A Savage Kinda Love

by Kiki Leach

"Four goddamn days passed before a single muthafuckin' word was said -- by Taz no less," he snapped. "Even the asshole inside for Snake was paid by your boy to keep quiet."

  "He is not 'my boy' and that wasn't my fault."

  "You shoulda fuckin' said something."

  "I did."

  "After the muthafuckin' fact, baby girl. Look." He dropped his hands and stood from the bed, then lowered his chin while stepping forward and staring directly into my face. "You heading out there 'cause that asshole asked for it was just the start of some shit I was talking about."

  I dropped the tape dispenser on top of my dresser and rested my hands along my waist. "What are you trying to say?"

  "Shit you should already be knowing by now, Cheyenne." He reached for the box, pulling it to his chest. "You're getting too attached to this muthafucka already."

  "I'm not--"

  "The fuck you ain't," he shot back. "Muthafucka's got you wrapped up in a way that's making you think this shit is gonna be normal once he's out; got you doing things for him, keeping shit from the club..." He paused. "You baked an entire goddamn batch of your mother's cookies and took it out there for him."

  "And?"

  "It's some shit you've never bothered doing for the brothers in all the years you learned how to use a fuckin' microwave."

  "Oven. And it's because you all absolutely hated my mother's cooking -- always bitching about how everything was over seasoned, which never made any sense to me, considering."

  "She was doing too goddamn much for us as it was; cooking with the others was an extra burden she didn't need."

  "So insulting her food to get her to stop 'doing too much' was the goal instead of just outright telling her that she needed a break. That makes a whole lot more sense than the alternative."

  "Chey--"

  I snatched the box from him and sauntered from the room before heading back downstairs. He hurried after, then darted in front of me as soon as we reached the bottom and lifted his hands, forcing me to stop in my tracks near the front door.

  "What the hell is it?" I asked him.

  "The shit that went on between you down there; what the fuck was it?"

  "We only talked--"

  "About? How the fuck long were you down there?"

  "Barely an hour. He just wanted to see me in person again before he was out to make sure he wasn't regretting his initial decision about this marriage, or that I wasn't -- that's it."

  "And neither of you still know when he's gonna be outside -- if the shit ever happens."

  "Maybe Snake knows by now, have you asked him?" His eyes lowered from me as he made a face. I glared. "I didn't think you had bothered him with it."

  "His answer would be the same."

  "You don't know that, because you haven't asked."

  "Why haven't you?" he shot back. I handed the box back to him in silence and moved into the den. "Baby girl..." He sighed while stepping in behind me. "I'm only tryna look out for you like I've been saying since the night you first let me know about this shit, and this asshole in particular. What's going on between the two of you right now ain't fuckin' normal--"

  "Neither is the club itself or reason behind me doing any of this in the first place, and yet here we are." I spun back to him and leaned against the edge of Rox's coal black leather couch. Dented and shabby as the day it first came home, I dropped my hand on top of a pillow and grinned. "Do you remember when I bought this for his birthday six years ago? He told me that it was too much without realizing I had only paid a few hundred dollars for it during that estate sale in Rochester." Nix nodded. "I'm still surprised to this day that he's never bothered to try selling it somewhere else for extra money."

  "He knew this one came from the heart -- muthafucka wasn't getting rid of it."

  "Maybe he should've. The leather is real; maybe he could've had it polished and upped the price for himself, using some of what he earned to keep from continuing to involve me in his bullshit." I folded my arms as he had no response, and stood away from the couch. "Did Taz tell you anything about him being able to get the money back to the club on his own?"

  He soured. "How the fuck would that asshole have been able to do some shit like that?"

  "I don't know. But he might still be able to, or so he claims; I haven't heard much different."

  "When did he tell you this shit?"

  "The same day he rolled through here and learned about me going to see Nikko."

  He looked aside and lifted his brow, curious. "You think it could've been some kinda last minute bullshit to keep you from marrying this asshole?"

