Sinful Sacrament

by Morgan James

“Do you love him?”

  “I do.” Just saying the words made me want to cry. It reminded me of the day we’d said our vows, the laughter and teasing that had filled our trip to the island. My gaze dropped to my fingers and another memory filled my mind—the way he’d crossed my middle finger over the index, knowing that I wouldn’t obey him. A combination of guilt and shame clogged my throat, and I choked back a sob. Fox had come to mean everything to me, but I no longer felt as close to him as I once had. He was such a complex man. Hard to know, hard to love. But it made him all the more special. I would never love anyone else the way I loved him.

  His gaze dropped to the ring on my left hand. “I never would have believed him capable, but... he cares for you.”

  My throat tightened, burning with unshed tears. I wished I was as certain of that as my father seemed to be. A week ago I would have agreed, but I’d ruined everything. I forced a smile to my face. “I know.”

  An awkward silence fell, and I finally pushed from the table. “I’ll let you finish your dinner.”

  With that, I escaped from the room. The house was a blur through my tear-filled eyes as I moved quickly through the hallways and up the stairs. A soft sob escaped my throat as I reached the door to Fox’s room. I couldn’t bear to go in there right now, to be surrounded by his things, his familiar scent, knowing that he was so close yet so far away.

  Slapping a hand over my mouth to stifle my anguished cry, I fled down the hall and threw myself into my room, then locked the door behind me. I moved to the window and blinked back the tears as memories assaulted me. I thought back to my first couple of weeks here, the way I’d escaped out the window. I’d wanted so badly to get away from him then. Now I would give anything to have him back.

  I stood, unseeing, out at the garden for what seemed like forever before a soft touch to my shoulder startled me out of my melancholy reverie. Glancing over my shoulder, I met Fox’s dark gaze. He looked tired and so very serious that I had to turn away. Tears blurred my reflection in the window, dark now that night had fallen.

  “Have you eaten?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak.

  “Eva...”

  There was a tinge of censure in his voice, along with an exasperation that tore at me. The tears I’d been trying so hard to hold back slipped free, and one rolled down my cheek. I fought to keep my breathing still so Fox wouldn’t notice.

  “You need to eat.”

  It was so reminiscent of the things he’d said to me months ago when I’d first arrived that it made the tears fall even harder and faster. My lungs constricted, and I wrapped my arms more tightly around my waist, trying to hold myself together.

  “Angel.” I dipped my head as he took one shoulder in his hand and tried to steer me toward him. “What’s wrong?”

  I kept my gaze glued to the floor, unable to look at him. “It’s my fault,” I spoke haltingly, fighting like hell to keep the sobs from escaping. “He’s gone... because of me.”

  “That’s not true,” Fox said softly. “You’re not responsible for his death—your mother is.”

  Hearing that made it even worse, and I clenched my eyes against the burning tears. How could he ever begin to forgive me? “I don’t blame you,” I said slowly, my heart breaking a little more with every word I spoke between tears, “if you... if you don’t want me anymore.”

  “Angel.”

  One huge hand slipped beneath my chin and lifted my face to his. Reluctantly, I cracked my watery eyes open to meet Fox’s gaze. Dark eyes probed into mine. “I will always want you.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Fox

  She threw herself into my arms at the same time I tugged her to me, holding her tight, her face pressed to my chest. Maybe it was just my imagination, but she felt smaller, frailer and more fragile than before. I knew this had been hard on her; it’d been hard on all of us.

  Part of me still wanted to spank her ass raw for lying to me and going against my orders. But everything she'd endured was punishment enough. Unfortunately, Eva had learned her lesson the hardest way possible. It was obvious that she deeply regretted what had happened, and I wouldn’t hold her actions against her. It didn’t take away the sharp pang of loss, but I was grateful I hadn’t lost her, too.

  “I’m sorry we lost Rodrigo, but I count myself incredibly fortunate that you’re still here.”

