Trading Teams

by Alexander, Romeo

He refuses to let that happen. Not after he's finally managed to tear them down. So he smiles, head tilting to the side. His shirt is held in his hands, but he makes no move to put it on. "Because I wanna see you again," he says, letting some of his amusement show, but also hoping it comes across as genuine as he feels. "I wanna take you out on a date."

  Kyle turns around further, clutching his shirt to his chest. His frown deepens. "I... I don't think that's a good idea."

  Jake feels his face fall, confusion dampening the budding giddiness. "What?"

  Kyle shakes his head, "No." He pulls his shirt over his head, tugging down the hem of it and averting his eyes, focusing too much on straightening out his shirt. "No, that's not a good idea."

  Jake feels it like a stab to his chest. Panic flickers through his veins, making his limbs feel tingly and light while at the same time being leaden. It's a strange feeling. One that he's not familiar with. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't think he's ever been rejected.

  But after the wave of distress settles, he takes a good look at Kyle. He sees how stiff his posture is and how strained his expression is. He sees the worry in his eyes and the way he bites his bottom lip. He sees the way he won't make eye contact and the way his fingers fiddle with his shirt.

  It's a rejection, but Kyle is clearly torn about it. He looks worried and nervous. And that's when it clicks for Jake: Kyle's uncertainty about admitting to his sexuality, desire for privacy, fear of being seen by people they know.

  He's not rejecting Jake because he doesn't like him, but because he's afraid of getting hurt.

  It makes Jake's heart ache for a whole new set of reasons. The cold, sharp pain in his chest melts into something warmer.

  "Hey." He steps forward, reaching for Kyle. The boy flinches when Jake's hand comes down on his shoulder, but he doesn't pull away. Jake takes him by both shoulders, turning him to face him. "Look at me," he says gently, and slowly Kyle tilts his head to look up at him through his lashes, lip still caught between his teeth. "You know I didn't just mess around with you just because, right?" Kyle looks away, and one of Jake's hands slips from his shoulder, knuckles going beneath his chin and gently tilting his head back up. He meets those uncertain eyes and smiles. "I actually like you, Kyle," he says, voice soft and breathless in the truth of it. It feels good to say aloud. It feels good to admit to himself. He feels his insides bubble with the giddiness of it. "I feel like I can be myself around you, and you don't judge me for it. I like being with you, and I'd... I'd like to explore that."

  Kyle's eyes drift closed as he takes in a shaking breath. One hand comes up to Jake's arm, fingers closing around his wrist. Not pulling it away, but clinging to it, grounding himself. "I... I do, too." He admits it with a voice that shakes, but it feels like the same kind of relief that Jake had experienced. "I feel the same way, but..." His eyes open, uncertainty in their depths as he gazes up at Jake. "It's just... complicated."

  Jake smiles, a fluttering in his chest that feels like hope. "Not that complicated." His hand slips from Kyle's chin, cupping his jaw in his palm as his fingers slip into his hair. Kyle tilts his head into it, and Jake feels his heart clench before it beats into overtime. "I like you. You like me. Go on a date with me."

  Kyle sighs, breath squeezing from his lungs and rushing past his lips, body sagging in defeat. "Okay."

  "Okay?"

  "Okay." Kyle looks up at him, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, even as exhaustion hangs beneath his eyes. "On two conditions." Strength comes back into his voice and his posture, expression hardening with that familiar confidence that Jake has seen during tutoring. It makes something inside him flutter as he distantly wonders what it would be like if this commanding side of Kyle was slipping into the bedroom, tearing off his clothes and pushing him down and riding him— "One, we go somewhere away from town and away from campus. And two, we... take it slow. I don't wanna go fast. Can we just... see how we feel tomorrow?"

  Jake's smile is wide and uninhibited, a bubbling exuberant excitement coursing through his veins, giving him a high that's hard to duplicate. "I know the perfect place." He leans down, pressing his forehead to Kyle's, loving the way he can hear the boy's breath hitch. His thumb gently caresses his cheek. "And we'll take it day by day."

