What it Takes to Fall

by Ellis, C. R.

  All. Damn. Day.

  I had back-to-back meetings with clients until mid-afternoon, but every glance at my phone made me regret ever walking out of Bryce’s house.

  An hour after I left, he sent me a shirtless selfie wearing his sex-me-up glasses and a smug smirk.

  Two hours after that, another selfie, this time at the park licking ice cream from a cone.

  Later, the mirror selfie to end all mirror selfies—Bryce post-shower, a towel hanging wickedly low around his hips. And the glasses. Always the glasses.

  The fact that I got any work done was a testament to how dedicated I was to FMK and my job.

  Even a day later, sitting in the conference room with Jasmine, Jade, and Carleigh, talking about plans for the venue, my mind kept wandering back to Bryce and this wicked little game of foreplay.

  The four of us had spent a solid two hours making plans and going over the sketches Bryce had emailed from Seattle, and I only retained fifty percent of what was said. Great.

  “Hello? Earth to Elliot,” Jade called from across the table.

  “What? Sorry,” I said, whipping my head up and away from Bryce’s text.

  Jasmine sat between us at the head of the table and eyed me suspiciously. “You were just smiling at your phone like it had turned into a magic lamp and was about to grant you three wishes. You’ve got a serious blush working its way up your neck. And you’re so antsy to bolt out of here you wouldn’t have batted an eyelash if I’d just suggested naming the venue after my second favorite porno. Spill it, Kincaid.”

  I swallowed and wracked my brain for a denial, but Jas was right. My mind was totally not in the game. “Uh, I…crap,” I muttered, trailing my hands over my neck in a futile effort to hide my blush.

  Jasmine gasped and slapped the table.

  “Holy fucking shit! You slept with Bryce! I knew it,” she exclaimed, looking totally confident in her assumption. “Good for you. I’m betting your history with him only made it hotter. Am I right? Of course I’m right, otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to hide it from us.”

  Jade and Carleigh both gasped on cue and stared at me from the opposite side of the table.

  “Oh my god, Jas is right, isn’t she?” Carleigh mused, her smile wide and knowing, and her blue eyes studying me closely. She flipped her red mane over her shoulder and scooted closer to the table, propping her elbows on the surface and resting her chin in her hands. “You’ve been way too tight-lipped about things with him lately, which means things are more serious than you’re letting on. I mean, we all know you were channeling your sexual frustration into your work while he was gone. And you’re totally blushing like a teenager. It makes so much sense now.”

  I sighed and accepted the fact that there was no getting out of this conversation. “All right, Nancy Drew one and two, relax. Yes, I like him. A lot. Other than that, though, I don’t have much to tell you." Jade lifted a brow. Carleigh's eyes narrowed. Jas pursed her lips. The three of them remained silent, staring at me. "Look," I said, flustered, "Our circumstances aren’t exactly normal. Things ended on a high note with Peyton yesterday, but only after I let her freaking lock herself in a bathroom. I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to fully win her over. On top of that hurdle, you guys know how delicate and complicated things are given his involvement with the inn and now the venue. We’re not rushing to label anything, and I’m perfectly okay with that. All I know is spending time with him makes me happy, and that’s enough.”

  “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you,” Carleigh offered.

  Jade nodded in agreement. “We’re curious because we care, El.” She leaned across the table and gave my arm a squeeze, her reassuring smile echoing her words. “You’ve been so one-track-minded with work for a while now. Just promise me that you’ll remember to let yourself have a life outside of FMK and the inn and the venue. You’re twenty-four; you’ve got a lifetime to spend at work, but how often does a Bryce McKnight come along?”

  Twice in the last decade, if we’re keeping track.

  Jas was suspiciously quiet, choosing this moment to go refill her coffee cup. Jas was never quiet; her thoughts were practically loud enough to hear most of the time. When she came back to the table, the three of us stared at her expectantly.

