Only When I Sleep

by E V Lind

  “It’s a bit cool in here, don’t you think? Maybe we need a little fire to warm us.”

  The fumes seemed to thicken in the air around them. He was utterly mad. She watched, helpless and horrified, as Dan reached toward the old lace curtains in the window with the lighter. The curtains caught alight instantly, flames rapidly shooting straight up to the ceiling and sending pieces of burning fabric to drop to the kitchen floor.

  Beth screamed, but the sound was a muffled strangle of terror behind the gag. She darted again for the doorway but Dan headed her off, shepherding her into the center of the room. If only she could get her arms free, she might stand a chance. She and her baby would not die here tonight.

  A blue whoosh of flame spread ominously across the floorboards as the burning material ignited the spilled fuel. The flames spread quickly in a ring around the edge of the kitchen, hungrily licking at the baseboards and the bottom of the kitchen cupboards. Dan began to laugh. It was a horrible sound, harsh, grating—crazy. Beth could see no way out. Smoke began to fill the room and she struggled to breathe. Logically, she knew the air would be clearer at floor level but if she dropped to her knees, she knew Dan would be upon her in seconds.

  Out the corner of her eye, Beth caught sight of a movement through the window. A second later the back door crashed open. Dan wheeled around, widening his stance, his hand gripping the knife more firmly.

  “Ah, so the war hero has come to join the party,” he jeered. “How nice.”

  “Let her go, Henderson,” Ryan growled.

  Beth remained rooted to the spot. He wasn’t supposed to be here. She didn’t want him hurt. Ryan moved swiftly to her side and pushed her toward the door but Dan bull-charged Ryan, hitting Ryan in the stomach with his shoulder. The two men crashed into the kitchen table, oblivious to the flames that were even now consuming the table legs. The table split in two as they fought one another for possession of the knife. Ryan landed a solid punch to the side of Dan’s head, rendering the other man temporarily stunned. He dragged himself upright and came to Beth, yanking the gag away from her mouth even as he pulled her toward the doorway.

  “Get outside.”

  Smoke filled her lungs as she tried to drag in a deep breath. Beth coughed uncontrollably and stumbled through the door and out onto the back porch. She turned to make sure Ryan followed her and through the door she saw Dan rise to his feet. Flames built on either side of him but he seemed oblivious to the heat and the smoke.

  “Ryan, look out!” she screamed hoarsely as Dan lunged toward Ryan with the knife.

  Ryan wheeled at the last minute, but not soon enough to stop the knife plunging into the thigh of his good leg. Beth screamed again and rushed forward. But what could she do with her hands still tied behind her?

  “Get out and stay out!” Ryan yelled over his shoulder.

  “Let me at the whore! She’s mine,” Dan bellowed. “I say if she lives or dies, not you!”

  “She was never yours,” Ryan retorted, pulling the blade from his leg with a hiss of pain. Blood quickly spread in a slick, dark stain on denim.

  Beth heard the agony in his voice and the determination. It was the latter that made her fear for him. “Ryan, come on! Get out of there,” she urged.

  “Not until I know he can’t hurt you anymore,” he said unwaveringly.

  Ryan cast the knife out the door, where it landed by her feet. Beth saw him stagger a little as he tried to balance his weight on his other leg.

  “Ah, so sweet. He thinks he cares about you. C’mon, bitch,” Dan goaded. “Come on inside, where it’s nice and warm. Come and watch me obliterate this bastard from existence. And then it’s your turn, babe. I’m not letting you go. I’m never letting you go.”

  “Ryan!” Beth screamed again. “Please, leave him! Get out of there!”

  There was an almighty creak and a crash as a section of floor beneath the men caved away. Ryan twisted at the last moment, throwing his body toward the edge. He landed with arms outstretched and with most of his torso on what was left of the kitchen floor. His legs still dangled beneath him. Beth ran to him and turned, offering her hands behind her.

  “Let me pull you out!” she commanded.

