Office Wars: Bathroom Politics

by James Patton

  Bran! Finn says to ask for sixty thousand annually and a no termination clause. Marcy said.

  “I agree to that for sixty thousand annually,” I said. I could tell that they were going to accept without hesitation. “And- my salary comes with a no termination clause.”

  Kim smiled, and I saw her nod slightly. Something passed between them because Thim turned to me and spoke.

  “Last thing. Our No Termination Clause comes with a stringent loyalty policy, which means you are ours and you cannot work for another corporation. When we require aid, such as Office Wars, you will be here.” Thim said and looked to his daughter. “Anything you want to add?”

  “Yes. The loyalty clause has Non-Disclosure Agreement associated with it.”

  “I understand that, but what about my assistant? Am I allowed to tell him?”

  “You still use that? Sure, no one can access it anyway, it's like asking us if you can tell your holo-pad. Who gives a shit what you say to-”

  “How the hell did you get an Artifact AI?” She asked.

  I shrugged, not wanting to share that information, or share that I had two of them. “Is that a yes?”

  “Yes, an AI assistant is still inaccessible by anyone else.” She said, but her eyes narrowed and the way her eyebrow rose let me know this conversation was not over.

  “If that is the final stipulation then I agree without countering,” I said and meant it.

  “Then we have a wager,” Thim said.

  A chime indicated an AI in Neuroma recorded the terms and conditions of the wager. It became a binding contract, and the Judge could use it to enforce it. For better or worse I made a deal with the devil.

  “You should know, I had nothing to do with picking you. I chose Bill from your floor, who made it through too by the way, and he is a Suit.” Thim told me.

  “Good for that loser. Bill will not make it because he is a yes man. He is just trying to kiss your ass.”

  At this Kim started laughing and even snorted a few times. It was adorable in an evil seductress ripping my face off and letting me bleed all over her-

  Woah, what the fuck Finn? I thought to myself. Finn had some seriously deviant sexual appetites. Kim was beautiful, but I was in no way sexually attracted to her. A little too intense for me.

  “Explain that,” Thim said and I took a second to get back into the conversation.

  “Did you not watch the game? Suits were getting torn apart, and it was like it was open season on-”

  “Not that, I mean why will Bill fail?”

  “If the rest of the game plays as that one did, then contenders will need to adapt, and Bill does nothing without being told. I doubt he has a unique thought in his head. Ever.” I said.

  Kim laughed even harder.

  “Enough daughter,” Thim growled.

  “Oh no, not even close. I told you the same exact thing.” She was breathing heavy but had the laughter under control. “To top it off, my contender asked for a salary. Which is so far outside the box neither one of us saw it coming. Bran probably got a better deal than we were going to offer.”

  “Not to break up this spat, but why?” I realized they had manipulated me.

  “Are you aware that most corporations have obligations towards Odditek?” Kim asked.

  I knew some of the stories from Vicky but shook my head no.

  “Did not think so, an obligation is an advancement of human knowledge. It can take any form, the larger the corporation, the more obligations they have. To prevent espionage, theft, and death, Odditek introduced Office Wars and any dealings outside of Neuroma is dealt with harshly.”

  “So you want me to go into the real world to kill someone?” I asked and held in a chuckle.

  “What the fuck is with you and killing things?” Thim asked, and the look on his face almost caused me to laugh and lose my dead eye stare. “Seriously, I do not even like to use the ‘F’ word. You make me want to fucking hurt you.”

  You gained +1 to Provoke. Your Provoke skill is now 3.

  “If you boys are done playing, and Bran, no killing. You do not want to hear the boring shit. The interesting part is if a company fails in their obligations, then they have to compete in Office Wars as a contender.”

  “So I am playing alongside CEOs?” Already knew this, but I wanted to see where this was going.

  “Yes. The ‘War’ part is when a CEO is discovered, it turns into a battlefield. Corporate takeovers are inevitable, and any contender that is involved in killing a CEO gains a portion of that corporation for their sponsor.” Kim said.

  “So kill CEOs, a lot of them,” I said smiling, and Thim sighed but said nothing. Kim eyed me like an apple at a farmer’s market.

  You gained +1 at flirting. Your Flirting skill is now -24. Woah tiger, slow down.

  Ass! I told the AI but could not stop the smile.

  “You may not be aware of this, but there is a council among the corporations,” Kim told me. “Finding a CEO in Office Wars is of much more strategic value than killing them.”

  “I get it. You can bargain with information and gain political favors. Not sure that answers my original question.” I said but I had no way to quantify the value of knowing a CEO’s name in the game, but it could literally destroy a corporation.

  “You still think you are getting a way better deal, but this year we suspect almost thirty CEOs are competing. More than any year to date.”

  That perked me up because that seemed like a lot.

  Marcy, can you find out which corporations are in the game? I asked.

  Already on it, and recording everything, so Finn and I will sort it out for you. Marcy said.

  Thanks.

  “That seems like a lot. Is this political or some kind of boycott?” I asked.

  “Does not matter, at least for you. Just play well, and we all benefit. A strong contender also gives us bargaining power.”

