Accidentally on Purpose 6 Book Box Set

by L. D. Davis

  Okay, so who could resist some good diner food? I caved.

  “I come bearing gifts,” Kyle said when I opened the door forty minutes later.

  I snatched the food from him and let him in. Kyle sat down on the couch and I took an armchair before tearing into the bag.

  “Can’t get good diner food in Chicago,” I said, stuffing a chili cheese fry with bacon into my mouth. “I mean Chicago has its good food, but not good diner food. Mmm this is so fucking good.”

  “Nice to see your appetite hasn’t gone anywhere,” he looked at me with fake disgust as I stuffed more food into my mouth and followed it up with some of my chocolate shake.

  “What’s in the brown bag?” I stopped chewing and pointed to the bag he was holding.

  “I replaced your spilled vodka.”

  “I’m not going to drink that,” I said after swallowing my food.

  “Why? It’s your favorite vodka—cotton candy flavor.”

  “You and me with alcohol makes matters…gray,” I pointed out.

  “Gray matter isn’t all bad all of the time.”

  I looked at his chest muscles bulging against his black tee shirt and his biceps stretching the fabric.

  “I can’t drink right now,” I said, tearing my eyes away with a loud sigh.

  He put the bag down on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch.

  “Maybe you’ll change your mind.”

  “Don’t count on it.”

  We ate in silence for a while. My eyes kept roaming from the vodka to Kyle. To the vodka, back to Kyle. Vodka, Kyle. Kyle, vodka. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted most. It had been a good long time since I really enjoyed vodka. It had been only a little less time since I really enjoyed Kyle.

  Shit.

  “I can almost see the gears turning in your head,” Kyle said. “You’re thinking about how much you want some vodka.” He took the vodka out of the bag and held it on display. “You’re also thinking about how much you want some Kyle. You can’t decide which one you want more.”

  “Fuck off, dick,” I growled. I was angry that he was able to read me so well.

  He grinned. “I miss your potty mouth. Besides hookers, I don’t know any other woman who uses such colorful language.”

  “How many hookers do you know?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “One or two.”

  “Ew.”

  He gave me a disgusted look as he opened the vodka. “Not like that. I don’t have any trouble getting a woman.”

  “No, the trouble comes when you have one too many,” I said dryly.

  Nodding slowly, he said “I deserve that.”

  “And more.”

  “And more,” he agreed before taking a sip of vodka.

  “Still drink like a girl,” I muttered.

  “Why don’t you show me how it’s done?” He offered me the bottle.

  “I don’t drink like that anymore. In fact Friday was the first time that I was drunk since before I knew I was pregnant with Lucas.”

  “Slacker.”

  I shrugged. “Motherhood. Who woulda thought it would make me a responsible person?”

  “Having a drink won’t make you irresponsible. Driving drunk would make you irresponsible, but since you’re in for the night…” He again offered me the bottle.

  “No,” I said firmly.

  “Your loss.” He put the bottle down. “So can I see pictures of your little boy or what?” He was asking to be polite and probably with a little curiosity, but I knew it might hurt him. He had wanted to be a dad to Lucas, even if he wasn’t the father.

  I hesitated, chewing on my cheek for a moment before I pulled out my phone and tapped the icon for pictures. I handed him the phone. His expression was hard to read from where I was sitting, but when he glanced up with a big smile, I could see the obvious pain behind it.

  “He’s a cute kid. You look really happy in these pictures,” he said softly. “You look like a really loving mother.”

  “I am a really loving mother. Lucas makes me feel…worth something.”

  He looked at me with a seriously sad expression. “I always thought you were worth something.”

  I looked away, afraid of being completely taken in by his imploring eyes.

  “Who are these people? Luke’s family?” he asked, flashing me the phone.

  I moved over to the couch so I could point out who was who in many of the pictures, or to explain some pictures, like the one of Tabitha and Leo at Lucas’s party. When we reached the end of the album, he handed me my phone, but I didn’t immediately get up. He smelled so good, I wanted to inhale him completely.

  “How’s work?” I asked, trying to appear relaxed by sitting back and crossing one leg over another.

  “Busy. My department has grown. The office is ridiculously crowded now, but you taught Eliza well. She’s almost as good at office management as you are.”

  “Give her some credit. She learned some basic stuff from me, but she probably really does just know what she’s doing. Are you any nicer to your employees?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Yes, I am. Probably too nice sometimes.”

  “I’m impressed.”

  We sat staring at each other for half a minute. I knew him well enough to know that he was about to do something he shouldn’t. My hand caught him, just as he was moving forward.

  “Don’t kiss me,” I whispered.

  “I really want to,” he whispered back. “We’re both single, right? So who could we hurt?”

  “Each other.”

  The answer caught him off guard. He looked like I had just slapped him. He backed off, moved over a foot, and looked down at the floor.

  “I guess I should go,” he said after a minute, and stood up.

  I didn’t make any move to stop him, even though I really wanted to not only stop him, but let him kiss me. It was an automatic response from being so near to him. Old habits die hard, and that habit was one of the hardest to let go.

