The End of the Innocence

by Jason Zandri

“Yes.” Mark gave a light laugh. “That one. Well, I only have the one anyway.”

  Mark unlocked the door but didn’t open it. He turned around and touched the sides of her face. “You asked me, ‘Is there someone else?’ I never answered you. There is no one else, not for me.”

  He kissed her for a moment, and then eased back. He let his hands slip away and turned toward the door, opened it, and walked in.

  Diane followed to the threshold, and Mark stepped to the side and turned

  on the room’s light.

  All of the stored boxes of things were gone. The room looked liked it had been repainted and cleaned up, and someone had decorated it with baby furnishings, including a day bed, a glider rocker, and an old, refinished crib.

  “I don’t understand.” Diane stepped into the room.

  Mark pointed around the room. “All these are from when Matthew was born.”

  “I know; I remember after your father came to collect things, shortly after you and I started to see each other, much of this was up here and packed in with everything else.”

  “And my father came and got his things for Florida. Over time, this just became a room to stuff full of things.” Mark walked over and touched the rail of the crib. “Matthew is a hair taller than me now. I remember when he fit in this thing and wouldn’t ever sleep.”

  Diane smiled. “So you decided to clean up the room and set it up for memory’s sake?”

  Mark turned and stepped closer to her. “I know how much you wanted a family of your own. I know I wasn’t in the right place before to offer you a chance at any of that. Now I am. I was wondering if you might consider marrying me and—”

  “Yes!” Diane said, crying and sobbing. She grabbed him hard and held him. “Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I already did … you show me ways …” Her emotions overwhelmed her.

  Mark held her tightly and whispered in her ear. “You came into my life when I needed it the most. It made all of the transition from where I was to where I needed to go, for Matthew and me, as smooth and seamless as possible.”

  “He’s become a good man.” She forced the words out between her tears, still holding him tight.

  “And you have your part in that; this was not a singular effort on my part only. If I had trouble dealing with him or things, you’ve always been there to help me and support me. You’ve given me everything. I want you to have the same.”

  He continued to hold her, and she nuzzled up as much as she could.

  “I love you, Diane Wakeford, now and for the rest of my life. I want to spend the time trying to make you as happy as you’ve made me.”

  She pulled back to look at him and said softly, through her tears, “You

  just did.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Matthew parked his father’s car at the curb and walked up the driveway toward Steve Epps, who stood outside watering his front lawn.

  “Hi, Mr. Epps,” Matthew said with enthusiasm. “Is Donna inside?”

  Matthew paused his steps and pointed to the front door.

  Steve turned and looked at the Buick in the street, and then back to the front door. “She’s inside,” he said with another glance over at the car. “You have another vehicle?”

  “No, sir,” Matthew said and wrung his hands. “It’s my father’s. I asked him if I could borrow it tonight to take Donna to pizza and a movie.”

  “Oh?” Steve moved to the faucet to close off the water.

  “Yes, sir,” Matthew took a step toward the house. “The van is fine to bring a bunch of us to the beach, but I figured Donna would be more comfortable in the car.” Matthew grew nervous at what he felt he had just implied. “You know, nicer seating in a passenger car over a van.”

  Steve held up his hand. “Son, let me tell you something.” He stepped over to him. Matthew stopped backing up and broke into a sweat. Steve said,

  “Donna’s mother and I have needed to come to a realization that she is going to date, you know, whether we like it or not.” He gave a crooked smile.

  “She’s had a couple of boys over, of course, didn’t like either one. Jury is still out on you.”

  Steve stepped into Matthew’s personal space, and just then the front door popped open, and Donna and her mother came outside.

  “Steve,” Elaine called out. “Do you want Donna to be an old maid and live here until she’s forty?” She moved over to Matthew and pulled him away. Donna covered her face with the palm of her hand. “Don’t you mind him,” Elaine whispered into Matthew’s ear. “He’s not going to tell you he likes you; you’re dating his daughter. But he likes that you come in to get her instead of blowing the horn from the curb.”

