“Yes.” Her voice squeaked. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and shook her head. “No.”
Bella stepped toward Ashley. “Derek, I think you should go.”
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he finally looked chagrined. “Right. I’ll … call you, Ash.” Then he turned and walked away.
Ashley watched him go, and a tingling sensation swept up the back of her neck and across her face. A tiny moan left her lips as she buried her face in her hands. “What just happened?”
“That’s what I’d really like to know too.”
The trees that overlooked the courtyard had felt so intimate before, but now Ashley’s throat closed at the sight of them. “I have to get out of here.” She took off for the stairs, but Bella jumped in front of her.
“Not so fast, girl. You cannot just take off. You’ve gotta talk to me.”
Ashley bit her lip and looked away. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what to think.”
“Let’s walk, then. No thinking required. I just don’t want you to be alone right now.” Taking her hand, Bella tugged her back into the courtyard and toward the black gate. It creaked as it swung outward. As promised, her future sister-in-law didn’t say another word as they made their way down the path toward the beach. Both of them plucked off their sandals and left them behind, sinking their toes into the sand.
The wind whipping off the waves stung Ashley’s cheeks, but not as much as the memory of those stolen moments in the courtyard with Derek stung her heart. He’d been one second, maybe two, from kissing her.
Finally, they reached a bluff covered in a brilliant spray of wildflowers. Oranges, yellows, and reds jumped off nature’s canvas, painted in broad strokes that filled her vision. They were beautiful now, but winter would come. Petals would fall, and the stalks would curl in on themselves, leaving pure memory as the only proof they’d ever existed.
Ashley squatted, ripping up the nearest grouping of flowers, then stood and flung them over the edge of the cliff into the swirling ocean below. “Why did he almost kiss me?” She curled her arms around her middle.
Her friend was beside her in an instant, snaking her arm around Ashley’s side and leaning her head against Ashley’s arm. “What happened?”
“One minute I was showing him the setup for his wedding ceremony, and the next he was saying things.”
“Like?”
Ashley dug fingers into her sides as she studied the water. Black rocks dotted the coast, white foam bashing against them, drowning them momentarily. “Like he’s tired of pretending he doesn’t feel something around me. Something he shouldn’t. And I’m tired of it too, Bella.”
“You still love him, don’t you?”
“Ding, ding, ding.” Ashley sighed. “I’m just so confused. Of course I love him. And I thought my opportunity to be with him had passed me by. But what if it hasn’t?”
“It has.” Bella’s voice was gentle but firm. “He’s getting married in a little over two weeks.”
“I know, I know.” Wrenching away from Bella, Ashley edged closer to the bluff’s end. “But I’m not sure he even loves her. There’s no spark in his eyes when he talks about her, you know? And, Bells, he told me their proposal story, and it’s so dull and not really even a proposal, and then he told me how he’d always imagined proposing, and it was in our spot.”
They’d spent more time there together, on an old blanket staring up at the stars, than anywhere else combined. “Is it so wrong to want him to choose me instead?”
Tears beat against the back of her eyes, burning as she held them in.
From her place behind Ashley, Bella was quiet for a few moments. The roar of the ocean filled in the gaps between them.
At last, her friend approached her, holding out a small bouquet of flowers. “I know you love him, but you can’t steal him away. That’s not the woman I know and love.”
Ashley took the flowers, gripping the stems so tight she thought they might break. “I don’t want to be that woman.” The sweet smell of the long, skinny flowers wafted up to her nose. “But he’s the only one I know who seems to see the real me, and I don’t have to do anything for him to do that. He just … does it.”
“Oh, Ash. I’m sorry.”
“What am I going to do, Bells?” Her voice revealed her anguish, but she didn’t care. She had to get this out. “What do I do with this hole in my heart?”
“When I thought I’d lost Ben, I felt the same way.” Bella sighed as she looked out across the horizon, where the sun had started its early evening descent. “But if you go after Derek now, you’d be inflicting the same pain on his fiancée. And he might end up resenting you for it later.”