  Her body trembled, but she refused to lift her head from where it was burrowed in my chest. I could tell from the jerky motion that she was trying unsuccessfully to stifle her tears, and I moved my hand over her back in a soothing, circular motion.

  I still hadn’t heard from Rodrigo, and I feared we never would. It wouldn't be the first man I'd ever lost, but Rodrigo was closest to me. He was one of the first I'd saved, and he'd dedicated himself to the cause wholeheartedly. There was no doubt in my mind that Lillian would've had him dispatched. He’d seen and knew too much, and it was too much of a risk to let him live.

  I didn't want to blame Eva for his death, but part of me resented that he was dead because of a poor decision. She'd gone to her mother out of some twisted sense of misplaced obligation, never once imagining the betrayal that lay in store. Eva was still so naïve and innocent sometimes, always looking for the best in people.

  What I couldn't figure out was why Rodrigo had gone along with it. Maybe he’d been trying to appease Eva out of some misplaced sense of guilt. It was no secret that they'd never really gotten along. Maybe it was my edict that he start treating her the way my wife and partner deserved that prompted him to give in to her request.

  Eva had taken full responsibility, saying that it was all her fault. But the fact of the matter was that Rodrigo should have known better. Considering at the time we assumed only William was involved, it was entirely possible that Lillian at least knew about his dealings to the foundation. Either way, there was no changing the past.

  But what Lillian had done was unforgivable, and she needed to be dealt with. I currently had a man working on it, but I didn't plan to tell Eva. She didn’t need that knowledge weighing on her conscience now, too. What she needed now was to forget. I wanted to baby her, comfort and love her. I hadn’t touched her for the past four days, and each hour that passed without her in my arms was pure hell. The night in the cabin had reminded me of just how vulnerable she truly was, and I hadn’t wanted to push her. She’d been through a terrible ordeal, and I knew she had a lot of healing to do, both emotionally and physically. But what I hadn’t seen was how much she’d needed me—and how much I needed her.

  Keeping my touch firm, I swept my hand upward and cupped the nape of her neck. Her shiny green eyes blinked up at me, and I covered her mouth with mine. She responded eagerly, clutching at my back, pulling at the fabric of my shirt.

  Bending my knees, I wound my free arm beneath her bottom and lifted her to my chest. Her legs automatically wrapped around my hips, her ankles locking at the base of my spine. Her arms looped around my neck, holding me close as I plundered her mouth, our tongues rolling over one another in an erotic dance. Holding her tightly, I crossed the room, bypassing the bed in favor of the floor-length mirror in the corner.

  My dick swelled at the feel of her, and I slowly lowered her to her feet. Once she was steady, I began to strip her between kisses. Our hands roved frantically until we were both bare, and I turned her to face the mirror. I met her reflection there, her lids heavy as she peered back at me.

  “Look at us.” I settled my hands on her hips, then coasted them upward to cup her breasts. “Look how fucking perfect you are, how perfectly we fit together. How perfect we are for each other.”

  She melted into me, and I pulled her to the floor, pressing her to her hands and knees. “You belong with me, Eva.” I kept my gaze locked on hers as I dipped my fingers inside her pussy, testing her, preparing her. “You’re my wife. My everything.”

  One hand on her hip, I guided my cock to her with the other and pressed an inch inside, reveling in the wa
y she stretched to accommodate me, welcoming me in. In the reflection, I watched her teeth sink into her lower lip, her expression one of anticipation and desire. I curled my fingers into the flesh curve of her hip then thrust hard. She let out a little gasp as the motion rocked her forward, but I pulled her back to me and did it again, fucking her hard and deep as I took control of her body. Here with me, she didn’t need to dwell on the past; she only needed to feel, to focus on us and the way we moved together.

  Wrapping one arm around her waist, I lifted her so her back was pressed to my chest.

  “I will always want you,” I repeated to her once more as I cupped her chin in my hand and turned her head. Still buried deep inside her, I paused my movements and made sure she was looking at me—made sure she was hearing every word. “I only want you. I love you, angel.”

