The Sun Goddess of Cargills Castle

by Neisha Nilsen

  “No way” I said. “There’s no way I’m going back there.”

  ◆◆◆

  I slowly walked up the stairs waiting for the pulling sensation to take over. I could feel Hayden’s steady hand on my back, ready to grab me if anything happened. He was my best friend, my rock and I appreciated that he was here with me.

  I closed my eyes as I took another step – nothing. Nothing was happening.

  “I don’t understand” I whispered to myself. I looked at Hayden “I don’t feel anything.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know.” I looked at my arm, twisting it back and forth, nothing. “Maybe it was my imagination?”

  “Maybe.”

  “But my parents were there, my brother was there, they all saw it.”

  “Brig, I don’t know what to say, I wasn’t there, but what I do know is that nothing is happening now, whatever happened before is in the past, maybe you should forget about it.”

  I looked into his brown eyes. He looked worried.

  “Yeah maybe you’re right. I should just forget about it.” He was worried about me and I didn’t want to upset him. He pulled me in close to his chest. I took a breath in and savoured his warmth. “Let’s go home” I announced quietly feeling slightly deflated and embarrassed.

  He tightened the hug momentarily then let go. “Sounds like a good idea, let’s go, it’s starting to get cold anyway.”

  As I reached the bottom of the steps I stopped. All the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand on end.

  “You good?” Hayden asked.

  My breathing stopped. I tried to listen. I could feel the panic taking hold. I remembered the worried look in his eyes earlier and didn’t want to upset him again and in all honesty, I just wanted to go home. “Yip, all good, let’s go.” I didn’t want to tell him that someone had just whispered my name. More like pleaded my name. I could still hear my name being whispered as we made our way back under the wire fence to Hayden’s car. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew I was coming back here again – alone.

  CHAPTER 3

  I was walking through a meadow of long golden hay. Its softness brushed against my hands as I dragged them behind me. I could feel the sun on my back and I drew its energy into myself as it mixed with my blood and my mind, it exhilarated me. I could see the light glow from the patterns on my hand and I knew it was good, it was me and it was okay.

  I walked to the path that lead towards the woods in total serenity, I was at peace. Tall trees flanked each side of the path, shadowing the ground, stopping the light from getting through. I closed my eyes as my wavy blond hair wisped behind me. I could hear wind chimes and whispers. I walked closer and stopped just before the shadows. I looked up lazily. The wind chimes I heard earlier were little bones tied to the branches of the trees gently knocking against each other, answering each other’s calls. The darkness of the path called to me, beckoning me to walk through. I tried to take a step forward but my legs wouldn’t move. They were heavy, I couldn’t move. The wind got stronger, the bone’s calls got louder, light exploded from my hand…. Brigid!

  I sat up straight in my bed. Where was I? Sweat was pouring off me, my heart was pounding. I looked frantically around looking for something familiar, anything to anchor myself to my own world. My eyesight cleared from the dreamy haze and I saw my desk, my door, and the familiar walls to my bedroom. Tears rolled down my face with relief. What the hell just happened? That dream felt so real, I swear I was there in that meadow, I could still feel the wind in my hair. I pulled my duvet up and sunk back down in bed and closed my eyes. What’s happening to me?

  ◆◆◆

  I wandered down the stairs aimlessly. Today was Monday, school day, totally not enthused about going to school today and I was so tired. I felt like I hadn’t slept a wink all night.

  I sat myself down on the stool furthest from my brother and huffed. I didn’t want to go to school and I wanted my whole family to know about it.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Tom asked through a mouthful of Cocoa Pops.

  I turned and gave him the evil eye as I poured some Weetie Bix bites into my plate ignoring him. I was not in the mood this morning.

  “What?!” he yelled splattering Cocoa Pops all over the floor. “What was that for? Mum! Brigid is giving me the evil eye.”

  “Brigid, leave your brother alone” Mum bellowed out from behind the pantry door.