  Matthew smiled a little. He looked up at Donna on the front porch, and then smiled wider. “That’s a pretty outfit,” he said, stopping short.

  He looked her over one more time, and Donna smiled. “Thank you,” she said and stepped down the three stairs.

  “Pretty enough to take to the prom?” Elaine asked.

  “Mom,” Donna whispered, low and harsh. “It’s not until May.”

  Matthew smiled and looked at Donna more closely.

  “Is it too much? The skirt and the top?” Donna asked, fidgeting self-

  consciously. “It’s new, and I was looking for an excuse to wear it. I figured a date was nice.” She glanced at Matthew, who wore nice jeans and a collared shirt. “It’s too much … I’ll go in and change.”

  “No.” Matthew grabbed her hand to stop her. “It does look nice on you.

  I’m trying to figure out …” Matthew looked her over one more time. “Your hair.” He looked at it draped over her shoulders. “There’s red in it.”

  Donna beamed. “You noticed it. Do you like it? It was my aunt’s idea.

  She said I had the right natural shade of light brown to carry it.” She looked over at her mother.

  “If you’re happy with it, I’m happy with it,” Matthew said. “I like the way you look; to me you’re pretty either way.”

  Steve groaned and walked into the garage.

  “Oh, go on, you old fart,” Elaine called out. “And stay in the garage, too.

  He’s judgmental. He wants ‘men to be men,’” she said, deepening her voice.

  “But when they are, he’s all ‘not with my daughter.’ But then when they’re polite and attentive like you are, he doesn’t like that either.”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Epps, I was trying to do what my father taught me, you know, for picking a girl up at home, coming to the door and everything,”

  Matthew said.

  “And you’re fine,” she said.

  “Can we go?” Donna asked.

  “Be back at ten,” her father yelled from the garage.

  Donna looked at her mother.

  “Twelve is fine, dear,” Elaine said.

  “Elaine,” Steve yelled, stepping into the driveway.

  “Elaine, my foot,” she said loudly and turned around. “They are going for pizza and a movie; if they catch the later one, it won’t be out until after ten.

  She’s seventeen, and it’s a Friday night.”

  “Are we going to have this argument out here, in front of them?” he asked and took a step forward.

  Donna put her hand on her face and turned to Matthew. “I’m so sorry.”

  Matthew waved her off and took her free hand in his.

  “Is that your father’s car, Matthew?” Elaine asked.

  “Yes, Mrs. Epps. I thought it would be more comfortable for Donna; nicer seating in a passenger car over a van and all,” Matthew said. “My Dad was good with it.”

  “Polite and thoughtful,” Elaine said, turning back toward her husband.

  “No, we are not going to have this argument out here in front of them. They are leaving, and her curfew is midnight. Or maybe one in the morning? I get that whole P.M., A.M. thing all mixed up.”

  “Elaine, God-damn it …”

  “Ah! That’s
right; one A.M.,” she said and waved the two of them off.

  “Go on. Have fun.”

  Matthew looked at Donna, who turned toward the car and tugged Matthew’s hand.

  “You’re going to lose dinner and a comfortable place to sleep if you keep that garbage up,” Elaine said. Her voice faded in the distance as the two of them reached the end of the driveway.

  “I’m sorry about all that,” Donna said.

  “I’m sorry.” He opened the passenger door for her. “You’re going to have to deal with that when you come home.”

  “Oh, it’ll be fine. My mother rules him with an iron fist.” She chuckled.

  “Thank you.” Then she took her place in the passenger seat.

  Matthew swung the door closed and moved to go around the car. He peeked over to the garage door, where Donna’s parents still stood talking loudly over the curfew time. He looked down through the windshield of the car and saw Donna pull down on her top, which accentuated her cleavage some more. Then he banged his shin on the bumper.

  “Are you okay?” Donna asked him as he climbed into the car.