  I walked him to the door, and allowed a brief embrace before he walked out of my life again. I stood there a minute, looking at the door. If I were going to stop him, I only had about a half a minute to do it, but then a question pressed into my brain. Why would I want to stop him? What would I accomplish by doing that, and would the end result really be one that I wanted?

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Lucas was up at the crack of dawn. I didn’t know what to do with him, or my time in New Jersey. I had arrived long before I was supposed to and people were busy.

  After chasing him through the suite for half the morning, I made a decision. A half hour later, Lucas and I were checking out of the hotel.

  I made another stop at my personal disaster area. I had hoped that if I looked at it hard and long enough, an idea would form in my head, but I had no such luck. Before I could leave the lot, my phone rang.

  “Hey,” Luke said. He sounded like he was walking and I could hear morning Chicago traffic in the background.

  “Hi,” I said and smiled. I was happy to hear his voice.

  “How are you guys?”

  “We’re great. We’re getting ready to go to the shore for a few days.”

  “Oh, Lucas’s first beach trip. I’m jealous I’m not there.”

  “Sorry. Are you still going to come out here?” I asked, sounding hopeful.

  “I don’t know. Depends on your plans. You got there earlier than expected because of the bar, but are you still staying until after Labor Day?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. Depends on what I’m going to do with the rubble that used to be my bar.”

  “Well, things are pretty busy here. I’m in court all week this week. You let me know what your plans are and I will let you know if I can come.”

  “Okay. You want to talk to Lucas?”

  “Of course.”

  I put the phone on speaker and supervised the cute father and son conversation, sometimes translating what Lucas said. When Lucas lost int
erest in the conversation, I put the phone back to my ear.

  “So, what else is up?” Luke asked. It was a general question, not directed at anything in particular, but I instantly felt guilty.

  I didn’t want to hide anything from him. I wasn’t sure exactly what we were doing since everything was still new, but after my evening with Kyle, I found that I wanted Luke that much more. Our first relationship was built on my dishonesty. It was important that we began on the right foot, no matter where it went. So, I told him everything.

  I nervously stumbled over my words at first. I told him about running into Kyle at the bar, a little about my initial phone call and my time with Tabitha, and then I told him about Kyle’s visit. I didn’t leave anything out, including the attempted kiss.

  There was a stretch of silence from the other line, and I would have believed the call had disconnected if not for the traffic noises.

  “Hello?” I said.

  “I’m here. I don’t know what to say. I guess I’m fucking blown away.”

  “Nothing happened,” I said hurriedly. “I told you every detail.”

  “I don’t doubt your honesty, Emmy. I doubt your decision making.”

  What could I say to that? So did I.

  “Look,” he said after another stretch of silence. “You made it pretty clear where we stand, so you do whatever you want, but you keep that asshole away from my son.”

  The line went dead, and I think part of me did, too.

  I bit my lip to keep from crying, but the tears came anyway.

  “Go, mommy! Go, mommy!” Lucas was impatient, tired of looking at my trashed bar.

  “Okay, baby. We’re going.”

  I drove away, trying to dry my eyes, with the awful feeling that I had ruined everything once again.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  I rented a small room a block from the beach. Lucas was instantly in love with the sand and water. Watching him laugh and splash in the shallow water made me temporarily forget that I pissed off his dad.

  We played in the sand, built lopsided castles, collected seashells and chased seagulls. We stuffed ourselves on boardwalk fries and pizza, cotton candy, funnel cake, and salt-water taffy. We shopped in the little shops, buying crap we didn’t need, like a couple of hermit crabs that would never survive the trip back to Chicago.

  At night, I watched bad cable television, ate junk food, drank the vodka Kyle bought me, and ignored his phone calls and texts. I texted Luke and even tried calling him, but he would only say he was busy and only accepted a phone call if he knew he was only going to speak to Lucas.

  After three nights in Ocean City, Lucas and I headed up the coast to Belmar. Leo had a house there, and he and Tabitha invited us to stay with them for a while. Donya and Jerry, and Mayson and her boyfriend, were also invited, but Jerry was still in the regular baseball season and would only be able to pop in here and there.

  “So, are you guys like…together?” I asked Leo later that morning. We were making lunch. Tabitha was at a nearby playground with Lucas and the others were expected to arrive shortly.

  “I guess,” he shrugged. “I know she loves me and that she wants to be with me, but…” He sighed. “It’s complicated.”

  “I hope it works out. I think you make a nice couple.”

  “Thanks. So, what’s up with you and Luke?”

  I made an exasperated sound.

  “That good?”

  “It could be better,” I admitted.

  When I didn’t elaborate, he changed the topic, although it was parallel.

  “What happened when you left my house that night?”

  He was referring to the night I tried to ride him like a stallion, while drunk, while Kyle waited for me back in our hotel room, seething and feeding his anger.

  “What have you heard?” I asked carefully.

  “I heard that you had an accident,” he said, but I could hear in his tone that he didn’t believe it. “But I couldn’t comment on it either way. No one knows that I saw you again after dinner that night, for obvious reasons.”

  Obvious reason number one was my cousin Tabitha who I just made up with.

  “So what really happened?”

