleeping.
Well, this doesn’t look like working.
BORED
It’s 9:30. You’ve been working for, what? Half an hour?
I started at 8.
Woo. An hour and a half.
You’re why people think our generation can’t pay attention for more than five minutes.
I’ve been sitting in a hallway for an hour waiting for you to wake up.
I lack any more things to pay attention to.
Do you at least have a chair?
I have a nice comfy floor.
Why are you sitting on the floor?
The construction company’s owner isn’t done with his meeting.
And he can’t afford chairs?
CHUCK can
Or my mother wouldn’t be dating him.
Mere interns at job sites are not worthy of chairs.
He can splurge on a lawn mower but not chairs?
Don’t get me started
His priorities are all kinds of wrong.
Last time I was here I had to stare at his model airplane collection for a solid forty-five minutes.
Were you really still asleep?
Mostly. Technically I’m eating breakfast.
At 9:30???
Your family lets you sleep that long???
Yes. I sleep in at least that long.
You should too.
What’d you read?
It’s common knowledge pediatricians recommend teenagers sleep later in the morning and stay up later at night.
It’s key for our development and improves mood stability and decision-making.
A LOT of articles is what you’re saying.
So many.
You have no idea.
Could you send them to my mother???
I’ll leave that to you.
You need to do your own research.
Does she not let you sleep?
She thinks anything past 5 a.m. is “sleeping in.”
She doesn’t understand the biochemical difference between adolescents and adults.
Focus on the American Association of Pediatrics stuff.
But there might be more going on there.
Has she had HER hormones tested?
Why would her SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD SON know that??????
Menstrual health is a highly under-researched area. Menopause affects everyone with a uterus and yet very little is known about it.
Remind me never to wake you up.
It’s important, though.
If she has other symptoms like hot flashes, she should really be tested.
Now we’re talking about my mother’s HOT FLASHES???
I miss being bored!!!!!!!!
Just because your penis is well researched doesn’t mean you can’t care about your mother’s health.
Especially if she’s young she could be overlooking many of her period symptoms.
LOOK
THE DOOR IS OPENING
I HAVE TO WORK NOW.
Typical.
Quick, tell me someone I should have a celebrity crush on.
???
It’s Hump Day. Lexi is threatening to drag me out this weekend if I don’t participate in one of her awful quizzes.
And for this you need a celebrity crush?
Who even calls it Hump Day?
Lexi. Well, her dad. He thinks he’s clever and she agrees for some reason.
Why am I not surprised Lexi laughs at dad jokes
It’s who she is.
But hurry.
Aren’t you supposed to have your OWN celebrity crush?
Apparently.
But you don’t.
What about your geologist podcast nerds?
A) We discussed this.
B) I don’t have a crush on them.
C) She would totally not accept that.
Helping! NOT sexualizing!
What about Ryan Reynolds?
Really?
He’s equally funny and cute!
Isn’t he a little old?
OK … not Ryan Reynolds.
Guess that rules out James McAvoy.
And Fassbender.
What are you doing? Looking at the casts of X-Men movies?
Huh … you’re right …
You’re not?
Am now!
Hrm, Ian McKellen has potential.
But RYAN REYNOLDS is too old?????
Oh, right.
But he’s just so cute. Especially with Patrick Stewart.
And you think *I* have a type.
What?
Evan Peters???
Nicholas Hoult???
Oh, yeah, War Boy! I’ll go with Nux.
Oh right, he WAS in that.
Thanks, you’re the best!
You forgot I was a boy again, didn’t you?
What?
No, I just needed help.
With a celebrity crush???
And you thought you’d just take one of mine?
Yeah.
There … posted.
Glad I could help.
I guess.
I was desperate.
Clearly.
I’m not good at this stuff, okay.
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