by L. D. Davis
She walked backward toward her car, looking thoughtful. “Anything?”
I looked at her as if to say get on with it.
“I’ve never been able to go away for spring break,” she said hopefully. Then she broke out into a grin and waved it off. “I’m kidding. You guys do enough already.”
She waved as she opened her car door. I waved back, distracted by my thoughts. Diana was admittedly one of my favorite younger people in my family. She worked her ass off for everything she had, little as it was, since she was thirteen and took jobs babysitting. Now she was putting herself through school and trying to help out her mom and younger siblings, too. She didn’t easily take handouts, and I know if I presented her with a trip to Cancun, she would decline. But if I took her with Emmy and I on our honeymoon to watch the kids…Hmm.
I was still thinking about it when Diana pulled away. I was about to close the door when I saw the woman who looked like she was on fire storming across the street from a car that had rolled up while I was talking to Di. She didn’t just look like she was on fire because of her wild, red, wavy hair, but she had a hand on the round bump in her belly and I swear there was smoke coming out of her ears, but I couldn’t ignore the pain that was stitched throughout her features.
She tried to force a smile as she approached. I smiled back. But even with all of this damn smiling, I knew Emmy and I were about to run face first into another obstacle. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but Emmy was clueless.
“Hello,” she said, her expression turning somber.
“Hello, Lily,” I said.
Despite my better judgment, I stepped aside and let her in.
I led Lily into the kitchen and left Lucas to his cars in the family room. I watched Lily as her eyes wandered around our home.
“You have a beautiful home,” she said as she watched Lucas for a moment from where she was standing.
“Thank you,” I said, shifting Kaitlyn in my arms.
“I live in a penthouse,” she said conversationally. “I never thought I’d ever live in a penthouse.” She looked at me with her steel colored eyes. “Your home feels…like a home. Warm and fuzzy like. My penthouse feels like a penthouse,” she said dryly. “The ‘home’ part of my equation is currently absent.”
I tilted my head with a million questions on my tongue, but I heard the front door open. I could almost sense Emmy’s surprise. I couldn’t see the door from where I was standing, but I knew by how long it took for it to close that she was surprised to see Lily standing in our kitchen. Emmy appeared in the family room as she spoke briefly to Lucas and then she walked into the kitchen, looking both surprised and apprehensive.
It was an awkward few minutes as Emmy nervously chatted with Lily. We offered her something to drink and eat, trying to be hospitable and warm like we were to anyone who walked through our door. Finally after Emmy fetched a bottle of water for each of them, she asked Lily the big question that was hanging in the air.
“So, what brings you to Chi-town?” she asked Lily.
“Umm,” Lily said, glancing at me. “I actually…” She looked at me again and seemed reluctant to speak, but then she sucked in a breath and finished. “I need to talk to you in private, Emmy.”
I frowned as I looked at Lily. This had Kyle Sterling written all over it and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to drag his name into our marriage and I sure as hell didn’t want Emmy dragged into Kyle’s world again. I knew it had to be about Kyle. Emmy may have had an inkling that it was about Kyle, but she didn’t know the details that I knew. She didn’t know that when Kyle initially contacted me about buying the bar property, he had told me he was buying it for Lily. I followed up with Mayson later and found out that the pair were definitely a couple, but Mayson and I agreed that Emmy didn’t need to know that bit of information.
“Oh,” Emmy finally said. She looked at me and back to Lily. “We can talk upstairs?”
“No,” I said, sighing. “I’ll take the kids to Lena’s for a while.”
I didn’t really want to leave, but I felt that they would be able to really talk without any distractions if the kids weren’t there.
“Don’t leave your house on my account,” Lily said with genuine concern.
“It’s fine,” I told her, but I needed Emmy out of the room if only for a minute. “Baby, can you run upstairs and get Kaitlyn’s diaper bag? And make sure Lucas goes to the bathroom. Once he starts playing over Lena’s he doesn’t stop, not even to pee.”
