by L A Cotton
I’ll always love you, Lo... so fucking much. But I don’t ever want to be a burden to you. I couldn’t bear it. So I’m going to try... I’m going to give everything I can to rehab because what we have, the way I feel about you, it isn’t fleeting. It isn’t something I’ll ever get over. It’s forever love.
You’re my forever girl.
So while I know I’m in a bad place right now and I know I’ll probably change my mind when tomorrow rolls around, right here, right now, I’m asking you to wait for me...
So what do you say, London? Will you be there waiting on the other side of this thing?
Sobs wracked through me as I re-read every word, over and over. It was everything I’d wanted, everything I’d prayed to hear from him ever since he'd asked me to leave him that day.
I fumbled with my phone, hitting call. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to know he meant it.
“Hey,” he said, the word drenched in uncertainty.
“Hey.” I swallowed a fresh wave of tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry.”
“I do,” he choked out.
“Did you mean it?”
“Every single word. You’re it for me, Lo.”
“Thank God,” I breathed, not realising how much I’d needed to hear those words. “I thought—”
“I know,” Rick cut me off. “And I’m so sorry. I want to be strong and let you go... but the truth is, I need you, Lo. I need you so fucking much.”
“Maverick.” His name got stuck over the lump in my throat.
“I’m so scared,” he whispered.
“I’m right here, I’ll always be here.”
“What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m stuck like this forever?”
There was so much vulnerability and pain in his voice, it made my heart ache.
“We’ll get through it,” I said. “Together.”
He let out a strained breath. “I don’t feel like I have any right to ask this, not after how I treated you... but I really want to see you.”
Relief flooded me and I smiled. “I’m already on my way.”
I lingered in the corridor, staring at Maverick’s door. My heart galloped in my chest like a band of wild horses. I’d dreamed of this moment, and now it was here, I couldn’t take the first step.
“Lo?” Nurse Jennifer appeared. I hadn’t even seen her approach, too lost in all my insecurities about walking into Maverick’s room.
What if he’d changed his mind?
What if I said or did the wrong thing?
What if my presence aggravated him again?
It was strange that the person I knew better than anyone—almost better than myself—now felt like a stranger.
“What is it, honey?” she asked, drawing my attention.
“I- I don’t know.”
Her lips curved with a knowing smile. “If it’s any consolation, he’s also feeling the pressure.”
“He is?”
She nodded. “Told me himself.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look so worried.” Her soft laughter washed over me, loosening the knot in my stomach. “This is a good thing, Lo. It means he’s accepting things and looking forward.”
My eyes flicked over her shoulder to his room again.
“You should go see him,” she said. “You don’t have anything to fear, I promise.” It was my turn to nod. “If you need anything, just holler.”
Slowly, I moved down the corridor. I’d imagined exiting the lift and running to his room. But the reality was, Maverick wasn’t the only one scared.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped inside. I couldn’t hear anything over the roar of blood between my ears, but the second our eyes collided I knew.
I knew I had nothing to fear.
Maverick
Lo was here.
She moved toward me, her eyes running over my face as if she couldn’t believe I was real.
“Hi.” She reached the side of the bed.
God, I wanted to kiss her. The need to feel her lips on mine pulsed inside my chest.
“Maverick?” Her voice wavered and I hated that I’d been the one to plant the seed of doubt there.
“Come here.” I reached for her and she came willingly, dropping her head to mine. We remained that way for a second, breathing one another in. But it wasn’t enough.
My hand slid into her hair, anchoring us together. “I missed you,” I whispered the words against her mouth.
A garbled sob escaped her lips as she traced my face with her fingers. “I missed you too, so much.” Tears clung to Lo’s lashes as she brushed her nose over mine.
“Ssh, I’m here, I’m right here.” I kissed her, slow at first, reacquainting myself with the shape of her mouth. But it took on a life of its own the second my tongue slipped past her lips.
Lo whimpered, kissing me back with as much desperation and frustration as I felt. Our tongues tangled, our teeth clashing and chests heaving. Need exploded in my veins, drowning me in sensation...
But below the waist, I felt nothing.
Not even a tingle.
I froze, abruptly ending the kiss.
“Maverick?” Dejection coated my name as she stared down at me.
“Sorry, I just... fuck.”
“What is it? What happened? Talk to me, please.” The confusion in her eyes burned through me like acid.
I cupped her face with my hands, forcing myself not to give in to the negative feelings swelling inside me.
“Rick?”
“I’m okay...”
“So, what happened?”
“I didn’t feel anything.”
Her brows furrowed. “You didn’t feel me kissing you?”
“No, I felt the kiss. I just didn’t feel anything... down there.” My eyes dropped to my waist.
“Oh. But that’s normal, right?”
