The End of the Innocence

by Jason Zandri

  She glanced over Matthew, who stood completely naked before he pulled the towel in front of himself. Her heart skipped a beat. Matthew said, “Well, I guess I can’t say ‘don’t you knock?’ because you were about to.”

  Matthew stepped past her and into the bathroom. She turned and watched his bare ass disappear from view with a wry smile on her face. “Did you get a good look?” he asked, calling through the bathroom door.

  Melissa smiled. “Well, I didn’t do it on purpose, but I certainly don’t regret it.”

  “Uh … spoken for,” Matthew said, sticking his head out the door and pointing at his chest. “You are too, aren’t you?” he asked and ducked back into the bathroom.

  “Yes.” Shame heated her cheeks. “I stopped in because I was driving by to chat with Diane and heard you up here, so I thought I’d say ‘hi’ to you before I left.”

  “Date tonight?” Matthew asked, running his razor under the water in the sink.

  “I think so,” she said and moved a little closer to the door and leaned in a little. “Paul never got back to me from earlier, but we generally go and do something on Saturday. You know … date night and everything.”

  “Date night?” Matthew asked. “There’s a specific night to go out with your date?”

  “Well, no, silly,” Melissa said with a smile. “Any day is fine, but Saturday is considered the classic date night. Girls can generally spend as much time as they need to, getting ready and all, because there isn’t school or work to rush in from.”

  Matthew didn’t respond but took the next few minutes and finished up in the bathroom. Melissa stood in the hallway and listened to him clatter around.

  When he finally exited, he wore only his jeans.

  Melissa looked him over again while he walked past, and then became self-conscious again because of Matthew’s comments about each of them seeing other people. Despite that guilt, she let her eyes linger on him.

  “Are you going to talk to me from the hallway or are you going to come in?” Matthew asked.

  Melissa didn’t answer but stepped into the room and over toward his desk.

  She’d intended to sit in the chair, but then realized she couldn’t as it had things piled on it. She hesitated and pulled on the chair.

  “Oh yeah, sorry,” Matthew said, looking over at his chair. “I was cleaning some files out of the bottom of the desk. I never picked it all up.” He looked around, and then simply motioned to the bed. “You can sit there.”

  Matthew scratched his head while he stepped into the closet and looked over his choices. He took a shirt down and turned to Melissa, who remained standing.

  “Why are you standing? You never stand. And you’ve sat on my bed dozens of times. Why are you being all funny?” Matthew asked.

  Melissa eased down onto the bed. Her heart raced so much that she could feel it on her chest wall. Say something—she should tell him how she felt.

  She shook her head, but the thoughts continued to pummel her brain. There was something this morning. Say it. Yes, you’re dating, he’s dating, but it’s early on. Now is the time, before it gets serious.

  Matthew shook his head and stepped toward her. He looked down at her and leaned in, still holding onto his shirt. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

  Melissa swallowed hard. They had been to the beach a dozen times together, and she had seen him in a bathing suit only. However, this was the first time she’d been alone with him in his bedroom.

  Matthew leaned in a little more, about to say something, and then his bedroom door opened.

  “Matthew, Diane said you were—” Donna stopped short, seeing Matthew in front of Melissa, and Melissa on the bed.

  “Donna.” Matthew sprang upright. “Hi.”

  They each stood and eyed one another for an uncomfortable two seconds that seemed to stretch on and on, and then Donna said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you hadn’t retired the prior entertainment.”

  “What the hell?” Melissa said, distressed.

  “Yes,” Donna said, firing up. “What the hell indeed. You want to know why I didn’t come by the store today, Matthew? I was upset. All day. Marie drove by the two of you holding hands on the short wall over on Carlton Street.”

  Melissa held her hands up. “Donna, wait I—”

  “No, you wait.” Donna glared at her. “I used to think Liz was the biggest bitch about shit like this, but it seems like you’re going to give her a run for her money.” Donna spun around back toward the door.

  “Donna,” Matthew said, and his voice strained at the edges of calm.

  “You’re taking that out of context.”

  “How should I take it?” she asked with tears welling up in her eyes. “I want to believe you’re different than all the other boys. Generally, you act it, but get Liz or Melissa around and your mind goes. At least it’s not all girls, or any girl, like most guys.”

  “Donna, listen,” Melissa said.

  “No, you listen, Melissa,” Donna snapped. “You and Liz had your chance to be with him—”

  “Hey! ” Matthew yelled. He turned his head when footfalls made their way up the stairs, and then Diane stepped into the hallway. His angry eyes held Donna’s. “I have a big issue being addressed in the third person standing right here.” Matthew pulled his shirt over his head and tugged it down his chest. “As flattering and ego boosting as it is,” Matthew said with the tiniest of smiles. “I am not a prize to win and fight over.”

  Matthew glanced through the doorway at Diane, then turned to the pile of stuff on his test chair. He grabbed it all and set it on the floor, then motioned with his hand for Melissa to sit. She took the chair. He took Donna’s hand and led her to the edge of the bed to sit.