Emmy got up. She looked at us like she knew something was up that we weren’t telling her, but she continued on into the family room. I waited until after she was walking a whiney Lucas up the stairs before I spoke to Lily.
“Is the baby his?” I asked her as I nodded at her belly. “Is it Kyle’s?”
“Yes,” she answered softly.
“Where is he? He did something didn’t he?” I accused. Of course he did something. If he didn’t do anything, Lily wouldn’t have been in my kitchen, knocked up and waiting to talk to Emmy alone.
“He’s in London.”
“What are you about to drag my wife into, Lily?”
“I’m not dragging her into anything,” she snapped. “I have no one else to talk to about this, no one who understands him like Emmy does.”
Though I knew it was probably true, I didn’t like hearing it. I hated knowing that Emmy was so intimately knowledgeable about Kyle.
“If he’s gone, then maybe he actually did something right for a change,” I said icily. “What happened to my wife could easily happen to you and your baby.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about that, Luke,” she said resolutely. “I don’t believe that he ever meant to hurt Emmy and I sure as hell know that he won’t hurt me that way, but you have a right to feel how you want about it. I may even feel the same if I was in your shoes, but I don’t want to hear it, do you understand? This is his child I am carrying,” she gestured towards her belly. “Not someone else’s. I can’t just walk away. I need to know what Emmy thinks, what she would do if she had all of the facts that I have.”
“That’s what I’m worried about, Lily,” I said darkly. I heard Emmy and Lucas descending the stairs behind me, but I asked a question I knew I wasn’t going to get an immediate answer to. “What will she do when she has all of the facts?”
Emmy and Lucas stepped into the kitchen. I turned around and smiled at them as best I could. Now I was back to pretend smiles.
“Thanks, baby,” I said and gave her a brief kiss as I took the diaper bag from her.
She looked at me as if she knew I was pretend smiling. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I answered quickly. I took Lucas’s hand in mine. “Let’s get Kay Kay in her seat, buddy.”
“I’ll help you get them in the car,” Emmy said.
“I got it, honey. Relax.” When she looked at me with worried eyes, I gave her a reassuring smile, though I kind of needed someone to reassure me.
I got the kids packed up in the car a few minutes later and headed towards my sister’s. I had a strong feeling that our movie night with popcorn was canceled.
***
There comes a time in a man’s life when he has to stop running to his sister’s house for hot chocolate and cookies whenever life went awry. That time came for me when I got married. I didn’t even talk to Lena after the Iris incident. I wanted to, because I was used to going to my sister with my problems, but I was a grown-ass man, and I had come to the realization that Lena never discussed her personal marital issues with me, and I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that she didn’t have some of her own. My marriage was with Emmy, and no matter how wise I thought Lena was, in the end it was just me and Emmy. Not me, Emmy, and Lena.
So, when I got to her house I didn’t mention Lily. When she asked me why I was there, I told her Emmy was busy at the house and I wanted to get the kids out of her way. When she asked me how things were going, just a normal everyday question, I told her
things were fine and didn’t mention our recent issues at all. I was all about pretending again. Lena could see through me like streak-free glass on a sunny day, but she seemed to respect my lack of communion.
I tried not to think too much about what was happening at my home. Lily was determined to talk to Emmy and I worried that she would evoke memories and emotions that Em had finally put to rest some time ago. We just eradicated the Iris ghost. We didn’t need a Kyle ghost, too.
After an hour, the kids and I stopped at Emmet’s and Casey’s. I didn’t spend a lot of time with my brother-in-law outside of work, a problem I planned to rectify. He was a good guy, a great dad and husband and a brilliant attorney. Outside of that, I didn’t know too much about him. Before leaving, we made plans to get together for some drinks in the near future. He and Casey offered to keep Lucas for a little while since he was having so much fun with Owen. I let him stay since our day was already ruined, and honestly, I didn’t know what I would be going home to.