  “Oh, yeah.” He reached down to rub his shin. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” A sheepish smile crossed his face.

  “Did I distract you?” she asked with a grin.

  “Honestly?” He sat up and put the key into the ignition.

  Donna nodded just a little.

  “Yes,” Matthew said, and then cleared his throat, started the car, and put it into gear.

  ***

  At a little past eleven, Matthew glanced at his watch while letting Donna back into the car. He paused for a moment to fish the keys out of his pocket, and then eased her door shut. Through the windshield, he glanced at her, and then skirted around the car—this time giving it a wide birth. Donna laughed loudly enough for him to hear her outside the car.

  He stopped for a moment outside his door and then got in.

  She smiled at him as he sat. Door closed, he put the keys in the ignition.

  Before he could turn them, she touched his hand.

  He looked over at her. Her gaze held deep intent. He probably had the same look on his face.

  She leaned over, and he met her halfway. After he had twisted to position himself better, his lips met hers.

  They kissed. And kissed some more. Matthew tucked his right leg up and onto the seat, leaving his left foot on the floor. He reached over to pull her in by her shoulder, and grazed her breast by accident. He flinched, moved his hand away, and got it to her shoulder with haste.

  “No,” Donna said softly, breaking his kiss.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

  “No,” she said, then kissed him more and broke away. “I meant, don’t …

  I mean, it’s okay. I want you to touch me.”

  Matthew swallowed hard. He leaned in and kissed her. Hesitant, he trailed his hand along her arm.

  Donna placed a hand on his knee and moved it slowly along his thigh.

  Matthew squirmed; the position he sat in grew uncomfortable the more excited he became.

  A car drove past them and leaned heavy on the horn. The boys in the car yelled out and whistled. Matthew broke all of his hold on Donna and turned to face front in the driver’s seat. The windows had fogged up some.

  When he started the car, Donna sat forward as well. Matthew turned on the defogger and put the vehicle into gear. Then he snapped his seatbelt on and waited a moment for Donna to reach for hers without looking over at her.

  Reluctant, she clipped it on.

  Without saying anything, he rolled the car out of the parking spot at the Meriden Twin and took a left onto Route 5. He raised his hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead, and then put both hands back on the steering wheel.

  Donna looked over at him, but neither of them spoke while they crossed the town line back into Wallingford. They traveled the two miles past Bickford’s without a word, and then Donna broke the silence, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” Matthew answered, sounding shaken.

  “Was there a reason you stopped kissing me and left all of a sudden?”

  Donna adjusted her skirt.

  Matthew’s mind raced, but before he could respond, Donna said, “Did kissing me embarrass you? Was that it? Those boys saw us and blew the

  horn, and you got embarrassed?”

  Uneasy, Matthew signaled to turn right. After a short distance, he pulled the car into Everybody’s parking lot and stopped.

  “No,” he said. “That wasn’t it at all.” He shut off the engine, took a deep breath in, and then turned in his seat to face her. The seatbelt pulled at him, so he took it off. “I don’t care who sees us, kissing or what not; I’m excited to go out with you. I just don’t want them to see us parked in the lot and kissing and … well, you know …”

  “I don’t understand,” she said while unlatching her seatbelt.

  “I wouldn’t want them to think the wrong things,” he said.

  “I’m not Liz Wellsworth,” she said in a harsh tone.

  Matthew stifled his initial reaction to the comment and made an effort to respond to what she had meant. “But if boys see you kissing in a car, what do you think they will think?”

  “I kissed you in the theater,” she said with a defiant glint in her eyes.

  “I know, but not too many people could see, and a bunch of them made out as well.” He smiled. “The kiss … it felt nice.”

  “You’re a good kisser,” she said, returning the smile. “I wanted to kiss you more. I couldn’t wait to get to the car.”

  “I wanted to as well, but it’s like I said.”

  “How about here?” she asked, looking about. “There’s no one here.