  "If he never bothered mentioning it to you or the club, it's possible. Unless he said something to Snake on his own."

  "Prez would've thrown it around to the rest of us during church if his VP had something credible."

  "Not if he thought doing so could somehow hurt him or by extension, hurt the club -- which also hurts him," I said. "You all put too much faith in a man that at the end of the day is not out for anyone but himself first and foremost. What's happening with me and Nikko right now is bona fide proof of that."

  "That shit might be true."

  "It is true--"

  "But, you ain't looking too goddamn hard for any other way outta this shit with Nikko either, Chey."

  "No... I guess I'm not."

  "And why the fuck is that?"

  "Because I like him, Nix; I know you hate hearing that, but it's the truth." Silence fell between us as he locked his jaw and looked to the floor. I sighed. "That could always change for better or worse once he's out, but for right now, I'm fine. Now please help me with the last few boxes to put in my car."

  He bobbed his head and grimaced. "You know I'm gonna need a few shots of your old man's scotch before heading outta here tonight."

  "And I'm going to need some of my own as soon as I lock the front door."

  "Why then?"

  "Reality shift, because nothing after I'm out of this place for good will be the same for us ever again."

  "It could be, if that was what the fuck you really wanted for yourself."

  "I don't think it is," I told him. "Not anymore." I pointed toward the front door as he scrambled from the den. "Let's go."

  Chapter Fifteen

  Pile on the Anarchy

  After stopping directly in front of Nikko's Brownstone, I immediately shut off my engine and hopped out of the car.

  "Wow."

  Nix pulled in behind me and dropped one foot to the ground after shutting off his bike; he whistled and rolled his eyes until they nearly hit the sky in height and rattled his head. "Fuckin' Christ. How the fuck tall is his goddamn building?"

  "Tall enough, apparently."

  "Bet this place cost Chino a pretty goddamn penny too. Maybe if he sold it the way you think your old man shoulda sold his couch, you and his kid would be less up a creek with this shit." I shut the door to my car and stepped around it, then leaned against the passenger door and crossed my arms. Nix stood up from his bike, swinging the keys around his finger, and stepped over to me while making a face. "You sure this Green motherfucker knows about you showing up here tonight?"

  "I let him know a few days ago when I'd be moving in, and called again before we left -- while you were making your own phone call to the club about it." I peeked at him and arched a brow. "What did Snake have to say?"

  "He's pissed you let me help with moving outta Rox's place instead of him, but said he'll stop by once he knows you've gotten settled."

  "He should've known I wouldn't have let him help. Was that all he told you?"

  "Were you expecting more from him, Chey?"

  "I guess not anymore." I stood away from the car and made my way up the stairs leading to Nikko's front door. Nix followed, then jumped around me as soon as we reached the top and rang the bell. "I didn't tell him about you showing up with me," I said.

  "Good. Muthafucka didn't need to know -- let it be a goddamn surprise."

  "He's actually a n
ice person in comparison to who he works for. I'd appreciate it if you didn't lose your shit on him by association alone."

  "I can't promise much of anything given the circumstances, Cheyenne. But I'll fuckin' try."

  "Thanks." As soon as the door swung open, Nix stepped in front of me and dipped his head inside the house. Green leaned away from him and soured. "He's with me," I told him. "I'm sorry--"

  "No need to apologize to his ass, baby girl." Nix turned to me and lifted his hand. "Muthafucka should've already known that nobody from the club was gonna let you hightail it out here tonight on your own. Bet he was prepared for it and if he wasn't? Not your goddamn problem, or mine." He dropped his hand and turned back to Green. "You up in this place by yourself tonight?" Green nodded. "You know anything about Nikko getting outta Rikers? When that shit might be?" Green glanced at me before returning his focus to Nix, and shook his head. "Shit." Nix dragged a hand across his mouth and grit his teeth. "Somebody's gotta know something about this asshole being released. You sure Chino ain't told you shit about it?"

  "He just said that he doesn't know," I replied.

