Threadneedle

by Cari Thomas

  Darcey still had not moved. Her eyes were far away. Watching her future crumble.

  The noise in the hall exploded. The sound of the rumours returning all at once, deafening. The video cut to static and within it seven circles. The Eye.

  Darcey ran.

  ‘Where is she?’ Anna pulled Rowan’s shoulder. She couldn’t think straight for the anger pulsing through her. ‘Where’s Effie? Manda, where is she?’

  Manda looked pale. ‘I – I don’t know …’

  ‘Did you know she hadn’t destroyed the video?’

  Rowan shook her head but Manda fiddled with her hands nervously. ‘She said she wasn’t going to do anything with it.’

  ‘Oh! And you believed that? How convenient.’ Anna pushed through them. It was hard to get through the crowds. Everyone was excited, feeding off the drama. The ball was over but the fun had just begun.

  ‘I knew it. I knew they were at it …’

  ‘How could she? It’s disgusting!’

  ‘How could he? Isn’t it illegal?’

  ‘My eyes are burning!’

  Anna found Attis. ‘Where is she?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m looking for her too. Anna – calm down.’

  ‘No. I don’t want to be calm for this. She released that video, I know it!’ She threw his hands off her. ‘I trusted her, again!’

  ‘I don’t know where she’s gone.’

  Anna pushed past him. ‘Has anyone seen Effie?’ She grabbed at random people. ‘Have you seen Effie?’

  ‘I saw her like twenty minutes ago. She went that way, with Peter.’

  With Peter.

  She spotted Tom and stepped in front of him. ‘Tom! What number is Peter’s room?’

  ‘Number fourteen. Why? You gonna show him a good time?’ He made a stupid hooting noise.

  Anna was already gone, propelled by a rage she’d never known before. She ran down the corridors, heading towards the boarding block. She could hear footsteps behind her – Attis calling – but she would not stop, she could not stop.

  Number eleven, number twelve, number thirteen …

  Number fourteen. Anna touched the handle and the door sprang open under the fury of her touch.

  They were in the bed together.

  ‘Anna!’ Peter shouted, covering himself with the sheets.

  Effie appeared behind him, hair in disarray, lips flushed red. Her eyes flickered momentarily with something like guilt. Anna had been ready to yell and scream about the video but now she didn’t know what to say. The betrayal ran deeper, too deep for words to surface.

  ‘We were just having fun.’ Effie grabbed at Peter’s discarded shirt. ‘I told you there’s really nothing else to do with him.’ She laughed.

  Anna stared at them.

  Effie’s laughter died. ‘Oh, come on, you don’t even like him and you’re not as innocent as you pretend.’ Her voice was scathing.

  Peter stuttered. ‘Anna, I didn’t mean to—’

  ‘Anna.’ Attis took her arm. ‘Come on, leave them.’

  Effie sprang out of bed, throwing the shirt over her head.

  ‘Attis Lockerby, you stop right there. It wasn’t like that. He hit on me, OK? I just want to go home. Take me home.’

  ‘Take yourself home,’ Attis spat. He put an arm around Anna and flicked his hand out. The door shut in her face. ‘Come on,’ he said, moving her down the corridor. Anna sank into him, tears of anger running down her face.

  ‘Attis! Come back, right now!’ She heard Effie call behind them, but Attis did not turn around, did not stop.

  They were on the road within moments, the school in the car mirror disappearing from sight. The sights of it stayed with Anna – the video, Darcey’s face, Effie and Peter. Effie. How could she?

  ‘Where am I taking you?’ said Attis.

  Anna knew she should go home, back to Aunt, away from Effie forever, but the words would not form. All of her carefully controlled emotions were charging through her at once – and it hurt like hell – but she couldn’t give them up. She’d come too far to go back. An urgency she’d never felt was at her back like a knife, around her neck like a necklace tightening …

  ‘Take me to Selene.’

  Attis looked unsure. ‘Effie might come back.’

  ‘I need to see Selene.’

  They didn’t speak again. Attis wound through the traffic at breakneck speed, through the noise and lights and chaos of London. Anna stared out of the window, her fingers fluttering back and forth over her Knotted Cord.