  He kisses Kyle. It's chaste and sweet, but firm enough and lingering long enough to really feel the other boy's lips. To memorize the way their lips fit together and to feel the way Kyle stiffens before immediately relaxing, leaning into him just enough that Jake knows he wants it, too.

  He pulls away far too soon, knowing that if he doesn't, he'll never be able to leave. A smirk curves his lips as he's left looking at Kyle's dazed expression, eyes lidded, and lips parted, leaning forward as if he were chasing Jake's retreat. Jake's thumb brushes his cheek one more time before his hand falls. "I'll text you after practice."

  He leaves before Kyle can fully gather himself, pride and glee bursting in his chest at leaving the boy in such a state. The smile never leaves his face all the way back to his apartment.

  * * *

  "Hey, Jakey boy!" Marcus is there the moment Jake steps into the locker room. At the announcement of his name, a few of his other teammates lift their heads, calling out their greetings before going back to changing and checking their phones.

  "Hey, dude." Jake offers his fist, which Marcus readily bumps with his own as Jake steps up next to him, opening his locker and tossing his bag inside. He's already changed and ready for practice, but he pulls out his cleats, sitting down on the bench as he kicks off his sneakers.

  "Where were you last night?" Marcus asks, sitting down next to him with his own cleats.

  "Yeah, man, you were just MIA all night." Steve closes his locker, leaning against it with his arms crossed. "We tried calling and texting you, but you didn't pick up."

  "The girls from apartment three were throwing a party and invited us down," Marcus says as he laces up his own cleats. "Total babes. Totally your type. They kept asking about you. Heard about you and Cindi breaking up."

  "I was out," he says simply, slipping his feet into his cleats, starting to lace them up.

  Marcus snorts, nudging his arm with his shoulder. "Yeah, no shit. Where were you? You didn't come home at all."

  "Did you get some?" Steve asks, and hands drop onto Jake's shoulders as Steve squeezes them. "Oh my god, you did, didn't you? You dog. Who is she? Anyone we know?"

  "I wasn't out with a chick," Jake snaps, shrugging Steve off his shoulders. He steels himself, sitting up a little straighter and preparing to tell them straight up. If this is going to be part of him, they're just going to have to accept it. And he'll take whatever teasing comes.

  But as he opens his mouth, Kyle's face comes floating into his mind's eye, worried and nervous, and the words die on his tongue. His mouth snaps shut, lips pursing as he looks back down to hastily tie his shoes. Kyle doesn't want to be outed, and Jake has to respect that.

  "I was just... out with a friend."

  There's a beat of silence before he hears Steve echo, "A friend?"

  "You have friends besides us?" Marcus says it like a jab, teasing and light, but there's a layer of confusion there. One of suspicion.

  Something inside him twists, and the giddiness he had felt the entire way here starts to sour. It tangles up inside him, making his breath come short and his heartbeat too loud. Would they even understand if he told them? Would they treat him differently? Would they judge him? They're his friends, and he loves them, but would it change things?

  He likes Kyle. He really likes Kyle. Even now, he's looking forward to seeing him later. He still feels haunted by the kisses shared and the need to have more. Like what they had wasn't enough. A pleasant heat rolls through him at the thought of kissing Kyle and the memory of his face twisted in pleasure.

  He can't deny that he likes Kyle and that he's extremely attracted to Kyle, but now that the giddiness has calmed down a little, he realizes he's not entirely certain
if he wants to be out either. He's still ridiculously attracted to Kyle, but he's not exactly sure how he feels about this.

  "Don't worry about it," he says, pushing himself to his feet and starting for the door. He doesn't turn around, but he knows his roommates are looking at him like he's crazy. He can feel the weight of their stares. "We'll get laps again if we're late to practice."

  Even now, he would rather skip practice to get back to Kyle, which is a realization that hits him hard. Baseball is his life and his passion and realizing that he'd rather skip it to be with a boy is surprising. And he wonders if he should take it as a warning sign.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It feels like a waking dream. A daze surrounds him, he feels unsteady on his feet, and his limbs feel light and tingling. His heart flutters in his chest, unable to find a steady tempo. As he sits down at his desk, afraid his legs will give out beneath him. One hand lightly traces along his lips. He swears he can still feel the ghost of warmth from Jake's kiss.