  I just huffed and continued to eat my cereal giving my brother a cheeky smile in the process.

  “Mum!” Tom whined.

  “Enough!” she yelled. “Come on kids give me a break. Why can’t you just get along? This is your last week of school before school holidays. Let’s just get to the end of it okay.”

  I ignored her and my brother and finished my cereal. A knock at the door interrupted the tension in the room. I quickly grabbed my school bag knowing that it would be Hayden coming to pick me up. I swiped a couple of apples from the fruit bowl for my lunch and ran out the door mumbling my farewells.

  I ran to Hayden’s car and opened the door.

  “Ready for another day in the pits?” he joked.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be” I replied glumly as I took a bite from one of my apples.

  We sat quietly while I chewed away on my apple and listened to the radio. I was trying not to fall asleep, my eyes felt so heavy.

  Hayden broke our long silence. “Looking a bit rough there Brig… Rough night?” he said light heartedly.

  He started the car and petrol fumes from his old Mazda 323 wafted up my nose. I snuggled into the seat desperately wanting to be back in bed. “Yeah something like that” I replied. “I had the worst dream.”

  “Ohhh do tell.”

  “I seriously thought it was real.”

  “They’re normally the best ones” he joked winking at me.

  I laughed. I was deciding whether I wanted to tell him or not. For some reason I felt like it was my dream and my dream only. I told him anyway, he was my best friend. I told him about the hay, about the light glowing from the pattern on my hand, the bones in the trees and the shadows beckoning me to go down this dark path.

  “It was weird” I finished off. Shivers went down my spine with the memory and my shoulders shook.

  “That’s strange Brig” he said with worry on his face. “That would explain the ugly big black bags under your eyes. It must’ve felt very real. Did it?”

  He stopped the car in the school car park. I put my apple core in the plastic bag he left in his car for rubbish. “Yeah it did, it was really scary when I woke up. I couldn’t snap out of it. I still felt like I was standing in front of these large trees.”

  “What did the trees look like?”

  “They were huge, like pine trees I think?”

  “Hmm, huge trees… could they have been oak trees not pine trees?”

  “I don’t know, I have no idea about trees, could have been oak trees - why?”

  “I don’t know, you said large trees, so I automatically thought of oak trees.” He winked at me. “I know how bad you are with your flora and fauna.”

  “Hmm, yes I do suck, so yes maybe oak trees? But the weirdest thing was, I couldn’t move. My legs were frozen. I felt like I was being pulled towards the path and I had to go down it, but something was stopping me.”

  He opened the door to the car and looked back at me. He had on his pale denim jeans and a tight black tee-shirt on. It stretched against his back muscles as he leaned to get out of the car. “Do you think you could have moved if you really tried?”

  “No” I slammed the door closed wanting to forget about the whole dream. It unnerved me.

  I swung my school bag over my shoulder as I walked beside Hayden. We both had Maths this morning, not my favourite subject, and I knew with school holidays approaching that there’d be a surprise math’s quiz at some point throughout the week much to Mr Henderson, our math’s teacher’s, delight.

  We
walked in silence as we passed other kids on their way to school. I waved to a few of my friends but didn’t stop. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Hayden put his arm around my shoulder feeling my anxiousness. His warmth was comforting.

  When we got to our class, Hayden gently turned me to face him and put his hands on my shoulders.

  “Are you sure you couldn’t move?”

  “What?”

  “Your dream, are you sure you couldn’t move?”

  “Yeah I couldn’t move. Why do you keep asking me that?”

  “No reason, right let’s get this over and done with.”

  He pushed me gently in the direction of the door. I looked at it with dread and paused. Why was it not school holidays already?

  Hayden walked in first just as the school bell rang.

  “Heya Hayden” waved Alicia as she batted her eyelids and pushed out her chest as he walked past her.