  She felt one of Ryan’s hands grip her wrists and she began to pull forward. Her shoulders screamed in protest, the joints filled with clawing pain and blood flowed freely from the cut Dan had given her, but she kept pulling—dragging him free. The second he let go she wheeled around, her eyes checking him for further injuries.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “I’ll do.”

  Ryan hooked one arm through hers and together they staggered off the back porch and into the backyard. Behind them, the kitchen windows blew out and flames greedily consumed the frame and began to spread up the siding. Ryan searched in the dark then suddenly bent to the ground and picked up the knife. He sliced through the zip ties that bound her wrists together.

  “Dan? Is he...?” She couldn’t bring herself to finish her question.

  “I don’t know. C’mon, we need to get out of here.”

  “Oh, my God! Look!”

  Through the blaze they could see Dan attempting to pull himself out of the cavity in the floor. Blood poured from his face and fire caught his clothing. Just when it looked as though he’d made it out of the hole he let out a bloodcurdling cry and appeared to lose purchase.

  “Let me go!” he screamed. “Let me go!”

  Through the inferno and clouds of smoke that billowed from the building, Beth thought she could make out an indistinct figure. Hands reached through the flames for the man who’d made Beth’s life hell here on earth. Dan screamed again, whether in fear now or agony she couldn’t be certain. And then he disappeared from view, dragged down into the pit surrounded by fire. His screams echoing on the air before dying away altogether.

  FORTY

  Despite the heat that poured from the burning building, an icy cold gripped her. She barely noticed Ryan’s arm around her shoulder as he coaxed her away.

  Vaguely she was aware of him talking on his cell phone, calling emergency services. In the next half hour, the place swarmed with flashing lights and people. Beth was wrapped in blankets and eventually transferred to an ambulance, and from there to the local hospital. At Ryan’s insistence, Mary-Ann traveled with her in the ambulance, holding her hand and murmuring reassurance as the horror of the night began to take its full emotional and physical toll.

  All her queries about Ryan were brushed aside and being separated from him filled her with anxiety. His knife wound had been bleeding badly. She knew he was hurting, knew he needed medical assistance more than she did.

  Mary-Ann refused to leave her side as she was examined, scanned and her shoulder stitched. Once the medics were satisfied the health of her baby was not compromised she was ordered to remain in the hospital overnight for observation because of the concussion she’d received. Mary-Ann took a seat in the small room Beth had been allocated and while she nodded away on a chair Beth lay in bed, playing over the events of the night again and again.

  What had she witnessed? Dan’s death, for certain, but what of the other person she thought she’d seen dragging him back into the cavern beneath the floor? Even now, thinking about it, it filled her with a sense of disbelief that left her numb and cold inside. Eventually she fell into a restless sleep, only to be woken regularly by one of the nurses checking on her. She was sick of repeating her name and the date by the time fingers of color began to streak the sky and light chased away the darkness of the previous night.

  And still no one had told her anything about Ryan.

  Urgency propelled her from the bed. One way or another she’d find out. She made it to the door before Mary-Ann stirred.

  “Oh, hon, you’re up,” she said brightly, switching from asleep to alert in two seconds flat. “How are you feeling today?”

  “Have you heard how Ryan is?”

  “No, dear, I haven’t. But I know in here,” she
tapped her chest, “he’s fine. I’m sure he’ll be as cranky as a bear come spring but, honestly, you don’t need to worry about him.”

  “He was stabbed, Mary-Ann. Because of me. He nearly died there at the house. I need to know he’s okay!” Beth’s voice rose with every sentence and she began to shake. “I’m going to find him.”

  Her hand was on the door but Mary-Ann was at her side before she could open it.

  “How about you hop back into bed and I’ll go check with the nurses, okay? Remember, you’re not just here for your own health.” Mary-Ann laid a warm hand on the small mound of Beth’s belly. “You’re here for this little one, too.”