  “What?” she asked, shrugging. “I mean, ditto what Jade and Carleigh said. I’m happy you’re happy, El.”

  We all continued to stare at her, collectively waiting for the ‘but’ that we knew was burning on the tip of Jasmine’s tongue.

  She sipped her coffee and diverted her gaze to the piles of notes in front of her.

  I reached out and pulled her notebook away. “Jas, what the hell? I know there’s something else you’re not saying. Spit it out.”

  She shifted in her seat, keeping her eyes down before sighing and looking up to meet my gaze. “Fine. It’s just…I can’t help but wonder if you’d be less reluctant to label things with Bryce if you had true closure with Helen. I’ve known you through two different boyfriends and through your dating hiatus, and I’ve never seen you anywhere near as happy as you were even when you were still trying to convince yourself he belonged in the ‘strictly friends’ category. It's so obvious that you two belong in each other’s lives. I’m not saying you’re destined to ride off into the sunset with him, but maybe you are. Maybe he’s 'it' for you, or maybe not. But I know you, Elliot, and I know you won’t hesitate to break your own damn heart if you think there’s even a chance you’ll do to Peyton what Helen did to you.”

  For a moment, nobody dared to speak or move. Maybe even breathe.

  I forced air into my lungs and willed my heart to keep beating, even though processing Jas’s words was enough to stop it cold.

  God, the truth is a harsh mistress.

  Finally, Jas broke the silence of her own creation, continuing, “I love and adore and admire you, El. For so many reasons. But you’ve never seen yourself clearly when it comes to the scars Helen left in you. I know what the absence of a parent can do,” she said softly, reaching over to cover my hand with hers. “The scars and the havoc they wreak can lay dormant for years, just waiting to strike when you’re least expecting it. Listen, you can say no, tell me to fuck off, whatever, but hear me out. Let me ask Dean to use his resources at work to find whatever information he can on Helen. You can do whatever you want with the information, whether that’s speaking with her in person or just using that information to give you closure. Just say the word and I’ll ask.”

  Jas’s mom passed away when she was thirteen, so our experiences and losses were vastly different, but she understood more than most what it was like to go through life without a mother. Her offer was sincere and heart-felt, and I wasn’t sure she’d ever know how much I appreciated it.

  “I’ll think about it,” I promised, squeezing her hand in turn.

  Maybe she was right.

  Getting answers from Helen wasn’t going to magically fix everything, but maybe…just maybe, it would bring me enough peace to quiet the doubts and fears that had crept into the crevices of my mind.

  Chapter 19

  Elliot

  My phone buzzed against my desk while I packed up for my next meeting, and when I saw Bryce’s name I quickly dropped the stack of paperwork in favor of reading his text. I planned to meet him and Peyton in a few hours, but that didn’t stop butterflies from fluttering to life at the sight of his name on my phone screen.

  BRYCE:Peyton is going to be in her costume tonight, so feel free to come in one too. I’d be happy to make some suggestions if you can’t think of one… ;)

  ELLIOT:Oh, you’d love that. Let me guess…slutty nurse?

  BRYCE:I’m a little offended you don’t think I’m more creative than that.

  ELLIOT:Yeah, ohhhhhhkay. What’s Peyton’s costume?

  A photo of a fluffy pink blob came through, and I zoomed in on the picture to see that it was a little pig.

  ELLIOT:Oh my god! That’s adorable. I wish I had more time. We
could’ve all gone as animals!

  BRYCE:Good thing you’re already a fox.

  ELLIOT:Wow, Bryce. That was so cheesy, you should be a goat tonight.

  BRYCE:Oh, I’m the goat alright. As in, ‘greatest of all time’…if you know what I mean. *Smirking emoji*

  ELLIOT:Starting to wish I didn’t.

  BRYCE:You’re lion.

  ELLIOT:Stop. I don’t think I can bear another dad-pun.

  BRYCE:Whale, I can’t say that doesn’t hurt.

  ELLIOT:OMG.

