Magic For Dummies: A Paranormal Reverse Harem Romance (God Fire Reform School Book 1)

by Lacey Carter Andersen

  Going to the door of my room, I shove it open. Then I walk down the hallway, lined with wooden doors, and step outside. The night is cold, carrying a chill that I feel all the way down to my bones. But the chill is good. It makes me remember that I’m alive. That I’m still me.

  As I storm through the campus, which is vibrant with plants and trees and even statues tucked between ivy-covered brick buildings, I hear voices and stop. A couple guys are arguing.

  Not my business.

  Not my problem.

  And then, I hear Izzy’s voice. “Let go of me! Now!”

  I’m running for her before I can process what’s going on. When I turn a corner and she comes into view, two guys drag her across campus as she struggles between them. Rage, hot and angry, courses through me.

  “Let her go!” I shout.

  Both men freeze and look at me, then exchange a glance.

  “That another one of the gods?” one guy says.

  The other grins. “Yeah, but I bet he doesn’t have his powers yet either.”

  “I don’t need magic to kick your asses,” I warn them. Well, there’s a sentence I never expected to say.

  They smirk. They don’t believe me. Truth is, Aiden is usually the one who gets into fights; I’d rather play peacemaker or walk away. But I’ve found myself dragged into his messes more than once before. I can hold my own, and I’ll always protect my own.

  But there’s something about these guys that sends a ripple of tension through my muscles. My fists clench.

  The guy holding Izzy’s legs drops her, and the other guy holds her tighter. Guy Number One, an asshole with femine features and blond hair styled far too nicely, grins as he moves closer. I stare at him, my heart racing, as he opens his mouth. Two fangs slowly elongate.

  “Do you know what I am?” he asks.

  No matter how much anxiety twists through my stomach, that arrogant question just begs for a certain kind of answer. “A dick-head with a tiny penis?”

  His eyes grow cold, but at least the smirk leaves his lips. “I’m a vampire. I’m stronger than you, faster than you, and I can end your life with no effort at all.”

  My hands curl into fists. “You’re betting I don’t have my powers. What do you think will happen when you realize you’re wrong?”

  He’s not wrong. They told me I’m some kind of god. No idea what kind. Or what that even means. But this guy doesn’t know that.

  His smile falters. “I guess we’ll have to take the risk.”

  In a flash, he closes the space between us. He punches me in the stomach, and the air rushes out of my lungs. Another strike lands on my back, then another and another.

  When I fall to my knees, he slams his palm into my face. Blood spurts from my mouth, and my head feels light.

  I’ve had my ass kicked before, but nothing like this. He really might kill me.

  The vampire grins down at me. Through the rush of blood in my ears, Izzy screams my name.

  My gaze goes to her, and the vampire who holds her smacks a blow across her face.

  Something changes inside of me. I feel myself grow hotter, and suddenly flames explode from my skin. The vampire’s eyes widen.

  I raise my hand toward him, without a clue what I’m doing, and suddenly the earth begins to shake.

  I rise from my knees, feeling stronger and more powerful than I’ve felt before.

  The ground cracks, and suddenly flaming creatures crawl from it. One leaps out on top of the vampire who attacked me, and the boy screams and screams. Another of the flaming creatures comes and kneels before me.

  “Hel, we’re your servants to command. What will you have us do to the vampire? Kill him? Drag him to Hell to be tortured?”

  Suddenly, I can sense Hell deep beneath my feet. Caverns upon caverns of creatures that live to serve only me. A dark castle where I rule from. Servants to attend to my every needs. There are beings that have an eternity of beauty and happiness, and those who have an eternity of pain and darkness. These vampires are mine to sentence.

  “Hel?” the creature asks.

  The command to drag the vampires to their fate lingers on my tongue.

  “Reid?” Izzy’s voice holds fear as she says my name.

  I turn slowly to her.

  “They hurt me.” I lick my lips, tasting blood. “They hurt you. Their fate is sealed.”

  Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “This isn’t you!”