I was relieved not to see Lily’s rental car on the street when I got home. I took Kaitlyn in the house, calling Emmy’s name. When we got into the kitchen, I immediately noticed the bottle of tequila on the counter. There was a significant amount missing. I scowled as I slammed open the cabinet door, slammed the bottle back inside and slammed the door shut. There weren’t any regulations in our home about Emmy’s right to drink; I knew what I was getting when I married her, but the disappearance of the tequila this time was a strong indication of her distress. I had a very bad feeling that Kyle Sterling had just entered my marriage.
And where the hell was she? Her disappearance nagged at me. Did she just pick up and run off with Lily to handle the Kyle problem?
“She wouldn’t,” I muttered as I shifted Kay Kay in my arms and hurried up the stairs.
I found Emmy up there, pacing our bedroom, with the tip of her thumb in her mouth as she nervously chewed on it.
“You got into the tequila,” I said simply.
“Yeah, but there’s milk in the fridge and freezer,” Em said dismissively.
“Why don’t we just get this conversation done and over with,” I growled and sat down the edge of the bed with Kaitlyn.
“Where’s Lucas?” she paused in her pacing and looked at me and then at the doorway.
“We stopped at Emmet’s and he wanted to stay there. They were okay with it. They’ll bring him home in a couple of hours.”
“Okay.” She went back to pacing without answering my question.
I had tried to be very patient since Lily walked through our front door, but my patience was slipping at an alarming rate.
“Emmy,” I said her name in warning.
She stopped pacing and looked at me. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears and she looked like she was afraid to actually speak her mind, but she did.
“I have to help them,” she said.
“Help who? Kyle and Lily? No the fuck way, Emmy!” I exploded.
I felt the baby jump in my arms and saw Emmy start as well. I felt guilty for scaring Kaitlyn. I didn’t want her to see me as some kind of monster, so I tried to speak in a more even and controlled tone.
“Let them take care of their own problems. You don’t need to be dragged into that shit.”
“I told her to fight for him,” she said just above a whisper, looking at the floor deep in a troubled thought. “But he should fight for her, too.”
“Well, I’m fighting for you, and I want you to stay out of it,” I said, getting to my feet.
I didn’t see how Emmy getting involved with their problems could have a good outcome for anyone, especially us.
“You don’t have to fight for me, you already have me,” Emmy said, frustrated.
Why the hell was she frustrated with me? I wasn’t the one talking nonsense. That was all her.
“If you wanted to help, you should have told Lily to stay the hell away from that bastard. She could get the shit beaten out of her, too,” I pointed out.
“He won’t do that to her.” Emmy waved a hand, dismissing the prospect. This pissed me off even further. There was probably a time she thought he wouldn’t do it to her, too.
“The hell he won’t!”
“He won’t do that to her,” she said, setting her jaw stubbornly.
“How the hell do you know, Emmy?” I demanded.
Her eyes closed and her hands balled up into fists, like she was trying not to punch me. Me instead of him. “I know you can’t understand this, I know you can’t, Luke, but I know he will not hurt her like that.”
“Even if you’re right, it’s none of your business,” I said acidly and with finality. I gave her one last look of irritation and started out of the room. I was going to say over my shoulder “And we’re having our fucking movie night and our fucking popcorn,” but she spoke first and stopped me in my tracks.
“It is my business,” she said.
I turned slowly. Patience. Gone. Emmy still loved Kyle Sterling. She had admitted before that she would always care about him and I learned to live with that. But now she was all but shouting her undying love for him and it sickened me and stabbed me in the heart.
“Why, Em? Why is it your business what happens between Lily and Kyle?”
“Until he knows that I have forgiven him, truly forgiven him, he will never forgive himself and he will never go back to her.”
I moved towards her. Her eyes worried, but she didn’t shrink back. She held her ground, even though I looked as pissed off as I felt. I was holding it again, trying not to yell at her.