  BRYCE:I’m not kitten.

  ELLIOT:You are officially the dorkiest person I know.

  BRYCE:Strange…I’ve never seen a phone autocorrect ‘sexiest’ that dramatically.

  ELLIOT:…still proving my point. I’ll see you soon, punny man.

  It should’ve been weird that a brief, flirty text conversation with Bryce made me feel like a giddy schoolgirl. The same Bryce who used to play with me in the rain and once offered to beat up the first boy who broke my heart. The same Bryce who camped out with me under the stars long ago and gave me one of the walkie talkies he got for Christmas one year, just so I could call him if I had a nightmare.

  But it wasn’t weird.

  It was actually sorta wonderful.

  Our friendship was innocent back then, but there was nothing innocent about the way Bryce McKnight made me feel now. The ease I always felt with him, the comfort from our friendship, the trust between us, had come rushing back, only now I didn’t just look at him and see my old friend. The boy I'd spent my childhood playing with had become the man I couldn’t stop thinking about.

  And, for once, I wasn’t obsessing over the future. I wasn’t trying to plan and label and categorize exactly what we were doing.

  For once…I was happy to just be. In the moment. With him.

  In our ‘B and E’ bubble.

  The thing about bubbles though? Sooner or later, they always pop.

  * * *

  A few hours later, I drove to Bryce’s house sporting the same smile I’d had since I read his first terrible pun. Not even an ‘emergency’ meeting with a bridezilla from hell was enough to bring me down. Instead of stressing about the five last minute, over-the-top changes she requested for her upcoming wedding, I pictured how freaking adorable I knew Peyton would be in her costume. Instead of letting my mind run wild thinking about all the work I could be doing, I focused solely on how much fun tonight would be.

  Unlike the last time I showed up at his house, Bryce was (merci)fully clothed when he opened the front door. But Peyton was propped on his hip, so the swoon-factor was still perfectly intact. The sight drew a smile from my lips and sent that same rush of warmth through my veins.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hey, you two,” I replied, giving Peyton what I hoped was a non-creepy smile. She swung her pink-tight-clad legs back and forth and leaned into Bryce, but didn’t hide completely this time, instead flashing me a tentative smile in return. I’ll take what I can get.

  Bryce adjusted her position so I could see the whole costume, then flipped up her hood to give me the full effect. With the hood up, she was covered in soft chenille tendrils with pointy ears and a round nose. Holes at the tops of her thighs allowed her legs to poke out, and little plastic hooves covered her shoes.

  I’d never seen anything cuter in my life.

  “Oh my god! She’s going to be the cutest animal of all!”

  Bryce grinned and grabbed a bag off the hook behind the door. “That she is. Ready to take this little piggy to the zoo?”

  “Do you mind if I change first? I’ll be fast.” I held up my duffel bag. “Pretty sure silk and zoos don’t mix.”

  “Sure, I’ll get her buckled while you change. We’ll wait for you in the car.”

  I sped off toward the bathroom and traded my dress for skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder top I had stolen from Sophia, swapping my heels for booties.

  Satisfied, I hurried out to Bryce’s SUV and hopped into the passenger seat. As I clicked my seatbelt into place, he hit the brakes; we hadn't even made it out of the driveway.

  I paused and looked over at him, confused. “Did you forget something?”

  “Yeah. This,” he said, shifting into park and leaning across the center console to frame my face with his hands. Before I could react, his mouth pressed to mine, freezing the smile splayed on my lips. I melted into the kiss, into him, gripping his wrists in my hands like I needed them to keep me grounded. I didn’t know how he did it, how it was possible for a simple kiss from Bryce to simultaneously reduce me to a mess of lust and desperation and fill me with happiness and peace. But that’s exactly what his kisses did. Every. Single. Time.

  I blinked him back into focus after our kiss broke and met his heavily-lidded eyes. “Maybe you should forget that more often,” I teased.