Ashley swallowed hard. “You’re right. I just need to forget this ever happened. Claire comes back to town in a week and a half. I can survive that long.”
“Maybe you should just tell your boss he needs to take over planning this wedding.”
“No.” It would be bad enough to lose Derek all over again. But to also lose her chance at a new life—one she’d always wanted? That couldn’t happen. “I’ve got this.”
Ashley’s grip on the flowers loosened, and this time she let them slip away slowly into the sea. The wind took one and spun it around and around in circles before it drifted to its fate.
But flowers didn’t die completely, and neither would Ashley. Spring brought new life, after all.
Ashley still had something worth living for. And she wasn’t letting it go without a fight.
Chapter 11
Derek knew when to call in some backup. “So you’re going to stay the whole time she’s here, yeah?”
Heather rolled her eyes as her hands plunged into the bowl of cookie dough. “I told you I would.” She arched an eyebrow at Mia, who sat on the barstool at the white marble countertop coloring a picture of some Disney princess. “Uncle Elephant sure is on edge, isn’t he? I wonder why that is.”
Mia glanced up and scrunched her nose. “What’s ‘on edge’ mean?”
Derek ruffled her curls. “Nothing, Peanut. Mommy’s just reading into things.”
Rolling a ball of dough between her hands, Heather pursed her lips. “Am I? I don’t ever remember you inviting me—much less begging me—to hang out with you and Ashley before. Something’s definitely up.”
Walking toward the oven, he peeked inside, inhaling the calming scent of the chocolate chip cookies Heather had set inside only minutes before. “I just thought you’d be able to help us with some wedding stuff. You can stand in for Claire.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Fine, who cared if Heather believed him? Fact was he absolutely could not allow himself to be alone with Ashley again. That was why he’d invited her out to the vineyard, where he had the home advantage.
The doorbell rang and he pointed at Heather. “I’m counting on you.”
She plopped another dough ball onto the cookie sheet. “Even if I leave, Mia will stay if you keep plying her with cookies.”
“Cookies are my favorite!”
His niece’s sweet giggle brought a smile to Derek’s face, sustaining him as he trudged to the front door.
But as soon as he opened the door, his grin disappeared.
Ashley had a death grip on Claire’s binder, and her posture was so rigid that an army general would be proud. “Hi.”
“Hey.” His jaw clenched. “Thanks for coming over on a Saturday night.”
“Anything for one of my grooms.” Ashley moved past him. “Where did you want to set up?”
“In the kitchen. Heather and Mia are going to keep us company.”
Ashley’s shoulders sank like a balloon pricked by a pin. “Great idea.”
So he wasn’t the only one who regretted what had almost happened two days ago. Good. “Glad you approve.” He led her through the living room into the kitchen. The rest of the house was quiet tonight, since Dad and Nancy were at a movie and Christina lived in her own apartment in town.
&nbs
p; Mia looked up at their arrival. “Miss Ashley!”
Ashley set the binder on the counter and leaned down to hug Derek’s niece. “Good to see you, Mia. It’s been a while. I wasn’t sure you’d remember me.”
“I’m four. I have a good memory.”
“I should have known better.” Ashley’s laugh swept through the kitchen. “Heather, whatever you’re making smells heavenly.”
Heather wiggled her doughy hands. “Nothing special. Just cookies. But you’re welcome to them once they’re ready.” Turning, she washed her hands in the sink, then flicked them dry before snagging a towel. “What are you guys working on tonight?”
“Now that we’re holding the wedding at the inn, we’ve got to figure out decorations. A lot of what we were planning to use was supposed to be provided by the lodge, so I wanted to show Derek some pictures of what was possible and get his final okay to order or rent it.” Sliding into one of the six chairs at the rectangle oak table, Ashley opened the binder. “I should be out of your hair in an hour, tops.”