  “Argh” I thought to myself, she was so horrible. Alicia was one of the popular girls at school, with long straight brown hair and legs that went on forever. She ignored anybody who wasn’t somebody at school. This included me. For some reason she had her eyes on Hayden, actually a lot of girls had their eyes on Hayden. He was a good looking guy with his short brown unruly hair and his teddy bear brown eyes, but I didn’t see it. All I saw was my best friend Hayden. He ignored most of the attention he received by all the girls at school, instead he hung out with me.

  Hayden nodded his head in acknowledgement to Alicia. She giggled and went back to writing in her school book. I gave Hayden a nudge, his face reddened as he took his seat beside me. I smiled, he was a mystery.

  CHAPTER 4

  It was near the end of the week and I couldn’t wait for school to be out. I was looking at Mrs Lockhead writing her examples on the blackboard. I was taking nothing in, I was thinking about my dream last night. I closed my eyes and smiled. Last night’s dream was completely different to my previous one. I was standing in the meadow of hay. I had on a long white dress with a long white lace train that was dancing aimlessly in the wind with my hair. There was a young man beside me holding my hand. His hand was warm and welcoming. We were both looking up into the sky with the sun on our backs. The feeling of belonging, warmth and revitalisation filled my body. It was heavenly. I looked at the man standing beside me. He began to turn to face me and then I woke up. Argh, I had woken up, why couldn’t I have stayed asleep for a while longer. I needed to see him, needed to know him. I did notice one thing though, he had blond hair - mid length blond hair.

  I felt a shove against my arm. I looked at Hayden in protest. He pointed to the front of the class. I stared at Mrs Lockhead while the rest of the class stared at me. I could feel my face redden.

  “Well, do you know the answer Brigid?” Mrs Lockhead had her arms crossed over her robust belly and was tapping her foot impatiently. I could hear sniggering in the classroom.

  “Um, can you repeat the question please?” I asked sheepishly.

  “Keep your head out of the clouds Brigid and pay attention. The question was - what does a solar deity represent?”

  Bugger, I didn’t know. I’d done no homework this week. It was just about school holidays, what was the point? My face was as red as a beetroot. I shook my head, she frowned at me and turned her attention to Alicia who was waving her hand around in the air frantically.

  “Yes Alicia.”

  “The Sun Mrs Lockhead, a solar deity represents the sun.”

  “Well done Alicia good to see some of the class haven’t checked out yet for school holidays.”

  I looked at Alicia. She gave me a smug smirk and turned back around to the front of the class. Argh, she was annoying, of course the teacher had to ask Alicia and humiliate me in front of the whole class.

  Hayden looked at me and I rolled my eyes in Alicia’s direction. He laughed.

  ◆◆◆

  Hayden had been away from school for a while and I was getting worried about him. School was boring without him and I was so happy to finally see him. “How are you feeling?” I asked Hayden as we sat under a tree to eat our lunch. It was hot out and the tree offered solitude and protection from the sun, it was our happy place at school.

  “Yeah alright I guess.” Hayden said as he took a bite of his pie. He winced as the heat nearly scorched the roof of his mouth. “Still feel a bit rough, I picked the wrong butter chicken I guess.”

  “Jeez, that sucks. Well you haven’t missed much. Oh, but the weirdest thing did happen to me the other day.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, Alicia actually spoke to me.”

  “That is weird.” He said with a cheeky smile then attempted to take another bite of his pie.

  “Yeah she wanted to know where you were.”

  “Well, of course she did. She missed this handsome face around school, I can understand that.” He winked at me.

  I gave him a shove. “She wasn’t the only one.” I grabbed his arm and laid my head against it. I could feel the firmness of his bicep muscle. It had been lonely at school without him.

  “Seriously, never be her boyfriend.”

  “Who - Alicia?”

  I nodded.

  “Why - someone jealous?”

  I shoved him again. “No – it’s just that you can do better.”

  He knuckle rubbed the top of my head messing up my hair. “Here’s hoping that better comes along before I become desperate.” He laughed.

