“So, not love?”
“No,” she chuckled. “Not love. And definitely not sex. Not that he ever pressured me or anything. I think we both always knew it wouldn’t last past high school.”
“I’m sorry,” Carey offered.
“It’s okay. We’ll both be meeting people at college that are more suited to us.”
“But you’re both into the sciences.”
“He wants to be a surgeon. I’m into saving the environment. Not quite the same thing. I always imagined I’d meet someone who would join the Peace Corps with me, or work on solving the world’s energy problems, not someone who works ridiculous hours and is never around. I’d rather be just comfortable doing what I love, than be rich and lonely.”
“Yeah, me too. At least, I hope I’ll love teaching,” Carey laughed.
“I guess you’ll find out. We already know Brian is going to be poor doing what he loves.”
Robin went on about college expectations, but Carey wasn’t paying close attention. He was thinking about what she said earlier. She was expecting to meet people more like her. He realized that Brian would be meeting a lot of people like himself. Other people that loved the spotlight and wanted to live in New York. Carey didn’t want to live in New York. But Brian couldn’t be on Broadway anywhere else.
Robin snapped her fingers in his face. “Hello?”
“Oh, sorry. My mind wandered.”
“To Brian, no doubt,” she smiled.
He smirked. “I do think about other things, you know.”
“Like what?”
“Like music. Hey, I have an idea. We should go down to the beach and have a jam tonight. Josh and I brought our guitars.”
“That’s a great idea.”
“See? I told you I think about other things.” He stood. “But now I’d better go see if he’s okay.”
He walked into their bedroom to find Brian playing on an iPad.
“You all right?” he asked.
Brian looked up and smiled. “Yeah. I made too big a deal about it and felt stupid going back down.”
“You shouldn’t. Nobody cares.”
“It’s embarrassing, everybody knowing what we did.”
“I think everybody thought we were already doing it,” Carey said. “Even Robin.”
Brian tossed the iPad aside. “Who thinks about their friends like that? I don’t want to know what they’re all doing or not doing.”
“I’m with you on that. It’s not as bad as knowing your parents do–”
“Stop.” Brian covered his ears. “Ew.”
Carey laughed. “Sorry.” He sat on the bed. “Do you regret it?”
“No. I regret talking about it in front of Matt. But it’s not like it was just a hook-up. Unlike all of them, we’re forever.”
Carey smiled and rested his hand on Brian’s.
“We just have to get through the next four years. I wish we picked schools that are closer to each other,” Brian lamented. “You know, Ithaca has a musical theater major. I should have picked there.”
“You got into one of the best musical theater programs in the country. Why would you want to go anywhere else?”
“To be with you,” Brian said in all sincerity.
“We’ll be fine,” Carey said. “Come on downstairs. We’re going miniature golfing.”
◆◆◆
The second half of senior week went much like the first. Except that love, or rather lust, was in the air more fervently. Dave and Brianna frequently went missing. And Tim invited Colleen to a more private dinner. Brian and Carey took advantage of their shared quarters every night, knowing that when they got back home, privacy would be at a premium.
The night before their last, Todd asked Robin to switch rooms with him. She gladly vacated after being assured by Amy that it was what she wanted. But Robin took the couch, leaving Matt to share with Josh. All in all, the arrangements suited everyone.
They left their last official high school function feeling hopeful for the future. None of them suspected that by the end of the summer, things would change dramatically.
Chapter 23
Carey paced his room nervously. His palms were clammy and he felt a little sick to his stomach. He knew this day was coming. He’d been thinking about it ever since senior week.
As soon as his phone alerted him to Brian’s text, Carey shoved it in his pocket and took off for Brian’s house. A couple of times he almost turned back around.
When he got to the Strickland house, he rang the doorbell as usual. Grace answered the door with a smile and let him in.
“I think Brian is in the basement,” she said.
“Thanks.”
He paused at the top of the stairs, wiping his palms on his shorts. He drew in a deep breath and walked down the stairs.
“Hey, babe,” Brian smiled when he saw him.
“Hey.” Carey sat on the couch behind Brian, who sat on the floor. “Is that Mario Kart?”
“Yeah, I felt a little nostalgic. What’s up?”
“I, um, need to talk to you.”
Brian put the game down and joined Carey on the couch. “You look like you did when you first told me you like guys,” he joked.
Carey didn’t laugh. Instead, he began to say what he came to say.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, about us, about college, about the future.”
“Me too,” Brian nodded. “It’s gonna be tough.”
“Yeah. So, I sort of decided something.” He took a long pause, his heart pounding. “And, if you think about it, you’ll probably agree.”
“What?”
“I think . . . we should break up.”
“What?” Brian repeated, with disbelief.
“We’re not really going to see much of each other while we’re at school. And we’re going to be meeting so many new people.”
“So? Lots of people have long distance relationships,” Brian said.
“I don’t want you to miss out on things because of me. You need to do a lot of networking while you’re in New York.”