“Nothing about this is normal, Lo.” It came out harsher than I intended. She jerked away, smothering another whimper. Only this one wasn’t born out of desire.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you. It’s just—”
“It’s a learning curve, for both of us.” She gave me a weak smile, and I reached for her again, threading our hands together.
“Miller would love you.”
“Your physical therapist?”
I nodded. “He’s into visualization and positive mental attitude. I haven’t exactly been his star pupil.”
“I’m sure he’s seen it all before.”
Lo dragged the chair closer and sat down, resting her head on my arm. Silence settled over us, but it was different this time, and for the first time, I took comfort in her presence.
“Can I ask you something?” I said after a few seconds.
“Anything.” She peered up at me.
“Do you remember it? The accident?”
“I do.” She swallowed. “Why, are you starting to remember?” Something flashed in her eyes.
“N- no. There’s nothing, no matter how hard I try to search the recesses of my mind, it’s like the memories have been completely wiped.”
Her expression fell—only for a second, but I saw it.
“Lo?” I frowned.
“I think it’s better you can’t remember.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “I can remember the sound of tires screeching, the smell of burning rubber, the snap of the seatbelt across my shoulder...”
“I didn’t know.” Regret swarmed in my chest. While I was lying here, pushing her away, Lo had been dealing with her own trauma after the accident.
“You have enough on your mind.”
“I should have been there for you. The accident... the stuff with Laurie. You needed me and I—”
“Maverick,” she took my hand, twisting around to face me, “we are not doing this. It’s not a competition, who was there for who the most. There’s no rule book for this kind of thing.”
There wasn’t, b
ut it didn’t change the fact I felt like I’d let her down.
“I’m here now, and unless you plan on sending me away again, I’m not going anywhere.” She squeezed my hand gently.
“I don’t deserve you.” My mouth was dry.
“Too bad, because you’re kind of stuck with me.” Her smile made me sag into the bed.
That one look told me everything I needed to know.
Lo forgave me.
She was here.
And no matter what happened, she loved me.
Kyle
“Uncle Robert said I might find you here.” I grinned like the cat who got the canary, watching two of my favorite people untangle their hands and greet me. “Glad to see you manned the fuck up and finally grew a pair.”
“Kyle,” Lo scolded me, but I saw a trace of a smile on her lips.
“You know I’m right, cous. I’m just relieved I don’t have to babysit his cranky ass now.” I took the chair on the other side of the bed to Lo. “How are my two favorite lovebirds?”
“We’re...” Maverick looked at Lo.
“Okay. We’re going to be okay.”
“Damn right you are because, honestly, I’d started to have nightmares about who would get me in the divorce.”
“Me,” they both said in unison, their laughter like music to my fucking ears.
“There’s plenty of me to go around.” I smirked.
“How’s Laurie?” Lo asked, her smile falling.
“She’s with her folks. I don’t think it’ll be much longer.” My chest tightened. I’d come from their house. I wanted to be there for my girl, but it was tough seeing them going through that, being unable to do anything to help. But I knew she got strength from me being close, just like I knew Rick would get strength from Lo being here.
Love made us strong, not weak.
“You don’t know how much I needed to see the two of you like this.”
Lo fought a smile while Rick held my gaze, silently thanking me. Because I had no doubt it was our conversation that prompted his change of heart.
“Go on,” I said smugly. “You can say it.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do. You want to say, ‘Kyle, you told me so.”
“No, I really don’t.”
“Not even a little bit?” I teased, and Lo smothered a laugh with her hand.
“You’re annoying as fuck.”
“But I’m all yours.”
“Yeah.” Lo grinned. “You are.”
“Well, isn’t this nice? The trio back together again.” I folded my hands behind my head and kicked my legs up onto the spare chair.
“Do you mind?” Rick grumbled.
“Who, me?”
“Can we make him leave?” he whispered to Lo, and she shook her head.
“I think he’s here to stay.”
Damn right I was. Because family was everything to me. But Lo and Maverick weren’t only family…
They were my people.
Chapter Twelve
Lo
Things changed after that day. I spent most of my time at the hospital. We watched films and played games. We ate together and I often spent the night. There, in that hospital room, we learned to live again.
It was more than I could have hoped for.
Everyone saw the change in Maverick. He was determined in his sessions with Miller and began to talk about life after his time in rehab. But despite the improvements, and there were many, he rarely talked about the team or college or life for us after rehab. It was always there though, hovering in all the things we didn’t say.
It was in the way he got frustrated not being able to feel anything still, or the look of defeat etched into his expression after a tough session with Miller. But I didn’t push and Maverick always apologised when he got short with me, or others.
And it happened a lot.
We were learning. Adapting to our new normal. But one thing remained constant—our love for one another.
“How is my favorite patient and his adorable visitor?” Nurse Jennifer breezed into the room wearing her usual smile. She was like a breath of fresh air, and I was grateful for how she got to know Maverick and I on a personal level. It made everything seem less daunting, to know she was there, at the press of a button.
