by Amanda Fleet
The muscles in his cheeks bunched as he gritted his teeth. “Okay,” he said, begrudgingly. “Where do we get food?”
I rummaged in my bag to find my wallet, regretting wasting money on the coffee earlier. I had some cash, but not much. Whatever I bought, it wasn’t going to be a gourmet meal.
“Let’s get something from the supermarket. I’ll cook at the bothy if there’s wood there.”
23
We turned towards where the cheapest supermarket was, Faran’s mood best described as black. I shared his frustration. My plan of coming Outside and getting Aegyir back to The Realm to be disposed of currently lay in tatters. We might manage a day or two Outside, but if we didn’t find Aegyir again or manage to capture him, I didn’t know what we would do. It took a lot of calories to fill Faran and I didn’t have enough cash on me to buy more than a day’s worth of food. But going back to The Realm without Aegyir wouldn’t end well for me.
“You were banished almost two years ago in Realm time,” said Faran as we walked down a side road. “That would be a hundred years out here. What would have happened to you when you crossed the portal? How would you have survived?”
I thought for a moment. “A hundred years ago? Arriving dressed like this and with no family connections to allow me to marry well, and no skills to find the kind of work genteel women did? I would have had nowhere to live, no money and I wouldn’t have been able to speak the language. It’s highly likely I’d have had to survive by being a whore. No one would have valued the fact I could fight!”
“Whore?”
His brow wrinkled. Of course. If there’s no money in The Realm, there are no prostitutes. I explained what a whore was.
He blanched and stumbled to a halt, reaching out to pull me to him. “I am so sorry. I had no idea!”
I rubbed his chest. “It would only have been for one lifetime. Then when I died, I’d have been reincarnated, wouldn’t I?”
He didn’t seem all that mollified by the thought. Presumably, he was still imagining his beloved wife having to make her way through this world as a prostitute. I wondered if I’d ever find out what had happened to ‘me’ a hundred years ago. I probably got hanged for murder after killing a client.
“Hey,” I said. “I don’t remember it. It doesn’t matter.”
He didn’t let go of me, his green eyes still troubled. “I didn’t realise that would happen.”
“Why would you? Come on. We need to keep moving.”
I slid my hand into the crook of his arm, steering him towards the supermarket.
There, he blinked at the bright lights, his normally confident strides shortening and turning hesitant. He said nothing, but his eyes widened at the shelves of food stretching away from him and he flinched at the noise. I handed him a basket, glad that no one in The Realm could see this switch. Faran’s confidence bordered on arrogance much of the time, but he garnered respect for it.
He turned heads. He would have done if he’d been dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, given his looks and his size. The long leather coat only augmented the effect. He’d been turning heads all day, but the supermarket was full and the stares more obvious. He glanced at me, unsure.
“Why are people looking at me like this?” he whispered.
I smiled. “Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous, built like a brick shit-house, and are wearing really, really weird clothes.”
“I only understood some of that,” he muttered.
I grinned and held a hand out to him. “Come on. Let’s teach you about shopping.”
I needed cheap, filling calories, preferably with some protein in there, but given how little cash I had and the possibility my bank card wouldn’t work, choices were limited. I put a four-pack of baked beans with sausages in the basket, along with a cheap loaf of bread, a large carton of milk and some porridge oats. As we passed the shelves of coffee, I found the cheapest jar of instant there was and added it to the meagre hoard.
“Do you know how to cook?” asked Faran, peering at the packets in the basket.
“Yeah. It’s not what I would have wanted to make for your first proper meal Outside though.”
We reached the aisle with jams and spreads and I paused next to the honey.
Faran turned to me, eyes shining like a five-year-old on Christmas morning. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yep.”
He stared at the shelf. “There’s so much of it!”
I raked through the coins in my purse, adding them up. With an internal sigh, I took the coffee out of the basket and put a jar of honey in its place. The look of delight on Faran’s face made it worth it.
