Missing Me

by Sophie McKenzie

  Award-winning books from Sophie McKenzie

  GIRL, MISSING

  Winner Richard and Judy Best Kids’ Books 2007 12+

  Winner of the Red House Children’s Book Award 2007 12+

  Winner of the Manchester Children’s Book Award 2008

  Winner of the Bolton Children’s Book Award 2007

  Winner of the Grampian Children’s Book Award 2008

  Winner of the John Lewis Solihull Book Award 2008

  Winner of the Lewisham Children’s Book Award

  Winner of the 2008 Sakura Medal

  SIX STEPS TO A GIRL

  Winner of the Manchester Children’s Book Award 2009

  BLOOD TIES

  Overall winner of the Red House Children’s Book Award 2009

  Winner of the Leeds Book Award 2009 age 11–14 category

  Winner of the Spellbinding Award 2009

  Winner of the Lancashire Children’s Book Award 2009

  Winner of the Portsmouth Book Award 2009 (Longer Novel section)

  Winner of the Staffordshire Children’s Book Award 2009

  Winner of the Southern Schools Book Award 2010

  Winner of the RED Book Award 2010

  Winner of the Warwickshire Secondary Book Award 2010

  Winner of the Grampian Children’s Book Award 2010

  Winner of the North East Teenage Book Award 2010

  THE MEDUSA PROJECT: THE SET-UP

  Winner of the North East Book Award 2010

  Winner of the Portsmouth Book Award 2010

  Winner of the Yorkshire Coast Book Award 2010

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

  With thanks to Moira Young, Melanie Edge,

  Julie Mackenzie, Gaby Halberstam,

  Lou Kuenzler and Lily Kuenzler.

  First published in Great Britain in 2012 by Simon and Schuster UK Ltd, a CBS company

  Copyright © Rosefire Ltd 2012

  This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.

  No reproduction without permission.

  All rights reserved.

  The right of Sophie McKenzie to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

  Simon & Schuster UK Ltd

  1st Floor, 222 Gray’s Inn Road, London WC1X 8HB

  www.simonandschuster.co.uk

  Simon & Schuster Australia, Sydney

  Simon & Schuster India, New Delhi

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  ISBN: 978-0-85707-726-4

  E-BOOK ISBN: 978-0-85707-729-5

  Typeset by Hewer Text UK Ltd, Edinburgh

  Printed and bound in Great Britain

  by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY

  For Elizabeth Hawkins

  Contents

  1. The Announcement

  2. Discovery

  3. The Search

  4. Allan Faraday

  5. A Hitch

  6. A Meeting

  7. The Invite

  8. Circus Party

  9. Escape to Danger

  10. Circus Show

  11. Teatime Tension

  12. Undercover Mission

  13. Miriam 21

  14. Natalia

  15. Getting Out

  16. Tracker

  17. Handing Over

  18. A Matter of Trust

  19. Allan’s Secret

  20. The Chase

  21. Running Away

  22. Falling Out

  23. The Clue

  24. The Trail

  25. The Hideaway

  26. House and Grounds

  27. Finding Lauren

  28. The Wait

  29. A New Life

  30. The Wall

  31. The Betrayal

  32. Running and Driving

  33. The Attic

  34. Trapped

  35. Fire Escape

  36. Into the Woods

  37. Deep Water

  38. Finding Me

  39. The Future

  1

  The Announcement

  School was finished for the summer holidays. I was free – and on my way to see my sister, Lauren. She had just got back to London after four months away, working in Paris with her law firm. I’d wanted to visit her while she’d been abroad – her boyfriend, Jam, went most weekends – but our mum, Annie, wouldn’t let me go. She worries about me . . . about us . . .

  I reached Lauren and Jam’s flat. As I rang the doorbell, I gazed at my reflection in the brass door-plate. My hair was long, with a thick fringe closely framing my eyes on either side of my face. I liked it that way, though Annie was always nagging me to get it cut.

  The door opened. Jam stood there. He and Lauren have been together since I was six so he’s like a big brother to me.

