The Unspoken

by Don Zelma

Chapter Seventeen

  Ned sauntered towards the spirits table, feeling a little rancid, and added more rum and cola to his glass. The arriving guests ducked under the streamers hanging over the stairs and he watched them as he sipped his drink. Landowner Ted Henry greeted each one as they appeared on the veranda, wearing his cane farmer’s hat and an ironed collared shirt. He wished each a happy new year, providing an uncharacteristic smile. Ned knew his boss was not a charitable man, but he now revelled in his role as a gracious host.

  Ned leaned back against the railing, feeling fat and heavy in his T-shirt. He unintentionally touched Edith with his elbow and she instinctively pulled away. A car pulled up on the lawn and he turned and peered out into the dark. A man he recognized approached the house accompanied by an attractive short-haired brunette. They began scaling the wide staircase and entered the light.

  ‘J—s,’ Ned thought, ‘it’s Hansen from the senior year.’

  The couple passed under the streamers and Ned turned and wandered back towards Edith at the railing. Everyone on the veranda seemed pretty cheerful and he listened to them talk.

  ‘I’ve started building a house here in Island Plantation,’ Hansen said to Ted. ‘Jeannie’s pregnant…’ Hansen’s voice drifted away and Ned just stared at him. He caught the sparkle of his gold watch and its shiny unscratched face and noted his polished shoes. He remembered school when each person wore a uniform and everyone was equal.

  He glanced at Edith and saw her rest her temple against the post, looking at the couple. You didn’t need to be Einstein to know what she was thinking and soon a strong bitterness welled up inside him. He looked at Hansen then back at her and ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek.

  ‘He’s done real well for himself, hasn’t he,’ he drawled. ‘Real well.’

  Edith said nothing.

  He wandered back to the table, took an apple from the fruit bowl and headed towards the backstairs and into the dark. He stopped down on the concrete, sat on the bottom step and felt his paunch roll over his belt. It was quiet and he waited a long time, thinking. He removed a Swiss knife from his pouch on his belt, cut off a slice of apple and slowly began eating.

  He glanced down at his boots. The thread in one heal was unravelling and he could see his blue sock.

  Chr—t, he thought. I’m thirty-five and this is all I have. It ain’t f—king right.

  Before he had arrived at Ted’s, he had already started feeling bad about everything. Reminders like Hansen and the shoe only made it worse.

  He heard a far-off explosion, like the faint pop of a distant shotgun, and glanced across the field into the night. He saw a flash of green, then of red. Suddenly, behind him, the group began to count backwards.

  ‘Three! Two! One! Happy new year!’

  Everyone cheered and their whistles blew and Ned could see Hansen and his girl at the window. They hugged for a long time and he looked away at the green and red fireworks still bursting in the distant black. He scanned the horizon, listening to the faint detonations. Ted’s property went far. Everyone, it seemed, had struggled but done OK.

  Ned stood and slowly walked across the lawn towards the fence. He pulled up and his eyes followed the line of posts towards the open gate. Beyond it a young couple that had escaped the party were kissing in the dark. His eyes could just make out their shape in the paddock. The boy reached up and delicately stroked the girl’s face and Ned simply stared. It reminded him of a time long ago when he had touched Edith just as affectionately. He remembered the moisture in her eyes and his fingertip shaking on her lip. He remembered his anticipation of great things to come.

  ‘Son of a bitch,’ he murmured, slowly shaking his head. ‘F—k it,’ he whispered. He sipped his glass then carefully placed it on the post. He kicked the soil and moments later smelt the dust. His hand reached up and gently pulled at his beard. ‘To hell with it,’ he said, pulling hard. He knew now nothing about life satisfied him. He placed the apple and knife on the post and removed his tobacco from his back pocket. His fingers slowly began rolling a cigarette.

  Then, he heard a noise and looked back at the house. A familiar silhouette was standing on the veranda. It stepped forwards, began descending and stopped halfway down the stairs.