  “So if I succeed, I am like your prize hog. Everyone can look, but now no one can touch?”

  “The little piggy does have a brain after all,” Thim said sarcastically.

  “Bite me.”

  “Oink.”

  You have learned to play the Banjo.

  You are a twisted individual. That is just not right on so many levels. I was internally crying with laughter and trying not to squeal like a pig.

  “You two are like five-year-olds,” Kim said biting her lip.

  “So why the bet then?”

  “Motivation,” Thim said. “Our original deal would have been sufficient, but you chose to wager. I do like to gamble.”

  They were both smiling at me now, and I know I missed something. The confusion must have been apparent because Thim shook his head at me.

  “What happens when you reach the final 25%?” Thim asked.

  “I make ten times my rate for the day,” I said and then realized what I had just said. “Holy shit.”

  You gained +1 to Observation. Observation is now 4.

  “Got it one, ten times a per diem rate,” Kim clarified. “Our analytics told us you would continue to play in your careless way, which will not do. We need your undivided attention.”

  “You have it,” I said a bit too quickly. “So to sum it up. You want me to win so we all benefit. I win, the company has a repeat competitor, bargaining power, and just general good PR. Locate CEOs in the game to help solidify your power. All of this gains you political clout with the Council, other corporations, and possibly Odditek. I miss anything?”

  “No, and if it helps, this is just an investment. I doubt anyone would want you as a Serf.” Thim said. “If you get the salary, win or lose, then you played an impressive game, and we have a think tank of experts on Office Wars that you would join.”

  “That about covers it,” Kim said.

  “I still think you are a dick for not picking a Suit,” Thim said as he logged out of Varil and disappeared.

  Kim looked at me and hesitated for a second.

  “Despit
e his attitude, he does actually like you. He is very good at reading people and predicting what they will do. He has a hard time with you because you are unexpected, even if you are predictable.”

  “That honestly just hurt my head. What the fuck did that even mean?” I asked.

  “You just do shit in your way, but you are predictable if anyone takes a moment to think like you. You rely heavily on instinct and could care less about decorum or the traditional way to do something.” Kim said. “It is why I bet on you because you are going to piss a lot of people off.”

  She is not far off. Marcy said, and I could feel her giggling against my arm.

  “That is all I have for you. However, you and I have unfinished business.”

  Her hand entwined in my hair, and she yanked back hard. Her teeth sunk into my shoulder before she straddled me on the chair. The skin parted and intense pain shot up my neck, and as she pulled away from my shoulder, I saw Kim’s blood smeared face. I was afraid and knew she was far from done.

  Keep her busy while I go snooping. Marcy said, but she was laughing so hard inside my head. Marcy fell to the ground and could not move, but Kim was too busy destroying my body to notice.

  Fucking Finn! What have you done? I mentally shouted. Then I cried out for real as Kim produced a letter opener and cut me several times. Then she started to cut away my clothes so she could rake her nails across my exposed flesh.

  My shirt and pants were nearly shredded exposing my undergarments, but she could not harm those. Odditek rules prohibited any forceful sexual encounter, but there were a few loopholes.

  I felt her lips on mine, and their firmness was unexpected. Her teeth caught my lip as she pulled away, and I tasted blood in my mouth. Her eyes consumed me as she stared down at me, and her tongue flicked out tasting my blood on her lips. She released my hair and gripped my jaw, and smiled sweetly at me.

  Kim Rahn successfully used Bound on you. The duration is thirty minutes unless you die or a guard releases you. While afflicted, you may not move except when she allows it.

  Flirting +1. Flirting is now -23.

  Seriously, how does that help? I pleaded with the AI, hoping it would do something that actually benefitted me.

  Stamina +5. Your Stamina is now 33.

  Physical activities now require 3% less stamina. You will gain a 0.001C raise during your next review. Which is right now…

  Agility +5. Your Agility is now 7.

  Funny. I told the AI.

  I wanted to laugh, but Kim’s other hand reached back, and my eyes followed it. The hand moved past the soft curves of her hips, and the thin fabric of her pants left little to the imagination. Her hips distracted me for a moment until I felt her fingers pinch my inner thigh hard. A gasp escaped my torn lips, but I was no longer sure if it was pain or pleasure.

  I tried to shift my body from under her, but I could only move my head and face. A throaty laughed bubbled from deep within her as she saw me struggle against my invisible restraints. There was no doubt in my mind that she was more than just a sadist.

  My jaw bone creaked under the death grip she had on it, and when I tried to pull free Kim’s fingernails dug into my cheek. Her face came close, and her nose softly nuzzled my cheek, and I felt her warm moist breath against my face.

  I fought it, the arousal, and I tried to think of everything and anything that was not sexual. The combination of pleasure and pain made it hard to concentrate on anything but her. She knew me better than I did, and while my head screamed no, my body was saying hell yes.

  “We had a deal. Remove your undergarments and allow me my pleasure. I will even reward you.” She purred into my ear, and I could not stop myself from obeying. Finn struck a deal, and I could not refuse her. The interface opened, and my avatar lost all under clothes, but my ripped pants and shirt were still hanging from my already abused body.