I added a box of matches to the basket. We could grab a free newspaper on our way out of the supermarket – there were usually stacks of them available – to use for lighting the stove. I hoped to God there was some wood at the bothy or that we could at least find some that wasn’t too damp.
Faran stood patiently by my side while the shop assistant scanned everything and I paid. I packed it all into a bag and handed it to Faran to carry. He took it wordlessly, and I slid my hand into his free one again.
We walked back to the market square. The stall-holders were packing up, and the streets had emptied. We took a diagonal through the square and my neck suddenly prickled. I shot a glance at my charm-bracelet, but it wasn’t glowing. I turned to look behind us, my footsteps slowing.
“What’s wrong?” asked Faran, scanning the street behind us.
An all too familiar man in a grey hoodie waved at me from across the square. I froze, gripping Faran’s hand.
“Ow! Who is it?” he said, following my gaze. “Is that Aegyir?”
“No. It’s Stephen.” I held him back before he could go charging off to kill him.
“Your brother? The man who beat you?” His voice was mild, but his back straightened and his chin jerked up.
“Yes. He became one of Aegyir’s vassals before I returned to the Realm. Maybe he still is. I suspect Aegyir will know you’re here very soon.”
“Should we follow him?”
“If he’s in league with Aegyir, he could lead us into a trap. We’d be better going to the bothy and trying to find Aegyir tomorrow. If he knows you’re out here too, it probably won’t be difficult.”
Stephen turned and walked away. We watched him until he was out of sight, then I tugged at Faran’s hand. “Come on. We should keep moving.”
“Where did you live?” he asked as we turned out of the square.
I glanced up. “Oh. Over that way. More towards the portal.”
“Is it far? May I see?”
“Why? Someone else lives there now.”
“I’m curious.”
I looked at the sky. It was darkening, but we had time to go. I steered him down a side-road and on towards the lane leading to the cottage. We stopped at the lane-end and a lump rose in my throat at seeing my old place. I shouldn’t have come. It was too raw.
“The one with the blue pots outside. Though it didn’t have them when Finn and I lived there.” My voice cracked slightly. “Just look from here. I don’t want my old neighbours to see me. I’m officially missing and having to explain everything to the authorities would waste time we don’t have.”
Faran scanned the cottage. “It’s smaller than I expected, given there were two of you and you said you had to cook your own meals.”
“Yeah. Only four rooms. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, lounge.”
The silence between us suddenly grew spines. “Only one bedroom? You told me you weren’t married.”
I sucked in a long breath, nudging him to start moving. Both of us needed to be away from here and everything it represented. “We weren’t married. Although Finn’s mother said she thought he was going to ask me.”
“You lived as man and wife though?” He let go of my hand and his shoulders hunched as he walked.
“Yeah. Why are you upset? You knew we were lovers.”
He chewed his lip. “I think
the word means different things to each of us. I thought you loved one another. Nothing more.”
“Oh. No, that’s not what the word means to me. Lovers are people who sleep together.”
His brow didn’t clear.
“Uh, who have sex,” I added, feeling awkward. “Finn and I had been together for years and we did love each other. We also had sex. I realise that’s not how it works in The Realm but it’s pretty normal out here.”
There was a long silence before Faran spoke. “I understand now why you were so jittery when I told you to sleep with me.” He gave me a wry smile but tension still knotted his shoulders.
The clouds that had covered the sky all day now hid the moon. We needed to get a wriggle on if we were going to make it to the bothy before it was pitch dark. I marched on, forcing Faran to keep up with me.
We finally reached the foot of the fell. In the fading light, the grass held purple shadows, deepening to black in places. The stony track up to the bothy crunched under our feet and the plastic shopping bag in Faran’s hand rustled in the light breeze. Faran stared dead ahead, lost in his thoughts. Neither of us said anything as we climbed steadily, and we were almost at the bothy before he found his voice.
“You and I had a lot of sex. After we were married. I’ve been celibate while you’ve been away. It was difficult to hear that you and Finn lived as if you were married. I had imagined something else. I knew you loved him deeply, but…”
“I know.” I rubbed his arm, but he pulled away from me.