  Edith waited, staring at him. Her unkempt hair was silhouetted against the light and he reckoned it looked like the head of a mad woman. She stepped down onto the concrete.

  ‘Is that you?’ she asked. She hesitated then started approaching across the lawn. After his apology the week before perhaps she felt safe…

  She wasn’t.

  ‘I missed you,’ she said. ‘You lost out on new year.’

  He hesitated. ‘I lost out on nothing,’ he said.

  The crickets stopped calling where she stepped and she slowly pulled up. Ned was silent. He glanced up at a window, saw the pointed hats of the revellers and tilted his head back and swallowed the remaining rum. He waited then tabbed his cigarette on the post.

  A quiet female chuckle emanated from the dark; the couple in the field were leaving. They passed the gate, preoccupied with each other, and headed towards the house. Ned glanced down at his burning cigarette and just stared.

  ‘You look unhappy,’ she said quietly. ‘It makes me sad. Maybe we could go to the movies or something?’

  He didn’t want to talk. ‘F—k off, Eddi, will ya?’ he said.

  There was a long stretch of silence.

  ‘No,’ she said finally. She folded her arms. ‘I won’t. I’m worried about you and we’re gonna work things out.’

  Ned slowly shook his head. ‘Walk away,’ he said.

  She didn’t.

  He glanced out at the field and exhaled a long smoky plume. Fireworks were still exploding in the distance.

  ‘Ned?’ she said. ‘What’s happening to you?’

  He glanced back at her and, for a second, genuinely tried to communicate his confusion. But Edith didn’t get it. No one got it. Her face was suddenly lit by fireworks and he saw her lips were tight and quivering.

  ‘What are you doing with your life?’ she said. ‘You have a family and responsibility. What other considerations are there?’

  He tilted his head. ‘What have I said about opening your mouth?’ he said. ‘You think that because we’re at Ted’s I’ll act different to before?’

  It was a clear warning and Edith stepped back. She was leaving, but as she turned she uttered something from the side of her mouth. ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she said, ‘But you’ll accomplish nothing,’ and she started walking back for the protection of the house.

  Ned snapped, and bolted towards her – his Swiss knife in hand. She looked around when he was an outstretched arm away and, like a cat, darted off in an unexpected direction towards the open gate. He ran hard – wanting blood. He could see her in front sprinting off into the dark. But then she suddenly disappeared, ducking under the horizon and into the shadows. Ned slowed and looked around, breathing heavily through his clenched teeth. In the distance a large firework burst and lit the paddock and he saw her crouching in the knee-high cane. He took three big steps, grabbed her hair and she yelped. He kicked the back of her legs; she fell to her knees and her profile flashed red in an exploding shell. He brought the Swiss blade to her throat and readied the blade to slip in. He had no words. He would do it and she knew it.

  ‘No, Ned, no!’ she gasped. She sure as hell got it now. ‘Think of Tommy.’ She looked towards him and her eyes seemed to occupy most of her face. Then she began to concede her fate and her eyes slowly rolled back in their sockets. Distant cheers went up in the house.

  ‘Ned, no… Please,’ she whispered.

  ‘I’ll f—king kill ya if ya say that again,’ he growled. ‘Make no mistake.’ A lock came out in his hand and he re-gripped her hair.

  He glanced over his shoulder at the house and saw silhouettes moving along the back veranda. Like a switch, his temper began to ebb. He blinked like waking, released her hair and d
ropped her to the soil. Edith began sobbing quietly and he listened to her whimpers muffled in the earth.

  Ned slowly walked back towards the house, gradually coming down. He breathed deeply and deliberately and could barely remember running through the paddock. It shocked him what he was capable of doing. He walked along the fence and took the apple from the post. He looked out at the paddock and could hear Edith trying to suppress her crying. She was slinking across the field in the dark, but he knew where she was every step of the way.