  His kiss.

  Holy shit, Jake kissed him. Several times? Oh man, it was several times. And this morning— Oh god. They— they got each other off. They showered together. He not only saw Jake naked, but he touched him, washed him, and pressed his body against him.

  Kyle's hand slides down from his lips, gripping the front of his shirt as his breath comes short. It still feels like a dream, but it's settling into his gut that it was real. It just seems so impossible and surreal. Jake likes him? Jake actually wanted to— wants to— touch him? Wants to take him out on a date?

  He must've stepped into some sort of alternate universe where things are topsy turvy because this is just too strange.

  Still, he can't say he didn't enjoy it, or that he won't continue to enjoy it. So he might as well let himself enjoy it, right?

  He sighs, long and shaky, body deflating as he turns to face his desk. He just needs a distraction, that's all. Something to keep himself from dwelling on this and all the things that could go wrong before he works himself up into an anxiety attack. If that happens, he'll no doubt get too overwhelmed with doubts and end up cancelling the date. And he really doesn't want to cancel the date.

  He opens his laptop, going through the familiar and habitual motions of pulling up all his game editing programs. It's comforting to see the familiar displays fill his screen, the familiar lists and numbers and designs. Right. This is his world. Where everything happens by design and there are no surprises. He controls everything here.

  He throws himself into it, letting his mind hone in and focus on the same problems that he's been trying to solve as of late. The damage calculations are coming along better, but there are a few bugs in a few instances that still need to be worked out. He just has to run a long list of simulations and possibilities so he can pin point all the anomalies, and once he has a list of the anomalies, he can start to sift through them and look for the common denominator to solve a majority of the problems before going along the outliers and figuring out just what numbers seem to be throwing off his algorithms—

  His stomach rumbles loudly, twisting enough that he sits back, torn from his thoughts. One hand automatically goes to his stomach, resting on it as the wave of hunger rolls over him. Oh. Right. He hasn't eaten yet today. He can feel the pin pricks and pressure of a headache building, no doubt from dehydration from last night, so he should probably eat something so he can take some painkillers. He doesn't have a lot of food in his dorm, but he doesn't really want to leave to go out.

  He's pulled from his thoughts when the door opens, and Jasper stumbles back into the room. His eyes are bloodshot and drooping, bags under them and looking exhausted. His body hunches, feet dragging, his clothes a mess. Really, he looks no different than he usually does when he comes home on a Sunday hungover.

  "Hey," Kyle says, more out of reflex than anything else. He and Jasper have always had an easy camaraderie.

  Jasper, however, doesn't look at him, just grumbles an irritable, "Hey," as he drops his bag to the floor. He stretches his arms over his head, groaning as his back pops before his body collapses again. He shuffles over to his dresser to rummage through it, and Kyle turns back to his laptop.

  He's not too worried about it. Jasper is rarely talkative when he comes back after a weekend. After learning what it means to be truly drunk, Kyle can't blame him. If Jake hadn't been there to wake him up, he might've been in the same state.

  His cheeks warm at the thought of this morning, and he shakes his head, forcing himself to focus on the string of numbers on his screen.

  "So, uh..." Kyle looks up, blinking in surprise as Jasper hovers near his desk. He holds a pile of clothes in his hand and a towel is draped over his shoulder. He scratches the back of his neck, eyes averted. "Sorry, about last night, or whatever."

  He's clearly waiting for something, despite the fact that Kyle has no idea what he's talking about. What happened last night? Rather than ask, he just shifts in his seat, mutters an awkward, "Uh, it's okay."

  Jasper nods sharply before spinning on his heel and hurrying into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Kyle watches him go, uncertainty churning in his gut, mixing with the preexisting hollowness from hunger.

  On second thought, maybe leaving his dorm would be a good thing. Get some food. Put some distance between him and whatever awkwardness Jasper is experiencing. Hope that later it'll just be resolved. He packs up his laptop, grabs his wallet, and slips out the door as the sound of the shower starts up.