“Feel free to stay longer, if you’d like.” Heather looked at Derek with a challenge in his eyes.
“Y-yeah.” He glared at his sister before turning his attention back to Ashley and joining her at the table. “Stay as long as you’d like.”
Ashley studied him. “I have a lot of work to do.”
“Oh, but Mia and I were going to go play outside on the deck once I’m done making cookies,” Heather said, a little too much saccharine in her tone. “You’re welcome to join us. It’s supposed to be a lovely night.”
He was going to kill his sister.
Mia turned on her stool and bounced where she sat. “Oh yes, Miss Ashley. You have to stay and play. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?”
“How could I refuse such an offer?”
They settled in at the table and worked through the details, Heather piping up with ideas between cookie batches. The chocolate served to loosen them up, and by the end of the night, they were all laughing over memories from their youth.
“My brother was such an idiot sometimes.” A wry grin hooked Ashley’s lips. “Who in their right mind would try to jump from the roof of a two-story house into the pool?”
“To be fair, probably most teenage boys I knew.” Heather wiped away the evidence of four cookies on Mia’s face with a wet cloth. Mia yawned.
“Not me.” Derek leaned his chair onto its hind legs, his hands looped together around the back of his head. “I told him it wouldn’t work.”
“Ever the logical one. If only he’d listened to you, he wouldn’t have broken his leg.” Ashley peeked at the clock. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to take so long. We just have one more thing to discuss and then I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Do you have time to take a break now?” Heather kissed Mia on the head. “It’s almost this one’s bedtime.”
Click, click, click. Ashley’s thumb was getting a workout with her pen. “Um, sure.”
Mia jumped down from her stool and held out her hand to Ashley. “Come on. I’ll let you pick any of the Barbies. Except for the wedding Barbie. She’s my favorite.”
“Oh, she’s mine too. But I’m sure I can find a great second favorite.” Laughing, Ashley took his niece’s hand.
Mia held out her other. “Uncle Elephant. You too. We need a Ken. And you’re the best Ken around.”
“He really is, isn’t he?” Heather squeezed Derek’s shoulders. “You’ve been summoned, big brother.”
“All right, all right.” Standing, he made his way toward Mia and Ashley, whose eyes laughed at him. He bowed. “Ken, at your service.”
Mia’s and Ashley’s giggles pealed through the lofty kitchen. His niece stole his hand, tugging him and Ashley toward the living room.
He turned to eye Heather. “Aren’t you going to join us?”
“After I clean the dishes.”
“I can do that later. Come on.”
“I’ll be right out.” Her eyes held a twinkle.
The traitor.
After the three of them had picked out dolls—or, rather, Mia assigned them—they headed to the back door. Stepping out, Mia went straight for the brown swing attached to the underside of the porch roof by two metal chains and plopped down. “Okay, Uncle Elephant, you sit on one side and Miss Ashley on the other.”
Both of the adults obeyed the little dictator, and the wood groaned with the effort. Mia proceeded to tell each of them what to say and where to move.
After fifteen minutes of playing with the bride Barbie, she inclined her head toward Ashley. “We can switch dolls now if you want.”
“Oh, I kind of like being the doctor Barbie.”
Mia frowned. “But the bride Barbie and Ken need to kiss, and Mommy told me I’m too young to make the Barbies kiss. So you have to do it.”
Okaaay. Enough of that. “Peanut, you know what I think it’s time for?”
His niece eyed him warily. “What?”
“Snuggles and stars.”
Her eyes lit up. “My favorite!” Then, after placing all of the dolls gently on the ground, she scrambled up into his lap, leaving a Mia-sized gap between Derek and Ashley.
“Snuggles and stars?” Ashley arched an eyebrow. “What’s that?”
“We snuggle and look at the stars, silly.” Mia shook her head as if it should have been obvious. “Scoot over so you can snuggle too. It doesn’t work if you’re too far away.”
“Um, I should probably—”
“But, Miss Ashley, you promised you’d stay.”