  “Donna,” Matthew said. “I saw Marie’s car this morning. I mean, I didn’t know it was Marie, but I saw a car slow down and then leave. I didn’t think anything of it because Melissa and I weren’t doing anything. I stopped my van to get out, walk to the corner, and reminisce around the old neighborhood.” He stepped more in front of her and took her hands in his. “It didn’t dawn on me that I was doing something wrong because I was sitting in the wide open public, not hidden away somewhere, with a friend from elementary school. I’ve known Melissa the longest of anyone here in Wallingford.”

  Matthew turned to look back at Melissa but never let Donna’s hands go.

  “She’s my best friend; there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t trust her with.”

  Matthew glanced at Diane, and then turned his attention back to Donna.

  “She’s with someone else—Paul—like I’m with you. She and I are friends.

  You’ll have to trust me on that. We’ve never gone ‘there’ and I’m not going to while I’m with you. With her, with Liz, with no one. Since our first date,

  after beach season ended, you have been the one I think of and the one I want to be with. I want your time and attention, your honesty, your loyalty, and your smile. You are my priority, and I want to be yours, but you have to trust me.”

  Tears rolled down Donna’s face, and she stood up to hug Matthew. “I want someone in my life that can give me those things.” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “I want someone in my life who’s worthy of having those things. I want to give that part of myself to them. I want to give them the power to hurt me, and trust them never to use it.”

  “So, do you want just a ‘someone’ in your life or do you want me?”

  Matthew asked.

  “You, Matthew; there is only you.”

  Matthew said nothing more, turned with her, and stepped out of the room.

  He led her around Diane, and the two of them headed down the stairs. When he reached the last stair, he called up to Diane, “If my father or Tim call the house line, let them know I went for a walk with Donna.”

  Diane nodded, and Matthew went out the door.

  Diane stepped into the room and looked at her little sister. “Whew. Are you okay?” she asked, fanning a
hand in front of her face, and then moved closer to Melissa.

  With Donna and Matthew gone, Melissa let go and cried. Through her tears, she said, “Oh my God, is Mark like that?”

  Diane nodded. “It’s where Matthew gets it from.”

  “How does that not melt you? It’s like a symphony of words coming out of his mouth. It’s beautiful to listen to.” Melissa sniffled.

  Diane reached over for the tissue box on Matthew’s dresser and handed it to Melissa. “It’s beautiful to listen to because, like a symphony played passionately, from the heart, it’s the way he feels.”

  “I’m such a fool,” Melissa said and took more tissues. “I realize now that I don’t want something like that from just anyone. I want it from Matthew.”

  Diane knelt down next to Melissa. “If you don’t want him to resent you the rest of his life, then you have to let things, as they are right now, run their course. If you have these feelings for him, they won’t ever go away. When he isn’t with anyone, you can express how you feel. If you try and do it now, and drive a wedge in their relationship, it’ll be a scar he’ll never heal from, and he’ll always hold you responsible.”

  “But what if he never leaves her? I know it’s highly unlikely, and people

  don’t stay with high school sweethearts anymore except in rare cases, but what if this was my chance and I missed it?” Melissa dried her eyes some more.

  “I don’t have all the answers,” Diane said and patted Melissa on the knee.

  “There’s no way to know all things with absolute certainty. If you want to love that much, if you want the chance to be Matthew’s entire world, and have him be yours, you’re going to have to risk everything.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Matthew finished making his way up Center Street and turned left into Simpson Court. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, with a stiff November wind blowing the leaves about. He walked along the sidewalk and made his way over to the century-old beech tree that stood in the front of the former Wallingford public library.

  Matthew stood nearby looking at the door, now dark and quiet, remembering how much activity used to come and go.

  “It’s hard to believe that it’ll be five years since they relocated the library down the street,” a familiar voice called out to him. Matthew turned to see Liz getting out of her car, parked in Simpson Court. “Isn’t it a little cold to be out walking around?” she asked, looking around for his van but not seeing it.

  “That’s me,” Matthew said and watched her walk over. “Always doing the unexpected at the most illogical time.”

  “If I remember correctly—” Liz looked at the building. “—I do believe I kissed you out here.” She smiled.

  “You did,” Matthew said.

  “And you never forgot it?” She came alongside him and looked toward the same closed and locked door at 60 North Main Street.

  “No, I never forgot it, if I’m honest,” he said quietly, and then turned toward her. “I probably never will.”

  “Now isn’t that sweet. It’s just like you to take a simple memory, from such a long time ago, and make it into something uniquely special.” She moved closer and turned to face him.

  “I didn’t have to make it into something uniquely special; it was already something uniquely special, to me at least. The only real thing for me to do is to remember it, which I do, fondly.” Matthew took a small step back.

  “So, I hear you and Donna are getting to be a real thing,” she said. “She somehow managed to rope you into going to the Thanksgiving Homecoming dance over at Lyman Hall rather than over at the one at Sheehan.”

  “Well.” Matthew looked around the streetscape then back to Liz, “The dance isn’t my thing; never was. In all the years of dances, I only went to support the class because it’s a fundraiser. As far as homecoming goes, I look at it like prom.”