“Oh, you know, just another day in paradise,” Maverick quipped.
“Ain’t that the truth, honey. Cassandra tells me you haven’t been home in three nights.” She gave me a pointed look.
“I went home yesterday.” I’d had a shower and spent an hour with my dad and Stella before promptly returning to be with Maverick.
“It’s okay to have a life outside the hospital, you know.”
“I’ve told her she needs to get out more.” Maverick winked at me, and my chest swelled with love.
“You want me to go?” I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. “I’ll go. Summer has been bugging me to go hang out with her at the beach.” Standing, I tried to pull my hand free, but Rick tugged harder.
“Don’t go.” He pouted.
“You two are so darn cute.”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “I guess I could stay one more night.”
“One more,” Nurse Jennifer said. “And then I’m kicking you out. You need to get some fresh air and let this one,” she flicked her eyes to Maverick, “get some rest. I’ll see the two of you later, okay? And behave. Cassandra also told me she got an eyeful of the two of you making out—”
“We’ve got it.” Maverick cleared his throat and I smothered the laughter rumbling in my chest. Cassandra was one of the health care assistants, and she’d caught us more than once. But being close to each other without really being close was taking its toll. Maverick found an excuse to touch me almost as much as I found an excuse to touch him.
I think, after everything, we needed the physical contact, the intimacy, no matter how limited it was.
“And don’t forget, Maverick, you have an appointment with the psych team tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah, as if I could forget.” The atmosphere in the room instantly cooled.
“Hey,” I said as soon as Nurse Jennifer left. “You have nothing to worry about. It’s all part of your rehab.”
“I know.” He shrugged. “But the idea of talking about my feelings with a complete stranger doesn’t exactly get me excited.” His lips pressed into a thin line and he muttered, ‘fuck,” under his breath.
Maverick’s lack of sensation there was still a big issue for him. The doctors and Miller said that in time they expected he would regain some sensation. But it was yet to happen. And for someone as virile as Maverick, that was a problem.
His hand glided up my arm and found the curve of my neck. It was something he did now and again, tracing a line to my jaw, as if his fingers were painting my skin. I held his gaze, my breath catching as his finger dropped to the neckline of my tank top. His eyes turned black with desire and I knew he was mentally undressing me.
“Maverick,” I whispered, unsure whether I was warning him to stop or begging him to continue.
But after a couple of seconds, he blew out a frustrated breath and let his hand drop to the bed, right along with his disappointed gaze.
“Hey.” I gently gripped his jaw and turned his face back to mine. “It’ll happen.”
He didn’t brush me off, but he didn’t reply either.
“I love you,” I changed tack.
The intensity of his gaze made a shiver run up my spine. Sometimes, when he looked at me like that, I wondered if he was considering letting me go again. He never said the words, but I knew he let them teeter on the tip of his tongue.
Swallowing down the tears clawing up my throat, I stood up and forced a smile. “I’m going to the bathroom and then I’m going to grab a drink from the vending machine. You want anything?”
He shook his head.
“I’ll be back soon.” I leaned over and pressed a kiss to h
is cheek before hurrying out of there before the first tear fell.
Maverick
I dropped my head back against the pillow, regretting the jerky movement when a deep pinch of pain shot through. “Motherfucker,” I grumbled.
I was exhausted.
Between PT sessions with Miller, spending time with Lo, and trying to adjust to my injuries, I felt like I was barely staying afloat.
Things with Lo were better, they were. But I couldn’t stop the irrational thoughts every now and again. Like just now when I’d touched her. My body knew we wanted her. It knew how soft her skin felt, the way her breath hitched when I ran my fingers up her neck... but then nothing happened.
Not a damn thing.
I got more tingles when Kyle made me laugh than I did touching my own girlfriend.
And it fucking killed me.
She said she didn’t care. Time and time again, Lo reassured me that it would happen eventually. But she didn’t know that for sure. No one did. And every time it didn’t happen, was just another reminder than I could end up stuck like this.
When Lo returned she wasn’t alone. “Look who I found wandering the hall,” she said as Declan gingerly entered the room.
“Hey, man.” He lifted his hand in a small wave. “I know Coach gave us strict orders to wait, but—”
“You couldn’t follow fucking orders as usual?” I smirked despite the irritation in my chest. I didn’t want to do this, not yet. But Declan was almost as stubborn as me and I knew there was no way he’d leave until he got his time with me.
“I’ll leave the two of you to talk.” Lo went to leave, but I called after her.
“Yeah?” She glanced back.
“I love you,” I mouthed.
Her eyes twinkled with relief, the corner of her mouth kicking up. “Love you too.”
“Well, come in then,” I said. “Don’t just stand there.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Declan took one of the chairs. “How are things?”