Office Wars: Bathroom Politics

by James Patton

  “Anyway, can we get back to the game? I do not want to be here all night.” Bob said. “Onion and Alexa, you are on scouting duty. Hmm actually, Onion you scout, and Alexa you use that tablet thing and look for anything that might help us. The rest of you, get weapons ready and we start searching the rooms for clues.”

  I crept down the hall and peered around corners relying on my upgraded invisibility and indicator to help keep me hidden. No one was around, not even Drones.

  I drew arrows on corners to help me mark my way, but for the most part, there was nothing around until I came to a metal door. It reminded me of one of those in the elemental puzzle chamber; only this one had a small window high enough to peer into it. Curiosity warred with caution, and eventually, curiosity won out. I peeked.

  It was smoked glass so I could not see very clearly. Not to mention the door was warm to the touch. It was the warmth that bothered me, but I was not quite sure why. I found myself shuddering and backing away slowly until my back bumped into a wall, which caused me to gasp. I do not know how long I stood there staring.

  My daze finally ended when I heard another group coming down one of the other halls. I moved away and back towards where my group was, and once I was around the corner, I stopped. My heart was racing, but I had no idea why.

  I waited there and kept my eye on the door to see if the other group would notice. If they did notice, I was curious if they would attempt to open it. I doubted they would miss the door, it stood out prominently among the repetitive looking hallways.

  As they came in sight, my indicator still had its eye closed, which meant I currently remained hidden. Part of me did not want them to open the door, because whatever was inside frightened me. There was no way I was going to miss this, despite my fear. I was already shaking, because the fear was rooted deep in my mind and blood.

  “Hey, look!” The male Suit said pointing towards the door, and the two females with him followed his lead. Other than the Suit, I had no idea what the two females were playing. The brown haired woman shied away from the door, so I assumed she had high perception.

  “Uh, I do not think we should open that.” She said, but the guy waved her back.

  “Do not worry so much; I got this.” The Suit said giving her a devil may care smile.

  Why were they all such egocentric bastards? I wondered.

  “Seriously, do not open it.” She said, and the other woman with her started backing away now too.

  The Suit grabbed the large metal handle and shoved it upward disengaging the lock. A screech unlike anything I have ever heard was emanating from the open doorway. To his credit, the Suit tried to shut the door and re-engage the lock, but a claw had already reached out and gripped the doorjamb.

  Silvered nails punched through the wall as it gripped it and the jamb splintered. Through the gap in the top of the door, the other claw reached up through gripped the top of the door. The claw bent the metal. As I watched in awe and horror, the beast’s claw sliced through the solid metal door, and tore the door in half. Longways.

  Where the fuck was that thing hiding when I looked in there? I thought. My second thought was- How in the fuck do you kill that thing?

  The Suit still held the severed part of the door, and the beast slapped against it. Both door and Suit smashed against the wall hard enough that it cracked along its entire length. Pieces of drywall hit me in the face, as I ducked back.

  I peed myself. I knew it was a game, and the game manufactured the fear. It did not stop me from cowering and pissing myself. It was a miracle I did not run away in terror.

  Arrgh! I roared in my head, trying to psyche myself back up. It helped shake some of the fear away, but this was not a natural affliction. A status icon appeared in my interface.

  You have the status Fear.

  Fear - This affliction causes you to lose control of yourself temporarily. You will not be able to act or react, however all passive abilities are unaffected. Duration is 10 seconds, and this affliction can stack up to 60 seconds. Fear uses a Perception check, if it fails you run uncontrollably in the opposite direction.

  Perception check succeeded.

  Peeking around the corner, I saw the Suit still in the wall. The door was mostly inside the wall too, but one corner of it cut through the Suit’s leg. The Suit was going nowhere, and the two girls that were with him must have failed their perception check because they were no longer around.

  The beast came out of the door cautiously, and it tested the air looking towards me. My indicator told me I was still invisible, but right now I did not trust it.

  The monster was the size of a horse but built more like a lizard. Its gray mottled skin was smooth like a salamander, but its eyes resembled a hawk with a golden ring surrounding its ink black pupils. I expected a tail, but it did not have one, and it moved rather awkwardly. Its face sloped down into a rounded shape, and its forked tongue flicked out revealing several semi-circles of sharpened teeth. The teeth were like its claws and were coated, or made of, a silvery metal substance. I had no doubt in my mind its teeth could tear through steel like its claws just did.

  As it approached the Suit, it sniffed, and I saw two slits, that were easily missed, right above its lip open as it inhaled. Then its head tilted sideways reminding me of a bird peering at prey.

  Almost faster than I could see, it lunged forward. Its jaws came down taking out the wall and the top of the man in one bite. The sharp claws cut right through the ball joints of the Suit’s shoulders. Both arms fell to the ground, no longer attached to the body. The top part of the torso that remained looked like ground beef with ribs sticking out of it. The entire upper half of the man’s body was gone.

  Vomit came to my throat, but I choked it back. I hoped the heaving sound did not alert the creature.