  ‘Hey, Mo,’ he said with a huge grin. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Hi.’ I smiled back. ‘Good, thanks.’ I kept smiling, wishing I could think of something interesting to say to him. I don’t know why, because my head’s full of stuff that I’ve seen or heard or been thinking about and I actually feel quite relaxed around Jam. It’s just so hard to get the right words out. I mean, I love writing – my biggest dream is to be a journalist – but talking to people can be really hard.

  ‘Lauren’s in the bedroom.’ Jam was still grinning from ear to ear. ‘She’ll be down in a sec.’

  I wandered into the living room. There was a photo of Dad on the mantelpiece. He died just before I was eight and I’m now fifteen. I used to be able to remember him clearly but now those memories are fading. I’m not sure anymore if the images I see in my mind actually happened, or whether I’ve just been told about them or imagined them from pictures. Either way, my memories are blurry, just snatches of moments like being on Dad’s boat back in America or walking to school holding his hand. When I imagine Dad’s face he’s always smiling, like in this photo. But I know that can’t be the whole truth – nobody smiles all the time.

  ‘Mo?’

  I turned round. Lauren was standing near the door, her lower half hidden by the couch. She was smiling, but not a big grin like Jam. More an excited smile, like there was something she couldn’t wait to tell me.

  I stared at her. Something was different. Something to do with her skin. Lauren’s really pretty with bright blue eyes that light up her whole face and she’s got long dark hair like me, though hers tumbles down her back in shiny waves while mine is greasy and lank. All that was the same. I frowned. So what was different? Was it just that the blue of her top really brought out the colour of her eyes? No, it was much more than that – like she was glowing from the inside.

  And then Lauren stepped out from behind the couch and I saw exactly why she looked different. I stared at her belly. It was high and round and big.

  ‘You’re pregnant!’ My mouth fell open.

  Jam appeared in the doorway. He laughed. So did Lauren. I was still staring at her stomach. In the blue tunic she was wearing it stuck out over her slim legs. I didn’t know much about babies but Lauren looked like this one was about to pop out of her.

  Still laughing, Lauren held out her arms and I went over and gave her a hug. Her belly felt taut and firm between us.

  ‘I’m thirty-six weeks gone,’ she said. ‘The baby’s due at the end of August.’

  Thirty-six weeks? That was, like, nearly eight months . . . which meant Lauren must have been pregnant before she went to Paris . . . pregnant when she said goodbye to me four months ag
o. I pulled away from her.

  ‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’ As soon as the words blurted out of me, I wished them back. It wasn’t just what I’d said, it was the whiny, angry tone.

  Too heavy, Madison.

  The smile on Lauren’s face faded slightly.

  ‘I couldn’t face telling Mum or Annie back then,’ she said.

  I nodded. I could understand that. Lauren had been adopted as a toddler and brought up away from us – she has two mums and not an easy relationship with either of them. That’s one of the reasons we’re so close. I could see why Lauren hadn’t spoken to her adoptive mother or Annie about being pregnant. They could both be pretty overbearing in their own way. But why hadn’t she told me?

  Lauren obviously saw the question in my eyes.

  ‘As I wasn’t telling the others, I didn’t want you to have to keep such a big secret,’ she said.

  ‘Right.’ I couldn’t take it all in. My big sister was going to have a baby. Which meant I was going to be an aunt. And Lauren and Jam were going to be parents. I glanced over at Jam. He was still beaming that huge smile.

  ‘Isn’t it amazing?’ he said, putting his arm round Lauren. Then a frown flickered over his forehead. ‘Aren’t you pleased for us, Mo?’

  I gulped again. Apart from Lauren, Jam’s the only person I let call me Mo. I’d always taken for granted just how special our three-way relationship was. And now, I realised with a jolt, someone else was going to get right in the way of it.

  I stood, awkwardly, chewing on my lip. Lauren was more than a sister to me. When Annie got all anxious and overprotective, Lauren was always there for me, sympathising, with Jam in the background, dependable and funny. Were they going to love this baby more than me? The answer came to me like a slap in the face. Of course they were going to love it more than me. It would be tiny and cute and . . .