  The house was quiet.

  ‘Where is she?’ said Anna.

  ‘I’ll call her,’ said Attis. Anna sat down on the kitchen stool. ‘Selene, can you come back to the house? I don’t care if you’re on a date. Anna’s here. She and Effie – they’ve fallen out.’ He emphasized the words slowly. ‘She needs you. Now.’

  He put down the phone. ‘She’s on her way.’

  Anna pulled at her dress – it was too tight. ‘I need to take this off. I need to get this off me.’

  ‘OK. You can borrow some clothes upstairs. They’re Effie’s though.’

  ‘I just need to get this off.’ The dress was suffocating. She wanted to shred it to pieces. She pulled the red rose off her wrist and threw it in the bin.

  ‘Let’s go.’ They went into Effie’s dressing room and he pulled out a pair of jeans and a jumper from the wardrobe. She kicked the gold shoes off.

  ‘Can you undo it at the top?’ Anna scrabbled at her back, unable to find the zip.

  ‘Sure.’ Attis approached her hesitantly. She turned around, her back to him.

  She only realized how fast she was breathing, how angry and desperate she was, as he came up behind her. He drew her hair out of the way – his hands brushing her neck. She breathed out all at once – the air around them stilling. He pulled the zip, following the shiver down her spine.

  ‘Anna,’ he said, his voice cracking, stepping closer.

  She could feel his breath on her neck, the heat of him. Her legs were stuck to the floor. The dress hung on her, open.

  She turned around slowly. It was like losing her free will again, only this time, instead of not being able to feel anything, she could feel it all – too much – not enough – she wanted more. His hands were painful flames on her skin; his lips were longing; his eyes were the place you go before sleep – smoke and dreams and escape.

  ‘Attis,’ she exhaled and he lowered himself towards her.

  The kiss was slow and sweet and agonizing, like one of his magical symbols, turning her molten in his arms; beneath, a fire roared, a heat Anna had never known, a heat that only grew against the impossible softness of his lips. She grabbed at the collar of his shirt as his hands pressed against her back. She wanted to sink into him forever, for every last knot inside of her to come undone. She felt her dress fall off her shoulders …

  The front door banged shut and they jumped apart.

  ‘I’m back.’ Selene’s voice.

  Anna picked up the clothes. Attis turned away. She put them on hastily. She didn’t know what to say. There was too much to say. She had never felt so much in one single moment and she didn’t know what it meant. She looked back up but Attis wasn’t smiling, his brow was dark.

  ‘Anna …’

  ‘Anna!’ Selene called distantly.

  ‘Come on, let’s go.’ Anna took his hand and they made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  Selene surveyed them quietly. ‘So, my little matchstick, Attis tells me you’ve had a falling-out with Effie. What’s happened?’

  Anna saw now there was no time to waste. She told Selene everything. About the video, about Peter, Effie, about Aunt and her three weeks of hell, about the fact she had to become a Binder, how twisted they truly were. About needing to escape. Now. ‘You’ll help me, won’t you? You said you would. Please, Selene, I don’t want to become a Binder. I have to get away.’

  ‘Hush now, of course I’ll help.’ Selene pulled Ann
a into a hug.

  Anna felt as if she were seven again, meeting Selene for the first time on her balcony, wishing she could float away with her. The tears came thick and fast. Anna tried to clear them. ‘I’m – I’m sorry I ruined your date.’

  Selene waved a hand, laughing at the absurdity of the situation and wiping a tear from her own eye. ‘Oh, don’t be silly. He was just a plaything; he doesn’t even know my real name. Tonight I was femme fatale Carmenta Foy.’ She threw her scarf over her shoulder.

  Attis snorted. ‘Who’s Carmenta Foy?’

  ‘My pseudonym. Every woman should have one.’

  Carmenta Foy. Carmenta.

  Anna felt her world sink around her.

  When can you come and see me? Can you get rid of HER tonight? Carmenta x.

  The message found on her father’s phone after he had killed her mother.