“You forgive him? You forgive that asshole for what he did to you and Lucas? For what he could have done?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “Yes, I do, and I know you can’t understand that either.”
Damn right I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t fathom it. He had beaten her. He could have killed her. He could have killed Lucas. He fucking broke her. And she was going to stand there and tell me she forgave him. Caring for and loving someone sometimes can’t be helped. The human heart works strangely that way sometimes. But forgiveness is an act of free will. You can choose to forgive or to not. She chose to forgive.
“Are you trying to just get back at me for what happened with Iris?” I asked her softly. Was that it? Was she just trying to hurt me as I had hurt her?
“I’m not trying to get back at you for what happened with Iris, I promise,” she said, holding her hands together in a plea. “But I can’t pretend that Lily didn’t come here today.”
“I can,” I snapped.
“You’re not that heartless, Luke! You’re not. You can’t pretend you didn’t see her round belly and you can’t pretend that everything is going to be okay for her without Kyle. You don’t know the things she’s been through in the past. She needs him.”
My eyes closed. She was right. I had no idea what Lily had been through in her life, but I couldn’t dismiss the deep pain that seemed to be engrained in her eyes. She put on a tough act, but something or someone long before Kyle had scarred her. I thought about Emmy and her scars. I may not be able to understand it, but Lily obviously thought enough of Kyle to come all the way to Chicago, and maybe she thought he was the salve that could heal her. I disagreed. I believed he would only eventually break her as he had broken Emmy, but both women seemed to see something I couldn’t see. Maybe because it wasn’t there.
Lily was pregnant with Kyle’s baby, and she looked like she needed him. I didn’t know what had happened between them, and I still didn’t think it was Emmy’s place to get involved, but if the roles were reversed and I needed Emmy and Kyle was the one that could give her to me, wouldn’t I have jumped at the opportunity?
“What can you possibly do to help them?” I found myself saying.
We stared at one another for a long time. I had to brace myself, because Emmy was going to do something I didn’t want her to do, but I couldn’t lock her up and hold her back. I had to reach deep, trust that she would act r
ationally, and believe that she loved our family and would do nothing to jeopardize it.
“I made a few phone calls and tracked Kyle down,” Emmy said. “He’s not in London like Lily thought. He’s in Philly, but she doesn’t know that yet.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling more and more uneasy.
She walked over to me and held out her hands for Kaitlyn who was starting to get a little cranky. I passed her the baby and sat down on the bed again. Emmy sat down beside me and quickly adjusted herself so she could feed Kay.
“I’m going to Philly,” she said quickly and then looked at me for my response.
I knew she wasn’t going to Philly for a cheesesteak or to visit her old friends. She was going to Kyle. I wasn’t surprised, not really, but it still hit me hard, and it showed.
Emmy reached out with her free hand and gently rubbed my cheek with the back of her hand.
“I love you,” she said earnestly. “You have to trust me.”
“I trust you, Em,” I said, my voice hoarse. “It’s very easy to find yourself standing on the wrong side of the line without ever meaning to cross it.” This wasn’t the first time Donya’s words had slapped me or Emmy in the face.
One single tear escaped from her eye. “We are both painfully aware of that fact, Luke,” she whispered. She turned her attention back to Kaitlyn and adjusted her hold on her while I sat there with my head hung and my regrets bouncing off of the bedroom walls.
“I won’t stay long,” she said softly, running her hand lovingly over Kaitlyn’s head. “Lily’s baby needs her father, and…I think once Kyle gets past our past, he and Lily can be very happy together.” She smiled, but the smile was sad. “I am two hundred percent sure that he loves her far more than he has ever loved me.”
She looked back at me. “You believed I was worth fixing, Luke. Even after I kept Lucas from you and broke your heart. You are a man of the law. You have represented criminals before. Did you believe they were worthy of being redeemed?”
This wasn’t fair for her to use my work against me. I defended them with a personal detachment. They weren’t the woman I loved or the man that had broken her.