  "He could be full of shit in covering for that muthafucka."

  "Why would he do something like that with regard to any of this?"

  "Who fuckin' knows, Cheyenne -- but you can't trust these assholes for shit."

  "You trusted Chino enough to work for the club."

  "That shit was Prez's idea."

  "Oh yes, which have always been some of the best, have they not?"

  "Watch it."

  The sarcasm of my tone forced him to turn from me in ire.

  Green looked between us as if we were a walking sideshow and gulped. "I have no information regarding when Nikko will finally be released from Rikers," he said in a low voice. "That's the truth, no time or date." Nix arched his brow in disbelief, then lowered it back down to match the other, and glared. "Only that Chino hopes it'll be within the next few days at the latest."

  "That's what Nikko told me himself during our last visit," I replied.

  "Then he should've been out by now, correct?!" Nix grumbled. Green nodded at me, then stepped back and waved his hand in front of himself, allowing us inside the house. Nix looked to him and grimaced. "About goddamn time." He adjusted his cut while moving forward, then dragged his attention across the foyer and whistled again. "Christ." A set of wooden stairs leading to the second floor sat past a freshly polished banister while a den with a single red couch, two plain white lounge chairs and shaggy white rug in front of a marble fireplace sat to the right of us behind a set of glass doors.

  As Green closed the front door, I crossed my arms and stepped past Nix, who remained entranced with his newest surroundings, and made my way around the corner of the foyer. "I see the kitchen straight ahead, but what's before it on the side?"

  "The library." Green stepped next to me and pointed. "Nikko's been an avid reader of almost everything he could get his hands on since was about four years old. It started with the back of cereal boxes before moving onto Tolstoy."

  "Really? Hm. I don't think I ever took him for the type to open more than maybe a magazine with a half-naked woman on the cover."

  "Never judge a book by what you've only seen from the outside," he said. "You'd be surprised to find what's actually inside the pages."

  "And you've read his book?"

  "From cover to cover since he was born." He grinned while allowing me ahead of him down the hall.

  As we stepped into the library, I gasped that three of his four walls had been refurbished into bookcases while the last occupied a floor to ceiling bay window facing the street. "Oh my God." Rows and rows of pages written by the likes of James Baldwin and Charles Dickens, Sylvia Plath and Toni Morrison filled every open space on every shelf from top to bottom. "Did he...?" I looked to Green and lifted my brows in wonder. "Did he have these made for himself?"

  "He built each one for himself."

  "You're kidding."

  "Not in the least," he replied, traipsing to a small wooden table covered with glass goblets and bottles of bourbon, tucked beneath the window.

  I bent my head aside and smirked. "Did he make the table too?"

  "As a matter of fact..."

  "My God. Is this what he does as a hobby? Mr. Bob the Builder?"

  He laughed and turned back to me while leaning against the table. "His mother encouraged him to be more active with his hands in ways separate from Chino, though it didn't seem to last as long as she would've liked; it's the same reason she got him into reading, hoping that he would see a life beyond the one he had always known in being their son." He paused and shifted his eyes to the floor. "He was around your age when he first moved in; and there were no cases despite this room being called 'the library'. He owned enough books to fill the back of a moving truck and decided to make use of the space he had."

  I lowered my arms and stepped to him while taking in the sight of yet another red couch, and shook my head. "Do you mind me asking where his mother is in all of this? I feel like an idiot in only waiting until now to have questions about her."

  "Understandable given the pacing of these circumstances; however, I think it's best to wait for the answers from Nikko once he's out."

  "What if he doesn't give them to me?"

  "He will." He rested his hand atop my shoulder and grinned, then stepped around me and crossed the room. "You mentioned on the phone that everything you had planned to bring would be in the backseat of your car?"

  I turned to him and nodded. "I can always head back out there later."

  "I don't mind getting everything for you now," he said. "And placing whatever you need in the guest room upstairs."