  “There must be consequences for attacking the gods.” My voice sounds strange, even to my own ears.

  “Reid!”

  I turn to command my creature to extract my punishment when Izzy makes a strange sound.

  Something makes me turn.

  The vampire is no longer holding Izzy. He’s sprung back, eyes wide and frightened. And where Izzy once stood, is another woman, and yet, it’s her. A unicorn horn has sprouted from her head, and her skin has turned so white it’s pearl-white.

  A smile curls her lips. “Hel, you never could control yourself.”

  I answer, but it’s not me. It’s almost far away. “And you’re always more concerned with humor than honor.”

  When she lifts a hand, she transforms both the vampires into rats. A smile tilts her beautiful lips as they scurry away.

  Anger flashes within me. “And when your spell ends and they return, we’ll have made enemies of two vampires.”

  “They’re enemies who won’t soon cross us again.”

  The creature kneeling before me looks up. “Do you want us to find them? Rats can still suffer, bleed, and die.”

  As I picture the kind of torture the two men would experience, something shifts within me. Was I really going to hurt them?

  “Hel?” the creature says, a question in the name.

  “Just...return to where you came from. Leave them alone,” I order.

  “As you will,” it says with a bow.

  The creature scurries across the uneven ground and slips back into the earth. The others of its kind do the same. The earth shifts, closing the cracks once more. Where once there were openings leading to Hell, there is nothing. Like it never happened.

  I turn to Izzy. She’s still some strange unicorn woman, and she’s still smirking at me.

  As she crosses the space between us, she places a hand on my chest. “You’re a man this lifetime.”

  “And you’re a woman.” I stare at her, for a minute picturing a trickster I knew in another lifetime. “Loki.”

  Her smile widens, crinkling the corners of those bright eyes. Whatever form she takes, those eyes are full of mischief and warmth. “Want to see what our bodies can do this time around?”

  I tense. “Izzy…”

  She leans closer, then stands on her tiptoes. “Kiss me, Hel.”

  It’s not me who leans forward. I would freeze up. I’d be terrified out of my mind to kiss the girl I’ve loved since we were children.

  But I’m not me, at least, not entirely.

  Something overtakes me. I reach for her, tangling my hand in the back of her hair and tilting her head to mine.

  She smiles, a sexy little smile.

  I shift closer. Our breath mingles. She gazes up at me, her expression rapt.

  “You always knew how to make someone wait. To make someone want you so badly it hurts,” she whispers.

  Finally, I kiss her, and my lips move over hers as if we’ve done this a thousand times before. She melts beneath me, clinging to my shirt like it might keep her from falling.

  For the first time in my life, I feel like a casanova as I tilt her further back and deepen our kiss. My tongue sweeps into her mouth as we both groan together.

  And then I know what we’ll do next. I’ll seduce her. The God of Hel, capable of seducing any and all, wants this woman. And so do I.

  So, we’ll have her.

  I break our kiss.

  Her breath rushes out. “Woah, Reid, that was…”

  “I know.”

  Her eyes flash open, a
nd I’m swimming in the depths.

  “Now, how about we go back to my room, and I show you what else this mouth can do.”

  Her eyes widen. “Reid!”

  “I could leave you screaming. Begging for more.”

  Warmth rushes over her cheeks, and then a mischievous look comes to her face. “And then I’ll show you what a shapeshifter can do.”

  “Fuck,” I mutter, images flashing through my mind.

  I tilt her back up, take her hand, and turn around.

  A woman with tattoos across her face is glaring at us, arms crossed in front of her chest. “Do you know how many times old women have to get up and pee?”

  I stare dumbly.

  “More times than you idiots could count! But do you know what still happens when an old woman looks out her window and spots the earth opening up and creatures from Hell crawling out?”

  “Uh--”

  “She pees her damn pants!”

  My jaw drops open.

  “At least a few drops. Not a full load, but it’s unpleasant nonetheless and reminds me how wonderful my youthful bladder was, before I shot my giant sons out of my vag like watermelons.”

  I have never felt so awkward in my life.