Ashley’s eyes met Derek’s, and she shifted on the seat.
Ugh. She was uncomfortable. Of course she was, after what he’d pulled on Thursday. “Miss Ashley needs to go.”
Then Mia busted out the trembling lower lip. She was a wily one. “But …”
“All right. I can stay for a few minutes.”
“You sure?” He studied Ashley.
Her gaze shifted down to Mia, then back up to him. “Yeah.” She moved a bit closer to him on the bench.
He shouldn’t be so happy to have her near.
The temperature had dropped rapidly with the sun, and Mia’s little body shivered against him, so Derek pulled a quilt off the back of the swing where someone had left it on some previous night. After tugging the quilt over them both, he tossed half of it across Ashley’s legs.
“Now, let’s look at some stars, shall we?” He pointed out the obvious ones, including Mia’s favorite, the Big Dipper. Crickets chirped as the three of them laughed and made up silly stories, Ashley contributing one about Leo, the lion who got his head stuck in a jar of honey.
Eventually, Mia started to yawn and turned to snuggle into Derek’s chest. After less than a minute, her breathing evened.
Ashley glanced down from the sky and at the four-year-old. “I think she’s out.” Her voice remained soft.
“Guess I’m not going anywhere for a while.” His chest squeezed as he watched Mia, took in the relaxed peace in her features. “We just had one more thing to talk about wedding wise, right?”
“Oh.” Ashley straightened a bit on the seat. “Yes. Vows.”
“Vows?”
“Yeah.” She coughed. “Do you guys want to go traditional or write your own?”
“I guess I haven’t thought much about it.”
“Really?” Ashley’s hands played with the raggedy fringe on the blue quilt. “Hmm.”
“What?” He winced at the sharpness in his tone. Thankfully, Mia didn’t wake up. Derek lowered his voice. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“I know you, Ash, and that wasn’t nothing.” The wind kicked up, nipping his face. He adjusted the quilt better around Mia, covering her neck and ears.
“I just …” Ashley heaved out a hard breath and fixed her gaze once more on the sky, where thousands of stars lit the black around them.
That was her—light and beauty even in the darkness.
“You j
ust what?”
“Do you love her, Derek?”
His grip on the quilt tightened, its soft timeworn fabric digging into his hands. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Most couples I work with … they just act differently than you guys do.”
“So people have to act all lovey-dovey for you to believe they should get married?”
“No. That’s not it.” She turned her body toward him, her foot sidling up to his for a moment before it fell away. “You said you know me, but I know you too. And this whole thing just doesn’t jibe with the man I know. He was steady and logical, yes, but he was passionate too.”
“I can’t afford to be passionate now. I have responsibilities.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Mia’s head. “People counting on me.”
“I can certainly understand that, but—”
“If you did, you wouldn’t be challenging me on this.”
His niece rustled beneath him. Oops. He needed to be better about holding in his temper.
Ashley’s eyebrows pulled downward. “I don’t get what all of that has to do with you marrying Claire.” Her voice hissed across the expanse between them, which might as well have been miles instead of inches. “What I want to know is whether this marriage is really going to make you happy.”
“Happy enough.”
She threw her hands in the air. “What does that mean?”
“It means that even if I don’t love her like everyone thinks I should, I’ll still be happy.” He ground out the words, cringing a bit as Ashley’s eyes widened. But it felt good to tell her the truth. Might as well. In fact, he should have done it long before now. “Look, you might not agree, but marrying Claire means security for her family and mine. It’ll allow me to save the vineyard.”
Silence reigned between them for what seemed like an eternity. Ashley blinked. “You’re marrying her because of the vineyard?”
“It’s not just the vineyard. It’s Dad. Doing this saves him the stress of overwork, which could add years to his life.”
Her hand absently stroked Mia’s back. “It’s very noble of you to want to save your family, but your dad would never be okay with you selling yourself to do it. I’ve got to assume he has no idea.”
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