  Her mouth opened, but no sound came out, and a misty sheen covered her eyes. “I love you,” I repeated fiercely. “You’re mine, angel. Forever.”

  I kissed her hard, pouring every ounce of emotion I felt into the gesture. Her mouth moved under mine, frantic and hungry as her hand came up and her fingers curled into my head. “I love you,” she panted when she broke away. “So much.”

  I kissed her, then started moving my hips again, pumping back into her. The intensity swelled and she pushed back against me, demanding more. I curled my fingers into her hips and fucked her mercilessly—commanding her, showing her she was mine. Only mine.

  Watching her in the mirror was erotic as fuck, and I felt myself harden further at the sight of us moving together in perfect tandem. I slid one hand downward and stroked the tight, hard bud of her clit. Eva arched into my touch then shattered with a soft cry. She pitched forward, catching herself at the last moment to brace against my hard thrusts. Her head jerked up, those misty green eyes meeting mine in the reflection and spurring me on.

  I pumped harder, faster, until heat swept over my body and I could no longer hold back. I kept my gaze locked on Eva’s as I came deep inside her, and I felt the tremble of exhaustion in her muscles as I came down. I slowly withdrew from her, then scooped her into my arms and carried her to the bed. I settled her in the middle and drew the sheet up with one hand, never wanting to let go of her.

  Eva curled into me, closer than skin, and I kissed her forehead. Her fingers danced lightly over my back, tracing my scars, and for once, I felt nothing. No pain. No shame. My love for Eva had changed all of that. She accepted all of me just as I was—she loved me. Hearing those words come from her lips—I couldn’t begin to describe the feeling that swept through me. I clutched her tighter and drifted off to sleep with my wife tucked safely in my arms, right where she belonged.

  A couple hours later, I awoke feeling sated, more invigorated and refreshed than I had in a long time. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders now that Eva was back in my arms. Her head rested on my shoulder while she dozed, and I sifted my fingers through her pale locks.

  She came awake at the gentle caress, inhaling deeply before cracking those gorgeous green eyes I loved so much. Her hand rested on my chest, and her fingers curled slightly into my skin like she was trying to hold onto me.

  I kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry I pushed you away,” I murmured into her hair. “I was so focused on everything...”

  “I know. It’s okay.” Her voice was sad, and it sent a jagged shard of pain through my heart.

  “It’s not okay, angel.” I propped myself up on an elbow and stared at her. “You’re so damned strong, so good at putting on a brave face and pushing through. I think you’re stronger than I am, sometimes.”

  I let out a little laugh, realizing for the first time how true that was. After everything she’d been through, she’d never complained—not once. Not when I’d held her captive, not even when she’d been kidnapped by the person she’d trusted to keep her safe. My wife was a fighter, and I sometimes I forgot how sensitive she was deep inside. She had the most beautiful heart guided by the toughest, strongest mind I’d ever met.

  I thought back to the way she’d cared for me after I’d been shot. Eva had set aside all of her insecurities and fears in order to care for me. Because that’s the type of person she was. She flourished under pressure—but deep beneath the surface she was too compassionate, felt too much. She’d protected me in my time of need, but I’d failed to do the same for her. It was my job as her husband, as the man who loved her, to care for her and make sure she was healthy both mentally and physically. I’d let her down, and the knowledge cut into me like a knife.

  “I don’t ever want you to be afraid to open up to me. You’re absolutely incredible, and I wouldn’t change you for the world. There’s not another woman in this world who could handle the things you have. I should have seen how badly you were hurting, but I didn’t. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that.”

  She nodded a little, and I framed her face with one hand. “You understand that, right? You are everything to me—the only thing that matters.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek and across my palm where I cupped her face. I brushed it away, then kissed her. “I meant what I said, angel. I’m sorry I fucked up, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, loving you.”