  "Okay--"

  "Well, SHIT!" Nix stumbled into the room, rolling his eyes from corner to corner and wagging his head. "You're telling me this muthafucka can read more than one book at a goddamn time?!"

  "He's not a dummy," I replied.

  "Never thought he was, baby girl; not as the son of a muthafuckin' con artist. But I also wasn't certain he could put more than two sentences together at a goddamn time either." He glanced over his shoulder as Green stood near the door and made a face. "Guess he'll be having more time for that shit soon enough."

  "What does that mean?"

  "Got word he's supposed to be heading outta there tonight."

  I blinked once and frowned. "What?"

  "They're letting him out according to Loco, who got the news from Snake before he took off to meet up with Snow White Pussy on some shit. Guess whatever Chino was tryna get pushed through finally happened for him."

  "Oh..." I slid a hand across my chest as it tightened. "I need to sit down."

  "You alright?" he questioned.

  "No." I stepped to the couch and took a seat, wrapping my hands around a pair of cushions and poking my fingers into the fabric.

  Green kept his eyes focused on me as and tilted his head. "Do you still want me to get your things from the car?" I nodded while yanking my keys from my pocket and placing them inside his hand. "As I said, I'll place everything upstairs."

  "Thanks."

  When he left the room, I turned my attention to the window and slowly exhaled.

  Nix stepped toward me and peered. "Baby girl."

  "What is it?!"

  "Hey." He lifted his hands in defense of himself and leaned back. "Don't kill the goddamn messenger on this shit."

  "I'm not. I just... don't think I'm as prepared for all of this as I should be -- knowing for sure that he'll be out tonight. It needed to happen sooner before later, but... it makes everything that's going to happen between us much more real. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it all right now..." I stopped and placed my hands inside my lap to keep them from shaking. "How do you think he'll be once he's back on the outside?"

  "Don't fuckin' know. But if you're worried about him--"

  "I'm not worried in the way that you might think."

  He glowered. "What the fuck is t
hat shit supposed to mean, Cheyenne?"

  "Just what I said." I stood up and moved behind him, then lifted my eyes to one of the bookcases and swallowed hard. "Thank you for coming out with me tonight; I needed that, but I don't want you to still be here when he finally shows up."

  "Why the fuck not?"

  I whirled back to him and jerked my shoulders. "Because I'm going to be the one getting married to him and will need to know what he's like outside of Rikers on my own."

  "You're gonna be by your goddamn self? Not even having that other muthafucka staying out here with you?"

  "He has a family of his own--"

  "How the fuck do you know that shit?"

  "He told me about them when we spoke on the phone -- he has a wife of twenty years and two fifteen year old girls. His only job was to help me get moved in and settled; he's doing that."

  "You're saying that if Nikko wasn't getting out tonight, you'd still be sending his ass packing?" I remained quiet. He sneered. "That's what the fuck I thought. He's gonna get you fucked up in some shit, baby girl, I can feel it crawling through my goddamn bones like a bag of worms just itching to make their way to the outside."

  "That is gross."

  "So the fuck is all this shit," he snapped back. "You wanting to be alone with that muthafucka on his first night out, gross; you keeping shit from the club because of him, gross; you not wanting to listen to a goddamn word of reason about any of this shit, gross."

  "What 'reason' are you even talking about at this point?! Because for the absolute last time, nothing is changing about any of this when I have no other way out -- what's done is done, or will be soon enough." I tightened my arms and tapped my foot against the floor; I looked to the door and nodded. "You should go."

  He sighed heavily and swiped a hand across his forehead. "I don't want us leaving shit like this, being pissed off at each other like I'm your old man."

  "You're not him; and I'm not pissed off at you Nix, I'm just tired of explaining myself when I did not do this -- Snake did this -- Rox did this. The only role I've been playing from the beginning is that of survival; the only one I've known to play correctly since I was born."

  He nodded in understanding and walked toward me with open arms. After snaking them around my back, he rested his chin on top of my head and shook his own. "I don't want this shit going south for you in the way I feel it could be headed once he's out here."