by Zachary Ryan
Copyright
Silent Screams is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
SILENT SCREAMS: A NOVEL
Copyright © 2020 by Zachary Ryan
All rights reserved.
Editing by KP Editing
Formatting & Cover Design by KP Designs
- www.kpdesignshop.com
Published by Kingston Publishing Company
- www.kingstonpublishing.com
The uploading, scanning, and distribution of this book in any form or by any means—including but not limited to electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the permission of the copyright holder is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized editions of this work, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Table of Contents
Copyright
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Seventy-One
Chapter Seventy-Two
Chapter Seventy-Three
Chapter Seventy-Four
Chapter Seventy-Five
Chapter Seventy-Six
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Chapter Eighty
Chapter Eighty-One
Chapter Eighty-Two
Chapter Eighty-Three
Chapter Eighty-Four
Extras
About the Author
About the Publisher
“We were a band of misfits trying to find love and acceptance in the world. Only to find out that what we were looking for was at a dirty, disgusting table during fifth period lunch.”
Dedication
To Edgar
Thank you for all the midnight laughs, being my pillar of confidence, and my partner in this game of life. Fiancé will never be a strong enough word to describe what you are to me.
Chapter One
Lane
“Do we even talk about what happened?” Cass asked the table, as she took her seat. She was petite with brown hair, and she felt like the little sister of the group. She had spent too much time trying to prove to us that she wasn’t that weak girl we met freshman year. The only problem was, she decided to date every asshole in the school. We all agree her current boyfriend was probably the best for her.
Zachary looked at her. “Are you crazy? If they hear us even mention what happened, then we’re stuck in group counseling for the rest of the week.” Zachary was a bigger girl. She had blonde hair, she was the shortest of the group, and she knew people gave her a weird look when they heard her name. She was told by her parents they wanted her to be a star and having a name against stereotypical norms would be perfect.
“Lane, what are your thoughts?” Cass asked me.
I didn’t get a chance to answer Cass, before Ben was walking up to take his seat next to her. He was the tallest of the group, with light blonde hair, freckles all over his body, and he was medium built. He put his Louis Vuitton book bag on the table. “Can you believe we’re back here?” he asked.
“I thought they would have given us the rest of the year off.” Ben tried to always prove to all of us that he was the leader of the group, and sometimes, he came off as the biggest asshole.
I looked at my three best friends. It was our senior year. We only had two months till we said our goodbyes here, and we would go off on our own. We all were ready to run out on our own even before the events of two weeks ago took place. We believed that we were finally going to find our happy place, and I didn’t even know if that was true anymore. I didn’t even know if there was anything that could make this all make sense.
“Remember that I always loved you. We would have been happy together. I just need you to know that you might not have been proud of yourself, but I was proud of you.” I tried to block out Colby’s last text to me out of my mind. I knew that if I talked about it, then I would have a panic attack right then.
I pushed his words out of my mind. I didn’t want to give anymore thought to what happened. I wanted to be a normal student again. I wanted to freak about prom, graduation, and getting into the right college. I wanted nothing more than to be like every other student. “Lane, are you with us?” Zachary asked.
I turned to her. I ran my hair through my dark hair. I knew that my hair needed to be cut. I wanted to say that I was someone different, but that wouldn’t be the truth. I was nothing ordinary or special.
I took a deep sigh. I looked at them again. I didn’t get why they found me someone attractive to let me join their group. I was the quiet one here. I was the one that people passed in the hallways. I didn’t excite you with my wardrobe like Cass. I only wore hoodies or flannels. I didn’t have the looks or money like Ben. I just had pretty eyes and some ugliness on my arm. I wasn’t as outgoing or stubborn as Zachary. I was just the freak that wrote in a journal, and yet, they sat with me.
I looked at Zachary. I didn’t know what came over me, but I was filled with rage. I was angry at them because we're just going to talk around what happened. This whole school wanted us to move on with our lives like nothing happened. I couldn’t live my life like there wasn’t a tragedy two weeks ago.