  She looped her arms around my neck and held me tight. She spoke into the crook of my neck as I held her tightly with one arm, using the other to stroke lightly up and down her back. “I love you, too.”

  I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear those words, to hear that she felt as deeply for me as I did for her. Empty promises in the throes of passion were one thing; but I’d opened my heart to her fully and completely, and I was eternally grateful that she’d returned the sentiment. More than that, I was thankful that she seemed to forgive my ignorance. I still felt like absolute shit for being so focused on revenge that I’d set my wife aside. It was the one thing I’d sworn I would never do, yet I’d reverted right back to my old ways.

  I kissed the shell of her ear. “I’ll try harder to be the man you need, angel.”

  Eva pulled back, hands clasping the back of my head as she stared deep into my eyes. “You’re exactly the man I need, and the only man I want.”

  THE CALL CAME THE FOLLOWING morning. William and I sat in my office, discussing a way to turn his business around when my phone rang, diverting my attention. A host of emotions mingled in my chest at the sight of the unknown number lighting up the screen. This phone call could very well determine our future.

  I swiped the screen to answer and lifted the phone to my ear, my eyes locking on William’s. There was a brief moment of silence, then the caller spoke. “It's done.”

  Without another word, I ended the call and slipped the phone into my jacket pocket, all the while watching William. His quizzical expression gradually morphed into something deeper, and in that moment, I knew that he’d read the significance behind the phone call.

  “Was that...?”

  I nodded. “It was.”

  He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I...” He dropped his hand and gazed across the desk at me. “What do we do now?”

  “You need to go home. I’m sure the police will be by soon.”

  “Right.” He looked a little lost, and I felt a brief pang of sympathy for the man. I was sure he’d cared for her in his own way.

  He pushed up from his chair and was halfway to the door before he turned on a heel like something had just occurred to him. “Eva—what are we going to tell her?”

  “I’ll take care of it,” I said as I rose. “You deal with the authorities and keep us posted.”

  With a tight nod, William left and I went in search of Eva. Predictably, I found her in the den near my office. I hesitated in the doorway, just watching her. She sat propped against the arm of the couch, her feet stretched out in front of her, the new laptop she’d purchased propped on her lap.

  Her gaze lifted and met mine over the edge of the silver screen. �
��Hey.”

  I smiled and stepped into the room, then closed the door behind me. “I think we should make this your office.”

  She smiled and set the computer aside as I moved toward her. “Only if I actually find some work to do.”

  “You will.” I knelt on the floor next to her and took her hand in mine. “I need to talk to you.”

  She must have read the truth in my eyes, because her mouth parted a little in a mixture of surprise and shock, her own pretty green eyes widening slightly. “Is she...?”

  We both knew this had to happen, but I hated that it would hurt her. “Yes, angel.”

  She swallowed hard, still looking a little bewildered. “Does my father know?”

  I nodded. “I sent him home. To deal with the police,” I clarified at her puzzled expression.

  She nodded a little. “H-how?”

  “That I don’t know, only that she’s... gone.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to take in.”

  Her face fell, and her bottom lip trembled, but she remained strong. I’d never admired her strength and independence more than I did in that moment. I eased her into my arms, pulling her head against my chest and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. I didn't know what to say to her. This was a strange position for me to be in. I wanted to offer my condolences, but I wasn't sad that Lillian was gone. Never before had I ever apologized for the things I'd done, yet with Eva I felt the need to take her pain away.

  Finally, Eva pulled back. “When do you think we’ll find out? About... you know.”

  She was curious to see the proof, something I understood perfectly. I wanted to see it for myself as well. “Your father said he would call once the authorities left. Maybe it will be on the news. Would you like to check?”

  Her lashes fluttered as she blinked rapidly, then nodded. “I need to know.”

  “Okay.” Taking her hand, I pulled her to her feet and we made our way to the media room at the opposite end of the house. I flipped on the local station, and the headline proclaiming a fatal car accident immediately caught my eye.