  The thoughts came crashing at once, impossible to comprehend. The name – it was so unique, so specific. Selene was the other woman? Selene had betrayed her mother? Had been the cause of her mother’s death? Maybe she’d killed her herself. Fear poured through Anna like ice.

  I have to get out of here.

  ‘I just need a moment,’ said Anna calmly. ‘Wash my face, get a tissue …’

  ‘OK, sweetie. Then we’ll get you sorted – I’m formulating a plan.’

  Anna left the room, walked upstairs to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The horror of what she’d just heard was etched all over her face. She remembered Selene lying in the golden bathwater, telling her she’d once loved a man – my father? The exact woman Aunt had warned her against.

  Anna had to tell Attis. They had to leave. Now.

  She went to Selene’s bedroom and took the feather from where it floated on the mantelpiece. She crept back downstairs and stopped at the kitchen door, but the murmur of whispers stopped her.

  ‘Is she in love with you yet?’ Selene’s voice, low and bitter. ‘Or have you messed that up too?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Attis replied gruffly.

  ‘You don’t know? You told me you could make any girl fall in love with you. She has to be for this to work. How am I meant to know if the curse has begun?’

  ‘I think it has.’

  ‘Think isn’t good enough. For Goddess’s sake! I created you for this one reason! You know we have to stop her from leaving when she comes back down. She can’t escape.’

  ‘I know.’

  Anna reached for her Knotted Cord, but the feelings that had been surging through her had already died. She tightened the cord and felt calm for the first time since the video of Darcey had started to play. Detached. Collected. Her pathway clear. Her heart in pieces but her future sealed.

  Selene had killed her mother and Attis was in on it.

  I created you …

  Attis wasn’t a witch. He wasn’t human.

  I created you … a memory rose to the surface. Manda reading from Selene’s spell book, from the pages that seemed to have been used: the spell for a golem, a man made from earth and kept alive with human hearts and blood.

  I created you … He was no more than an illusion. She could still feel his kiss on her lips. She couldn’t love what wasn’t real.

  She walked back into the room. They looked at her and she threw the feather in the air before they had time to react. They froze. Their movements stretched across time.

  Anna grabbed Selene’s handbag and ran.

  She hailed a taxi and gave her address. Cressey Square. Home. She checked Selene’s purse – she had more than enough money to cover it. She could barely begin to process what had just happened – the betrayals stacked against her. It was too much. All too much.

  It was just before midnight when she got back.

  Aunt opened the door. ‘Where’s Peter?’

  Anna looked up at her and fell into her arms.

  ‘I’m sorry, Aunt. I’m sorry for everything,’ she sobbed. ‘You were right, love is evil. Magic is a sin.’ The two were one in Anna’s mind now. Rotten at their core. Cursed. They had ruined everything. She was at the black empty centre of the Eye now and there was only one way out. ‘I want to become a Binder.’

  Aunt pulled her away and wiped the hair from her face. ‘Come on, let’s go upstairs.’ She took Anna to her room and retrieved a glass of water. ‘Drink and calm down. Then tell me what’s happened.’

  Anna tried to collect herself but it came out in a blur. ‘My magic. I know, I know something is wrong with it. The curse mark. It shows the curse mark. It’s dangerous, Aunt, and everything got so out of hand and Effie, Effie was meant to be there for me, but … but she was with Peter. I liked him … I loved her … I hate them both. Why? I just don’t know why she would do that to me.’

  Aunt looked unsurprised. ‘Because it is in her nature to do so.’

  ‘Then I went back to Selene’s and …’ Anna looked at Aunt with gravity. ‘I think she had an affair with my father. It’s hard to explain, but I think she did.’ The words made her feel sick. ‘Love ruins everything, just like you said.’

  She couldn’t tell Aunt about Attis, that was too much, too tender to touch. ‘I don’t want to feel like this any more. Please take it away. I want to be a Binder.’

  She had made a decision. Chosen her path. Relief flooded through her, numbing the pain. Magic had failed her; everyone she loved had betrayed her. Except Aunt. Aunt had said it all along, that she would come to see what was best and now she had. She wasn’t weak to join the Binders: nothing was harder than giving it all up; she’d been weak to give in to magic in the first place. Look where it had left her: cursed, ruined, broken.