  I saw the beast’s throat constricting like it wanted to swallow the head and shoulders, but it gagged and spit it up instead. The fear consumed me again, driving me to inaction. The man’s head bounced and landed close to me, and while I watched, its eyes rotated to look at me. The poor fucker was not dead yet, and he was close enough to spot me.

  Afraid to even breathe I just watched and hoped the beast went after the women. I know that was not very chivalrous of me, but fuck chivalry. They opened the god damned door.

  There was a scream down the other hall, and I assumed one of the females came back to check after her fear wore off. My patience won out as the thing turned and started chasing them down. I could hear the floor shredding under its claws as it ran off, and as soon as it was out of sight, the crippling fear let up. I let out a gasp and backed around the corner. A part of me decided I needed to check the room, a very idiotic part.

  “Oh man, what the fuck am I doing?” I whispered again and again as I crept up to the door and looked into the now vacant room.

  The room still felt warm, and I realized the glass had not been fogged deliberately, this room was like a terrarium. In the back of the room was what I had hoped to find, a doorway. I was positive this was our exit out of this section and hopefully away from whatever the hell those asshats just released.

  I rushed back towards my group and found them in the middle of a scuffle with another player.

  “Knock it off!” I said urgently, and everyone stopped to stare at me. “It's behind me isn’t it?”

  Fungi started laughing his ass off and had tears coming out of his eyes. “No shithead, you scared the crap out of us.”

  “Oh thank fucking god. We need to go. Now!” I said firmly. “Someone released a guardian beast, and I was too scared to scan it. We can discuss it in the next section.”

  “Wait, you found the way out of this area already?” Bob asked. “And did you pee yourself?”

  Everyone looked to the front of my pants, and I did not care.

  “Yes and yes. Talk later, let’s fucking go before that damn thing finds us.”

  “Calm down bed wetter.” The stranger said smirking at me.

  “Fuck
you. You have no idea what I just fucking saw, and I have no idea who the fuck you are. I am telling you, once that thing kills the idiots that released it, it will come for us. I cannot be certain, but I think it has my scent.”

  We were at an intersection of halls, and down one of the ones we had not explored yet, players were running like a mad stampede. They were knocking each other over to get away.

  “Ok, seriously what the hell is-” Bob stopped talking, they all did as they saw the black lizard thing ripping up the floor as it chased down the fleeing players. “Never mind. Onion get us the fuck out of here.”

  Finally, they were getting it. I took off running and tried to keep my pace slow, but the fear was still in my head, and it scared the shit out of me. I kept expecting it to come charging out at any intersection we crossed. We could hear screaming and all kinds of mayhem and did not even bother to turn around to see what was going on.

  As we approached the steel door, we all slowed down. My group was processing the shredded door, half of which was sticking out of the wall. Then they saw the Suit and visibly paled.

  The random player followed us, but this time we did not try to stop him. I went into the terrarium and made it to the other door. Opening it revealed a very narrow passageway into what looked like an electrical closet. The left wall had metal sheeting, gauges, and levers.

  Only Fungi seemed interested in them, and more power to him. The only good thing about this place was that the beast could not fit in here. I had no doubt, given time, it could shred its way through, but by then, we should have already vacated the area.

  “Ok, what the fuck was that?” Bob asked.

  “You know as much as I do. I spotted that door, and when I tried to peek into the glass, it was all fogged up. When I touched the door, I- fear. I have been afflicted with a fear status in other games, but this was strange irrational fear.”

  “That thing is overpowered as all hell.” Fungi said. “Did you see the way its claws were tearing up everything they touched?”

  “Anyway, I was getting ready to leave and find you guys, and I had already decided I was not going to mention the door. Then I heard another group coming and stayed to watch. You saw the aftermath of its escape. I am not afraid to admit I peed myself. Seriously, it afflicted me with Fear, and must emit some pheromone or chemical or something. I could not even control myself until it moved away from me.”

  “That is seriously fucked up. Why did it not just escape on its own?” Fungi said.

  “Who the hell knows, probably territorial and only becomes a predator when you violate its sanctum.” The random player said. “Either way, thanks for letting me tag along. Here keep the item, I figure that makes us even.” Then he went off on his own.

  “What was that about?” I asked.

  “Scalpel. Here Nevi. It looks like you get a weapon. Increases healing ability too, so it was kind of useless for that guy anyway.” Bob said. “Fungi, anything in this room aid us?”

  Nevi put the scalpel into her inventory.

  “Not really. Mostly looks like power kill switches, but not sure how that will help us. Just don’t touch anything. Pretty sure these things can kill us.”

  “That's a cheerful thought,” I muttered, and Fungi winked at me.

  “Zingo, any ideas?” Bob asked.

  “Nope, nothing really to analyze, we should just explore. It should not take us long.”

  Alexa was staring at the tablet and pointed off to our right. “We should go that way. Something is over there, but all this electrical equipment is interfering with my connection. I cannot be sure.”

  I shrugged at Bob when he looked at me because I did not have any better ideas.

  He moved ahead, but I noticed everyone had weapons out and ready. Not that I blamed them, the lizard thing still had me unsettled. About five minutes later and a few turns, we found an office. It had a lot of useless pieces of audio and visual equipment, but there was an electronic safe built into the wall.