“How do we become normal after someone shot up this school only two weeks ago? How do we get excite
d about prom, when we will have ten less attendees?” I paused. “How do we continue to feel like we have a right to mourn when the fifth member of this lunch table was the one pulling the trigger?” I asked.
We looked over at the blank spot that was normally accompanied by Gabe. We all knew that no matter how much we wanted to believe we could have gone back to the day before the shooting, we couldn’t. The guy wrenching part in all of this was knowing our personal tragedies would be burned on our hearts more than our friend punishing our classmates.
Chapter Two
Zachary
I walked onto the empty stage. It was after school, and people wanted to get the hell out of this place. I understood why everyone didn’t feel safe here. I just never wanted to believe that Gabe would have caused all of this pain.
I walked over and took a seat at the edge of the stage. I looked at all of the empty theatre seats. I wondered how the spring musical would be. I wondered if we would pack the audience in. I felt a rush of nostalgia knowing that this would be my last production that I would be a part of.
I had played the understudy for the leading lady too many times. I was ready to feel the rush of applause for myself.
I turned to look at Tristen walking over to me. “It’s good to see you’re back here where you belong,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. I had a doctor’s appointment that day, but I was in the damn computer lab when it happened. I knew that people had stared at us. They would somehow blame us for what happened to them. The scary part was, maybe it was our faults. It’s a cliché thing to say, but we didn’t see the signs.
I smiled softly. I always found Tristen attractive. He was tall, broad shoulders, surprisingly muscular for someone in theatre, and he demanded the stage. We all wanted his confidence; none of us could even measure up to him.
“We will see if I get the part. I know auditions are right around the corner.”
Tristen walked over and sat next to me. He touched my hand softly. “You’re the only one that I could see being Millie. We always talked about how senior year would be our year at being the two leads.” Tristen looked away from me. “I always wanted to seal our memories here with a kiss.”
Tristen and I had always had a sexual attraction to each other. We were professionals because our true love was the stage. We knew that no matter what happened, we couldn’t ruin that for ourselves. We tasted our desire, but never consumed it.
I blushed and looked over at the empty seats in the front. I always knew that I wanted my parents sitting there when I belted out the last number for my final musical.
“You always knew how to make a girl feel special.” I turned to look at him. “It’s why you’ve gotten all the sophomore and freshman girls going after you.”
He chuckled and leaned back. “Is it cocky that I’m enjoying it?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re enjoying being at the top of your game. I think anyone would relish in it.”
He smiled and got up. “I guess it’s something for us to look forward to. I’m hoping this will make everyone focus on the play, instead of what happened.” I knew he couldn’t say it. I didn’t want any of my friends to talk about it. “I’ll see you later, and we can practice lines before the audition.”
“Can’t wait,” I said, as he walked away.
“You’re not going to tell him the truth?” Gabe asked.
I turned to look at Gabe sitting there. I knew it wasn’t him, because he looked exactly as the photo they used on the news. His hair was a buzz cut, big brown eyes, and a gray t-shirt.
“I don’t think it’s apparent to anyone,” I said, looking down at my fingers.
“Why not? You always had a beautiful voice.”
I remembered when he would always come to see me practice, even though I never got to perform. I looked up and glared at him. “Because I don’t get to ask for sympathy. I lost my voice, but you killed people. Don’t you understand that I don’t get to feel depressed for what happened to me because of you.” I shook my head, and I felt my tears begin to fall. “You always knew how to make it about you, didn’t you?” I asked.
There was silence, and I assumed he had gone away. I closed my eyes knowing that my home and life had been taken away from me. I knew that I would never receive that standing ovation, but I’d have to keep it to myself. I might not have lost my life that day, but I lost my soul.
Chapter Three
Cass
Jarele: Do you want me to meet up with you after practice?
I had read the text from Jarele, and I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know how I could move forward with him after everything that he had done to me.
Me: I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later when I get home.
I texted back because I just needed time to myself.
“Was that Jarele?” Kate asked.
I turned to see Kate with a perky smile on her face. She had her short blonde hair pulled into a ponytail. She always was wearing very body encouraging outfits. She had the most beautiful hazel eyes.
I shrugged. “Yeah, he wants to pick me up from practice, but I told him that I’d be fine.”