  I thought of the man in my dream, the one holding my hand in the meadow of hay and murmured, “yeah, me too.”

  “Hey Brig!” Kate called as she walked over to us. Kate was another one of our friends. She had brown hair, cut bluntly to her shoulders in a severe bob. She was an all-round good sort. We’d been friends since I could remember. She was the sort of person that everybody liked, including her teachers. I waved back and moved aside for her so she could sit down beside us under the tree.

  “Hey” said Hayden.

  “Hey, how’re you feeling?” She asked Hayden.

  “Still a bit yuck, but at least my face isn’t hugging the toilet bowl.”

  She screwed up her petite nose. “Oeuw, too much information.”

  He smiled at her and pretended to throw up. She made a face at him and turned her attention to me. I was looking at my lunch which was not very exciting. I had a choice between a packet of raisins or an orange. “So Brig, are you going to join the archery club again next term? We could really use you. We have nationals coming up mid-year.”

  “Yeah probably.” Kate got me into archery a couple of years ago. I loved it and I was strangely good at it.

  “Great so I can sign you up again?”

  “Yip absolutely.” I said enthusiastically. I wouldn’t miss nationals for the world.

  “Great thanks Brig. How about you Hayden? You wanna join next term? We missed you this term.”

  “Nah, I’ll give it a miss.”

  Kate and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Of course he didn’t want to be a part of the archery team, or any team for that matter. Any team environment Hayden stayed away from. He was a bit of a rebel and didn’t like to conform to the normal. If it wasn’t for us he’d probably wander the school yard by himself while all the girls ogled him.

  “Well if you change your mind let me know. I’ll always make room for you.”

  “Thanks Kate. Hey what are you both up to after school?” Hayden asked.

  We both shrugged.

  “Come down to the beach with me. It’s so hot.”

  Kate and l looked at each other and squealed in unison “Hell yes.” We both giggled as Hayden rolled his eyes at us.

  “If you’re going to squeal like that I’m going to uninvite you both.”

  I stroked the side of his face “Oh, come on don’t be like that Hayden Wayden. You know you love us and life would be boring without us.”

  “Yip my life would be a lot different without you.” He looked straight into my eyes and h
eld the stare. I couldn’t decide what that meant or why he was looking at me so intensely. I shoved him gently in response and he stopped staring.

  ◆◆◆

  The sun was beaming. What a day it was. We were down at St Kilda Beach below the sand dunes. We had our towels laid out and we were all flopped on top of them. I had my short denim shorts and my red bikini top on. Kate had her denim shorts on too, but a pink singlet on top. Hayden had his board shorts on with no top on. Hayden had a good set of Abs.

  I opened my eyes lazily and watched the families with their children. People were walking their dogs and students were playing beach cricket further down the beach. Life was good at this moment. I loved the sun and the beach. I loved summer and I loved my friends. I looked down at my arm, no discolouration yet, I hadn’t been in the sun long enough for that to happen yet. I laid back and enjoyed the sun again. I day-dreamed about the man that held my hand in the sun. There was a connection I was sure of it. There was something there, I knew it was just a dream and I couldn’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

  “Hey Brig” Hayden gave me a gentle shove.

  “What?” I slurred.

  “Check it out?” He was pointing to a group of girls and in the middle of the group was Alicia, prancing around in her teensy tiny bikini and yes she did look amazing.

  “So?” I said “who cares.” I closed my eyes again. I could feel Hayden’s smile through my closed eyelids. He knew the parade was for him and he also knew that it annoyed me, she annoyed me.

  Kate had fallen asleep. When we finally decided to leave I woke her up. She stood up still in a daze. I started laughing. “Oh no Kate.”

  “What? What?!” she asked looking around herself frantically, disorientated.

  Hayden looked at Kate and started laughing too. “We might need to come back to the beach tomorrow so you can do the other side.”

  I put my hand to my mouth and tried not to laugh.