  ‘Course I’m pleased.’ I forced a smile onto my face. ‘D’you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?’

  ‘No,’ Jam said. ‘We didn’t want to know.’

  Lauren reached for my hand. ‘But you’re the first person we’ve told in either of our families. And . . . and when it’s born, we want you to be godmother, Mo.’

  ‘Oh.’ I was holding the smile on my face like a mask, but inside I felt like crying. I was being super-selfish, I knew, but I couldn’t help it. I’d always been so special to Lauren. And now that was going to change forever. ‘OK, sure. I mean, I don’t know if I’ll be any good as a godmother, but I’ll try.’

  I could hear how flat and dull my voice sounded and I hated myself for not being more convincingly cheerful. Lauren was staring at me like she knew something was wrong. Knowing Lauren, she was about to ask what it was. But just in the nick of time, the doorbell rang.

  2

  Discovery

  Jam, who was closest to the front door, disappeared along the hallway. We could hear him opening the door, then a familiar voice.

  ‘Darling.’ It was Carla, Jam’s highly eccentric mother.

  ‘She’s early.’ Lauren rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not telling her before Mum and Annie get here.’

  I stared at her, shocked. I’d had no idea she’d invited all the adults over. But Lauren didn’t notice. She was too busy disappearing into the kitchen.

  Carla swept into the living room. She was dressed in some sort of multicoloured poncho with a long silk scarf wound round her head. A few grey hairs peeked out from under the scarf.

  ‘Madison, darling.’ Carla rushed over and air-kissed me.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, feeling awkward.

  ‘Where’s Lauren?’

  ‘In . . . er, in the bathroom I think.’ I looked around at Jam who was hovering in the doorway.

  ‘I’ll go and see,’ he said, clearly relieved to get away from his mother.

  I sat down on the sofa beside Carla who proceeded to tell me that my aura was looking peaky. I let her talk. I was feeling awful. Lauren had sensed I wasn’t thrilled about her having a baby. And not being thrilled was just about the meanest thing a sister could be.

  Ten long minutes passed during which Carla talked at me non-stop. Then Jam reappeared and she started asking him about his job and whether he was eating healthily. There was no sign of Lauren. At last the doorbell went again and Jam let in Annie. I stood up as she drifted into the room.

  ‘Hi, Annie,’ I said.

  Annie’s eyes filled with tears as she looked at me. I wasn’t sure if it was my calling her by her name instead of ‘Mum’ that was upsetting her, or whether she was remembering the argument we’d had this morning, over tidying my room. We used to get on really well, but recently she’d become totally annoying, always pushing for information on what I’d been doing and who I’d been seeing. Not letting me be.

  I started calling her Annie about six months ago. It’s mostly like a great big hint to her to treat me like a grown up, though it’s also a bit because Lauren does it. You see, although Annie is Lauren’s birth mother, Lauren had been calling her adoptive parents ‘Mum and Dad’ for years before she was reunited with us, her original family.

  ‘Hi, Madison sweetie,’ Annie said, her hands fluttering nervously to her face. ‘You’re here . . . we could have come together, if you’d wanted.’

  I looked down at my shoes.

  ‘Where’s Lauren?’ That was Lydia, Lauren’s adoptive mum. She must have arrived without me hearing the bell. Lydia is a lot older than Annie, with a sharp, pointy face and severe grey eyes. I used to be a bit scared of her, but now I like her. At least she doesn’t treat me like a baby.

  Lydia, Carla and Annie started chatting about what was going on. They clearly had no idea why Lauren had asked them all here together. I don’t think they really get on with each other, but they were all making an effort. And then Lauren appeared in the doorway. I saw her first. She gave me a wink, then cleared her throat.

  The mums looked up together. Annie gasped. Lydia jumped to her feet.

  ‘What on earth?’ Lydia said. Her face was drained of colour.