She looked at me with a curious eye. “Why don’t you let him pick you up?” She played with my shirt.
“Because, I just don’t want to.”
“I get that we all are trying to figure out a way to process what happened, but we have to start getting back to normal. We can’t let that monster ruin us. He took ten lives, and I won’t let him take mine.”
Yes, what Gabe did was horrendous, but he didn’t ruin my life. Jarele was the one that pulled the trigger and killed my innocence. I smiled weakly. “He was a good guy. He had some demons.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have to fight him to keep that door shut, so you could keep your life. Don’t you dare tell me that I’m not allowed to hate him.” I saw the tears begin to form. I saw the fear splashed across her face.
She wiped the tears and chuckled. “I hate having emotions. I’m not trying to eat my feelings and talk about what’s going on in my heart. That’s for the fat bitches in the knitting club. I’m a Pom dancer.” She turned and walked away.
“She really knows how to make people hate her, doesn’t she?” Gabe asked.
I turned to look at him. “You tried to kill her. You don’t get to hate anyone.”
He turned to look at me. “But you get to hate someone, and yet, you stayed with him.”
I closed my eyes. I remembered that moment so clearly. “Are we going to make it out of here?” I had asked Jarele. I felt like my whole body was vibrating with fear. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and tell my mom I was sorry for sneaking out the night before.
He pulled me close. He had always tried to be strong for me. I could feel his body vibrating as he had his arms around me. We all flinched when we heard the shots in the background. People were crying.
There were soft sounds of vibrations from people’s phones. I knew they were calling and texting their parents. I wished I wasn’t the idiot that left my phone in my locker.
We heard a shot get closer to us. We were in the science lab. We didn’t know who the shooter was, but they began to open fire in between periods, and everyone began running toward the safest place.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to put more weight on the door, so they can’t come in.”
“Jarele, don’t be stupid,” I said, trying to keep him close to me.
He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. “Don’t worry about me.” I tried to pull him by his hoodie, but it didn’t help. His phone fell to the ground and I watched as he crawled over to put more chairs in front of the door.
I felt his phone go off and I picked it up. I thought maybe my parents had texted him. I wanted them to know I was okay. It was from a girl that transferred here this year, Angela.
“I’m scared right now. Why couldn’t you be here with me? You always told me you’d protect me in your arms, and I ne
ed them right now. I love you, Jarele. Please, please, please, let the both of us get out of here.”
I looked over at the man trying to protect everyone in this room, knowing that he was slowly killing me behind my back.
I heard a whistle. I looked back at Kate. She looked at me with evil eyes. She pulled out her megaphone. “Cass, get your ass over here. Our performance doesn’t care that you’re currently wet at the thought of Jarele fucking you later.”
I rolled my eyes and ignored the giggles from the rest of the girls. We continued to practice even though my thoughts were somewhere else, because Jarele might be with me, but his heart was with the girl he couldn’t protect that day.
Chapter Four
Ben
I helped my dad move boxes into our new, two-bedroom apartment. I didn’t want to admit that I missed the huge house I was raised in. I didn’t want to sit there crying about the fact that I was stuck in some rundown apartment on the other side of town. I knew that there wasn’t anything that I could be upset about. I still had my life, and my parents didn’t have to cry over a closed casket, wishing nothing more than to hold me one more time.
“That should be the last of it,” my dad, Brandon, said, putting the box labeled dishes on the ground in the living room. “I know it’s kind of a shocking transition, but we will get through this together,” he said, with a smile.
I looked at my father. He had blonde hair like me, but it had faded with time. I got my freckles from my mother, and I got his blue eyes. He was a taller man, and he always had a smile on his face. I looked at him with such wonderment. I didn’t know how he could be this happy about everything. My mother had kicked us out of her home.
I walked over and took a seat on the couch. I turned on the TV trying to block out my dad’s positive attitude. I looked at the headline, and I already knew I regretted turning on the TV. “Another bullshit segment on our little school,” I said, as I threw the TV remote across the couch.
My dad walked over and took a seat next to me on the couch. He placed a hand on my knee. “If you want to talk about it, then you have every right to,” he said.