  “And you know what? I don’t want to be reminded of my old, saggy vag. Got that?”

  I turn to Izzy. Her unicorn horn shrinks steadily, then fades entirely into her forehead. Her pearl-white skin flushes, then returns to her usual light tan. And her expression is as horrified as my own.

  “Are you two deaf or dumb?” the old woman barks at us.

  I jump a little. “Uh-- neither.”

  “Well then, here’s a tip, don’t piss old, angry witches off. And don’t show everyone on your very first night why we’ve been dreading the return of the gods. Okay?”

  “Yes, ma’am!” Izzy says, sounding as embarrassed as I feel.

  Her narrowed eyes shift between us. “And remember, the gods are troublemakers. And you two look like suckers. Don’t let them take over too much, or you might find yourself doing some things you regret.”

  I know my cheeks are red now. “Okay.”

  She gives us one last horrified look, then shuffles away from us, like she’s uncomfortably walking in pee-soaked underwear.

  My gaze jerks away from her.

  Izzy looks at me like we’re both imagining the same thing. “That was horrible.”

  “Do women really pee themselves after having kids?” I ask, shaking my head.

  She rolls her eyes. “I meant what we just did. Not the kiss, I mean, which was fine, I mean good. I mean, the powers and stuff.”

  Oh, hell. I just want to melt into the ground.

  “Want to come back to my dorm?” she asks.

  I think of what we were planning to do.

  “I mean to eat and talk!” she says, sounding mortified.

  Unable to answer, I just nod in embarrassment, then follow her until we come to the door of my own dorm. She doesn’t hesitate, just walks right in, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that it looks like we’re roomies.

  There’s enough to discuss already.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Izzy

  Reid pushes open the door of the lounge on my dorm room floor as if he already knows where he’s going, then holds it open for me. His back is braced against the door, his arms folded across his chest, and walking by him brings us close together.

  For the first time, I notice how much he’s changed since I really looked at him last. He’s filled out lately; he’s tall and broad-shouldered, even though he’s still skinny, which he always has been. But when did so much lean muscle fill out his narrow frame?

  I liked him when he was the skinny geek with the heart of gold. That boy stole my heart. But now, any girl who looked at him would be likely to feel the same stir of desire I do…

  “Oh wow,” I interrupt my own racing thoughts, trying to distract myself from the shape of his lips. “I’m starved. Can’t wait to eat some cereal!”

  “Well, that’s a good thing.” Aiden stands, and I realize he was reclining on the couch.

  “What’s…” I turn and look back at Reid. What’s he doing here too?

  “Come on,” Aiden says, waving us over his shoulder as he heads into the next room.

  Reid and I exchange a look, and he shrugs.

  I follow Aiden into the adjacent dining room. It looks like the dorm is set up for a family, not to accommodate a bunch of students; there’s a round table with a lazy susan in the center, decorated with fresh flowers, and five chairs.

  The long buffet table against the wall is covered in boxes of cereal. Every kind of sugary cereal sold in the United States of America, quite possibly, packaged in colorful boxes.

  “Oh my gosh! Where did all this come from?” I head to the doors on the other side of the dining room, which leads to a kitchen with an exterior exit. The kitchen is empty.

  “Did you ask for cereal?” Aiden leans in the doorway between the lounge and the dining room. “Because while I hate almost everything about this place, they do seem pretty willing to cater to our whims.”

  “And if I remember correctly, cereal is one of your favorite things,” Reid says.

  I pull a face. “That makes me sound like the most boring person in the world. Some girls love travel, some girls love fast cars...she loves breakfast cereal.”

  But that doesn’t stop me from grabbing two boxes off the buffet and sitting down at the table, which is already set with bowls, a lavish display of fruit, and a glass pitcher of milk.

  “I think it’s cute,” Reid says.

  Aiden shoots him a look.

  “What?” Reid asks. “Remember when she used to come over and eat our cereal all the time on the weekends? Stole the toy out of the box half the time, too.”

  He says it light-heartedly. But Aiden scrubs his hand over his face.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I kick his leg gently under the table.