I leaned against the door to the bothy and shoved it open. From the dust on the wooden floor, no one had stayed here for a while, and to my relief, the place was empty now.
There wasn’t much to the bothy. The door opened straight into a large, almost empty room with a wood-burning stove. A Belfast sink with a pump handle water supply, was tucked away in the corner. A square table sat under the small window and there was a cupboard in the corner. My heart rose to see a stack of wood had been left next to the stove. Two battered saucepans hung from a solid beam above the sink, and a metal kettle sat on top of the wood-burning stove. I investigated the cupboard. There were four plates and three chipped mugs, some bent cutlery and a wooden spoon. A tin of tomato soup had been left by a previous occupant, along with a new candle. Two candle stumps rattled in the drawer at the base of the cupboard, and I was surprised and heartened to see an axe propped against the side. An outside toilet in a brick shed butted on to the bothy.
Faran stood behind me, his eyes picking over the space apprehensively. I held out my hand for the shopping bag.
“Yeah, it’s a bit basic.” I pointed to the stack of logs. “We need more wood than this. Why don’t you go and get some? There’s a small copse if you keep following this track. See if you can find any fallen branches.”
“I don’t like leaving you alone, especially as Aegyir might know we’re here.”
“I’ll be fine.” I reached up and pressed my palm against his cheek before kissing the side of his mouth. “I think you need some space. Go on. Go away and collect wood. Take the axe in case you need it.”
“How much wood do you need me to bring?”
“As much as you can carry. It’s going to be cold tonight.”
He nodded. He unbuckled one sword and handed it to me, then grabbed the axe and headed back out.
I unpacked the shopping into the cupboard and put the milk outside the door to keep it fresh. Tonight’s Michelin-starred meal would be sausages and beans on toast, with toast and honey for pudding. Despite Faran giving the impression that food was no more than fuel to him, I sensed that this might test even him. I sighed. It would have to do. At least there was honey for him.
I pumped some water and squinted at it. It seemed clear, but I’d definitely be boiling it to be sure, before we drank any of it. Taking the freebie newspaper out, I scrunched it up and set a fire in the stove, my nose tickling with the smoke as the paper caught. The fire chased the chill from the room and gave enough light that I didn’t need to use the candles.
I sat on the floor in front of the stove, waiting for Faran, thinking over the day and trying not to cry. Finn was gone. However much I was glad that he’d finally been freed from Chaos, my heart was shattered at the thought I’d never even see his ghost again.
I rubbed my brow. I’d thought I would feel as if I’d come home when I returned Outside, but I felt like a stranger, dislocated from it all. The sight of all the products in the supermarket had jarred. Why did we need so many versions of the same things? And why wasn’t a day’s work worth the same here, regardless of the job involved?
And Faran? I loved him, and that felt like the biggest betrayal of Finn.
I leaned on my knees, staring at the stove, the bright yellow flames almost blinding me.
I didn’t belong anywhere any more.
24
The door clicked shut behind me, making me jump.
“You cannot possibly be back already!” I said.
“Hey.”
His voice. The one I thought I’d never hear again. Soft baritone, with more than a hint of Irish. The hairs on my arms stood on end and I whirled round, blinking, my heart in my throat. “Finn?”
Just inside the doorway stood the man I had loved. Not see-through. Not ghostly. Looking like solid flesh and blood. Looking exactly like he had a month ago, before Aegyir was released and everything had changed. How? The Guide had given him his energy. He’d gone. Had he somehow been reincarnated as he was before his death, and not as a baby?
He grinned his lopsided grin, and I scrambled up from the floor, my heart pounding. I reached out to touch him with shaking hands, afraid that my fingers would pass straight through him. They touched his shirt, his chest reassuringly solid beneath it. He coiled an arm around me and I wrapped myself around him. His mouth was on mine before I could say anything more, his kisses urgent and passionate.