  I will never talk about the things that happened in the next thirty minutes, but I am pretty sure they did not stop even after I died.

  Chapter 2

  Milk Carton

  Loading, please wait…

  Bran, welcome back to Neuroma!

  My mind was gone for several moments, and I toppled like a felled tree the moment I spawned into my virtual room. I was so out of it I did not even register the pain of my head hitting the floor.

  Finn helped me up, but he was at a loss for words.

  “What the hell happened man?” Finn asked, but Marcy came crawling out of nowhere, and she was laughing so hard and could not talk to explain.

  “You are a dick,” I said, right before I launched myself at him and we both crashed into the desk. Several of the chests in my room were knocked over, but their contents stayed put.

  My head crashed into his and then we fell to the ground.

  “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” Finn asked, and I registered the concern and then started laughing. “Seriously, knock it off, you are freaking me the fuck out.”

  “Come here,” I told him has I reached over and grabbed him. I initiated the memory sharing thing, and in all the years I had known Finn I had never done that. I did not have Finn’s finesse with the process.

  “Oh wow, I missed all that?” Finn asked. “That was incredible, I knew I should have found her and carried out my end of the bargain.”

  “Are you insane? You wanted that?” I asked. Marcy was still laughing. “And I think I broke your fiance.”

  “Fuck you, she is not my fiance,” Finn said, and Marcy instantly stopped laughing. We both looked over at her, and those beautiful blue rings of electricity that made up the color of her eyes had sparks jumping out of them. It was freaky, but when the color started changing red, the mood in the room shifted quickly.

  “Quick, make her happy!” I said to him.

  “What I meant was I have not officially proposed yet. So you are not my fiance yet!” Finn mumbled. “Right Bran?”

  “Oh no, you don’t. I just got sexually abused because of you, you are on your own asshole.”

  “Seriously? You know you enjoyed that, I did you a favor.” Finn said.

  “How is that a favor, what am I going to tell Vicky?”

  “How about nothing? You just met her, you do not owe her any explanation, and you two are not a thing yet.”

  “I am going to agree with Finn on this,” Marcy said, the crazy angry spurned woman thing was gone.

  Could an AI be bipolar? I wondered.

  “You two had sex.” Marcy was saying. “I give Finn hell, but if it were him that had just slept with the boss lady, it would not have mattered. I just like messing with him.”

  “Besides, it is not like you had a choice. Kim called in my debt, you could not refuse without going to the Judge, and that would have caused a shit storm.” Finn said. “As far as they are concerned you made the deal.”

  “Ok, well no more deals with the boss lady. Actually, no more deals with any crazy women. Ever.”

  “Fine. I can do that.”

  “Liar,” Marcy said.

  “Not to change the subject, but why is the Varil AI communicating with you? It should not be able to do that.” Finn asked.

  “It is not talking to me directly. He has been doing it for as long as I have worked there. You never noticed all the skill ups he was giving me?”

  “Was not paying attention to it, was seeing it like background noise, but now that you point it out, holy hell,” Finn said.

  “I talked to him briefly. He can read intentions and projected thoughts, but cannot openly communicate with anyone. It finds Bran entertaining.” Marcy said.

  “It's what I do. Ok, I am logging off, and Finn?”

  “Yes?”

  “No more crazy women,” I told him, and Marcy started laughing again. I looked over at her. “Except for her.”

  I heard Finn laughing as I logged out.

  The lid to the pod lifted up, and I stepped out, half expecting Vicky to be there handing me a towel. She was not. I toweled off and checke
d the balcony and bathroom, but she was nowhere to be found.

  “Odd,” I muttered. I opened the balcony doors and did not care that I had no clothes on. I peered out across the city seeing if I could spot any movement. Only the robots moved about their silent tasks.

  Her disappearance left me troubled. I got dressed and looked through my things to see if anything was missing, and noticed my handgun was gone.

  Where did you go? I thought to myself.

  My encounter with Kim still had me traumatized, and Vicky’s disappearance had me jumping to conclusions not based in reality. I checked my counter, fridge, and table tops for a note, but there was nothing. After about an hour or two of frantic behavior, I started to worry.

  The holo-pad was still in its cradle, so I loaded it up and tried to pull up Finn. He was not responding, but maybe I could reach out to Marcy now that she was registered to me.

  “Yea?” She answered right away.

  “Marcy, it's me. Finn around?”

  “He said something about following a lead. What’s up?”

  “Vicky is gone.”

  “So I have you to myself?” Marcy said grinning.

  “Wha-what?” I asked.

  “Calm down, I don’t bite,” She said but could not keep a straight face. “Too easy. One sec, I am getting Finn.”

  “Bran? Everything ok?” Finn asked looking around. “Where is Vicky?”

  “That is why I called,” I said. “My handgun is missing, and Vicky is nowhere to be found. I think she has been gone for hours. Where did Marcy go?”

  Finn paused and stared at me for several long moments. Then he sighed, and somehow his default orb shape slumped.

  “I cannot catch a break today. First, you get the crazy lady, and I had to turn on the Focus, and now I have to initiate the first of several protocols we setup.”