  The fresh air does wonders on his exhausted body. It feels cool and refreshing against his skin, which still feels heavy and gross from the night before, despite taking a shower. His eyes are heavy and tired, and the fresh air helps him feel more awake. It fills his lungs, breathing life back into his system, restarting him and rejuvenating him in a way he hadn't realized he'd been needing. Who knew fresh air was great for hangovers?

  He goes to the sandwich place in the cafeteria and gets a sub, a bottle of water, and heads back out to the quad. He finds a place against a tree, off to the side and free from the minimal crowd on the small field in the middle of campus. Campus feels dead at this time of day on a Saturday. Slow and lethargic, people moving about in a dreary daze as they attempt to wake up from a long, busy Friday night. It's peaceful.

  He pulls out his laptop, settling it on his lap and typing with one hand while he eats with the other. It's slow progress, but it's progress. A least a lot of his current work involves just analyzing data anyway, trying to pin point where the bugs slip through the algorithms.

  He's pulled from his thoughts when someone unceremoniously plops down next to him, and he whips around, staring at a girl with a side cut, long wavy hair, and a plethora of piercings. She's smiling at him, edges of her eyes crinkling with a knowing amusement. "Hey."

  Kyle gapes for a moment before his mouth snaps shut. His lips purse into a frown as he scowls, but it's done more in confusion than actual anger. "Uh, hi?"

  "You must be Kyle." She holds out her hand, and Kyle stares at it for a moment. Despite the strange amusement in her smile, it seems genuine enough, and her expression is open and earnest. He takes her hand hesitantly.

  "Uh, yeah. How do you know who I am?" Her handshake is firm and friendly.

  Her smile widens just a fraction, lifting her cheeks. "I'm Liddy, Jake's ex from like, high school." She leans forward, over their gripping hands, tilting her head to give him a little wink. "And I know you've got your own little arrangement with him right now."

  Kyle freezes, feeling his blood run cold even as heat rushes up his neck and onto his face. His body feels stiff, eyes widening as his jaw clenches. He thinks he might be squeezing her hand in his panic, but he can't be sure. Not when his blood is pounding through his veins and his heartbeat is loud in his ears. His vision tunnels in on her without really seeing her. His mind is just a broken record of, oh god, she knows, she knows, she knows, people know, how do people know, run, run, run.

  Before his flight in
stinct can fully manifest, she chuckles. The sound is soft and gentle, understanding and warm. Not at all mocking or malicious. It catches his attention, and he focuses on it, blinking as his brows furrow. Her other hand lays overtop his, forcing his grip to relax.

  "It's okay," she says, and it's low and gentle and makes his body automatically react to her words. "It's okay. He didn't say anything about it. I've just been teasing him about it, and you know... your reaction kind of confirmed my suspicions."

  He jerks his hand away, holding it to his chest as if he'd been burned. "I'm not— We're not— It's not like that!"

  She blinks, knees pulling up and arms moving to wrap around them. She hums, tilting her head to the side. He doesn't like how she's looking at him like she can see right through him. "But... you want it to be, right?"

  Kyle bites his lip, looking away.

  "Hey, hey, no judgement here." She chuckles, but somehow the sound is soothing rather than grating. "I have a girlfriend myself. She's beautiful, and I love her." Kyle looks at her sharply, and she smiles. "Yeah, I used to date Jake a long time ago, but we have no hard feelings. Now he's my best friend, and even though he denies it, I can read him like an open book."

  Kyle looks down, eyes on his keyboard but focus distant. "What..." He licks his lips, trying to take deep breaths. "What has he said about me?"

  She shrugs, waving a hand around vaguely. "Just that you're tutoring him, that you're super cute, and honestly, a bunch of other random little details that he wouldn't notice if he wasn't interested in you."

  Kyle feels the heat burn on his cheeks. A hand comes down on his shoulder, and he flinches, but he doesn't pull away. When he looks up at her shyly through his lashes, her smile is small and kind, almost pleading.

  "He's a good guy," she says softly.

  "I know," he whispers.

  "Just... give him a chance. He's a big oaf, and an idiot at times, but he means well. He's struggling with a lot right now, but I've never seen him actually interested in anyone before. Not like this. I don't know you, but from what I've heard, I think you'd be good for him."