  ‘I sometimes thought it might have been Selene who betrayed your mother,’ said Aunt, her face troubled. ‘She liked your father, that much I knew, and she seduces any man in her sights, but I never had any proof she was the one. I didn’t want to believe it.’

  ‘Selene betrayed my mother just as Effie betrayed me. She was Carmenta,’ said Anna, ashamed. ‘I’m sorry. I researched their deaths. I needed to know, but I don’t want to know any more. I just want to forget. Please keep her away from me. Keep them all away from me.’

  ‘I won’t ever let Selene near you again. The Knotting ceremony will go ahead at once. Tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ said Anna, wanting it, desperate for it.

  ‘I knew you would choose right because I know you, Anna. I know you better than anyone else in the world.’ She held Anna’s face in her fingers. ‘It will still be hard though, my child. A sacrifice must be made and you have to be willing to make it. It’s what your training has been for. I believe you are strong enough but you must promise me, when the time comes, you will do it. There’s no choice either way – I’ve bound your will before and I can do it again – but it’s easier, easier if you are in control of your emotions. You must trust me.’

  If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything.

  Anna looked back into Aunt’s eyes, as green as her own. ‘I know about the bindweed. The poison.’

  Aunt’s grip on her tightened but she didn’t look away. ‘It was for your protection. Don’t you see? It was to protect you from this, what’s happened to you. I never wanted you to go through this. It’s a hard truth but magic and love are a worse poison. Look at you, my child, you’re broken.’

  Anna bent forwards, the grief escaping at last in deep shuddering waves. ‘I’m ready. Just make this stop.’

  ‘I know, I know.’ Aunt soothed her, holding her head against her. She had never held her like that. Anna’s tears soaked into her shirt and Aunt didn’t even wipe them away. ‘I wish I hadn’t been right, but your magic is cursed, just like your mother’s. It must be bound. Everything will be better then.’

  ‘What is the curse?’

  ‘Love, it is love.’

  MIRROR

  Truth is but a mirror of our own sins. We do not live by truth which can be used against us, but only by silence – words unsaid; memories forgotten; emotions
unmade.

  Introduction, The Book of the Binders

  Anna lay down on the bed, exhausted. She didn’t want to think. She hurt all over and yet she couldn’t say what hurt. She had no control over this pain, but at least becoming a Binder was her choice. A life of pain and punishment, tests and trials, but perhaps, one day, she’d regain her independence, prove herself, become a Senior Binder and practise magic again – when she was ready. When the pain was long gone …

  She felt Attis’s kiss on her lips as she fell asleep.

  In her dreams his lips were sweet and soft – but then he wasn’t there any more, it was just air. Effie was in his place, laughing, crows flying out of her mouth, descending on Anna in black circles. Anna was looking in a mirror and her mother was staring back at her, saying something but Anna couldn’t hear the words – Selene coming up behind her mother with a knife, only it wasn’t Selene, it was Aunt and the knife was made from silk, red silk …

  She woke with a start. She reached for her light and switched it on. The fairy-tale book was on the floor again. Its fall must have woken her. She was glad – her dreams were torture. Soon she wouldn’t have to dream any more. She held it in her hands as if it could somehow fill the emptiness inside of her.

  She took out the picture of her parents.

  ‘I’m doing this for you.’ She touched her mother’s face. ‘I won’t let love kill me too.’ She felt, with a cold, terrifying certainty, that it would.

  Anna tried to find reassurance in her mother’s eyes but they were too busy looking at her father and he back at her. Anna wanted to tear the picture apart, separate them for good, but could not. It held her captive; and then she began to feel it: the emotion at the moment it was taken, like the photographs in the vintage shop. It jolted through her, clear as the sky in the picture. Love. Love. She searched the picture harder, trying to find cracks in it, but could find nothing but love.

  Why then? Why would you kill her if you loved her so? The photo was taken not long before it happened. Is love that sick? That you can love someone completely and still do that to them?

  She remembered Effie in bed with Peter. Yes. Selene calling herself Carmenta. Yes. Attis’s lips on hers. Yes. Her lips on Attis’s … Yes.