“I can still do that if we’re together. Do you think I need to sleep with people to make it to Broadway?”
“No, of course not. But what if you meet someone who’s more like you? More like you than I am.”
Brian stood and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why are you doing this?” His lips were pursed and he was trying not to cry.
“I told you. I don’t want to hold you back.” Carey stood as well.
“Isn’t that for me to decide?” asked Brian. “Or maybe you want to be free to hook up yourself.”
Carey shook his head. “No.” He wondered if there was anything he could say to make him understand. “I just think it would be better. So we can concentrate on school.”
Brian couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. “I thought you loved me.”
“I do. That’s why this is so hard.” Carey wanted to hug Brian but didn’t want to send mixed signals.
“It doesn’t make any sense,” Brian sobbed. “How can it be better to break up?”
By then, Carey’s eyes were filling with tears of their own, and he was beginning to doubt his plan. But he truly thought it was best for Brian not to be tied down to him. He didn’t want to hear that Brian wanted to drop out of his dream school to be with Carey. Brian had gone so far as to look into what it would take to transfer after the first semester. He was barely going to give NYU a chance. All because of Carey.
“You’ll see,” Carey said, wiping his eyes. “You’re going to meet so many people. Boys. Boys who want to dance and sing, just like you.”
Brian shook his head, crying. “Don’t do this. I need you. What am I going to do without my best friend?”
“I’m still your best friend.”
Carey couldn’t watch Brian sob any longer. “I’m so sorry,” he said, and ran up the stairs. He continued running until he got home. When he did, he went up to his room and buried his face in his pillow.
>
◆◆◆
The next day, Carey agonized over whether or not to call Brian. He figured his friend probably wouldn’t even pick up. The phone rang four times, and Carey was about to hang up when Brian finally answered.
“I knew you’d change your mind,” Brian said.
“I didn’t. I called to see if you’re okay.”
Silence.
“Brian?” He could hear sniffles on the other end.
“I thought you changed your mind,” Brian said, so quietly, Carey could hardly hear him.
“I’m sorry.”
Without another word, Brian hung up. Not that Carey blamed him. If their positions were reversed, he didn’t think he would take it very well either. He wasn’t taking it well, despite the fact that it was his own idea.
He went downstairs to the kitchen, where his mother was beginning to prepare dinner. Opening the refrigerator, he realized he wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t been hungry since leaving Brian’s house the day before.
“Hey,” Mrs. Reid smiled. “I don’t think I saw you at all yesterday.”
Carey sat down at the table and shrugged.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he replied. But he knew his mother would see through it. She always did.
“Bummed about not doing band camp this year?” she asked.
“No. I mean, sort of.” He sighed. “Mom, did you ever have to do something that really hurt someone, but it was for their own good?”
“All the time. At least you and Michelle thought so,” she laughed.
“I mean, really hurt someone. To the point that, you don’t know if they’ll ever talk to you again.”
“What happened?” Jeannie put the knife she was using down and wiped her hands. She took a seat across from Carey at the table.
Before he spoke, Carey’s chin quivered a bit. “Brian and I broke up.”
“What?” His mother sounded nearly as upset as Brian. “I’m sorry. I’m just shocked. I had no idea you two were having problems.”
“We weren’t. I broke up with him because he was talking about transferring schools to be with me. And I couldn’t let him do that. I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt of ruining his career before it even started.”
“How do you know it would be ruined?”
“Well, I don’t for sure. But he got into his dream school. He’s wanted to go there since seventh grade. I don’t want to be responsible for him regretting not going. It’s too much.”
Jeannie nodded. “I can understand that.”
“I don’t think he can. Plus, I don’t want him to turn down parties and stuff because of me. And if he meets someone he really likes . . .” Carey trailed off.
“This is hurting you as much as him. Are you sure this is what you want?”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not what I want. I would love to go to school with him. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him.” He blushed and looked away, not meaning to reveal so much of his feelings.
After a long pause, she broke the silence.
“I know it’s going to sound awfully cliché, but if it’s meant to be, it will be. You two are very young right now.”
“I know. And, if Brian meets someone new, it will be my own fault. I’ll have to live with that. But I don’t think I can live with him never speaking to me again.”
“Maybe he just needs time.” She reached across the table and took Carey’s hand.
He merely shook his head and covered his face with his free hand. His mother must have realized he was crying, but thankfully, she didn’t mention it. She simply squeezed his hand.
◆◆◆
After two weeks of calling and texting Brian, but getting no response, Carey had almost given up. He knew Brian was leaving for school in two days.
When the doorbell rang after lunch, Carey didn’t think much of it, until he opened the door.
“Brian.”
“Hi,” Brian said solemnly.
“Hi.”
They stood awkwardly for a moment before Carey invited him inside.
“I’m glad to see you, but what are you doing here? I’ve been trying to talk to you. I guess I can’t blame you for not answering,” Carey said.