  All the tension sagged out of her and Beth let Mary-Ann lead her back to the bed and tuck her back in. The woman’s care reminded her so strongly of her own mother that for a moment her eyes became awash with emotion.

  “There, now,” said Mary-Ann with a pat of the bedcovers. “I’ll be straight back, I promise.”

  While she was gone a nurse came in and checked Beth over once again.

  “Doctor will see you on his rounds this morning and, if he’s happy with you, you should be able to go home after that.”

  Beth didn’t know whether to be pleased or nervous about that. Dan was gone. She wasn’t tied to Ryan or Mary-Ann for her security anymore. She could go anywhere she wanted now. The thought was more daunting than she’d imagined.

  For so long she’d been under Dan’s control. Years of being told what to do, what to think, and when to do it. And when she finally broke free, everything had been about survival. Now, every day stretched out before her, fresh and new. She was the mistress of her destiny. She made the choices now.

  Beth tested the idea in her mind and allowed it to settle. Truth be told, she’d been making choices from the moment she’d decided to stay alive. They might not have always been the right choices but they were hers. Thing was, she’d been so busy just putting one foot in front of the other she had no idea of what she really wanted, let alone who she really was. And hard on the heels of that realization was the reminder that she was going to become a mom come spring, as well. It was time to learn to stand on her own feet.

  But what did that really mean? Did it mean she had to leave Riverbend, leave the people she’d grown to trust and, yes, maybe even love? Should she go back to Portland, to her old neighborhood, pick up with her old friends—the ones she’d had before Dan had alienated her from every last one of them? Or maybe she should go out of state? So many choices.

  There was her house in Portland to deal with. What was left of it. To save her life she’d been prepared to forget about all of that but now it was something she needed to deal with. Hopefully, now she’d be officially cleared from the arson investigation and her bank accounts, such as they were, would be unfrozen. She’d have to make a claim with her insurance company and deal with all sorts of things.

  Either way, she had no money right now to do anything major. If the envelope she’d shoved in her coat pocket before Dan had surprised her had survived the night she might have a couple of thousand dollars if she was lucky. Not nearly enough to start a new life, especially with a baby. Which left her where, exactly? Still essentially broke and dependent. But free.

  A new sensation trickled through her. One she hadn’t experienced in so long she barely recognized it. Hope.

  There was a sound at the door and Beth turned her face eagerly to hear Mary-Ann’s news. A primitive jolt rocked her as she recognized her visitor. Ryan. He walked carefully into the room, his eyes raking her as if taking inventory, making sure she was okay. She did the same to him. His face was still streaked with soot and his clothes reeked of smoke. Tiredness etched deep lines into his face and his eyes, always sharp and direct, bore a hollowness she couldn’t bear to look at knowing she was responsible for putting it there. He even still wore the same jeans he’d had on last night although the bulk of a dressing could be seen beneath the slice through the bloodstained denim.

  “You look terrible. Are you okay?” she said nervously.

  He nodded.

  She chewed at her lip before admitting, “I was so worried about you.”

  “I’m okay. Just needed a few stitches. Ma asked me to come and talk to you. She said you were asking after me.”

  There was something wrong. Something strangely distant about him, as if he deliberately held himself aloof.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve been with the police until now.”

  “And?” she prompted when he fell silent.

  “There were two bodies in the basement of the MacDonald house.”

  “Two? So, what we saw...?” her voice trailed off.

  He sat down on the edge of her bed with a sigh and shook his head. “I don’t know what the hell we saw. The fire department found a body they assume is Henderson, but nearby they also discovered a skeleton. Initial examination suggests it’s a woman’s remains, late teens to early thirties. She’d borne a child.”

  “Lizzie?”

  “Probably. It makes sense, doesn’t it? The dark place? God!” he brushed a hand over his face and shook his head. “It’s impossible to believe that she’d been there all these years. That her own mother left her there.”

  “Do you think she died in childbirth?” Beth asked, unconsciously putting a shaking hand to her own child.

  “Hard to say but—” he broke off and took in a deep breath. “I think she died after the baby was born. I think she bled to death.”