  ‘I’m having a baby, Mum,’ Lauren said defiantly.

  And then pandemonium broke out. Everyone seemed to be talking at once.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ That was Annie, bursting into tears. ‘Oh, sweetie, you’re twenty-three, that’s so young to be doing this.’

  ‘How far gone are you?’ Lydia demanded. ‘What do the doctors say?’

  ‘I have a wonderful arrowroot and blackberry infusion. You should try it – it’s a marvellous antenatal drink,’ Carla interjected.

  Somehow Lauren was managing to answer them all, but the questions kept flying.

  ‘How are you going to manage? Oh, sweetie, having a baby is so challenging.’

  ‘What about your job? Are you going back to it afterwards?’

  ‘Yoga is the best antenatal exercise you could take. And I have some excellent meditation tapes if you’d like them?’

  ‘Enough.’ Jam’s voice rang out from the doorway. ‘That’s enough with all the questions.’

  Everyone stopped speaking. Jam marched up to Lauren and put his arm round her shoulders. ‘I know we’re young,’ he said, looking round at the women. ‘But people a lot younger than us have had babies. We’re going to manage fine. We’re both going to carry on working and we’re both going to look after the baby. My hours as a teacher will fit in really well. Everything’s going to be fine.’

  ‘Of course, Jam.’ Lydia smiled at him. ‘Of course, it’s wonderful news.’

  They all started hugging, then Lauren called her adoptive dad, who was away on business. I glanced at Annie. She was still crying, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. I slipped outside, saying I needed the loo. I stayed in the bathroom for longer than I meant. I still felt really upset about the baby . . . and really mean to be feeling so upset. At last I took a few deep breaths, came out of the bathroom and went back downstairs. As I neared the living room, I could hear Lauren speaking.

  ‘Yes,’ she was sayin
g. ‘Everything’s fine. I’m swimming every day, I’ve got the Chelsey Barton pregnancy book, which is amazing, and—’

  Annie said something I couldn’t hear. I moved closer to the door.

  ‘Yes,’ Lauren said, a note of irritation in her voice. ‘I had the tests before I went to Paris. The baby’s completely healthy.’

  ‘But . . . but Lauren . . .’ Annie went on anxiously. ‘There might be things . . . problems . . . from your birth father. Things we don’t know about.’

  I froze. What was she talking about? What didn’t we know about Dad?

  ‘I’m sure it’s fine,’ Lauren said. ‘They must have screened the sperm before they gave it to you.’

  What?

  ‘But there are lots more things they can check for these days,’ Annie said.

  ‘I don’t see there’s much Lauren can do about that now,’ Lydia snapped.

  ‘Exactly, so there’s no point worrying about it,’ Jam added.

  ‘But I am worried,’ Annie went on. ‘A sperm donor could have had all sorts wrong with him.’

  Sperm donor?

  ‘Then there’d be something wrong with me or Madison, wouldn’t there?’ Lauren muttered.

  Madison. Me? What did I have to do with a sperm donor? What did Lauren have to do with one?

  ‘Just because we don’t have a full medical history for our biological dad doesn’t mean Mo or I can’t ever have a healthy baby,’ Lauren said. ‘Honestly, Annie, please can we stop talking about this?’

  Annie sniffed. I clutched at the wall beside me. My legs were shaking, my heart hammering. I took another step. I was in the doorway. The others saw me. Annie’s hand flew to her mouth. She could see I’d heard.

  ‘Oh, Christ,’ Carla murmured.

  ‘Mo?’ Lauren took a step towards me.

  I stared at her, my head still whirling. I couldn’t believe it was true. But the look on my sister’s face told me that it was. I turned to Annie. ‘You lied?’ I said. ‘About Dad?’

  ‘No.’ Annie’s mouth trembled. ‘He was your father, just . . .’ She looked down at the floor.

  ‘Just not biologically.’ Lauren stepped forward. ‘Mo?’

  But I didn’t wait to hear the rest. I turned and fled. Along the hall, out the front door and away.