Brian smiled sadly. “We’ve never gone so long without talking. Except for vacations when we were kids, before we had cell phones,” he chuckled.
“You’re leaving in a couple of days, aren’t you?” Carey asked.
“Yes, I’m all set. What about you?”
“I leave in eight days.”
“Carey, I know you think you’re doing the right thing, for, whatever reason.” He shook his head. “I’m not going to meet anyone. But if you need to do this for yourself, let’s not just break up. Let’s call it a . . . temporary separation.”
“Brian–”
“We’ll give it a year, ’til next summer. And when you realize that we should never have broken up, we’ll get back together.”
Carey thought Brian was missing the point. Or maybe he hadn’t explained it all to him very well. All he cared about was that Brian was talking to him. And he’d accepted the situation, somewhat. It was selfish on Carey’s part, and he knew that.
“Okay,” Carey said. “A temporary separation. You have to promise me that you won’t use me as an excuse not to do things with other people.”
Brian laughed, “I’m pretty sure my classes are going to keep me too busy.”
“You’re going to have so much fun,” smiled Carey.
“We should do something tonight,” Brian suggested. “It might be the last time we see each other for a long time.”
Carey’s mouth opened to speak. He wanted more than anything to spend time with Brian. However, he was afraid they would fall into habits, and the understanding they came to would be negated. But he found himself agreeing.
“Great. I’ll see what’s playing at the theater. We can go to Twister Cone afterwards.” Brian was talking like nothing had changed.
Carey had hope that he hadn’t lost his best friend after all. They went to the movies and Twister Cone as they had many times before. They talked and laughed about everything from video games, to music, to gossip about their friends.
“Did you know Amy and Todd broke up?”
Carey cringed at the mention of a break-up. But Brian spoke dispassionately about it.
Nodding his head, Carey said, “Robin told me. She and Josh too. But they weren’t really serious or anything.”
After that, the conversation seemed a little more forced, as neither one wanted to rehash their own situation. Standing in the Reid driveway, they said their goodbyes.
“Text me or something when you get settled,” Carey said. “I want to know what it’s like there.”
“I will. I hope I like my roommate. He’s from Boston. I wonder if he has that weird accent.”
“To him, your accent is probably going to be weird,” Carey laughed.
Brian moved to hug him. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“Me too.”
When Brian went in for a kiss, Carey turned his head, but didn’t pull away, and Brian’s lips landed on his cheek.
“Just one last time?” Brian pleaded.
Against his better judgement, Carey relented and kissed him.
Smiling as he walked away, Brian looked back. “You won’t be able to forget me. You’ll see.”
He’s right about that, Carey thought. But I have to try.
◆◆◆
Both excited and nervous, Carey had only three days left to prepare for his trip to Ithaca. He was mostly packed. But he wanted a few decent pairs of shorts to wear to class while it was still warm out. A couple of new t-shirts wouldn’t have hurt either.
He went to the mall, figuring it was one stop shopping. There were plenty of stores to choose from, and Carey quickly found what he needed. He decided to take a break with a coffee at a small cafe.
Walking in, he didn’t notice the handsome boy behi
nd the counter. It wasn’t until he finished looking at the menu board and was ready to order that he saw Mark Reynolds.
“Hi,” Mark smiled.
“I didn’t know you worked here,” said Carey.
“Just for the summer. I leave for college in two days.”
“Oh. Um, where are you going?” Carey asked awkwardly, making small talk.
“West Chester. Along with half the class, it seems,” Mark laughed.
“Yeah, I know a few kids going there,” Carey replied.
“Do you know what you want?”
“Huh?”
“To order. Do you know what you want to order?” Mark clarified. “By the way, where’s your other half?”
Carey bit his lip. “We, um, broke up.”
“For real? I thought you guys were BFFs,” he said sarcastically.
“We’re still best friends,” Carey told him.
“Really. How’s that working?”
Carey stood a moment and wondered why he was taking any crap from Mark and started to walk away.
“Wait, Carey. I’m sorry.” Mark came out from behind the counter. “You’re serious? You really broke up?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry.” Mark tried not to smile. “Not really. I mean, I’m sorry that you’re obviously upset about it.” He opened his mouth to say more but shut it at Carey’s expression of disapproval.
“Well . . .” Carey turned away to leave again.
“You came in for coffee,” Mark stopped him. “Sit down. What do you want?”
The craving for coffee hadn’t gone away, so Carey took a seat near the back of the narrow coffee shop. It bothered him that he was allowing Mark to keep his attention. He was curious, if nothing else.
“Salted caramel mocha, iced,” Carey told him.
“Coming up,” Mark smiled and walked back behind the counter.
Only two other customers were in the store, so he let the other barista take care of them in order to make Carey’s order himself.
“Hey, Lisa,” Mark spoke quietly to his manager. “We’re not very busy. Do you think I could knock off a little early? I think Joey is coming in at three-thirty.”
Lisa looked at the clock. Two forty-eight.
“Yeah, okay. Just stay until three?”
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