  His thumb brushed along my bottom lip, freeing it from under my teeth before he pulled his gaze away. “Or maybe I’ll just kiss you more often.”

  “Eh, maybe.”

  “Maybe?! Funny, there was no ‘maybe’ when my mouth was on a different part of your anatomy the other night,” he countered, tapping his index finger against my lips with a smirk.

  “Hmm, that’s not ringing a bell. Must’ve been a fluke.” I tried to keep my smile in check, but it refused to be contained.

  “Careful, El. You know I love a good challenge.”

  I spent the rest of the drive to the zoo actively trying not to think about the little thrill his words sent racing through me.

  * * *

  The Austin Zoo was located on about fifteen acres of land at the outskirts of the city, allowing guests to enjoy the animals and the beauty of hill country simultaneously. To me, what made this zoo special was the fact that the animals were all rescues—some retired from other facilities or from laboratory testing, some seized in animal cruelty cases, and some surrendered by owners who couldn’t keep up with the care required for exotic pets. Knowing these animals had been given a second chance at life, even if it was within the confines of a zoo, was heartbreakingly beautiful.

  The first time Nana and Pops brought me here, I burst into tears when Nana explained that all of this zoo’s animals were rescued from bad places or from other zoos who wanted to make room for younger animals. While I still found it sad that these majestic creatures were forced to live out their lives in captivity, I also felt a sense of connection with them. I knew what it was like to be uprooted from the only home you knew and dropped into a new world.

  Every October, the zoo hosted several nights like this one. Guests came after hours wearing costumes and enjoyed the haunted house or a train ride along a spooky, Halloween-themed trail. They also had the opportunity to see the nocturnal animals.

  It was a perfect fall night for a stroll through the park, which was a good thing considering Peyton’s disinterest in the children’s show. The girl was an animal lover, through and through.

  I didn’t realize I’d spaced out until I looked over and saw that Bryce had walked around to the other side of the black bear enclosure, hip propped against the railing as he pointed at the little cubs wrestling on the other side of the enclosure. So far, we’d seen a tiger, a lion, and a serval. Bryce had purposely put off the pot-bellied pig, knowing Peyton would probably want to stay there indefinitely. Fortunately, the bears held her interest now. She clapped her hands together and squealed in delight as they rolled off the deck. Her reactions to the animals were quickly becoming my favorite part of our zoo visit. I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of her before joining them.

  “Bryce, in case I haven’t said it yet, you’re an incredible dad. You really are a natural; you make it look so easy,” I said, nudging his shoulder with mine. “Total DILF material.”

  He laughed, and I could’ve sworn the faint color creeping into his cheeks was a blush. “You know, it’s funny. She’s going to be two in a few months, and I still wake up amazed that I get to be her dad. I know it sounds chees
y as hell, but it’s true. I was completely and utterly unprepared for parenthood, and I was so afraid I wouldn’t be enough. But when I consider what would’ve happened if Bridgette had kept her, the kind of life Peyton would’ve had…” He trailed off, then visibly stiffened, as if his words had only just registered. “God, El, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking—”

  I shook my head and covered his hand with mine. “Bryce, no. It’s okay. You’re allowed to make that connection. I hate that abandonment is something Peyton and I have in common, but at the same time I don’t want it to be something the three of us can’t or don’t talk about. I know our situations aren’t the same in a lot of ways, but I don’t want Peyton to grow up with the same anxiety about her mom that I had, feeling like it’s wrong to have questions about her. And I want you to know that if she does ask questions or wants to know about Bridgette one day, it doesn’t mean she loves you any less.”

  Bryce wrapped his free arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his side before pressing his lips against the top of my head. I leaned into him and slipped my arm around his waist, loving the way we fit together.

  “What was that for?” I asked.

  “You just implied there will be discussions between the three of us…as in, future discussions.”

  “Oh, god, I did, didn’t I? I just meant, you know…” I sighed, pulling away enough to see his face.