  And then I freeze. I don’t flirt with Aiden, not anymore. I don’t want to care what’s wrong with Aiden.

  But everything here is strange and unfamiliar. These men are definitely strange too, but also in a way, they’re as familiar and warm and comforting as a favorite sweatshirt.

  “Nothing,” he says.

  I haven’t spent a lot of time with Aiden lately, but he used to always bite his lip after he lied. He catches his kissable, plush, pink lower lip with his teeth in a way that most girls find adorable, but it’s a little less sweet when you know it’s his tell.

  Whatever. I pour a bowl of Chocolate Puffs. My foster mom never spent money on this junk, but I have fond memories of picking out a box of cereal as our last stop on grocery shopping trips with my mom.

  “So we need to talk about the gods,” I say as I pour milk into my cereal. “About...us.”

  Reid shoots a look at Aiden, and I know he doesn’t want to talk about the way we just almost fell into bed together…if we hadn’t been cock-blocked by an old woman with a leaky bladder.

  A clatter resounds in the doorway. All three of us jerk around.

  Van kneels in the doorway. He’s carrying an enormous sword, the kind knights wielded with two hands in stories like King Arthur, and he tries to prop it up in the corner, but it falls over again.

  He gives up and stands, crossing his arms over his chest. “Speaking of the gods...we’ve got to stick together. Everyone hates us.”

  His words come out flat.

  “What’s new? Everyone always hates you,” Aiden points out, not taking any of this seriously, or at least pretending not to. His usual.

  “Why do you have a sword?” Reid asks.

  There’s something grim in Van’s face that bothers me. “What happened?”

  His gaze locks on my face. Van’s gorgeous, bright blue eyes, surrounded by dark lashes, have always been eyes I could get lost in. Just for a second, I can’t look away. Then he shakes his head, his jaw tight.

  “Where’s W
ilder?” he demands. “None of us should go out there alone.”

  Reid and I exchange a look.

  “I guess we already figured that out,” Reid says. “When Izzy went out there, some guys tried to…”

  When he trails off, Van’s gaze turns icy. “Tried to what?”

  His voice is so full of cold, protective fury that it makes a shiver run down my spine...and it kind of turns me on at the same time.

  “They were babbling about how they weren’t going to let the old gods come back,” I say. “And also, Reid and I have magical powers.”

  That seems important to get out in the open. I expect disbelief, an argument....

  “We’d be pretty lousy gods if we didn’t,” Aiden says.

  Well, that was easy.

  “We need to find Wilder,” Van says. “Then we need a plan to get out of here.”

  “What do you mean?” We can’t go anywhere. Classes haven’t even started yet. We’re not quite here willingly, either.

  “People want to kill us.” He points out the windows. “There are all kinds of weird beings out there--vampires and shifters and witches--and they’re all assholes. We. Need. To. Get. Out.”

  I’m still unsettled by how it felt when Loki came over me; I was so full of power and possibility. I could’ve done anything.

  When I think of the vampires who tried to hurt Reid, I know I could’ve done horrible things.

  “We should give this place a chance.” I stand up, grabbing a box of cereal for the road. “But yeah, let’s go find Wilder. Then we need to get some rest before classes tomorrow.”

  “Did you even look for him?” Aiden asks Van, his voice lazy and condescending as usual. “He should be here.”

  I look at Aiden sharply. “What do you mean?”

  “We’re roomies.” He slings an arm over my shoulders, and I breathe in the scent of his aftershave. “I guess they put wolves with wolves, vamps with vamps, mortals with mortals, and gods...with gods.”

  Oh hell, are their rooms the ones next to mine?

  I push his arm off my shoulders, even though part of me wants to lean into his touch--even if he is a cocky jackass. “Lucky me.”

  The four of us spread out through our lavish new place. The idea that the five of us are living together is weird. Not the weirdest thing that’s happened to me lately, but still. Maybe it’s because the rest of my life is so crazy right now that I’m freaking out about spending my days in close proximity to the guys.