  “Can you hack that?” Bob asked looking at it skeptically.

  “Probably,” Alexa said, tapping through her tablet.

  “Fungi watch the hall. Everyone else, look around for anything useful.”

  There were plenty of shelves full boxes, but it all looked like junk. There were a few other rooms, but they barely had room for a desk. I sorted through them and found a few scraps of paper, but nothing of any significance.

  As I was rifling through one of the drawers, I happened to look up to a shelf lining the wall by the door and saw a partially opened box. It did not look important, but it set my perception off.

  I stood up and grabbed it, and put it down on the desk. Pulling open the flaps, I removed a Styrofoam packing block and found a pair of goggles.

  Night Vision Goggles

  Allows the user to see in the dark. They also have a magnification function that allows the user to zoom in; the magnification feature works in light and dark.

  Charge left: 4 hours.

  Word of Advice: Just avoid dark places, only creepy things live in dark places.

  Well, that is neat. I thought to myself.

  The goggles did not have a head strap and looked more like binoculars, but definitely worth keeping. I carried them back into the main office area and handed them over to Bob, and watched as he inspected them.

  “Holy shit, these are awesome,” Bob said and then passed them around, there was some debate on what to do with them. The consensus was that I found them so I should hold on to them with the concession that if needed anyone could use them. Personally, I did not care, but then again I might if we ended up in a dark place.

  We all turned as we heard the safe click open.

  “Got it,” Alexa said.

  “Is that a taser?” Fungi asked.

  Taser

  This weapon uses single use cartridges to stun a person for up to five minutes. During which time the victim will damage anyone striking them. If you must strike a downed victim, use a board or a bat.

  Cartridges: 1

  Cartridges contain two electrodes and a micro battery that are fired out at your victim when you squeeze the trigger. You have to manually eject the cartridge when done and load the new one if you have one.

  Word of Advice: Don’t miss.

  “Alexa wielding a Taser, I like it!.” Fungi joked, but the flirting was awkward. I cringed inwardly a little, but no one else seemed to notice.

  “I agree, you opened the safe, all you. Hopefully, we can find more cartridges because that seems like a great escape weapon.” Bob said.

  “This was also in the safe.” She handed over a card which Fungi and I read over Bob’s shoulder.

  Monday: 2 & 5

  Tuesday: 3 & 4

  Wednesday: 1 & 7

  Thursday: 4 & 6

  Friday: 1 & 3

  Hank,

  Do not forget the combination. It is the only exit unless you use the north door. Do NOT use the north door unless you want to be little Hannah’s lunch.

  “That creature is called Hannah?” Fungi asked. “Seriously? Nothing cool like The Render, or Claw? Oh no, it's called Hannah, and we put dresses on her and little pink bow ties.”

  “You ok man?” Bob asked, and we were all staring at him like he had a third eye.

  I lost it after a few seconds because it got weird fast.

  What could I say? I say weird things or laugh in awkward situations, which had everyone turning to me like I too was crazy. Fungi laughed with me and we fist bumped.

  “Party on Wayne,” I told him.

  “Party on Garth.” He replied.

  “You two are fucked up,” Alexa said, which made us laugh harder.

  Chapter 7

  Bathroom Bonding

  We searched the entire electrical closet and Zingo was correct, it did not take us long. Oddly we could not find the player that followed us in, and I assumed he just exited out the door we came in. We were thinking about doing the same because we could not find a
nything that was coded one to seven, or that resembled an exit.

  “Maybe seven is arbitrary,” Zingo said.

  “Huh?” Bob grunted while gazing off into the distance.

  “We assume it is one to seven because seven is the highest number on the card. Maybe the number goes to nine or twenty-nine,” Zingo replied.

  “Not bad.” Bob was still not focusing on anyone, and I noticed something had been bothering him since the break.

  I was listening to the discussion, but my mind was elsewhere too. I found myself staring at the electrical boxes and their shut-off switches, and part of Zingo’s explanation penetrated my brain. I saw ten panels, and each had a kill switch.

  “I think Onion found it,” Alexa said pointing at the panels.

  “Yea, that would do it,” Zingo rubbed his chin, analyzing the boxes.

  “What is today?” Fungi asked while looking over Zingo’s shoulder at the card.

  “Tuesday,” Zingo said. “So three and four.”

  “Here goes nothing.” Fungi said walking over to the panels of levers and gauges. He flipped the lever, on the third panel from the left, to the off position. Nothing seemed to happen, and he looked at us and shrugged. Then moved to the fourth one and flipped that one off too.

  We were all plunged into darkness, and I heard people stumbling about and cursing. Those sounds were soon drowned out by the sound of metal sliding against metal, which penetrated my brain like nails on a chalkboard. Thankfully, the sound ended quickly, but it did leave a ringing in my ears.

  “Well shit, now we know what the goggles are for.” Fungi muttered as he stumbled about cursing.

  “Give me one minute, and I will take a look,” I reached into my inventory and pulled out the goggles. I pressed the neoprene eye cushions to my face but could not see anything. My hands slid across the various surfaces of the night vision goggles searching for the ‘on’ switch. I knew I found it when I heard a whining pitch sound as the electricity powered it up.