  I bit my lip, contemplating whether or not that was information he needed to know. I trusted Leo, though. Tabitha had always trusted him, and we had a few secrets of our own from when we were kids.

  “Long story short,” I started. “We argued and things got a little physical. He accidentally broke my wrist.”

  “Accidentally.” He wasn’t one-hundred percent doubtful.

  “Yes, it was an accident.”

  “Why didn’t you come back? I woulda accidentally broke his face.” He was holding a knife, and he looked pissed. I believed he really would have broken Kyle’s face.

  “Don’t tell anyone, Leo. Mayson is suspicious, but she doesn’t know for sure.”

  “My lips are sealed, but if I see that guy on the street…”

  The front door opened and I heard a baby screaming and knew Donya had arrived. We dropped the subject and went to greet the others.

  ***

  I thought sharing a few days with my closest friends would be a distraction from my own head, and I thought I would have a great time, but after one day, I realized I was the odd man out. Although Jerry had yet to show, Donya still had him in a sense. Mayson had her boyfriend, and Tabitha had Leo. I had Lucas, but that wasn’t quite the same.

  What made me feel even more alone was the relationship my friend and cousins had with each other. Since my exit from the state nearly two years before, Donya, Mayson, and Tabitha had grown close. They talked about places and people I didn’t know about. They had inside jokes that, even after they were explained to me, I struggled to fall in with their humor. I felt so left out.

  I called Luke a few days before Labor Day to ask him if he was coming. Without an explanation, he simply said no. When there was only the sound of his fingers clicking on his keyboard, I lost my head for a moment.

  “If you’re going to be like this again, I may as well not come back. Lucas and I can settle down somewhere else.”

  “I can’t come out there, Emmy! I’m busy! Don’t you understand that?”

  “The only thing I am understanding is your bad attitude.”

  I ended the call, shut my phone off, and left it on my bed so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at it. The other girls were waiting for me on the deck for a girls-only dinner. The kids were in bed and the two guys went out to do whatever it is guys do when they get away from their women for a night.

  For the first part of dinner, I didn’t say much. I listened to everyone else talk about their sex lives and their men. I just kept pouring myself wine until I got bored with that and started making drinks out of liquor I found at the bar inside. I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation since my sex life had only picked up recently, and I didn’t really have a man, per se. By the time conversation got over to me, I was pretty well lit.

  “So,” Donya said, looking at me over a fork full of chocolate cake. “I was looking in your purse for some gum today and I found that gorgeous bracelet Kyle gave you.”

  I couldn’t even be mad at her. I had always gone through D’s personal things like they were my own, especially her closet.

  “Who gave you a bracelet?” Tabitha asked, knowing the least about my life before Lucas.

  “Kyle Sterling gave her a bracelet, about two years ago. Em said it was for her job performance.”

  Tabitha shrugged. “So? Lots of employers give their employees gifts. I knew a guy who even got a new car as a bonus.”

  “Emmy is middle management, Tabitha,” Donya pointed out. “If the bracelet was worth a few hundred bucks—hell, even a couple grand, that would be one thing. That would be believable. Emmy, tell your cousin how much your bracelet is worth.”

  “At the time it was bought or its current value?” I asked before taking another long sip of one of my concoctions.

>   “If I bought that bracelet from Tiffany’s two years ago, how much would I have paid for it?”

  “About seventy grand.”

  Tabitha’s jaw dropped. “Shut up!”

  “Exactly,” Donya said to her.

  “So what’s your point?” I asked, feeling a little annoyed.

  “What is the real reason the bracelet was bestowed upon you? May and I have some theories, but only you can tell us for sure.”

  “Why are you asking me now?” I asked. “Why didn’t you ask me before?”

  “You seemed a little…unstable,” Mayson said, exchanging a look with Donya. “Now you seem to be more like yourself…which is still…rather unstable.”

  “Just answer the question,” Donya said. “It’s us, not your wacky mother or your stuck up sisters.”

  “I’m so lost,” Tabitha said, looking at me with big eyes. All three of them were looking at me with big eyes.

  I guzzled the rest of my drink and with a drunken smile said, “Kyle bought me the bracelet as an apology for breaking my wrist.”

  “I knew it!” Mayson slammed a hand against the table, making dishes and glasses rattle.

  “That mother fucker broke your wrist?” Donya asked, incredulously.

  “Yessss,” I rolled my eyes. “That’s what I said.”

  “On purpose?” Tabitha asked and before I could answer, shook her head and waved her arms. “Wait! You were screwing Kyle Sterling? The dick?”

  “Yes, I was, Tabs and no he didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Were you screwing him while you were with Luke?”

  “Yes, Tabitha!” Donya said, irritated that my poor cousin wasn’t catching on fast enough. “How did it happen, Emmy? I can’t see you taking that shit.”

  “We had dinner with Leo while we were in Miami, and during dinner Leo and I eluded to the fact that we fucked around when we were kids and—”

  “Whoa!” Tabitha slapped the table now. “You had sex with Leo? When?”

  I waved a hand. “A long time ago, when he and Leslie were broken up.”

  “Which time was that?” Tabitha spat out, sarcastically. She didn’t really expect an answer, but I was drunk.