  Maybe it would have been a good idea for you to take your van; we would’ve had a little privacy.”

  “And what would happen if a police officer pulled up? Bad enough in this car; it would be worse in the van. Can you imagine the scene if the police brought you home? Your father would never let you see me again.” Matthew took her hand from the seat and held it in his.

  “I’ll be eighteen soon. You already are. If we want to see each other, we can and will.” Donna tightened her grip.

  “I know where we can go to sit for a while,” he said with a glance at his watch. “We have about half an hour to kill.”

  “But I have until one A.M.” She raised her voice over the sound of the car starting.

  “Your Mom bumped you to one to oppose your father; I am not going to get into the middle of that. Midnight works; besides, I have to get up in the morning to work at the store.”

  “Can I come by there and see you sometime?” she asked.

  Matthew pulled the car back onto Route 5 and headed south. “Why not? I can’t sit and chat forever, but a short visit now and again is fine.”

  “What time are you there tomorrow?” She reached over and rested her hand on his leg.

  “I’m going in to open up and am there until my Dad gets there; Diane is off now, Saturdays, and we still close on Sundays. My Dad usually gets in around ten or so. Then I have to head over and pick up Tim to clean a few yards,” Matthew said.

  “The side job you guys do.” Donna rubbed his leg.

  “Yes,” he said and glanced at her with a smile.

  “Can I tell you something?” She pulled her hand back and played with her skirt again. “I felt excited that you noticed my hair. Most boys wouldn’t notice, especially not right away, if at all.”

  “I guess I’m not like most boys,” Matthew said.

  “No,” she said in a serious tone. “You’re not like any boy I ever met.”

  “What?” Matthew asked.

  “I said, ‘you’re not like any boy I ever met.’ What did you think I said?”

  “Oh,” Matthew said, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

  Donna reached over and took his hand. “Really; I want to know.”

  Matthew hesitated to answer. He tur
ned his car down South Cherry Street, then looked over at her, glanced out the window—past her and down Ward Street—and saw Melissa’s old apartment, where they first became friends.

  “Please?” Diane said. “I promise, whatever it is, I won’t get upset.”

  “Well.” Matthew steered the car across Carlton Street, and then looked down to Melissa’s current residence with her mother. “Melissa used to say,

  ‘you’re the nicest boy I ever met,’ and I didn’t hear you entirely the first time when you said, ‘You’re not like any boy I ever met,’ and I thought you said that too.”

  Donna smiled but looked nervous.

  “You promised you wouldn’t get upset,” Matthew said.

  “You’re right, I did. I’m not, really. It’s just that when it comes to you and girls, Liz and Melissa are always the competition.”

  Matthew pulled into his driveway, shut his father’s car off, and then turned off the headlights.

  “Why are we here?” Donna asked.

  Matthew put a finger to his lips. “Shhh,” he whispered. “Rather than hang around somewhere the cops might kick us out, we can go into the back yard

  and sit at the picnic table.” Matthew pointed through the moonlit yard to a lone tree in the back.

  Out of the car, he shut his door and hustled around to the passenger door to let Donna out. “We have to be quiet going through the gate,” Matthew whispered into her ear. “My Dad’s bedroom is the first window on the ground floor.”

  Donna smiled. The moonlight glinted on her hair, and Matthew could only stare at her. Donna smiled more.

  He took her by the hand, led her past the gate, and through the yard to the far end of the lot where the picnic table stood.

  “Do you think your father heard us?” she asked.

  Matthew looked back at the house. “I don’t think so. All the lights are still off. I’m sure if he heard something in the yard, he would have turned the light on to look. Generally, he’s sleeping by now.”

  Donna looked up at Matthew intently and touched his face to turn it back toward her. Then she reached up for a kiss. Matthew responded.

  He pulled her in tightly with his hands wrapped around her waist and touching her lower back. She led backward to the bench. Once it hit the back of her leg, she lowered herself to sit, and then took one leg over to straddle it.