  “You didn’t go to your Junior Prom last year,” Liz said while bundling her scarf around her neck some more. As she adjusted it, she removed her white woolen hat and dropped her hair down. She smiled when it attracted

  Matthew’s gaze.

  “No, I didn’t,” he said, overcoming his brief distraction. “I didn’t have a steady girl at the time, and I didn’t have the desire to lay out the cash for the event.”

  “If you’d asked me, I would have gone with you,” she said with a smile.

  “You had the Lyman Hall prom to go to,” Matthew said.

  Liz pulled her hair back and put her hat back on. “True, but I would have gone to yours with you, too. They were on different nights.”

  “Whoever you were dating at the time would not have approved,”

  Matthew said.

  “I don’t need their approval,” Liz said and stepped forward.

  “Ah yes,” Matthew said, and a smile grew across his face.

  “What?” Liz asked, returning a broad grin. “I know that look …”

  “Nothing.” Matthew raised his hands. “Your, ‘I don’t need their approval’

  remark reminded me of something.”

  “Do tell.” She stepped closer. A strong gust of wind shoved her along a little further.

  “Forget it.” He tipped his head and moved a little to take advantage of the street lighting. “You’ll just say, ‘ha, another simple memory from such a long time ago …’”

  Liz stepped right up and into his personal space. “I would like to hear it,”

  she said, and he believed her to be sincere.

  Matthew became nervous with Liz standing so close. Part of it, his undeniable attraction to her, and the rest his thoughts of Donna and trying to remain loyal to her. He went to take a step backward, but the low-hanging branches on the tree stopped him.

  “What you said, it brought thoughts about the day at Pond Hill when Tim hit me in the face with the dodgeball.” Matthew looked down into Liz’s eyes.

  She listened intently and stared right back at him. “You know … what you said to me.”

  “Which was?”

  “I will have the friends I want. I don’t care what boy likes me or what boy I like. You’re an awesome friend. I’m not giving you up because we’re going to different schools, or for any one person either.”

  “I meant it,” she said and leaned in, then reached up to kiss him.

  Matthew, pinned against the low branches, couldn’t back up, but he did manage to pull away and off to the side.

  “Please, Liz, don’t,” Matthew said, collecting himself.

  “You like her that much?” Liz said. “I might have assumed that with Melissa, but Donna is sort of surprising to me.”

  “I do. I like Donna a lot,” Matthew said. “To be honest, I’m a little surprised at you. Beyond the fact that you have your pick of men, Donna is your friend.”

  Liz stepped closer to him again, and the smallest of smiles crept across her lips. “When I said, ‘I’m not giving you up for any one person either,’ I wasn’t specifically talking about boys I dated and whether they wanted you around in any capacity. Any of them that had an issue with it were gone.

  ‘Any one person’ also pertains to the women in your life, Matthew. Either they can accept my station with you, or they can move along. I will be in your life, and no one will ever stop me from having that.”

  “I’m not sure what to say,” Matthew said. “You’re important to me too. I can’t think of many things I wouldn’t do for you. But there are limits, boundaries I will not cross, even for you.”

  Liz moved right up into his personal space again and buckled her knees, just so, to shrink a little lower. “I need a man in my life with your tenacity.”

  “Why?” Matthew asked.

  Liz smiled and turned to head back to her car. She waited until she was all the way to it and then called back to him, “Because,” she said, opening her car door. “You’re the only one that can save me.”

  “Why do you need to be saved?” Matthew asked as a burst of wind blew leaves and dust everyw
here. “From who?” he shouted over the disturbance.

  The wind died down, and Liz looked over to him. Her expression now solemn, she said, “From myself.”

  She got in her car and drove to the right and out of Simpson Court.

  Matthew watched her go until she disappeared out of sight, heading south on South Main Street.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  When Matthew finished eating, he placed his dish in the sink. The kitchen phone rang, and he wiped his hands to answer it.

  “Hello?” he said, pinning the phone to his shoulder so he could finish drying off his hands. Diane came in through the back door at almost the same time.

  “Hi, Matthew, it’s Dad. Is Diane home yet?”

  “Yep,” he said, looking over at her. “It’s my Dad.” He handed the phone

  to her.

  Matthew walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

  ***

  A few moments later, Diane walked in.

  “That was a short call,” Matthew said, looking up from the couch.

  “Yeah,” she said with a smile and leaned into the archway from the hall.

  “I just left the store, and he wanted to know if I could start dinner. I saw your dish in the sink; I presume you’re all set?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Thanks for asking.” He set the newspaper movie section down on the coffee table.

  “Plans tonight?” She stepped part of the way into the room.

  “Uh, yeah. I was supposed to go out with Tim and Patti, double date, but he suddenly begged off.” Matthew stood up.

  “Oh,” Diane said. “Troubles, or do they just want to be alone?”

  Matthew looked over and hesitated. “Can I ask you something?

  Something private?”

  “Of course,” she said and took another step forward.

  “I don’t want you bringing it up with my dad. If you feel like you can’t promise that, it’s fine; just let me know.” Matthew moved over to the banister at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Well, why don’t you start, and if I feel like it’s something I can’t keep in confidence because it conflicts with the relationship and trust I have with your father, I’ll let you know.”