  *

  He’d read the diary entries Lizzie had written before taking them to the chief a week ago. Last night, she’d visited him in his dreams. He’d seen her blood. And yet, without her persistence, and that of his friend Tuck, Beth might have become yet another victim. He struggled to come to terms with that. The idea that by now Beth’s eyes would be glazed in death, her blood cold and congealed in her veins made his chest ache so bad he could barely take a breath.

  It occurred to him she hadn’t questioned his belief about Lizzie’s death. That she’d accepted what he’d said. Of course, given the dreams she’d experienced, it seemed pretty obvious that one way or another, Lizzie’s spirit had been determined to tell her story. As equally determined as she’d been to ensure that Beth didn’t again fall victim to the evil that was Dan Henderson.

  Even though Henderson couldn’t hurt Beth any more, Ryan still wanted to wrap her up and stow her safely away. It was unnerving. He’d never felt like that before. Not about anyone. But he had no right and nor would she welcome such a thing, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time since she’d been taken away in the ambulance. She’d been leaving him last night. Leaving Riverbend. Without a word or a note. And it hurt more than he liked to admit.

  Gentle fingers wrapped around his hand and dragged his attention back to the pale woman sitting in the bed. Livid bruises showed on her forehead, her cheekbone, her throat. Rage bubbled deep inside. How dare Henderson have lifted a finger to her? What made him think he had the right? Ryan drew in a deep breath, held it, let it go slowly. The man was gone. He couldn’t hurt Beth anymore. She was free.

  Beth’s fingers tightened and he wrapped his free hand around hers. She looked at their hands together, then looked up at him.

  “The house, is it gone?”

  “It may as well be. The parts that are still standing are so unstable now we’re going to have to bulldoze the lot.”

  “Everything was lost?”

  He nodded. “Everything we hadn’t already trucked to the storage unit in town. Why, did you leave something of yours there?”

  “I did, except for my run money.”

  “Run money?”

  Understanding dawned. That’s why she went back to the house that night instead of simply hitting the road.

  “I kept it in the flour bin. I think I’d just put it in my pocket when Dan found me, but that part’s a bit hazy now, when I try and think back. Do you know where my clothes are? If I still have it?”

/>   Ryan looked around and spied a large paper bag stamped “Patient Property”, in the corner. “Maybe they’re in there.”

  He limped over to the bag and brought it back to Beth and watched as she opened it and dragged her clothes onto the bed. The scent of smoke filled his nostrils. For a second, he was there again, in the fire, confronting Henderson. Fearing for Beth’s life like he’d never feared for another’s life before.

  Ryan shifted uncomfortably, weariness pulling at every muscle in his body. He didn’t want to deal with this emotional shit. He just wanted a hot shower and clean sheets. Hell, even dirty sheets would do as long as he could get horizontal and catch some sleep and stop thinking so damn much.

  “Oh, thank God!”

  Beth’s grateful exclamation brought him to his senses. A fat envelope lay in her hands and tears of relief trickled down her cheeks.

  “You found what you were looking for, then?”

  “Yes. Without this, I pretty much have nothing.”

  You have me. The words appeared in the back of his mind as if they’d been painted there in foot high letters. He mentally wiped them out of existence. Beth wouldn’t want someone like him. Hell, he didn’t even deserve to be in a relationship with anyone so why had he even thought that.

  “That’s good. You’re a free woman now. You can go wherever you want to.”

  Beth’s gaze snapped to his face. She looked startled, almost hurt. She looked away.

  “Yes, that’s right. Although I haven’t seen my bill from the hospital yet.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve taken care of it.” Like I’ll take care of you, if you let me.

  The door to her room swung open and a doctor and a nurse entered.

  “If we could have a moment or two with Ms. Campbell?” the doctor said, reaching for the flip chart at the end of Beth’s bed.

  “Yeah, sure.” Ryan nodded in the man’s direction and limped from the room.