“Finn? I don’t understand. You’re dead,” I said when we finally parted. “You’re not even in Chaos now. The Guide gave you energy, so you could reincarnate.”
He kissed me again, walking me backwards until my backside bumped against the table. “Do I feel dead? Is your husband here?” His lip twisted.
“He’s gone to fetch wood.” I drank him in, my eyes lingering on his blue eyes with their dark lashes.
“Oh. How long do I have you to myself?” He kissed me again, his tongue touching mine. He tasted so familiar.
I rubbed my thumb over the back of his neck as he drew back. “How are you here, Finn? Are you real?”
Sparks of red-gold glinted in his eyes as he shifted from Finn, with his tousled blond hair and crooked smile, to a cadaverous demon, leathery skin stretched over its bones. “Not exactly.”
My mouth dried in an instant.
“We have unfinished business, Aeron.”
I tried to back away, but I was hard up against the table. I cursed myself. How could I have been so stupid? I’d seen Finn go. He could never hold me again. But I’d wanted it to be him, so much!
Aegyir pinned me against the table, his hands resting on the wood near my hips. I scanned around me, fear flooding me. Every weapon in the bothy was out of reach. I tried to throttle Aegyir, my fingers clawing at his scrawny neck. Could I get free enough to grab the sword Faran had left me?
Aegyir smashed my hands away from his neck and back-handed me, splitting my lip.
“How did you find me?” I gasped, wriggling, desperate to get away from him. “Did Stephen follow us?”
He laughed nastily. “Two Guardians, out of The Realm? Strolling around as if you were lords of this place as well? Oh, it wasn’t hard to find you. My apologies for impersonating your dead lover. It was terribly easy to do, since I had his spirit once.”
Tears burned my eyes. How had I possibly mistaken this foul demon for Finn? Yet he’d felt like him, tasted like him…
“A long time ago, you made me many promises, but you didn’t keep any of them.” Aegyir presse
d closer. I tried to maintain the distance. “You seduced me, teased me, promised me you’d give yourself to me. You promised you’d give me Faran and Eredan. Said that I could have The Realm.” He leaned into me. I’d run out of room and his face was only millimetres from mine. “You reneged on all of it.”
I breathed steadily, alert for any movement from him, trying to figure out how to get away from him and reach either the sword or my bag of knives.
“I will have everything that you promised me.” His fist smashed my jaw, crunching my bones and making me yell with pain. “I want to free my people.”
His hand reached towards my neck but he recoiled as if he’d hit a force-field, giving me a chance to scramble away from him. I spat, clearing my mouth of blood. I snatched up the sword and turned on the spot. I stabbed at Aegyir but he grabbed the blade and twisted it out of my maimed hand, smoke trickling from his fingers where the blade cut into him.
“Faran!” I bellowed.
He’d be too far away to hear me shout.
“I should have known that your precious husband would have given you the talisman to wear,” Aegyir snarled, his seductive tone gone.
I scrambled towards my bag, desperate to get to the knives in it, stumbling as I tried to evade his grasp. The hilt of the sword clattered into my temple with a ferocious blow, making me see stars, and my legs went from under me. Before I could get up, Aegyir grabbed my face, his fingers and thumb pressing into my cheeks and forcing my mouth open. “Shall we see how well you can fight without muscles?”
He held a capsule up to my eyes and crushed it, letting its liquid contents drip into my mouth. I tried to spit it out, but he clamped his hand over my mouth, pinning my head against the floor. I had no idea what was in the vial. His blood? The fluid had been clear and colourless, so I didn’t think so. I hoped it wasn’t.
I kicked upwards, hitting the back of his thigh, but without managing enough force to get him off me. Desperately, I threw punches, smashing my fists into his face and body. He laughed. Still with a hand over my mouth, he grabbed the front of my jacket and hauled me to my feet, then propelled me backwards until he jammed me against the table again. Pins and needles prickled my legs, and they weren’t reacting to any instructions from my brain any more. My ankles were floppy and my toes refused to splay to help me keep my balance. What the hell had he given me?